Stockholms
by millsnichole22
Summary: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN CLARY IS KIDNAPPED BY 2 MEN AFTER A BANK ROBBERY? WARNING STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC CONTENT AND IS FOR MATURE READERS ONLY. JACE IS IN THIS STORY AND THERE WILL BE LOTS OF CLACE CONTENT
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Crap I know I'm going to be late; oh man he's going to freak out again.

I'm standing in line at the bank holding a coffee can full of change that I needed to deposit into my savings account. I've carried so many coffee cans full of change into the bank in the past 2 years I'm getting pretty good at guessing how much is in them before I even have the teller dump it into the change counter. My best guess for todays is $223.47 give or take a few bucks. Two years ago my foster mom (more like grandmother-she was like 85) took me to First Commonwealth Bank and helped me open my own savings account, and every week for 10 weeks (that all the time I had with the sweet old lady before the ambulance took her away) she would give me $50 and I would walk to the bank and deposit it into my savings account. Edna (that was my 85 year old foster moms name) started my savings account with a crisp one hundred dollar bill, that with the $50 she gave me for 10 weeks to follow started my saving at a nice round number of $600.

"Are you going to move up in line or can I go in front of you?"

Glancing over my shoulder I see a man of about 45 staring at me with an annoyed look on his face.

"I beg your pardon sir?"

"The line moved and you didn't! Look little girl you may live a carefree life but some of us have schedules to keep, so if you're not going it move up then at least let the rest of us go around you."

"I'm sorry sir, of course I'll move up, I apologize for not realizing the line moved I guess I just have a lot on my mind and wasn't paying attention"

Annnnd nothing…he just scowls at me and then stares at the teller behind the counter with such intensity you can almost read his thoughts:

"_Come on you stupid blond! How many times do you have to count that money before you get on to the next customer!?" _

Crap I hope I'm not that grumpy when I'm old! Who does this guy think he is anyhow? Okay, okay I get it I'm only 15 and most people think I'm only 13 but my life hasn't been a walk in the park but I still try to live each day with a positive attitude. Honestly to be fair I wasn't always this positive, in fact until I met Edna I was a pretty negative person. But one day about 3 weeks after I moved into her tiny little house she found me crying like a baby in my tiny little bedroom on my tiny little bed; Edna came in a sat on the edge of my bed and began to rub my back to calm my sobs. After I stopped crying she told me: Sweetheart, life is what you make of it, sometimes you get dealt a bad hand of cards, you can choose to fold and leave the game or put your best bluff face on and go all in. I laughed at what she said but then I really thought about it….she was right I could spend my life folding every time something upsets me or goes the wrong way; or I can put up my best bluff and try to win the whole pot. So I choose to go all in. Every day I wake up I tell myself lets win this game and take the full pot home.

I realize at this point you think I'm crazy but it works for me. I live each day with a positive attitude and I study hard to keep my grades good in school with the hopes of getting a scholarship to continue my schooling at a nice 4 year college so that someday I can have a nice life with nice things and not have to wear close from the goodwill, or eat hamburger helper for dinner 3 night a week. In case you were wondering what I plan on doing with my life, I want to be a therapist, more importantly a child and youth therapist. Why you ask? Well growing up in the system and being shifted in and out of countless foster homes I have learned that these kids (kids like me) need someone to talk to, to have someone hear them, really hear them. Because when you grow up in the system no one ever hears you. In the group housing you're just a number and in foster care 9 times out of 10 hell more like 999 times out of 1000 you're just a paycheck for the foster "parents" to cash each month. So yeah no one listens to you, no one hears you. I realize I'm only one person, and I realize one person can't change the whole system. But maybe I can change one kids life just by hearing them.

"Next!"

The blond teller looks at me with soft brown eyes and smiles sweetly from behind the counter as I heft my coffee can up onto the counter.

"Hi, I'd like to deposit this into my saving account please."

Her brown eyes soften even more and her smile slips from her face as she tells me how sorry she is that their change counter is out of service and won't be up and running again until Monday , I just walked 9 blocks in the cold carrying this heavy can full of change, I'm already late to meet my boyfriend for coffee at a coffee shop that is 4 blocks from the bank in the opposite direction from my most recent foster home. Now I have 2 choices. 1 is to cart my can to the coffee shop and then cart it the whole way home later, or 2 cart it the whole way home and risk making Simon even angrier with me for being late, that is if he is willing to wait on me to show up at all. Stay positive Clary! Yes positive, just think of the surprise workout I'll gain from taking the unexpected trip with my heavy can back home and then once more on Monday when I return to the bank to deposit it. (Only on Monday I will be sure to call the bank to make sure the change counter is up and working before I walk the 9 blocks with my red can) See there I did it I turned a negative into a positive and learned a valuable lesson today.

I glance at the clock on the bank wall and it reads 4:54pm; aside from me and grumpy guy behind me in line there is only one more customer in line, a heavy set woman in her mid-thirties who looks like she could use a good shampooing on her hair. Confidently I lift my red can back into my arms and proceed to exit the bank feeling hopeful that Simon will understand my tardiness. I turn my back to the swinging glass doors and bump them with my butt to leave but am suddenly sent into a state of shock as my red can flies to the floor with a loud crash and my body is being lifted into the air as I hear the words:

"Nobody MOOOOVE this is a stick up!"

Seriously am I dreaming, who does that this day and age with all the security! This must me some kind of prank teenagers are playing so they can post the video on YouTube for kicks. But to my utter disappointment I see Mr. Grumpy and Ms. Greasy hair drop to the polished floor like flies that just got sprayed with pesticides. The blond bank teller no longer has her sweet smile or her soft eyes. No now her eyes are as big as lemons and her mouth is pursed like she just sucked on one of the lemons that are now her eye size. She has her hands in the air and she is visibly shaking, shaking like a leaf, shaking like a scared cat that just got its first flea bath after being found behind some dumpster on Third Avenue by a 6 year old boy that coaxed his mom into taking home.

A man wearing a ski mask (yes a ski mask, couldn't come up with something more original) steps off to my left side slightly in front of me so that I can see him. He's tall (but at 5 foot 2 inches everyone seems tall to me) and he's thin, possibly muscular it's hard to tell considering he's dressed completely in black. He is wearing sunglasses but his neck is showing and I can see that he is a white man, in fact he is so white he seems transparent, but maybe it's the harsh lighting in the bank, or the stark contrast of his black clothing or possibly my frantic mind playing tricks on me. I at some point am carried into the center of the bank closer to Mr. Grumpy and Ms. Greasy hair and now have my feet planted down onto the polished floor. But he is holding me tight, and he's strong I can't move and it's hard to take full breaths of air he's holding me so tight. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears, I don't think I have ever heard my heart pound so hard or so loud in my life, it's so loud it makes it hard to concentrate on my surroundings. I can't breathe, oh god I think I'm going to pass out!

"shhh…calm down. If you stay calm and quiet you'll be okay I promise"

He (the man holding me) whispers these words so quietly into my ear while his partner continue to shout demands at the blond bank teller that I almost didn't hear him. But his hand, his left hand the one that is holding my right arm like a vice loosens its grip just enough to move quickly up and then back down my arm before the vice locks back down. I'm guessing this was his sad attempt at soothing the poor little girl in his grips. Dear god for once in my teenage life I'm actually thankful for being so tiny and looking like I'm only 13 maybe they will let me go and not hurt me, no one want to go down for hurting a kid, that's the worst. Sure, sure, rob a bank, shoot Mr. Grumpy in the face and kick Ms. Greasy hair in the ribs a few time but don't hurt the child. You see when you get caught for robbing the bank all the other prisoners that are locked up with you, those are the people who you should be scared of the most. Not the cops, not the judge, not even the jury, nope it's the prisoners that you eat with, shower with, and breathe the same air with that you truly fear. Because you see to most criminals the worst crime you could ever commit is one of violence towards a child. That's right keep positive Clary! Good girl, don't be a negative Nancy or a Debbi downer, no Clary stay positive! That's right turn that frown upside down and embrace you childlike looks. I slowly start to calm myself, concentrating on my breathing, deep breath in and exhale. I repeat this process 5 times before my pounding heart begins to quiet down and my chest no longer hurts from struggling to take such big breaths of air.

Wooosh, good job Clary you didn't pass out. Think, think maybe I can get out of this! I know play the sad child, the fact that Mr. Vice (that's what I'm calling the man holding me) whispered those words to me must mean the other one is in charge here and Mr. Vice is only doing what he's told and maybe he really can keep his promise to me. Yes I have to try to play the child here. I clear my throat and place my small left hand on top of Mr. Vice's large tan right hand that is crushing my ribcage. I feel his whole body tense at my touch but his grip on me doesn't loosen, if anything his grip tightens on me. In my softest sweetest (hopefully childlike) whisper I turn my face slightly towards his chest away from The Boss Man (that's what I'm calling the other one) and say:

"P-please don't hurt me, I just want to go home to my mommy…please I'm scaa-aared (I added a fake sob there, nice right?)"

Mr. Vice tenses again and lets out a sigh before whispering:

"Please be quiet and keep still…you're going to get us both in trouble"

I can feel his breath on my neck and it tickles my ear, I find myself almost shocked at the fact that his breath smells minty (as though before him and The Boss Man decided to rob this bank he found it important to practice good oral hygiene) yep minty not fowl like an ashtray or stale like last night's bottle of whisky but minty fresh.

BANG!

My ears are ringing and I can barely hear Ms. Greasy hair screaming like a stuck pig and The Boss Man is yelling at her to shut her fat mouth before he shoots her next, and even quieter still I can hear the sweet music of police siren off in the distance. I'm so overwhelmed my heart starts to pound in my ears again and then someone turns off all the light and then there is blackness and everything is quiet.

CHAPTER 2

"Damn it Mark! I told you this was a bad idea! I told you this would never work!"

"Shut your fucking mouth Jace! We got the money didn't we? We got away from the cops didn't we?"

"Yes we got the money! Yes we managed to get away from the cops, but we are still fucked! Why couldn't we leave her there? Why did we have to take her?"

"Man, fuck that little bitch, don't you get it Jace? This is perfect, this little girl is our get out of jail free card."

"How do you figure kidnaping a little girl somehow equals a get out of jail free card"

"Boy you really are just a dumb kid aren't you? What the hell was I thinking bringing a 17 kid in on this? I thought you said you could handle this!"

"I can handle this…I am handling this, but could you just explain this to me? Kidnapping was never part of our plan, yet you seem to have this all figured out. I guess I just want to know what's next? What's our next step?"

"And you're not going to bitch out on me?"

"No Mark I'm not going to bitch out, just tell me what we do now…please?"

I'm tied up and there is tape over my mouth and there is something covering my face, maybe a pillow case or a t-shirt whatever it is I can see light through it. I keep still and I keep quiet as I listen to Mr. Vices' and The Boss Mans' conversation. I guess they have names I can call them by but I doubt those are they're real names anyhow (Isn't that the first rule when committing a crime? Use fake names?) I know that Jace is Mr. Vice I recognize his voice, and by the way he's talking he sounds as scared and shocked as I feel. Mark is The Boss Man then, I wonder if there is a third man, like a driver, isn't there always a getaway driver in these situations? But I only hear two voices – Jaces' and Marks' (Mr. Vices' and The Boss Mans') so maybe there is just the two of them or maybe Mr. Driver isn't a loud to talk, or maybe he can't talk like maybe he's a mute or something? (Yeah Clary The Boss Man put an add in the paper WANTED: One mute whom can drive really fast) God I think I'm hallucinating, maybe it's just a defense mechanism so my brain doesn't explode from fear and whatever was covering my face is quickly snatched away and I blink a few times to adjust my eyes to the setting sun that is shining right into my eyes. I glace at my surroundings only to find that we are in a van of some sort but it only has 2 seat ,a drivers and a passengers, and the rest of the van is stripped down to the bare metal. There are 2 large duffle bags at my feet that I assume hold the money from the bank. I look up to see a man pointing his finger in my face but his head is turned so I can't really see his face. He has dark hair almost black (possibly dyed it's so dark)

"This little girl, this one right here! This little girl IS OUR GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD JAAACE!"

"Okay, okay Mark stop yelling…you keep saying that but what do you mean by that? How is she going to keep us from going to prison?"

Jace is sitting on the floor of the van with his back up against the passenger seat with his knees pulled up to his chin. He is blond and in need of a haircut or at least a comb. His eyes are light and alert and the color of warm honey, golden and soft. He has a strong jawline and his eyebrows have the kind of natural arch that most girl would be envious of. I can't believe I'm seeing him like this (he and The Boss Man kidnapped me for Christ sakes!) but, Jace is beautiful, not cute, not handsome, not any of those word that you would use to describe an attractive male, but beautiful. I feel somehow less than compared to his beauty. I can't help but wonder what the hell has this kid (according to The Boss Man, Jace is just a 17 year old kid) gotten himself into? Why isn't he modeling underwear, or Hollister T-shirt in some magazine instead of here trying to go up the river without a paddle? Because let's face it there is no way in hell they are going to get away with this! Not now, not in the year 2014. The cops must be hot on their trails by now right?

"Jace, Jace, Jace don't you get it? Let me explain this to you so your pretty blond head will understand it. Okay think of her as more of a life insurance policy that we can cash out on if shit goes wrong. Are you following me so far kid?"

"Don't call me kid. I'm not stupid. I just want you to tell me how we cash in this insurance policy"

"Stop looking at me like that! We probably won't have to even do anything with her anyhow. We got out, we got the money, and the fucking cops have no clue who we are or where we are for that matter. So for now we'll just keep her with us until we need to make our move to Mexico. If all goes as planned we can dump her once we cross the border, but worse case scenario if the shit starts to come down we can use her to get safe passage out of the country."

I'm so confused by this conversation, what does he mean dump me off when they cross the border? Like literally just dump me off out in the dessert so I can what? Get kidnapped again and sold to a Mexican prostitution ring? Or dumped as in shot in the back of the head and left for the crows to eat. And what does he mean by use me to get safe passage out of the country in the worst case scenario?

"Okay I'm following you so far Mark, but how exactly can we make that work? How is this little girl going to get us to Mexico when the shit starts to come down?"

"IF! IF DAMN IT! IF THE SHIT STARTS TO COME DOWN!"

"Please stop yelling. Can't you see your scaring her?"

Mark looks right at me and I finally get a good look at him. He has dark eyes almost black like his hair, he too has a strong jaw line like Jace. Mark has full lips, almost pouty lips, and when he frowns there are small wrinkles at the corner of his mouth. Mark is a good looking guy. I can acknowledge that much but there's something scary about his eyes and he's older than Jace maybe 25 or 27 I'm not sure exactly but he's definitely older. He has that weathered look to his skin. He has a harsh look in his eyes and an even harsher tone to his voice. Like he's been around, seen a lot and done a lot of bad things in his life. He takes the time to scan my face like he's trying to read a book that's written in a foreign language before he closes his dark eyes and hangs his shaking head. I peel my eyes away from him and risk a glance at Jace who is also looking at me like he's trying to read a foreign book, but the look in his eyes are almost franticly trying to decode the language. Like if he can somehow decode the language he can keep the world from blowing up. I can't help but feel the urge to smile at him, smile at him so I can make him stop struggling to decode the language. (Because let's face it, if they are planning what I think they are planning there will be no world left for the 3 of us. None for them because they will live out the rest of their days rotting away in some prison, and as for me I will end up making a nice meal for the crows.) But no, I don't smile what I do is start to cry because Positive Clary has just turned into Hopeless Clary. I don't make any sound as I cry yet the tears stream down my face at a steady rate as I look into gold eyes that are looking right into my green ones before he can't stand the site of me any further and storms out of the van saying he just needs some air.

CHAPTER 3

Jace has been gone for about 10 minutes and Mark is just sitting on the floor of the van staring up at the ceiling. He's staring so intently at it I think he might have forgotten I was even sitting next to him. I'm glad he forgot I was here because for that short amount of time that Mark and I made eye contact a feeling of unease washed over me. He made me feel funny in my stomach and I feel like I'm not safe alone with him for any length of time. It's crazy but I actually want Jace to come back. Maybe he will get too overwhelmed by all of this and realize he really is only a 17 year old kid that shouldn't be involved in all of this, and then maybe he will let me go. Help me get away. (Look at that maybe Positive Clary is still in there somewhere.)

Hopeless Clary just choked the last bit of life out of poor little Positive Clary when Mark suddenly remembers I am in the van with him and turns his dark eye on me.

"What's your name little girl?"

"C-Clary"

"Clary huh? Just Clary or is that short for something?"

"My name is Clarissa but no one call me that, everyone calls me Clary."

Oh god the way he's looking at me I have that sick feeling in my stomach again. Those black eyes of his are raking their way up and down my body and all over my face, literally raking. I can almost feel my skin being ripped opened by his eyes.

"So Clarisssssa, how old are you?"

LIE CLARY! LIE YOUR LITTLE ASS OFF!

"I-I j-just turned 13."

"Really? Only 13 huh? I would have guessed you were older. Maybe 17 or 18."

Now he's the one who is lying. There is no way he thinks I'm 17 or 18. He must be trying to flatter me, because we all know if you tell a 13 year old girl she looks much older it make her feel special. Special my ass! All I feel right now is sick. Sick and scared. Sick and scared, and completely panicked. Why is he looking at me like that? Where the hell is Jace? Simon must hate me by now. I was supposed to meet my boyfriend for coffee at 5 and it must be after 7 by now. My god what the hell he must be thinking of me by now.

I met Simon at the group housing. He came in with his mother, she was looking to foster a kid, but of course not me. No, Mrs. Lewis was looking for a baby or at least a kid young enough that she could snuggle with and cut the crust of their sandwiches. So yeah I met Simon at the farmers market (that's what us kids call open visitation day so all the potential foster parents can look over the produce, to see which one of us was ripe, not ripe, or possibly even rotten) and we hit it off immediately. He was funny and geeky, and he felt safe to me. So he gave me his number and told me to call him if I ever wanted to get coffee or to just hang out.

A week went by before I called him, we met for coffee and had a wonderful day together. We must have sat in that coffee shop for half a day just talking and laughing. I really like Simon. He is very sweet, and he's not terrible to look at. He has warm brown eyes the color of coffee with just a drop of cream in it. He has curly hair that can look unruly when he needs a haircut, which let face it he always looks like he needs a haircut.

That was almost 6 months ago that I met Simon. I met him 2 weeks after I turned 15 and we've seen each other almost every day since we met and I have enjoyed all of it until about a month ago. We were watching movies at his house and his mom was working a double shift at the hospital so we were alone for almost 16 hours. And what do teenagers do when they are alone? That's right! They get into the liquor cabinet and get drunk off of peppermint schnapps. We were drunk and giggling like 5 year old by 9pm. Simon said something extra funny and I just couldn't stop laughing! Next thing I know I'm running to the bathroom and puking my guts out. Simon came in and held my hair for me while I was evacuating the peppermint schnapps out of my stomach. When I finally stopped retching he handed me a bottle of Listerine and wiped my face off with a wet washcloth. I thought to myself, this boy is so sweet to me. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight. It was my way of saying thank you, thank you for being sweet to me, thank you for taking care of me. Simon hugged me back and kissed my forehead, the next thing I know we are making out on the floor of the bathroom and he has his hand under my shirt. We both snapped out of our make-out session before things got to out of hand and agreed that we had too much to drink and went to sleep for the night. Me in his bed and him on the couch.

Now here is the problem with that one drunken night of making out on his bathroom floor. I realized that I was in fact too drunk to know what I was doing and I ended up avoiding Simon for the next 2 weeks. So you see he has only really been my boyfriend for about 2 weeks because after dodging him for almost 2 weeks I missed him terribly so I finally called him. When we met for coffee late that day I told him that the night in the bathroom felt like a mistake to me. The way he looked at me as I said the words nearly broke my heart. All that I could think of was no, no, not like this, I don't want to lose my friend! So I chickened out and took the only path I could think of at the time and started back peddling. I told him what I really meant to say was that we just got to intense that night, and that I just wanted to take things slow. Hearing this brought the sweetest smile to his face and that sweet smile of his finished my nearly broken heart off and it shattered into a million pieces because at that moment I realize what a critical error I just made. So for the past 2 weeks we have been holding hands and exchanging a few awkward kisses. Man I have no right to judge Simon but he is a terrible kisser. Or perhaps it's just because I'm not attracted to him. Now I realize that I've never had a boyfriend before Simon but isn't there supposed to be some kind of feeling you get when your dating someone? Aren't teenager filled with raging hormones? The only feeling I get when Simon kisses me is uncomfortable. Not the kind of

uncomfortable feeling I get when Mark looks at me. No the kind of uncomfortable feeling you get when you realize that one day soon you will have to break this boys heart because he doesn't make your hormones rage.

"No sir, I'm only 13."

"13?...What do 13 year old girls do for fun nowadays?"

"I don't know…"

"Okaaay, what do you do for fun then Clarissa?"

"Uuum…I like to read I guess"

"READ! HA! Well that sounds super fun now doesn't it?"

I need to be careful of what I say to him and how I word things. If I'm not careful he might see through my lie, and that could be dangerous for me. He's looking at me, measuring me up to be exact. His mouth opens as if he were about to say something but before he gets the chance the door to the van slides open and Jace climbs in and shuts the door behind him.

"Mark do you think is safe to move out of here yet?"

"I think we should wait till midnight just to be safe."

"Okay well we should probably start the van and let her get warmed up a little bit then."

"Are you cold Jace?"

"Me? No I'm fine but the girl is probably getting cold."

"She has a name you know."

"Oh….what is it?"

"Clarissa."

"P-please call me Clary, I don't like to be called Clarissa, it makes me feel like a child."

There that's the right way, 13 year old girls always complain about beingtreated as children. Keep it up Clary and they will never know your lie. For good measures I decide to stick my tongue out at them both. Now I am faced with two different people with two very different reactions. Jace finds my 13 year old girl attitude to be comical so he let out a small chuckle of laughter. But Marks' reaction is much different than Jaces'. Mark is mad! He launches himself at me and grabs my face in his hand and squeezes hard enough it brings tears to my eyes.

"You want to keep that tongue little girl?"

His breath is hot on my face, and its fowl like sour milk, I want to gag but I don't for fear this will only set him off further.

"Hey come on stop it! You're hurting her."

"What the fuck's it to you if I hurt her?"

"Come on Mark she's just a kid."

"Yeah just a kid…un-huh sure. Clarisssssa here claims she's only 13. I think the little bitch is lying. What do you think Jace? You're closer to her age than I am so maybe I'm not the best judge."

"If she said she was 13, then she must be thirteen."

"Oh really and you don't think she's lying to us?"

"No I don't think she's lying. Usually when young girls lie about their age they are trying to convince people that they are older not younger. Only old women lie about being younger than they are.

"Damn it Jace that's not what I asked you! I fucking asked you how old she looks to you!"

Jace finally looks me strait in the eye for the first time since I scared him out of the van earlier. His eyes squint as he takes me in after a short moment he tilts his head to the side and smiles at me while saying:

"Honestly Mark I don't think she's lying, she really only looks to be about 13 to me."

Did Jace just lie for me? I can't be totally sure but there was something about the way he smiled at me, almost like he should have added a wink and said don't worry your secrets safe with me. But why would he lie for me if that is in fact what he just did? Is he protecting me from Mark's leering eyes? Shut up Clary! You are such and idiot he probably didn't even lie for you because you do look 13! Besides even if he did figure it out it doesn't matter these two kidnapped me! I AM NOT SAFE!

"Whatever…I'm going to go get some beer."

"Beer? Do you really think that's a smart decision Mark?"

"Fuck off Jace! Don't you forget whose running the show here kid! Now, I'm going to get some beer I will be back in 20 minutes."

A moment later I can hear another vehicle start up and drive away on what sounds like a dirt road. I listen until I can no longer hear the sound anymore. Jace is sitting up in the front of the van in the passenger seat staring out the windshield. I take this time to really look him over since he can't see me. He's tall (again everyone is tall to me) probably at least 6 foot tall but can't be sure because he's sitting down. He has on all black clothes like Mark did at the bank. Before Mark left he removed his black sweat shirt and slipped on a light grey jacket over his plain white t-shirt. Mark also took off his black boots and replaced them with tennis shoes and then put a Steelers hat on. Why? So he could look less like the guy that just robbed a bank and more like your average Joe out to grab a six pack on a Friday night?

Jace has blond hair, not out of a box blond but actual blond hair. The hair on his eyebrows are the same color, so unless he dyed his eyebrows it's probably safe to say that blond is indeed his natural hair color. I thought earlier that he was tanned, but I realize that he just has a natural golden complexion. Well its either natural or he spends time in the tanning bed. Its mid-November now and Pennsylvania hasn't had sun bathing weather for over two months now. Jace now has his head resting on the seat and he is looking up at the roof of the van so now I have a perfect view of his side profile. He has nice cheekbones that are almost sharp looking from this angle. I bet if he was to lose even the smallest amount of weight those cheekbones might cut through his golden skin. He closes his eyes and let out a loud breath. His eyelashes touch his cheeks, no fair why does he get long beautiful eyelashes? Mine are so short they are almost nonexistent, and with my fair red hair the only way you even know I have eyelashes at all is if I wear mascara. Mascara is as about as much make up I ever wear other than a little bit of light lip gloss, but honestly I don't usually bother with either. I usually just have a tube of cherry chapstick with me, but not today, I left it in my other jacket because the jacket I have on is heavier since it is colder today and I had so far to walk. Knowing I don't have my chapstick brings surprising new tears to my eyes. I know it sounds stupid but I feel like maybe if I had it some-how it would bring me some form of comfort.

I want to talk to him. No I don't want to talk to him, I want to beg him to untie me and let me go before Mark gets back. I know he won't let me go so I don't bother begging him to, but I wonder if he would loosen the ropes on my wrist? I wonder if he would tie my hand in front of me instead of leaving them tied behind my back? My shoulders are starting to ache from being tied this way. I wonder if he could start the van or give me a blanket? I'm cold, cold enough that I have to fight the urge to shiver. I am also thirsty and surprisingly kind of hungry. I wonder if he would give me a drink of that water that I cans see setting in the cup holder? I wonder if he has a candy bar in his pocket that he will give me? I wonder if I should stop wondering so much and just close my eyes like Jace has his closed, maybe I could sleep, or at least pretend for a while that I'm not in this cold van. Before I can close my eyes, Jace opens his and leans across the van and starts the motor. He raises himself up and proceeds to turn some switches on the dash and I can hear the rush of the heater vents. For a moment he just stays in that position half sitting half leaning out of the seat and stares out of the windshield, before finally getting up and making his way towards me.

I feel my body tense as he nears me, he doesn't say anything and he won't look me in the eye. He stands right beside me, so close that his boot almost is touching my knee. A moment later he lowers himself so that he is sitting on his knees like I am and he places his hand on my shoulder and leans my whole body forward. I can feel my breath getting faster and my heart starts to race, what is he doing?


	2. Chapter 2

OKAY QUICK NOTE FROM ME BEFORE YOU START THIS NEXT CHAPTER. WHEN I POSTED THE FIRST THREE CHAPTERS OF STOCKHOLMS I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT EACH TIME I POSTED A NEW CHAPTER THE NUMBERS WOULDN'T MATCH UP. WITH THAT SAID I AM MARKING THIS ENTRY AS CHAPTER 2 SO THAT IT MATCHES UP WITH THE CHAPTER CHOOSING BUTTON. SO JUST PRETEND THAT THE FIRST THREE CHAPTERS IS ACCTUALY CHAPTER 1. THE REASON I POSTED THE FIRST 3 CHAPTERS AT ONCE INSTEAD OF ONE AT A TIME IS BECAUSE I FELT READERS NEEDED THE FIRST 3 CHAPTERS TO REALLY GET INTO THE STORY, TO REALY SEE WHERE THIS STORY IS GOING. I AM NO WHERE NEAR FINISHED WITH THIS STORY SO BE PREPARED TO READ A LONG ONE. THERE WILL BE SOME PLOT TWIST SO BE PREPARED FOR THAT ALSO. MOST OF THIS STORY WILL BE FROM CLARYS POV BUT I PROMISE THAT YOU WILL GET TO READ AT LEAST ONE CHAPTER FROM JACE'S POV. I HOPE EVERONE ENJOYS THE STORY AND PLEASE KEEP THE REVIEWS COMING THEY HAVE ALL BEEN VERY POSITIVE SO FAR AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY AND KEEPS ME WRITING. SO ENOUGH BLATHER FROM ME. GO ON AND READ THE NEXT CHAPTER.

WITH LOVE –N-

CHAPTER 2

"It's okay Clary I'm not going to hurt you I just want to check your wrist to see if you're tied too tight."

My heart rate begins to slow and I can feel his hands on my bound wrists'. I can't help but let out a slight yelp, they hurt and just him touching them makes them hurt more. Suddenly Jace is holding me by my shoulders and looking me straight in the eye.

"Your wrist are tied too tight, your hand are turning purple. Why didn't you tell me they hurt?"

Tears fill my eyes again as I say:

"He scares me…I didn't want to make him mad again."

"Don't cry Clary…he's not here and you don't have to be afraid of me okay?"

"Why shouldn't I be afraid of you? You're the one who took me at the bank! You're the one who tied me up in this shitty van!"

"Calm down please? Yes I did grab you at the bank, but only because I had no choice you were leaving at the same time we were walking in.

It's not like I could have just held the door open for you and told you to have a nice day."

"Okay I guess I can understand why you had to take me. But why did you have to tie me up? Why did you have to tie me so tight?"

"Mark tied you up not me. He said you had to be tied so you couldn't get away and he was probably right to do that but you don't need to be tied this tight. If I untie your wrist you have to promise to be good okay?"

"I couldn't fight you Jace you're twice my size and you have a gun. I promise to be good if you untie me."

"You do realize that I have to tie you back up though right? If Mark comes back and you're untied he will be pissed."

"Can I have my hands in front of me when you tie me back up? My shoulders really hurt."

Jace doesn't say anything he just turns my whole body around so that I am facing the wall of the van, my face just inches from the cold metal. I rest my cheek on the cold metal as Jace starts to work at the knots on my wrist. Yet again I feel tears start to stream down my face (Really I almost never cry. In fact you know how people say things like that movie had such a sad ending there wasn't a dry eye in the house, well I'm always the exception to that rule. I am THE dry eye in the house, I'm not one of those girls that cries over everything.) all this trauma must be wearing on my nerves. Yes trauma that must be the problem, well that and despite the fact that Jace seems to be doing his best to be gentle while removing the rope I am in pain. So much pain that I begin to whimper like the small child that I am pretending to be.

"I'm sorry…I know it hurts, I'm almost done Clary."

A few agonizing moments later my wrist are free from the ropes and my arms fall limply to my sides. I can't move my arms they feel numb, like dead weight and my whole body crashes into the wall of the van and I am helpless to brace myself at all. Jace must have mistaken my movement as an attempt to get away and he grabs me around the waist and pulls me tight against his chest.

"Clary (he breaths my name more than he said it) you promised you would be good for me, please be good I don't want to hurt you."

Some of the feeling is beginning to return to my arms and they hurt even worse now than when they were tied behind my back.

"I-I wasn't trying to get away I promise, it's my arms, they are numb and I can't move them."

Jace loosens his grip on me enough to turn me around and looks at my face and into my eyes as if he's trying to decide weather or not I'm lying to him. After a moment he lets out a sigh and lets go of my waist. He doesn't stop touching me though, he puts his hands on my shoulders and proceeds to vigorously rub my tingling arms with his hands. I want him to stop it because it hurts but I say nothing as I watch his face. He has his eyebrows scrunched together and the little fold of skin between them form a small v. His mouth is set in a frown as his gold eyes dart franticly in his blond head. His breathing is starting to pick up in pace and I can almost feel the tension rolling off of his body. What's happening? Is he going to hurt me? Is he going to rape me? Is he going to cry? Why is he breathing like that? Why are his eyes so frantic? I feel my heart start to pound in my chest as my mind begins to race with all the possibilities. Jace suddenly turns his head towards the front of the van and squints his eyes like he's trying to see something far away.

"I'm sorry Clary but I need to tie you back up before he gets back, I know you're in pain but please understand that I wouldn't tie you up if I had the choice, hell you wouldn't even be here if I had the choice."

Thank God! He was only panicking at the thought of Mark coming back and finding me untied. I begin to scold myself for thinking the worst about Jace only to turn around and scold myself even harder for feeling sympathy for him. REMEMBER CLARY HE KIDNAPPED YOU! He is looking at me, I know he's waiting for me to say something, to give him permission to tie me back up, to beg for my freedom. Nope I'm not saying anything to him, there is no point in begging for my freedom that's never going to happen. And I will be damn if I am going to give him permission to tie me back up like I'm some animal. So I say nothing, I just hold my chin up high and attempt to catch his face on fire with my green (hopefully menacing) eyes.

Jace must have decided that I was not going to grant him permission to tie me back up and let out a loud sigh before gently taking my wrist and tying them snuggly together and places them on my lap. Then he proceeds to tie my ankles together, but instead of making me sit on my knees he allows me to sit on my bottom with my legs stretched out. My knees hurt but I bite back the urge to cry, I don't want to cry anymore today, my head is beginning to ache from all the tears I've shed today. I need water, I'm thirsty, I'm starting to get dehydrated. But I say nothing, I won't ask him for that water that is but five feet away from me. No I won't ask, I won't beg, I will not speak.

He is staring at me and I turn my face away from him to avoid his gold eyes. All is quiet and neither one of us so much as twitches a muscle for what seems like hours, but I know it's not hours only seconds. Jace lets out another loud sigh and returns to the passenger seat of the van after he shut the motor off. He props his long legs up on the dash and rest his head back against the seat and whispers the words:

"I'm so sorry Clary…."

I WILL NOT SPEAK! My brain continues to scream these words at the back of his blond head. How dare he say he's sorry! If he were truly sorry he would let me go, instead he's just a pathetic excuse for a man. What kind of real man would allow this to happen to an innocent child. (Okay one, I know I am not a child, but he doesn't know that. And two, he is only 17 himself, not much older than me but still he's old enough to know how wrong this is.) I want to scream, I know no one but him will hear me we must be miles away from anything. But he will hear me scream, I could scream until he gets mad and punches me in the teeth or maybe even shoots me right between my green eyes. I don't scream I just close my eyes and try to disappear. I don't want to die, I want to live, I want to go and see Simon, to have him hold me and stroke my hair and tell me everything is going to be okay. Maybe if I ever get the hell out of here I will put more effort into trying to be a good girlfriend to Simon. He would never hurt me, he has always been so sweet to me and he only wants me to be happy and safe.


	3. Chapter 3

JUST A QUICK THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT IS FOLLOWING MY STORY. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE POSITIVE REVIEWS. I AM WORKING HARD ON EACH CHAPTER. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS NEXT CHAPTER

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 3

"Did you have the van running?"

I wake up to Mark yelling at Jace. Mark's face is twisted in anger as he shifts his eyes from me to Jace. I steal a quick glance at Jace before casting my eyes down to my bound wrist. He looks confused, like someone just woke him up from a dream only to discover he's now in some kind of nightmare.

"Yeah I had the van running for about 15 minutes I was cold and I thought she was cold too. What's the big deal?"

"Did you have her untied too?"

"Only long enough to re-tie her so she would be more comfortable."

"Unbelievable! I leave for 20 minutes and you think you can just do whatever the fuck you feel like! What else did you do Jace? Did you fuck her too?"

"Go to hell Mark you're sick you know that. She's just a k…."

When Jace told Mark that he was sick, Mark launched himself at Jace and punched him square in the face. One hit was all it took to bring blood spurting out of Jace's nose and mouth.

"Who do you think you're talking to like that? Don't you evvver forget that I'm the one in charge here. I'm the one who calls the shots. I'm the one who decides everything. When I say jump you better fucking jump. When I say you can start the van, start the fucking van. When I say don't touch the girl, don't talk to the girl, don't untie the fucking girl you better listen Jace."

Jace just sits there on the floor of the van where he was knocked down after Mark punched him. Blood is flowing from both his lips and blood is flowing even faster from his left nostril. He makes no attempt to wipe the blood away or stop the bleeding as he stares at Mark with a mixture of shock, fear, and possibly hatred. But why would he look at Mark like he hated him? Granted Mark did just punch him in the face, yet I get the feeling that this is not the reason for the look of hatred in his eyes. Maybe he's looking at him like that because Mark basically accused him of raping me? I AM NOT SAFE!

"Look Mark I'm sorry man…you are in charge, you do call the shots okay. I guess I didn't think you would care if I started the van and as far as me untying Clary goes; the ropes were too tight on her wrist, her hands were turning purple. Again I'm sorry, but come on Mark our situation is messed up. She was never part of the plan right? We have to stick together for this to work. If we start fighting and breaking down then we are screwed. As far as she goes I just don't see the point in making things worse, she doesn't need to be more scared than she already is. Her being scared only makes things more stressful for the two of us right?"

Mark slumps down to the floor of the van and runs his hands over his face, knocking the Steelers hat from his head, and then he proceeds to run his pale fingers through his dark hair causing it to stick up wildly. He keeps his fingers knotted in his hair as he closes his eyes. There is pure silence in the van right now. I do my best to control my breathing just as I would imagine Jace is doing the same. Keep quite! Defuse the bomb that is Mark. I want to look at Jace to see if he is still bleeding. I want to slide my bottom across the van and kick Mark in the face. I want his face to bleed like he made Jace's face bleed. I don't do either I just stay frozen and quiet.

Mark opens his eyes and drops his hands into his lap before rising to his feet and making his way to the front of the van where Jace is setting. He places one of his pale hands on top of Jace's head and lifts Jace's chin up with his other hand and looks at his face, examining the brutality that he has just inflicted on this beautiful boy. STOP IT CLARY! DON'T YOU DARE FEEL BAD FOR HIM!

"I'm sorry kid…I shouldn't have hit you like that."

I am shocked at the gentleness of his tone as he makes his apology to Jace. Who knew that this monster has a soft side? How are him and Jace connected? Are they related somehow? Mark continues to hold Jace's chin in his hand but the hand that was resting on top of blond hair has slowly slid down and is now resting lightly on Jace's cheek. Jace and Mark are just looking at each other almost trance like, almost as if they are having some type of silent conversation with their eyes.

"Don't be sorry, I deserved it. I was stupid to start the van. I was stupid to untie her."

Mark removes his hands from Jace's face and takes a seat on the floor beside Jace.

"You're not stupid okay. You're a smart kid, you always take the time to think things out better than I do and that's why I wanted you to do this with me. When we get to Mexico all that bad shit will be over with. We get a clean slate once we're in Mexico."

Bad shit? What bad shit? What is the connection here?

"That's right a clean slate but we have to stick together or we will have done all this for nothing Mark."

"I know that Jace….Did she give you any trouble when you untied her?"

"No she didn't give me any trouble. I just untied her long enough to make her more comfortable with her hands in front of her and then I tied her right back up."

"Did she ask you to make her more comfortable?"

Jace says nothing at first, he just glances at me quickly before deciding how to answer Mark without setting him off again.

"I checked her wrist just to make sure she was tied up good, and when I looked her hands were turning purple and the ropes were cutting into her wrist. I made her promise to be good while I untied her. She promised to be good and she also asked if she could have her hands tied in front because having them tied behind her back was hurting her shoulders."

"Did I really tie her up that tight? I didn't think I made the ropes too tight."

"See for yourself, her wrist are bruised from the ropes and look at her face Mark. You grabbed her face so hard you left bruises on her. She's just a kid and she is scared we don't need to make it worse by hurting her. If we need to use her to get across the border it will pay off not to hurt her."

Mark finishes his beer and opens another one and proceeds to down half the bottle in a couple of swigs. Watching him drink is making me think about how thirsty I am so I look away. There is a rust spot on the floor and I focus on that instead.

"Here kid drink a beer with me, we need to de-stress a little bit."

"No thanks I hate the taste of beer. I don't suppose you brought any food with you did you?"

"Nope, just the beer. Why are you hungry? I'm not hungry my nerves are too shot for me to eat."

"Yeah I'm hungry and we should probably feed her too. Are you hungry Clary?"

I was hungry earlier but the thought of eating something now almost makes me want to gag. They are both looking at me, looking and waiting for me to say something. Mark has an amused look on his face, probably from the alcohol he's drinking, or possibly he's amused at the thought of me being hungry and chewing over the thought of whether or not he will give me something to eat. To feed or not to feed? That is the question! To chug this next beer or to sip this next beer? I hate him! I want to shove that bottle down his throat! I want to smash the bottle and slit his throat wide open with the broken glass. I want his blood to spray all over the walls and floor and even the ceiling of this van. Hungry? I think not! Jace has managed to get his nose and mouth to stop bleeding by using the black sweatshirt that Mark was wearing earlier. He keeps turning the shirt over in his hands trying to find a spot that isn't soiled and for the third or fourth time loudly blows the remaining blood out of his nose. His gold eyes are warm and soft as he looks to me for a response.

"If I could please just have some water that would be great. I'm thirsty."

"Here you can have a drink of my beer."

"Don't give her that Mark. She's just a kid and she needs water. It's been almost five hours and she hasn't had anything to drink."

Jace grabs the bottle of water from the cup holder and removes the lid before bringing it to my lips. I wonder if it's his water or if it is Mark's water? I wonder if either one of them has a disease that I can catch from drinking after them? Honestly I'm so thirsty none of these questions matter so I part my lips and greedily drink the water until it's empty. I drink it so fast some of it spills down my chin. Jace has his eyebrows scrunched together and his mouth is turned down into a frown as he holds the bottle to my lips. Once I am finished he lowers the bottle and without hesitation or even thinking about it he wipes the water off of my chin with his thumb. His thumb is warm and rough on my skin. His touch was so gentle and slow as if it were a caress instead of an absentminded gesture. Jace quickly snatches his hand away from me before muttering an apology. Out loud he says:

"I'm sorry I didn't give you water sooner, I didn't realize how thirsty you were. Why didn't you say something?"

I don't say anything; I just look into his eyes, trying to tell him that I was too scared. Trying to tell him that I am still too scared.

Do you want some more water Clary?"

"Yes please….."

"Mark do we have any more water?"

"Not that I know of…"

Mark rises up so that he is on his knees and digs his hand into his front pocket and retrieves a crumpled wad of bills. After sorting out two twenty dollar bills he shove the rest back into his pocket and sits back down. He holds the money out toward Jace and says:

"Here go get her some more water and food for all of us while you're at it. Just run through the drive-thru and grab some burgers."

"Why do you want me to go? Why can't you go?"

"Jace I just polished off a six pack and I haven't eaten since dinner last night so I'm pretty tipsy right now. I don't trust myself to drive, besides its Friday night I'll be damn if all my hard work goes down the drain for getting pulled over by some shithead cop that wants to give me a breathalyzer. No, you'd better go, the keys are in the car."

Please God I don't want to be alone with him! I don't like the way he looks at me. I don't like that he has been drinking. I feel tears well up in my eyes again as Jace watches my panic begin to rise. He too has a look of panic in his eyes which does nothing to calm my fear. Is Jace worried to leave me alone with Mark? Does he think Mark will hurt me when he's gone? Jace places a hand on my knees and gives me a confusing wink of his eye and ask me:

"Are you in pain Clary? Are the ropes too tight?"

I understand now why he winked at me. He doesn't want Mark to think that the reason I'm crying is because I'm scared to be alone with him. Yes I understand I want to tell him. Don't show him fear he will only feed off of it Jace's eyes seem to tell me.

"No I'm okay….I j-just have to go to the bathroom."

"See that's what happens when you give her water Jace. Now the brat has to pee. Well take her outside and let her pee then."

Jace gently pulls me up off of the floor and starts to walk me toward the door of the van, but before I can awkwardly hop down to the ground Mark grabs my ankle.

"Don't you even think about running. He will shoot you if you run. And if you don't shoot her Jace I will shoot both of you do you hear me?"

"Nobody is shooting anyone Mark. She couldn't run if she wanted to, not the way I have her tied up. Just relax and remember we need to keep things as stress-free as possible. Talking about shooting each other is not stress-free."

"Whatever Jace, just get her out of here before she pisses in the van."

Jace holds onto my waist as I hop out of the van, I stumble forward and have no choice but to place my tied hands on his chest to avoid falling flat on my face. For a split second my cheek rest on his shirt and it's soft and he is warm and he smells good. He smells like cheap soap and fabric softner and something else with a manly almost musky smell like he's wearing cologne or maybe it's just his deodorant. Before I can figure out if it is in fact cologne or deodorant he grabs me by the shoulders and takes a big step back with his long legs and then just a quickly drops his hands to his sides.

"Hey shut the damn door! It's freezing out there."

Jace reaches past me to slide the van door closed but before it is completely closed he rolls his eyes at me and quirks up the corner of his mouth into a quick smile. The eye roll, the smile they say well yeah it's freezing out why do you think I started the van earlier? I can't help but want to return his smile but I don't dare. The thought of being alone in that van with Mark is the only thing I can think of right now. Jace grabs one of my arms and tells me to start hopping towards the bushes. I comply with his request but it is a slow journey to get the twenty or so feet to the bushes. Once he releases me behind the bushes, he walks a couple of feet away and turns his back to me while I squat down and relieve my surprisingly full bladder. I didn't realize I even really had to go to the bathroom until I started going. It takes what seems like several minutes to empty my bladder. I try my best to stand up while pulling up my jeans and fail miserably in the process and end up falling on my side with my pants only pulled up to my knees. I want to cry! I am completely humiliated because I made enough noise to cause Jace to turn around and see me lying on the ground with my bare bottom staring him right in the face. I find myself thankful for the fact there is barely a moon out tonight and it's hard to really see much of anything.

Jace doesn't say anything as he walks over and lifts me off the ground and then proceeds to not just pull my pants up but he even takes the time to button and zip them for me. Having his hands so close to my private area makes my stomach flip violently enough I almost gag. What strikes me as odd is that having him touch me doesn't make me feel uncomfortable like just one glance from Mark makes me feel. Maybe it's because Jace kept his head turned away the whole time, not once even trying to look at my exposed nether reigions. Or maybe I can trust that Jace wouldn't hurt me, that he wouldn't try to rape me. Not just because he thinks I'm only 13 but because he just wouldn't do that to any girl.

"What the fuck are you two doing out there? Is she taking a shit or what man? I'm hungry! Get her back in the van and go get the food."

Once again Jace takes me by the arm and I start my slow hop to the van.

"Christ Jace just pick her up and carry her!"

Jace stops walking and I stop hopping as he turns to me and searches my face for some sort of reaction to Marks demand. With a loud sigh he places one hand around my waist and his other hand at the back of my thighs just above my knees. Before I can protest or even try to co-operate in the task I am suddenly in his arms like a bride on her honeymoon. No not a bride, more like a child being carried to bed after falling asleep somewhere. I rest my head on Jace's shoulder for fear of him dropping me. I feel bright red blood pooling into my cheeks as he carries me to the van and gently puts me back where I had been sitting for the last 5 hours. How embarrassing that whole ordeal was! First he pulls up my pants like I'm a small child and then he carries me to the van like an even smaller child. I am completely mortified, I can't look at Jace and I can't look at Mark. Where is my rust spot? Oh there it is right where it was before, now _that_ I can look at. Yes my rust spot is a safe place to hide my eyes. Go figure Positive Clary decided to pop her head up long enough to remind me to be thankful for the fact that I didn't fall in my own puddle of pee before abandoning me again. Negative Clary takes her turn reminding me that now Jace is leaving. Now I will be all alone with Mark. I wish I would have had the chance to tell Jace that I was scared to be alone with Mark. I wish I would have had the chance to beg Jace to take me with him, or to beg him to stay, or even to beg him to hurry back. I wish I would have told Jace thank you for not looking at me when he pulled my pants up. To tell him how much it really meant to me that he was being nice to me and that I am not scared of him like I am scared of Mark.

"Thank you for letting me go to the bathroom."

"Sure no problem kid."

Mark was the one to reply to my gratitude not Jace. Jace won't even look at me. Maybe he is just as embarrassed as I am. He runs his hands through his hair and tells Mark he is leaving and will be back soon with the food.

PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! I shout this over and over in my head but he does, he leaves me without so much as a backwards glance in my direction. I hate him. I should have spit in his face when he carried me to the van. I should have sunk my teeth into his jugular vein not caring if I taste his blood in my mouth, only caring that I bite him hard enough to drain his body of all its blood while I watch him die. I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM FOR LEAVING ME ALONE WITH THIS MONSTER!

"Shit I thought he'd never leave! So Clarisssssa what should we do to keep ourselves busy until he gets back?"


	4. Chapter 4

PLEASE KEEP THE REVIEWS COMING, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO ME. I TRY MY BEST TO RESPOND TO ALL OF THEM. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS NEXT CHAPTER.

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 4

HELP ME! JACE PLEASE COME BACK! I am screaming for dear life on the inside…..

"Um….maybe we could play cards. Do you have any cards?"

Yeah Clary I'm sure he wants to play cards…I need to try to stay calm, to try to listen to Jace's unspoken

words about Mark feeding off of my fear.

"Sorry kid I think I left my deck of cards at home. What else you got?"

Okay Clary now he needs to be reminded that you are only 13 like you told him. Come on girl you can do this, you can keep him talking until Jace gets back.

"I'm an only child, so I play cards by myself a lot. And I love to read and I love playing with my doll house."

Mark pulls his knees up and scoots his bottom across the floor of the van so that our feet are almost touching. It takes every fiber of my being not to cringe away from him in disgust. Don't let him see your fear.

"Strike two Clarissssa. No cards, no books, and hmm let me see, nope sorry no doll house either. Are you just fucking with me about the doll house? I get that you say you're only 13, which by the way I call bullshit, but even if you are only 13 most 13 year old girls don't still play with dolls do they?"

I want to argue with him about my age. Most 13 year olds like to argue about anything and everything, yet I feel arguing about my age might end up backfiring on me.

"Well no, probably not, I don't play with dolls. My doll house doesn't have dolls. My dad and I built my doll house together, and I just like to move the furniture and stuff around. You know like redecorate it and stuff."

I am amazed at the lies that are spilling so easily out of my mouth. The thing is, it doesn't even feel like a lie because when I was little I used to fantasize about having a normal family. You know mom, dad, big house, furry dog the works. I used to lie in bed at the group home or whatever foster home I was staying in and just make my own pretend life up. Building a doll house with my pretend dad was one of my favorite things to fantasize about.

"Oh okay, you mean like miniature stuff? Like those tiny little replica houses you see in hobby shops. Is that what you're talking about?"

"Yes! Mine is wonderful! Dad helped me with the whole thing, every bit of it. We had so much fun going to the shops and finding new stuff to put inside of the house. My dad is really crafty so even if we couldn't find something we were looking for dad would figure out how to make what we were looking for instead."

"What kind of things did your dad make that you couldn't just buy in a store?"

I can't believe that this is working! I am actually keeping him distracted by talking, and I feel my muscles begin to relax a little as this thought sinks in. KEEP HIM TALKING.

"Oh lots of things actually….hmm let's see….oh, this one time I wanted a pink velvet davenport for the sitting room. Well dad and I looked everywhere for one, we checked all the shops and nothing. We even tried looking on eBay for one and still no luck. My dad told me that I should just get the maroon one that we had seen at the hobby shop because that was as close to pink as I could get. I refused to accept this, I was 8 at the time and I was going through a very whiny stage then, so I stomped my foot and said NO DADDY I WANT A PINK DAVENPORT FOR THE SITTING ROOM! NOT JUST A PINK ONE BUT A PINK VELVET ONE!"

Surprisingly this makes Mark burst out into laughter, I mean grab your stomach as tears form in your eyes kind of laughter. What an idiot! It wasn't even that funny. Maybe he thinks it is so funny because he is drunk? Maybe he doesn't get out much and really does find my story comical. Before I can stop myself I begin laughing right along with Mark. I can't stop laughing, nothing about my situation is even remotely comical yet I still laugh. I think I might be starting to go insane; this is all too much for me to handle anymore. The tears, the fear, the panic, the endless idea of being raped or murdered must be making me crack.

Mark suddenly stops laughing just as fast as he started and goes completely stone faced as his dark eyes bore down on me. His hands shoot out and he grabs me by my hair and drags me towards him so that his face is only inches away from mine.

"Shut your fucking mouth! What are you laughing about huh? Are you laughing because you think you can fool me little girl?"

I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to squeeze my eyes shut and pretend he's not there like a small child would. I do none of these things. HE WILL FEED OF YOUR FEAR CLARY. I calculate a small amount of panic to compensate for the fact that he did just drag me across the floor by my hair, but not so much panic that he thinks he's right about everything.

"F-fool you? Fool you about what? Please you're hurting me….I- I don't understand why you're doing this to me."

"Do you expect me to believe all that bullshit Clarissa? Who are you trying to fool here? Just admit it already."

His voice is low and rough as he say this to me. Low, rough and eerily calm. His pupils are blown wide like he's high. Why? Is it from the beer? Did he take some kind of drugs? NO CLARY! NO! His pupils are blown wide with an almost animal-like hunger. I blink back the image of The Big Bad Wolf with his napkin tied around his neck. The wolf grins as he holds a knife in one hand and a fork in the other. The wolf licks his sharp teeth with the anticipation of consuming Little Red Ridinghood. Mark is the wolf and I am Little Red Ridinghood. I AM NOT SAFE.

"What are you talking about? Admit what? Please you are HURTING ME!"

Mark shoves me away from him violently and my head hits the side of the van with a loud bang. My vision blurs and I can hear the rush of water in my ears. I keep very still, I do not move, I do not make a sound, and I do not dare close my eyes. I refuse to spin into blackness for even a single moment for fear of what I might wake up to. So I just lay there like a sack of potatoes with my eyes wide open as the tears threaten to explode. Tears from the pain in my skull, tears from the complete hopelessness that washes over me. DO NOT FEED THE WOLF

"I know you're lying about being 13 you little bitch, the question is why are you lying about it? Do you really think anything you say to me will protect you from me? Speaking of which what exactly do you think I'm going to do to you huh? ANSWER ME GOD DAMNIT!"

Mark is no longer calm, his voice increased in volume as he asked me each question and then finally he is full out screaming as he demands an answer. I let a couple of moans escape from my throat as I try to form words with my mouth. Am I dying? Do I have brain damage? Why can't I speak?

"P…..P…..Please don't hurt me. I can be whatever age you want me to be. I don't understand why you don't believe me. I don't understand why you are yelling at me. I thought we were talking about my doll house. I am so confused. My head hurts. Please, please don't yell at me. Please don't hurt meeeeeee!"

So much for not crying, by the time I finish my sentence I am wailing like a baby. My whole body begins to shake as my lungs fight for air. I can't stop crying and I can't get enough air in my lungs. My vision begins to fade and I can hear a humming. I remain conscience as the humming gets louder and then the humming stops. I can see Mark rising to his feet and another wave of panic begins to take over again. Only instead of him coming at me, Mark walks to the door of the van and slides the door open and then the inside of the van is filled with a blast of cold air.


	5. Chapter 5

JUST A QUICK THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REVIEWS, I HAVE BEEN DOING MY BEST TO RESPOND TO ALL OF THEM. TO THE GUEST READERS I WANT TO GIVE YOU ALL A SHOUT OUT RIGHT NOW. I HAVE NO WAY OF REPLYING TO GUEST REVIEWS SO I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I THANK YOU FOR THEM. PLEASE TO ALL THE READERS OF THIS STORY…PLEASE CONTINUE TO REVIEW AFTER EACH CHAPTER. YOUR WORDS ARE SO ENCOURAGING TO ME. I AM GETTING CLOSE TO FINISHING STOCKHOLMS; OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD THE LAST TIME I REMEMBER NUMBERING A CHAPTER WAS AROUND THE 30 OR 32 MARK. I WILL TRY MY BEST TO POST EACH CHAPTER FASTER; I STILL NEED TO OBSESSIVELY TWEAK AND MODIFY EACH CHAPTER BEFORE I POST THEM. YEAH YEAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! IM DONE RAMBLING NOW ENJOY THIS NEXT CHAPTER. OH OH OH AND I WANTED TO MENTION THAT JACE'S POV WILL BE COMING SOON.

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 5

"CLARY! What happened? Why are you crying? What the fuck did you do to her Mark?"

I am overwhelmed with relief at the sound of Jace's voice as he enters the van. His golden eyes are full of rage and confusion as he sees me lying on the floor of the van sobbing. Jace scoops me up off the floor and pulls my body against his chest; he is quick yet gentle with his movements. He smells the same as he did earlier but now I can smell the cold fall air in his shirt. Even though I can smell the cold; all I feel is warmth coming off of him as he hugs me tight and buries his nose in my hair. I can hear his voice but I don't understand the words. My tears and my sobbing take on a new level; I don't think I have ever cried with so much emotion in my life. So many emotions are rolling through me and they are all crashing together at once like angry waves during a storm. I am suddenly exhausted; I just want to close my eyes and sleep. I wish my hands weren't tied together because right now I just want to wrap my arms around Jace and fall asleep in his arms.

"Answer me Mark! What did you do to her?"

"Tha..that little bitch kicked me!"

"What. Did. You. Do. To. HER!?

"Jace all I did was try to check her ropes. I just wanted to make sure they weren't too tight and she fucking kicked me in the stomach. She kicked me hard, I guess I overreacted and I shoved her. She hit her head on the wall of the van."

Jace almost growls out the next few words.

"Then what happened?"

"Nothing! Nothing happen, you came back and nothing happened. Holy fuck Jace, give me a break."

Jace has been rubbing my back and stroking my hair though their entire conversation and continues to do so as he turns his head down to see my face. His eyes dart from the top of my head to every part of my face before finally coming to a rest on my tear filled eyes. Silent moments pass as he looks into my eyes, those golden eyes are filled with a million questions at once.

"Is that true Clary? Did anything else happen?"

You ever hear that old saying cat got your tongue? Well guess what the cat not only got my tongue, the fat tabby carried it outside and buried it under the rose bushes in the backyard. I can't tell him the truth because I'm afraid of what Mark will do. I can't tell him a lie because I'm too exhausted to come up with a good one right now. So I speak the only words that are true to my heart.

"I want to go home…."

Jace pulls me tight against his chest and begins to rock his body back and forth in an attempt to sooth me. Part of me wants to push him away for treating me like a child, but part of me wants to bury my face into his warm chest and just cry until I fall asleep. I do neither. I just lay against him like a slug, not cuddling in, not cringing away. He continues to stroke my hair and rub my back as he soothingly repeats the same two phrases several times until my crying quiets down.

"Shhhh." He coos

"It's all right now Clary." He whispers.

I can feel his breath tickling my ear and it causes my body to shiver. Jace lifts his mouth from my ear and turns his head toward Mark.

"Go start the van Mark, she's cold."

His words were not in the form of a question nor were they in a demanding tone, but they were a statement. The kind of statement you would make about the temperature outside. Its 28 degrees outside…a statement. Mark didn't argue and he didn't reply he simply stood up and started the van; and then he grabs the white sack that reeks of fried food and proceeds to fish out a foil wrapped burger that he unwraps and begins to eat.

Jace is no longer cooing or whispering in my ear, and he is no longer rocking me like a small child. Yet he continues to stroke my hair as he holds me tight to his body. I feel my eyes grow heavy with fatigue and my breathing slows to a sleepy rhythm. It's quiet in the van except for the sound of Mark chewing and the occasional crumple of his wrapper as he takes another bite of his burger. Each time I blink, my eyelids stay closed a second longer than the last time.

"Hey, come on Clary you have to stay awake."

Jace is holding me by the shoulders and is gently shaking me when I open my eyes.

"Clary? Clary can you look at me? Clary can you hear me?"

"mmm…"

Another gentle shake to my shoulders and then his hand is under my chin. I open my eyes again and try to focus. I blink a few more times before I can really see him looking at me.

"Clary?"

"I just want to go to sleep. Please can I go to sleep now?"

"I know you're sleepy, but if you hit your head I'm going to need you to stay awake for just a little longer okay? Can you do that for me? Can you keep your eyes open for just a little longer?"

"Okay."

"Okay? Okay. Are you hungry? Do you want some food? I got burgers. Are you thirsty? Do you want something to drink? A got some water."

These are the simplest of questions that he is asking me but right now I'm tired and quite frankly, still shaking from my close call with Mark and I can't process them in my head. I just keep staring at him, focusing my eyes on his; trying to stay awake "just a little longer" like he asked me to.

"Just leave her be. If she doesn't want anything to eat, well then screw it, more for us right?"

"Please Clary, I know you're upset, I know you're head hurts, but will you at least try to eat something? In about an hour we have to go and you can sleep then, but it might be a long time before we stop."

Jace continues to look at me with expectant eyes as I try to shake the thick layer of dirt out of my brain. I really don't want to eat right now, but he said it might be a long time before we stop. I begin to mentally wrap my head around the idea of eating something and then I nod my head at Jace.

Mark tosses the bag of food towards us and Jace picks it up without looking at him. After he unwraps a burger he holds it to my mouth for me to take a bite. The burger is cold and greasy but after slowly chewing the first bite I open my mouth for another. My chewing becomes a mental game of counting to distract myself from the actual food that's in my mouth. Jace is patient with me as I eat at an excruciatingly slow pace; never taking his eyes off of me. With maybe two bite of the burger left I find that I just can't eat anymore and shake my head when he lift it to my mouth once again.

"You don't want anymore?"

"No…"

"Here let me get you some water then."

Jace shoves the rest of my burger into his mouth before searching for the water, and is still chewing as he brings the bottle to my lips. I only take a small sip before turning my face away. Jace takes a couple of gulps of the water before returning the cap on its top. He must not care about germs considering how he just ate food that I was chewing on and then drank from the same bottle that my lips were on.

"Jace hurry up and shove one of those burgers in your face. We need to get going soon so you'd better take her to the bushes again before we clear out."

"I'm fine, I can eat in the car. Come on Clary, I'll take you out so you can go to the bathroom."

Not really feeling the urge to use the bathroom does nothing to stop me from scooting my bottom across the van towards Jace and the open door of the van. My back hurts and my legs are stiff from the hours spent sitting in the van. I let my legs dangle out of the sliding door as Jace places a warm hand at my elbow and helps me stand. I see him shift as though he might pick me up again.

"Could I please just stand for a moment? I'm so sore; I just need a quick moment to stretch before I go to the bathroom."

"Sure take your time Clary. Let me know when you're ready okay?"

From inside the van I hear Mark shout:

"Don't take too much time out there 'cause we gotta split soon, and shut the damn door, its freezing out there."

Jace slides the door shut and we are left standing in the darkness without the light from inside the vehicle. I slowly start to move my body little by little feeling my muscles protesting as I do. I squat my legs a bit and twist my hips to try to alleviate my stiff spine. I feel like I need to hang off of something to get my spine to straighten out. I think about the playground that we had at the group home, I think about the green rusting monkey bars that I would swing from as a child. Yes a set of monkey bars would do my spine wonders right now.

Jace is quite and unmoving as I twist and stretch my body. Realizing that the task is pointless, only a hot bath and a good night's sleep in a soft warm bed will take away my soreness. I give up and tell him:

"I'm ready..."

"Okay, I'm going to carry you so don't be scared when I pick you up."

I nod my head and wait for him to lift me into his arms. He is gentle as he lifts me and carries me over to the bushes. When we get there he pauses for what seems like a full minute before deciding to put me down. I wait for him to turn away so that I can unbutton my pants, but he just stands there looking at me. What the hell, does he think just because I cried on his shirt and he ate the food that I bit off of, that it suddenly gives him permission to watch me pee? It's dark but I can see him reaching into his pocket and pull out a small shiny object. With a small groan from his throat he bends down and grabs my ankle.

"I'm going to cut these off for you. I'm cutting them off so it's easier for you to move around. Please don't run. It would be pointless for you to even try to run, because I'm faster and I will catch you."

"I won't run. I don't know where I'm at, so I wouldn't know whereto run. It's dark and I'm scared of the dark, and I know you would catch me anyhow. I don't want to make him mad, I get the feeling I won't be the only one punished for running. Maybe you shouldn't cut the ropes, just untie them so you can tie me back up. He'll be angry if I'm not tied."

Jace opens up his pocket knife and proceeds to saw at the rope until it falls at my feet. Satisfied with his work, he stands up and turns his back to me before walking ahead a few steps. My survival instincts kick in and I feel the urge to run even though I spoke the truth to him. I don't know where I am so which direction would I go? My fear of the dark is another issue to think about, not to mention he will catch me. Jace is almost a foot taller than me, and he is strong, he picked up and carried my 104 pound body as though I weighed nothing at all. So with his long legs and his strength I do not dare run. He has his back to me and is but 10 feet from where I stand and his whispering word sound like a plea.

"Please be good Clary. Please don't run."

His words sink in as I squat to the ground. The sad plea isn't just for my benefit, no not just mine, but his benefit as well. Mark is crazy and is unpredictable, so much so, that I get the feeling that maybe Jace is possibly regretting everything. Not just regret for robbing the bank, not just regret for kidnapping me, not regret for leaving me alone with Mark, but maybe regret for ever even knowing Mark.

I finish going to the bathroom, and after I am done buttoning my jeans I walk the 10 feet to stand by Jace's side. Without words, without looking at me, Jace walks back to the van. I follow a step or two behind and he never once turns to see if I'm still there. Why? Does he trust me? Does he want me to run? Will he let me get away if I do run? What will Mark do, not just to me, but what would he do to Jace if I ran? Before he can reach up and open it, the door of the van slides open and Mark hops out holding both the duffle bags. He nods his head towards the inside of the van and tells Jace to grab the food and that its time to leave.

Mark walks to the back of the other vehicle, unlocks the trunk and tosses in the duffle bags before turning around to look at Jace and I.

"Don't just stand there, pick her up and put her in the car. It's almost midnight and we need to hit the road."

He doesn't need to carry me to the car, I can walk now that the ropes are gone. I start towards the car and then stop as I see the look in Marks eyes when he realizes my ankles are no longer tied. OH NO! HE IS ANGRY AGAIN! I want to run, I want to grab ahold of Jace and run. I AM NOT SAFE. JACE IS NOT SAFE. WE ARE NOT SAFE. MARK IS CRAZY.

"What the fuck Jace! Why aren't her legs tied? Where is the rope? Tie her back up!"

"She doesn't need her legs tied Mark, she won't run."

Mark throws himself at Jace and grabs him by his jacket and there is spit flying out of his mouth as he screams:

"How the fuck do you know she won't run? Why, because she told you she wouldn't? Do you honestly think you can trust the little bitch? Do you fucking trust her more than you trust me?"

Jace is frozen in place, he makes no attempt to struggle out of Marks grip. His whole body is tight with tension for a moment before I see his shoulder loosen the slightest bit as he begins to speak.

"Listen to me, I told you we need to stick together. I trust you Mark, you know I do, but I need you to trust me too or this will never work. She isn't dumb enough to run. She's just a scared little girl, but she's a smart little girl. She knows there is no point in running; she knows we will catch her before she can get so much as 10 foot away. I already tested her, I gave her the chance to run and she didn't. So no, I will not tie her legs again, I don't need to because she won't run. She will be a good girl and she will co-operate. She just wants to go home and she knows if she does what we ask of her then that's exactly where she will go once this is all over."

Mark shoves Jace as he releases him and starts to run his hands though his hair as he begins to mutter under his breath. I don't know what he is saying because he is speaking to low and too fast to figure out the words. Jace and I keep still as Mark's anxiety continues to rise. Suddenly he stops muttering and he stops running his hands though his hair. He reaches his hand behind his back and pulls out a gun that he points right a Jace's face. Then he points the gun at my face, then again at Jace's.

"This is bullshit! I don't have time for this shit! I should just fucking shoot you both right now, and leave you for the crows to eat."

My body begins to tremble as Mark continues to wildly aim the gun at both our faces. I DON'T WANT TO DIE. Jace on the other hand remains calm and makes no attempt to move. He is almost a statue he is so still.

His words come out soft and low, his word sound like a caress, his words sound like he is reading a beautiful lullaby to a child.

"Mark? Come on Mark, it's okay. Everything is fine. Everything is under control. Come one put the gun away Mark. Put the gun away and we can get out of here okay?"

I think it is quite possible that this isn't the first time Jace has had to talk Mark down. Jace knows Mark is crazy but he also seems to know how to calm him down too. Mark points the gun at each of us once more before dropping his hand in defeat. With a loud sigh he returns the gun to the waistband at the back of his pants. He looks at me and tells me to get in the trunk.

I risk a glance in Jace's direction to see if he will protest at this request, but he doesn't. He won't even look at me. I HATE HIM. HE IS A COWARD. I climb into the trunk and wiggle in next to the duffle bags in the attempt to find a comfortable position. Mark bends down and grabs my face and whispers:

"Let's see if you can be a good girl like Jace say's you are. Don't you dare make a sound while you are in here, if you do I will duct tape your mouth shut. Do you understand me Clarissssa?"

I hate the way he says my name. I hate the way he drags out the "s", it makes him sound like a snake. A poisonous snake that is about to strike, and fill my body with its venom. I want to show him that I can be a good girl. He said that I was not to make a sound, so instead of verbally making my promise to him, I simply nod my head in agreement.

Once the trunk is closed I am in complete darkness. It was dark outside, but there was just enough light from the stars and the trace of the moon to at least see about two foot in front of me. Blackness is all I see inside the trunk. I blink my eyes repeatedly to see if I can adjust my eyesight enough to see my tied hands that I raised to my face, but I can't see them. I can't see anything and I am scared.

I am scared and I can't see anything so I shut my eyes and try to go to sleep. Jace said I could go to sleep once we get in the car. I had so much trouble earlier keeping my eyes open, but now I'm finding it difficult to keep them shut. I just keep seeing that gun; I just keep seeing that wild look in Marks eyes. I just keep hearing the soft tone of Jace's voice as he talks Mark down from his crazy episode. I also see Jace's statue like face when Mark told me to get in the trunk. He remained stone faced like it was a perfectly acceptable request. My whole body jerks when the car is turned on. Every nerve in my body is hyper-sensitive from the unexpected sound. I knew we were leaving, but hearing the motor roar to life still scared me. The darkness is consuming me, my whole body feels like it has been pricked with a million needles, my heart begins to beat rapidly when suddenly the trunk is glowing red. I jerk again in panic as my mind screams the word FIRE, then I understand where the red glow is coming from. Someone must have turned on the light of the car and the red lights from the back of the car are glowing into the trunk.

I can see my hands, barely but at least I can see something again. No more blackness, no more pin prick feeling all over my body, and suddenly my eyes grow heavy again. Sleep now Clary, sleep and dream of your pretend doll house, dream of setting on that orange couch while Simon hold your hand during a movie. Sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

HELLO TO ALL OF YOU! I REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOY READING CHAPER SIX! JUST A HEADS UP, CHAPER SEVEN WILL ALSO BE JACE'S POV. PLEASE CONTINUE TO REVIEW AFTER YOU READ EACH CHAPER. THANK YOU FOR READING STOCKHOLMS.

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 6 JACE'S POV

Mark closes the trunk and tosses the keys to me before telling me that I'm to take the first shift in driving. He tells me he needs to sleep. He tells me that he had too much beer and he needs to sleep it off.

Within a matter of minutes Mark is softly snoring with his hands cradled under his cheek like a small child. It's hard to believe how utterly normal he looks when he's sleeping, how utterly un-crazy he looks. He is not normal and he is in fact crazy. I can remember when I thought Mark was some kind of angel, a gift sent from god to save me. Mark is no angel and he is no gift sent from god, Mark is crazy, he is unstable, and he is unpredictable.

I wish I wasn't such a blind, scared kid 3 years ago when I met him. I wish I would have been able to see how un-normal Mark was that night he found me crouched behind that dumpster. The dumpster was down a filthy dark alleyway behind one of Pittsburgh's private clubs. Not the kind of private club that you pay yearly dues to be a member of. Not the kind of private club that post billboards around the city for advertisement. No this club was extremely private, only a select few were members of this club. Sick bastards, all of them, they were all just a bunch of sick bastards.

When Mark found me I was a mess, I was bloody and coved in bruises, I was broken. When he first approached me I shrunk away from his touch thinking he was from inside the club, but when I looked up he was no one I had ever seen before. His eyes were filled with concern as he looked at the blood and the bruises that covered my body. Relief washed over me when I saw that he wasn't one of them, he couldn't be one of them, he didn't have that look in his eye like they all did.

"Did you come from in there kid?" He asked as he nodded his head towards the back door of the club. I shook my head yes at his question and then he held out his hand to me and said: "Come on kid let's get you out of here, let's get you cleaned up."

Mark took me to his apartment, where I took a long hot bath. When I was done with my bath he gave me clean clothes to wear, the cloths were way too big for me but they were clean and dry. Mark applied ointment to my split lip and bandaged the cut on my eyebrow. He then fed me two peanut butter sandwiches and a big glass of milk to wash them down with.

After I was done eating we started talking. I asked him how he knew that I came from inside the club. He told me he knew because when he was twelve years old he had been tossed out to the dumpster just like I had been. He told me he was nine when he was sold to those sick bastards. I told him that I was thirteen when they bought me and that I was only there for a little over a year. This made him chuckle and then he told me he was surprised that they threw me out. He said I was a beautiful blond that all the sickos should have swooned for. I told him they didn't want me because no matter how many times they beat me I refused to accept living like that.

I felt sorry for Mark because they kept him for three years. I can only imagine the sick shit they did to him for those three years. I felt sorry for my own self as I lay pathetically behind that dumpster. I felt sorry for myself and I'm ashamed to admit this, but I remember wishing for death as I lay there. Finding out that Mark had spent three years in that hell hole somehow gave me a sense of relief. I was relieved because I was setting there in that tiny apartment talking to someone that is still here living and breathing.

A sense of hope filled my heart that day three years ago. On that day Mark told me he would take care of me and that his home was now my home. I asked him what I had to do in exchange for living there. I asked him that because the past year of my life had been all about cost, cost and payment. Nothing comes free, nothing is ever just given without some form of payment in exchange. He laughed at my question. He laughed and told me all he expected me to do was to clean up after myself. He said: "Look kid you're only 14 so it's not like I can make you go get a job and split the rent. So until you can get a job just clean up after yourself and try to stay out of trouble." Hearing this brought an unexpected smile to my face. So unexpected that it made me think hard about not remembering when I smiled last. Then I remembered, the last time I smiled was the day they took me from the skate park. I used to go to the skate park everyday just to get away from my dad. I wasn't very good with my board, but I managed to pull off a couple of tricks with it. I really didn't talk much to the other kids; most of them were older than me and paid me little attention. They left me alone and I left them alone. There was a group of them that were there every day, the same six or seven that would nod a polite hello to me.

These six or seven kids kind of owned the skate park, they ran the show, and they said who could skate and who could take a hike. I was one of the lucky ones that they let skate every day. So that's why I kept to myself, I didn't want to give them any reason to tell me to take a hike. Because being at the park all day with no one to talk to was better than dealing with my drunk dad all the time.

Looking back I realize my dad wasn't so bad, he was just drunk all the time. Whenever he was home he was drunk or passed out, or he was drunk and spouting off about anything and everything. And I do mean anything, one minute he'd be go on and on about the welfare system, the next he would gripe about how they don't make bar soap the same as they used to. Dad was out of work, had been for almost 2 years, living off of his unemployment made things tight. All my clothes were ratty and most of them came from the goodwill, or clothing drives at the church. Food was pretty scarce at the house, we weren't starving but we didn't have meals to eat either. Mostly we lived off of cold sandwiches and cereal. It's the other stuff that most people take for granted that we were always out of. Stuff like deodorant, and toothpaste, and unfortunately toilet paper. Gross I know, not having toilet paper is in fact gross. I'm sure you can imagine finding things to use as a replacement, coffee filters, junk mail, even ripped up cloths.

Sometimes I would get angry at my dad because part of the reason we didn't have most of the things we needed was because most of the money was spent on booze. So yeah I would get angry, but I never said anything to him. I knew how hard it was remembering mom, I knew how hard it was trying to forget what happened. So no, I never said anything to him, I just let him drink.

So as much as my life at home with dad seemed pretty shitty, dad was never mean to me. Yeah I had to do everything, laundry, food shopping, keeping the house clean, all that stuff, but dad never hit me or yelled at me. To be honest I probably didn't even have to do all of that stuff, but if I didn't who would? If I did buy groceries we wouldn't have anything to eat. If I didn't drag our clothes to the laundry mat once a week, we would be turning our dirty underwear inside more than once. My god, if I didn't at least make a sweep through the house once a day to collect all the beer cans in a month's time we would be up to our ankle in them. So if I didn't do all those things then who would? Certainly not my dad. When dad went on one of his rants about random things he rarely even cared if I was listening. He would sit in the living room sipping his beer and rant for hours at a time, most of the time I was in my room trying not to hear him, but he would just keep talking.

One day when the park was particularly full of kids I notice a guy sitting on one of the benches. He was maybe 22 or 23 and he just sat there watching all the kids skate. He wasn't there every day but, on the days where the park seemed to have a high number of kids, he was always there. Sometimes I'd see him talk to some of the kids, kids like me, the ones that just wanted out of the house but never really talked to the other kids. One day he came over and picked me up off the ground after a majorly failed attempt at a trick ended with me grinding a few layers of skin off of my knee.

He said his name was "James but everybody calls me Jimmy", and I said hello "James but everybody calls me Jimmy" my names Jace. I was trying to make a joke, he caught on and he laughed, I laughed with him. Over the next couple of weeks I spent a lot of time talking to Jimmy, he was nice, he would ask me questions about my life, questions about my family. I thought he was just trying to get to know me, trying to be my friend, I couldn't have been more wrong.

It was a Thursday, late evening, and it was just starting to get dark. There weren't many kids at the park that day anyhow, but by the time the evening sun was beginning to set even the regulars had set off for home. Normally I would have been on my way home by that time too but Jimmy and I were heavy in conversation about music. I loved music; I still do, so if you get me talking about it I can lose hours to the conversation of music. We were right in the middle of a friendly debate about the band AC/DC, and who was a better vocalist, Bon Scott or Brian Johnson. Before we could agree to disagree on the subject a sleek black Lincoln Navigator pull up right in front of where we were sitting.

Living in Pittsburgh having something like this happen goes with the territory. The scumbag drug dealers don't see you as anything other than money in their pockets. They will sell their drugs to anyone, regardless of age. The Lincoln was totally blacked out, rims, lights, windows, everything was black. Jimmy and I sit and wait for one of the black windows to roll down, and we wait for usual load of bullshit you get from dealers. You know: Hey kid you get high? Hey kid you got any money? Hey kid once you try my rock you won't want rock from anyone else.

Instead of the window rolling down, both doors on the passenger's side open and Jimmy and I both have assault riffle's pointed at us. Now growing up in Pittsburgh I've seen a lot of stuff, but this was the first time I have ever had a gun pointed at me. I won't be ashamed to admit that I was scared, I was scared enough that had I needed to go to the bathroom I probably would have wet my pants. So yeah I was scared, I raised my hands in the air and said: "look man we don't want any trouble. You can have my money, I only go two bucks though, but it's your if you want it."

They told me to shut my mouth and to get in the car. As I slowly rise to my feet trying to come up with a plan to get the hell out there I can't help but notice that the two men holding the guns are only really point them at me, they are only looking at me. I steal a quick glance at Jimmy who is standing next to me with one of his hands in his pockets and he has an almost bored look on his face. How the hell is he not scared? How can he stand there looking bored, like he's just casually waiting for the morning bus or something? I realize at this point Jimmy must know these men, but none of it makes sense to me, none of it sinks in. Not until I feel Jimmy's fingers wrap around my arm and begin to push me towards the open door of the car.

It hits me like a ton of bricks all at once, it hits me hard, I can almost hear the rush of air that escapes my lungs as reality sets in. Jimmy does know them. But why are they taking me? What could they possibly want from me? I'm not a bad kid, I don't cause trouble, I know when to mind my business. What do they want from me? I stay quite as I ride in the dark car for what feels like an hour. We probably didn't really drive that far mileage wise considering traffic in Pittsburgh is a nightmare for making good time to get anywhere. Heck most parts of the city you're better off walking, or at least taking the bus. Those city bus drivers can be ruthless when it comes to snaking their way through the crowded streets. I was born and raised in Pittsburgh, we moved quite a few times in my 13 years but we always stayed in the city, and all my life we never had a car. Mom and dad always use the buses to get around.

I don't like the bus, my mother was murdered when I was 8 years old on one of those buses. Eight years old and I watched some crack head shoot my mother in the face, shot her in the face because she smiled at him. My mother was just one of those people who could see beauty in everything and in everyone. So yeah one day we are on our way home from the supermarket sitting on the bus with our groceries, and this crack head shoots my mother. I don't like the bus. I walk, or I ride my board if I need to get somewhere.

The car comes to a stop and I am pushed out and shoved through a door down a back ally that I don't recognize. We come to a stop just inside the door and one of the guys with a gun pointed at me lowers his weapon and pulls a wad of money from his pocket. Then he hands the wad of money to Jimmy and tells him: "Nice work Jimmy, this one's a real looker, you did good." I can't keep quiet any longer and I risk getting shot in the face like my mother as I ask Jimmy what's going on.

Jimmy tells me how sorry he is that he had to do this to me. He tells me he has bills to pay. He tells me he has to put food on the table and has to pay for his mother's medicine. I ask him what all that had to do with me. I told him I thought he was my friend. Jimmy said: "Sure kid, sure I'm your friend, and right now I need you to be a good friend to me and listen to everything they tell you. If you are a good kid and you listen, things won't be that bad for you." Then Jimmy walked out the door and I never saw him again. It was a Thursday, it was a Thursday the day my life changed forever. Being there in that hell hole for a year messed me up in the head for a while. Hell I think I'll always be messed up in the head in one way or another, but I refuse to let what happened to me behind those closed doors cripple me for the rest of my life.


	7. Chapter 7

GRAPHIC WARNING! THIS NEXT CHAPTER AND MANY TO FOLLOW FROM THIS POINT ON WILL CONTAIN VERY GRAPHIC AND DISTRUBING CONTENT. JUST A REMINDER THAT THIS STORY IS INTENDED FOR MATURE READERS ONLY. PLEASE ENJOY THIS NEXT CHAPTER AND PLEASE BE SURE TO TAKE A QUICK MINUTE TO WRITE A REVIEW.

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 7 JACE'S POV

I've been driving for almost 4 hours, and for those 4 hours I have managed to keep my mind off the fact that she's in the trunk. I hate that she's in there, I don't want her in there. I want her here in the car where she can be warm. Here in the car where I can see her. I want to be able to look in the rearview mirror and see her pretty face as I drive. Here so I can watch her sleep. Here so I can see her pretty red hair lay across her freckled cheek as she sleeps. Yes, to watch her sleep and pretend that she is having sweet dreams, sweat dreams and not the nightmare that she is living in right now. I know I am being selfish by wanting these things, what I should want is for her to not be here at all. I should want for her to have not been in that bank yesterday. I should want her to be home, sleeping in her bed where she is safe and warm.

She is not home in her bed, and she certainly isn't warm. The poor thing is probably freezing in that trunk. Now as far as her being safe, I will do everything in my power to keep her safe. The moment I carried her limp body into the van after Mark shot the blond woman in the head in the bank, I didn't think for one second I would have to keep her safe the way I know I now must. I figured we were just getting the hell out of there and that the only reason we took the red haired girl was just for our own protection. Protection in case anyone tried to stop us from fleeing the scene. I just thought we would drive away and eventually drop her off at a bus stop or in a grocery store parking lot.

I should want her to be far away from all of this, but I am being selfish, I want her here. I want her here with me, I want to hold her in my arms. I want to talk to her, to ask her about who she is. Ask her why she lied about her age. Seeing the way Mark looks at her pretty much answers the question of why she lied about her age. Maybe she thought if she told him she was so young that it would protect her from him. If it weren't for finding her photo ID that had her date of birth printed on it I would have probably believed her when she said she was only 13. She could definitely pull it off, she's just a tiny little thing. She's short, barely over the five foot mark, and everything about her is tiny. She has tiny little fingers, a tiny little nose, a tiny little waist, and tiny little feet. So yeah she could definitely pass for 13.

Hell most 13 year old girls, I mean actual 13 year old girls don't even look 13. Most 13 year old girls look like they could pass for 16, disturbing I know but it's true. Between all the growth hormones that are pumped into the meat you buy from the grocery stores causing them to develop early and pressure to be socially accepted it's no wonder it's hard to tell whether you are look and a 13 year old girl or a 16 year old girl. So being 17 myself, I have learned your best bet is to not just ask a girl her age, but if it is at all possible get solid proof.

Last year I started seeing this girl, she told me she was 16 like I was. I made the terrible mistake of believing her. Thank god her dad drug me out of her bed before anything criminal happened, because guess what the girl was not 16, nope she was only that magic age of 13. I still shudder to this day at the thought of anything actually happening between the two of us. I'm not completely innocent though, I did put my hand up her shirt a few times and, I spent a lot of time with my tongue in her mouth.

So yeah I can understand why Clary would want to lie about her age. She saw the way Mark looked at her. I would have never guessed in a million years that I would have to worry about Mark hurting a 15 year old girl, especially a 15 year old girl that lied and said she was only 13.

Yet her telling Mark that she was only 13 didn't do anything to stop him from leering at her. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the way he looks at her, he's 27 for Christ sakes. The truth is I'm 17 and Clary is only 15 and if it weren't for figuring out the math and realizing we are actually only a little over a year apart, since I just turned 17 and she is almost 16, I would feel guilty for looking at her. I might look at her but I don't leer at her the way Mark does. I look at her like any teenage boy would look at pretty teenage girl. Mark looks at her like those sickos at the club used to look at me. He looks at Clary with a sick, hungry, and almost predatory look in his eye. Oh god, and the way he says her name, the way he drawls out the "s", it sends chills up my spine and makes my stomach roll.

Remembering that I still have Clary's photo ID in my jacket pocket, I carefully pull it out and look at her pretty smiling face. Most girls will spend hours putting on make-up and torturing their hair on a daily basis as it is, but if they know they have to get their picture taken, well then they spend double time prettying themselves. Clary on the other hand isn't that kind of girl, just looking at her ID card proves that much.

Her hair is in a messy pile at the crown of her head and she isn't wearing a stitch of make-up, yet her eyes are sparkling and her smile is bright and happy. This Clary, the one in the picture that I'm holding, this is who she is every day. Simple and carefree, and just, well just beautiful.

I take one more look at her pretty green eyes before slipping her ID back into my jacket pocket. Those green eyes of hers, I know those green eye will be the only thing I see when I try to close my eyes and get some much needed sleep in a few hours. Those green eyes are alert with wonder, yet filled with knowledge at the same time. Clary's eyes tell me that she understands more than most people do. Her eyes tell me that she can hear my silent words of caution when I look at her.

My mind keeps taking me back to the scene inside the van when I got back from the food run. Seeing her lying there on the floor, she looked so small and fragile as she lay there crying. When I pulled her into my arms and she started sobbing, loud heartbreaking sobs, the darkest of thoughts were running through my mind. I know Mark was lying about what really happened. What I can't understand is why didn't she tell me what happened. She could have told me the truth, she could have even lied to me about what happened, but she completely avoided the question all together. Instead she just said she wanted to go home which is the truth, I know she wants to go home. The questions are still in my head. What happened in those 18 minutes that I was gone? So much could have happened, 18 minutes is enough time to….

I want to shake the image of Mark doing those things to her, but they keep flashing hard and fast. If it did happen, why wouldn't she tell me? Is it because she's embarrassed or ashamed? Maybe she is just trying to be strong, maybe nothing happened at all. I keep telling myself over and over that it didn't happen, that Mark didn't rape Clary in those 18 minutes that I was gone, but the images won't clear out of my head. After the shit I went through in the club, it's hard not to let my thoughts go to the worst of situations. Sometimes I can still taste his blood in my mouth when I let myself remember that night.

I was playing Russian Roulette with my own life that night; but so much had already happened to me, so much had been done. The innocent and carefree child that I was the day I was shoved through that door was dead and gone by the end of the night. So a little over a year after that first night I got tired of fighting. I was tired of being covered in bruises; I was tired of seeing the bath water dyed red from my blood. The last night I was there was the final straw for me when he came into my room. I was tired, and I was sore, but that didn't stop him from sliding his filthy naked body against mine.

I was still in what they called the training phase, but the other boys called it the breaking phase. Breaking phase, yes this made more sense to me than the term training phase. They said I needed to be trained, to be trained to be a good boy. The truth is what they really were trying to do was break me. Most of my so called training was handled with extreme violence, so much violence that to this day I still feel a dull ache from the scars.

That last night was a turning point for me because when he slithered up my body he was different than all the other times. He told me that he was sorry for not realizing what I needed sooner. He told me he was going to try to be nicer about my training. He told me I was the most beautiful boy that he had ever seen. He told me he had customers eagerly waiting for my training to be complete so that they could pay the highest dollar just to be with me. He told me most boys are done with training within the first 60 to 90 days. He told me how frustrating it was that I had been there for over a year and am no closer to completing training than I was the first day. He told me how frustrating it was to invest time and money into me for so long without receiving any revenue for more than a year.

His voice was soft as silk that night as he had my body crushed into the mattress. The entire time he was speaking to me his hands stroked my hair. I'm not sure why I didn't fight him the second his skin touched me that night. Maybe it was because he was acting different. Maybe it's because I was beginning to break after all. So I let him touch me, and I stayed still has he spoke those words to me. He asked me if I wanted him to turn on some music. He told me he knew how much I loved listening to music and that maybe if he played some for me it would relax me. I thought maybe I could just focus on music, and get lost in it, get lost until he was finished with me.

I recognized the song immediately; the song was Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran, a song that I loved. My first thought was yes I can get lost listening to this. My second thought was I will forever associate this night with that song. That's when I snapped, I refused to let them take my music from me. They already took everything else from me I would not allow them to have my music. To think that for a moment I actually was telling myself to stop fighting, to stop fighting and just be broken by them. Hearing Ed's beautiful voice in my ears made me want to fight one more time. Yes I was going to fight to the death that night, because if I let them take one more thing from me I would have wanted death anyhow. I waited for him to get close to me, he told me to lick my lips and to take him in my mouth. I took my time, slowly licking my lips as I looked him in the eyes until that last second. I took him in my mouth and I bit down hard.

You know how when an alligator bites down they don't stop applying pressure until their teeth touch? That night I was an alligator, I sunk my teeth so hard into him that my mouth was filled with his blood. I can still hear him screaming. He was hitting my face and head with everything he had in him, but I just kept my teeth clamped down. Finally he was able to kick me hard enough in my stomach that I gaged and released him. He ran from my room with my bed sheet pressed to his front. I spit his blood out of my mouth with a smile as I saw that white sheet rapidly become a deep red color.

After he left I crawled onto my bed and listened to Ed sing about falling in love. I lay there waiting for my death, because surely after what I had just done there would be no more me. I lay there silently praying that they make it a quick death. Maybe they will slit my throat or maybe they will shoot me in the back of head. Before I could finish my silent pray, and before I could hear the end of the song, two of the goons entered my room.

The club had about a dozen security guards that were there to supposedly keep all the boys safe. They might have kept the boys safe from the paying customers, but it never stopped the guards from taking what they want from us. See part of the payment system for the security was they got freebees if you catch my drift. So that night two of them came into my room, they broke what was left of me. For a 14 year old kid I was strong and I was fast so it was pretty easy to fight off one guy. Two guys, two guys that got paid to lift weights for a living, I didn't stand a chance. They first beat the living shit out of me; they knew how squirrely I was so they beat me until my body was exhausted. After they beat me, out came the duct tape. They taped my mouth shut, they taped my wrist together, and they taped my ankles to the end of the bed. After I was secured by the tape, they both had their turns with me.

Halfway through the first goons turn the blood from my busted lips and the screams that I fought so hard to contain caused the tape to fall off my mouth. I couldn't stop screaming the pain was too much, I screamed to the end. Once they were done raping me they ripped the tape off of my wrist and ankles. Then they dressed me in a pair of basketball shorts before dragging me by the hair and tossing me out the back door. I managed to crawl across the alley and hide behind the dumpster, where I remained until Mark found me.

I often wonder what would have happened to me if he hadn't found me that night. My first instinct was to run when Mark approached me, but he seemed so concerned about me, and the fact that he somehow knew where I had come from kept me from running. So when he extended his hand I took it. He could have very well have been one of the customers from inside, or could have been something worse even, but I was so broken by then I didn't care.

The past 3 years that I lived with Mark has been quite the rollercoaster. I'm not a doctor but I'm extremely confident when I say I believe Mark suffers from some sort of mental disorder and that he could probably benefit greatly from regular medication and a few years of therapy. Honestly I could probably benefit from a little therapy myself, but hey we all have our demons right? The difference between my demons and Marks demons is that Mark doesn't think there is anything wrong with him, therefore he will never get therapy and he will never take medication. I'm only 17, just a kid yet really, I still have lots of time to deal with my demons.

What do they say in those rehab centers and AA meeting about the first step is to admit you have a problem? I have no problem admitting to my demons, but I guess I'm just trying to work them out on my own first. If in a few years the demons are still slinking through my dreams, well yeah then I'll give therapy a shot. In the meantime I'll just keep trying my own form of rehabilitation by listening to music and going for long runs. Mostly I run at night. When I first started running at night I thought it was because it was quite and because the sidewalks and alleyways were mostly empty, giving me plenty of space to move through the city. By the end of the first week, I realized I wasn't running at night for the space and the peace and quiet. I wasn't even using the sidewalks that often, I spent most of my time running up and down all the dark alleyways. I realized I was unconsciously searching for broken boys behind dumpsters, not just boys, no I was searching for one boy in particular. I was searching for my 14 year old self. I thought if I could find him, I could tell him he was going to make it, tell him to just hang in there, tell him that someday he won't be broken.

By quarter till six in the morning we have made it as far as Walton Kentucky, and I pull into a mostly empty rest area and shake Mark awake. We each take turns using the restroom before examining the map for a more private place to stop so that Clary can go to the bathroom.

Mark is driving while I give him the directions as I read the map. Twenty minutes later we are driving on a dirt road that is surrounded by nothing but trees. Mark finds a small clearing and stops the car. He reclines the driver's seat back, pulls his ball cap down over his eye, and then tells me to wake him up when she's done.

Part of me wants to run to the back of the car and unlock the trunk as quick as I can. Part of me wants to continue to sit in the passenger seat out of fear that I might find her frozen like an ice cube. I get out of the car and walk calmly to the rear of the car and count to 3 before I slide the key into the trunk lock. At first I am relieved to see her blinking the early morning sun from her eyes. But with a closer look my crazy thought about finding an ice cube turned out to not be so crazy after all.


	8. Chapter 8

SPECIAL TREAT FOR YOU ALL TODAY THIS IS THE SECOND CHAPTER I HAVE POSTED IN ONE DAY. THANKS FOR READING. PLEASE REMEMBER TO REVIEW.

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 8 BACK TO CLARY'S POV

I CAN'T SEE! I'M BLINDED BY LIGHT! OH GOD THIS IS THAT WHITE LIGHT NEAR DEATH SURVIORS ALWAYS TALK ABOUT. I don't want to be dead but I realize that I must be, my frantic thoughts about freezing to death have come true. I squeeze my eyes tight for a second and blink a few time before I see a pair of gold eyes burning into my green ones.

"Dear god Clary! Your lips are blue, oh shit so are you fingers! Come one let's get you in where it's warm."

Jace doesn't bother waiting to see if I can move on my own, which by the way I really don't think I can, he just scoops me into his arm and almost runs to the back door of the car. I feel him shuffle me awkwardly as he tries to open the door. A low growl escapes from his throat, and then he kicks the door hard so that Mark will unlock the door. A moment later I can feel delicious heat washing over my body. At first it feels too hot, an almost suffocating hot, but I realize it's my body adjusting to the extreme temperature change. I shivered in the trunk for so long that every part of me is in pain, even my teeth hurt. I am so tired, I wanted to sleep so badly in that trunk. I did manage to fall asleep for a little while when the car first started moving, but it only felt like a few minute before I started to get cold. I spent what felt like days trying to stay warm, trying to control my shivering, and trying my best to sleep, but I know it wasn't days, it was only hours.

"I don't give a shit what you say Mark, she is not going back in that trunk!"

"Awe what's wrong? Is the little baby cold?"

"COLD! COLD? She is half frozen you idiot! Look at her lips! Look at her fingers! Listen to her teeth chattering! She is so much more than cold."

"Alright, alright calm the hell down Jace."

Mark is trying to contain his laughter, I am trying to contain my chattering teeth, and Jace is trying to control his rage. Jace's heart is beating rapidly and his breathing is harsh and ragged as he speaks through clenched teeth. Yes Jace is raging right now as he has me cradled warmly in his arms. The fingers on his left hand are knotted in my hair and the fingers on his right hand are griping my jacket so tight his knuckles are white. I can feel the anger rolling off his body, yet I feel safe in his arms. The complete conviction in his words makes me understand how much he really does care about what happens to me.

"I'll calm down when you promise me that, that's the last time she rides in the trunk!"

"Look I won't make a promise I can't keep. But how about this, she can ride in here with us as much as possible."

"Nope, not good enough, she will not go back in the trunk do you hear me?"

"What about when we have to stop? What about going through toll booths? What about getting stuck in traffic in broad daylight? Come on Jace you need to understand where I'm coming from here. Our first priority is to protect ourselves and to keep a low profile."

As much as I hate to admit it, Mark is making valid points. Going through traffic and toll booths with a red haired girl tied up in the back seat might raise some suspicion. Plus he is right about making stops, it's not like we can all go in and have a grand slam breakfast at Denny's with my wrist tied up. God knows I don't want to go back in that cold trunk, but I don't see how Jace is going to be able to talk Mark out of it.

"I already had some time to think this through Mark. First of all we will be avoiding any and all toll booths because that's just too risky. Secondly, I was thinking it would be smarter if we didn't drive in the daylight any more than we have to..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a damn minute here. What do you mean we shouldn't drive in the daylight? Do you have any idea how long it's going to take us to get to Mexico City if we only drive at night? A big and I do mean big part of the reason I had you do this with me is so we can both drive. With us both driving we should be drinking Tequila by Monday afternoon."

"Think about it though Mark we spent almost a year planning this out. We have made how many trips from Pittsburgh to the boarder. We made sure to buy 4 separate vehicles that we paid cash for over the course of a year. We have a shitty house trailer out in the middle of nowhere just in case we need to lie low for a while. We did good, it's a good plan, all I'm saying is that maybe we shouldn't be in such a hurry to get to Mexico City. Think about it we just robbed a bank less than 24 hours ago. You just executed a woman on camera and in front of 3 witnesses. I'm on that same camera, the same camera that shows me dragging Clary out the door. That woman you killed is a big problem because the media will eat that shit up. I can hear it now the headlines will read something like: "Beautiful, young, mother of 3, bank teller such and such had her whole life ahead of her when she was murdered." Don't even get me start on the shit storm that will go down because we took Clary. Think Mark. Think. Armed robbery, murder, and kidnapping. That's life in prison man, fucking life in prison. We messed up, it wasn't supposed to go like that, we weren't supposed to hurt anyone, we were only supposed to get the money and get the hell out of there. Why Mark? Why did you have to shoot her?"

"Fuck that blond bitch. Why do you even care about her? You didn't even know her. Oh wait a minute, I get it now. What's wrong Jace did she remind you of your mommy? It makes sense she was blond like your mother, and she looks like she was about the right age as you mother when that crack head blew her brains all over you."

Jace's mother was murdered? When? Did Jace really have his mother's brains all over him? These questions are running through my brain, but there is something more important running through my brain. What I now realize is that they might actually be able to pull this off. They might actually get safely across the border and all the way into Mexico City. They just spent the last year carefully planning this whole thing. Just them purchasing several get away cars was a smart idea, I'm sure the police are still searching for that silver van. My heart begins to crumble at this realization because all this time I was unconsciously hoping that the police would find us. If we get to Mexico they are just going to toss me out in the middle of nowhere. As much as I hate being held captive by these two, the thought of the wrong people finding me in Mexico frightens me to death. Endless scenarios swirl in my head and before I can stop them, tears begin to stream down my face.

"Stop it Mark. Stop trying to piss me off. Stop talking about my mother. Stop trying to change the subject. We are not driving in the fucking daylight unless we absolutely have to, it's not smart, and it isn't going to allow us to keep a low profile. Look if we are careful we can still be over the border within a week's time. We need to slow down; we need to be smart about this. If we make a b-line to Mexico in a rush we are going to mess up, we are going to get caught, and we will go to prison."

"Alright kid you make a good point. We only drive through the night. We will only put the girl in the trunk when we have to. Happy now?"

"No, I'm not happy now. How many times do I have to say it Mark? SHE IS NOT GOING BACK IN THAT TRUNK!"

"Fine, fuck Jace stop yelling, calm the hell down! Okay I promise that she doesn't have to ride in the trunk anymore. But what are we going to do about stopping for food and gas. What if she's got to take a shit or something? Someone's going to notice that we are traveling with a tied up girl."

"We will just have to untie her then."

"Yeah sure Jace and maybe she can take a shift of driving for us too. You are concerning yourself with that girl way too much. I get it, she's smoking hot, she makes me stiff in my jeans too kid, but you need to stop thinking with your dick and focus on what we need to do."

Hearing Mark say those filthy things makes me want to vomit. I knew what I could see in his eyes when he looked at me. I know what probably would have happened yesterday in that van had Jace not come back. But hearing him say the words out loud makes is so real. I'm so scared of him, so scared than with my tied hands I grip the front of Jace's jacked and bury my face into his shoulder and begin to cry loudly. I feel Jace's fingers leave my hair and he loosens his grip on my jacket and I think he might hug me or rub my back, but instead he grips my shoulders hard and pulls me away from his body so that his face is right in front of mine. His words are cold and painful to hear.

"Stop crying Clary! Stop it, no one is hurting you. No one is going to hurt you. You need to listen to me now. LOOK AT ME CLARY! You don't have to ride in the trunk anymore. I am going to untie you, and you will behave yourself. So help me god Clary if you fuck this up I will kill you. Do you understand me? I will not go to prison because of you, I will kill you and shoot myself before I let them put me in jail. I'm sorry you're scared. I'm sorry we had to take you, but I promise nothing will happen to you if you just co-operate with us."

I HATE HIM. I WANT HIS FILTHY HANDS OFF OF ME. I don't want to die and I don't want to go back in that trunk. What was I thinking? What kind of fantasy was my mind beginning to imagine about Jace turning over a new leaf. About Jace suddenly realizing how wrong this all is. About Jace being my saving grace and letting me go. He doesn't care about me. He only cares about himself, himself and his freedom. My tears are now gone, I'm too angry to cry. I want to spit in his face and tell him to fuck off. I want to jam my knee right between his legs and crush his testicles until they pop. I want to scratch his stupid pretty face with my finger nails, to scratch those gold eyes until he's blind. I do none of these things, not out of fear, but because I want to live. I want to live and I want to go home. So I clear my throat and say:

"I promise I won't do anything to mess things up. I believe you when you say if I co-operate I will get to go home. That's all I want. I don't want to die, and I just want to go home so I promise you to be good. I promise I won't give you any trouble. If you get me a pair of scissors and a box of hair dye I can make that red haired girl disappear. I will do whatever you want me to do, just please don't make me go back in that trunk."

Jace shifts my body off of his lap and set me on the seat next to him and pulls my wrist into his lap. At first Jace starts to work at the knots but his hands are shaking and it proves to be a difficult task for him. He drops my hand and digs into his pants pocket and pulls out his pocket knife. The same pocket knife he used last night to cut the ropes off of my ankles. His fingers still shake as he unfolds the knife, and I worry for a split second if he might accidently cut me. He won't look at me, he keeps his eyes cast down to his lap, keeps them focused on my tied wrists. I can't help but wonder why his hands are shaking. Is it because of what Mark said about his mother? Is it because of the filthy things Mark said, only confirming his suspicions? Or is it because reality is setting in, the reality of going to prison for the rest of his life?

That's a long time to be in prison for someone who is only 17. At the age of 17 he is still considered a child, but the courts will not see him as a child. No the courts will see him as an armed robber, they will see him as a kidnapper, and they will see him as an accessory to murder. That's a lot of heavy shit to weigh down on his pretty blond head. I fight the urge to grin at the thought of him rotting behind bars for the rest of his life. Oh and he is so beautiful too, ha those prisoners will eat him for breakfast. I find that I am no longer angry, now I am happy, yes happy at the dark things that will happen to this pretty golden eyed boy in prison.

Jace squeezes his eyes shut tight for a moment; and with a slight shake of his head and a small sigh he opens his eyes and cuts the ropes from my wrist. As soon as the rope falls free from my wrist I snatch my hands off of his lap as though his lap were a bed of hot coals. I catch Jace steal a quick sideways glance in my direction as he returns his knife to his pocket.

"Alright here's the plan, Do you remember seeing that Rite-Aid just before we turned off the Highway Mark?"

"Yeah I remember. I remember because there was a Dunkin Donuts right beside it and I really wanted to stop and get some coffee."

"Clary and I will stay here, and you are going to go to Rite-Aid and buy some scissors and some hair dye, don't get anything permanent though, get something that will wash out. Then when you're done doing that go over and get us all some coffee and maybe some donuts if you want."

"What are you going to do while I'm gone? It's probably going to take me almost an hour before I come back."

"We are going to take a little walk in the woods; just far enough that if someone comes down this road they won't see us. I'll make sure I can see the road though. So when you get back just park the car and wait for us."

"Okay what color?"

"What? Oh you mean the hair dye. Clary what color do you want?"

"Probably just brown will be fine, but nothing to dark, we don't want it to look like I dyed my hair. I'm too pale to have dark hair so just get something in the middle."

"You got all that Mark?"

"Yeah I got it."

"Repeat it back to me, just to be safe."

"Brown hair dye; not to dark, not too light, "something in the middle" brown hair dye, scissors, coffee and "if I want" some donuts. I'm not a complete idiot Jace."

"I never said you were, but you did forget something."

"No I didn't. What the hell did I forget?"

"Make sure the dye is the kind that will come out after a couple of washes."

"I remembered that part I just forgot to repeat it back to you. Can I go now?"

"Yes, and when you get back I will have our next move planned out. Do me a favor get the map and the travel guide out of the glove box."

Mark hands him the items Jace asked for and turns to us both with a dark look in his eyes.

"You better not be fucking me Jace. Promise me you won't let her fuck this up for us."

Jace reaches behind his back and pulls out his gun, he checks the magazine and takes the safety off before saying.

"You don't have anything to worry about Mark. I won't let this little girl fuck anything up, I'll shoot her right between the eyes if she so much as breathes too hard."

Jace points the gun at me and tells me to get out of the car and to start walking into the woods. Before Jace is completely out of the car he says:

"I mean it Clary, if you try anything you're fucking done."

I slowly walk into the woods, taking point, as I hear Jace's footsteps close behind. I keep repeating the things he said to me in the back of the car. I keep feeling his fingers digging into my shoulders as he shook my body. I keep seeing the look in his eyes, and I feel so confused. I'm confused because I heard the sharp tone to his voice, and I felt his tight grip on my body. What I am having trouble understanding is the look in his eyes, his eyes didn't match his tone or his tight grip. No his eyes look at me as though they were trying to tell me something completely different from what his mouth was saying. I can't help but jump the slightest bit when I hear Jace's soft voice, not harsh like it was in the car, but soft as he says:

"You can stop walking now Clary, were far enough in that no one will notice us."

I stop walking but I remain standing with my back to him. I don't want to risk getting shot just for turning around so I wait for him to tell me to either turn around or to sit down. His words come again; softer this time, but there is something else in his tone. Regret? Sorrow? Pain? But why?

"Clary will you please turn around and look at me? Please?"


	9. Chapter 9

HERE IS THE NEXT CHAPTER FOR YOU TO READ. PLEASE BE SURE TO TAKE A QUICK MINUTE TO REVIEW.

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 9

I slowly raise my hands, and even slower begin to turn around to face Jace, expecting to see that gun pointed in my face. When I am facing him I don't see the gun. Jace is just standing there with his hand in his pockets, his shoulders are slack, and his whole demeanor seems at ease. The sad frown on his face and the pained look in his eyes however tell a different story.

"I'm sorry I had to talk to you like that, sorry I pointed the gun at you, and I am sorry for threatening to shoot you. There's no need to be scared. I put the gun away. I would never shoot you Clary; please believe me when I tell you that."

"I don't understand. You told me you would shoot me between the eyes if I so much as breathed too hard. Now you are trying to tell me that I don't need to worry. Now you are trying to tell me that you would never shoot me. What am I supposed to believe here Jace?"

Jace and I had been standing about 5 feet apart during our conversation, but at my question, he slowly walks closer to me. Now he is just inches away; close enough that I could reach out and stroke his sharp cheek bones. Close enough that I could run my fingers through his messy blond hair. Close enough to run my thumb across his bottom lip, that lip that is cast down into a sad frown. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I thinking about touching him like that? As I am mentally asking myself these questions, Jace slowly raises his hand and gently lifts my chin up so that I am looking right into his eyes.

"Please Clary; please believe me when I tell you I would never shoot you. Not between your pretty green eyes, not in the back of the head, not anywhere. Please believe me when I tell you that I will never hurt you Clary. Please believe me when I tell that I will do everything in my power to keep you safe."

His touch is so gentle, his words are soft and pleading and his eyes are full of sincerity. This explains my earlier confusion. He must have just been putting on some kind of show for Mark. He must want Mark to think that he doesn't care about me, no not the way his eyes are now telling me how much he cares. Why though? Why this Jekyll and Hyde act? Jace's fingers remain under my chin and his eyes are burning into my eyes as he waits for my response.

"I believe you…."

I can barely whisper those three words as I look into his eyes; they are so intense, yet so gentle. Jace drops his hand from my chin and lets out a loud sigh. I find myself sad at the loss of his touch, sad at the loss of our intense eye contact.

"Thank you Clary. Thank you for believing me."

"Can I ask you something Jace?"

"You can ask, but I might not be able to tell you the answer. There are things you don't understand. Things I can't tell you, not now anyhow."

"Why did you put on that show for Mark? I mean what was the point?"

Jace surprises me when I see the corner of his mouth turn up into a quick grin before he answers my questions.

"I need to put on a show for him. I need him to think that the only reason that I am concerned for you is for _our _benefit. He is the one that keeps talking about you being our insurance policy. I need him to think that I am keeping my head in the game. I need him to understand that your safety is part of our priority so that we can use you to get to Mexico if we have to."

"So if all of that is true then why is there a difference?"

"What do you mean by difference?"

"Well I mean keeping me safe and healthy would be the smart thing to do in theory, but I still don't understand why he thinks I am some kind of get out of jail free card. How exactly does he plan on using me for protection if it comes to that?"

"Now I'm only guessing here Clary, but I think Mark's idea is to maybe hold you for ransom in some way. Like maybe if the cops are getting hot on our trail he can contact your parents and use your life to get us into Mexico."

Hearing this, I am finding it hard not to burst into fits of laughter. Mark is in for a big surprise if he thinks that plan could work. Normally something like that would work if they had kidnapped any other girl; but they kidnapped me, and I have no parents. My life is not important to anyone. I doubt that anyone is even making a stand for my safe return home. Maybe Simon would if he bothered to watch the news or read the paper. Knowing Simon, he probably just thinks I flaked out on him. As far as my current foster "parents" are concerned, I had only been with them for a little less than two weeks before I was taken. In those two weeks they barely said ten words to me. Fostering me is just a paycheck to them; and if they don't bother to report me as missing they can just keep cashing their monthly checks.

"Jace I don't have parents, I never did, my birth mother was a teenage prostitute. I have been in and out of countless foster homes my entire life. I have no one; there is no one to bargain with."

His eyes are so sad. I wish he wouldn't look at me like that, I don't want his pity. I can't stand it when people take pity on me. Yes it's true that no one, not counting Simon, cares about me; but I don't want pity. I refuse to allow the fact that I'm nothing more than a ghost to the outside world define me as a person. I don't want to be known as Clarissa Fray the orphan that nobody wants. I want to be known as Clarissa Fray the girl who beat the odds, the girl who did something with her life, the girl who refused to become another statistic.

"I'm so sorry Clary, I didn't know…"

"Don't look at me like that."

"Look at you like what?"

"With pity, don't pity me, I don't want that. Yes I am an orphan, and no, no one gives two shits about me; but I am not a pity case, I am Clary and I will do something with my life. So just stop, stop looking at me like that."

His eyes change from a look of pity to a look of pain. He raises his hand as though he is going to touch me, but he quickly drops it back to his side as he whispers:

"I care about you…."

"You only care about me for your own needs. You only care about me because I may not know you Jace, but I can see it in your eyes; you're not a bad person, you're just some kid that has gotten himself mixed up in a bad situation, but that doesn't make you a bad person. I can see that you couldn't stand the thought of having my blood on your hands. No, you don't want my death weighing on your conscience."

"What you just said, all of it, it's true. I don't feel like a bad person, and you're absolutely right in thinking that I don't want your death on my conscience. What you're wrong about is I do care. I care about you. I wish the reason why you were brought into my life wasn't because I kidnapped you from a bank. I wish that I had met you at the mall on a rainy Saturday afternoon, or in some coffee shop. I wish we were just two teenagers that saw something in each other's eyes; something that made us have a connection, something that made us want to spend time with each other. Time to talk about ourselves. To find out what we have in common, to find out if we like the same music, the same food. To be able to just be normal awkward teenagers."

"What makes you think that we have some sort of connection? What makes you think we could ever be normal awkward teenagers Jace? You are 17 and I'm only…"

"You're 15 Clary, actually you are closer to 16, but you already know that I knew that. Do you know why you already knew that? You already knew that because we do have a connection. You and I can almost have unspoken conversations just by looking into each other's eyes. You're eyes told me why you lied about your age to Mark. Just like my eyes told you not to show him your fear, not to let him feed off of it. So don't stand there and try to tell me we don't have a connection Clary. I know you feel it too."

"How did you know how old I was?"

Jace reaches into his inside jacket pocket and pulls out my photo ID.

"I found this inside your savings account register, it slipped out of your pocket when I put you in the van."

"It doesn't matter if I am 13 or 25; Mark still looks at me like I'm a piece of meat."

"I saw the way he looked at you before you told him you were only 13, and I saw the way he looked at you after you told him. Telling him you were 13 didn't change anything. It makes me sick the way he looks at you Clary, physically sick. I hate that he said those filthy things about you. I hate the way he says your name. I think I'm starting to hate him all together. I never thought he was that kind of person. I thought we were the same, the same because of what we both went through. But he's not the same as me; no I realize he's just like those sick bastards that he saved me from, the same as those sick bastards that did all the same things to him as they did to me."

Jace's eyes are glassy and distant as he speaks. I can tell he is trying to fight back tears, I can tell he's trying to fight his voice from breaking into sobs. I know I just told him not to look at me with pity in his eyes, but I know that is exactly what he is seeing in mine as I look at him. I want to wrap my arms around him, I want to tell him I am sorry, I want to run my fingers though his hair and whisper soothing things into his ear. I have no idea what he is talking about, what does he mean when he talks about those "sick bastards"? Who are they? What did they do to him? What did they do to Mark? What was that one thing they did different to him and Mark that makes them different? I try to keep my tone neutral and I try to lose the look of pity in my eyes.

"Let's run Jace! Let's just run. I can see you want to, I can tell you want to get away from him. So let's run."

"I can't do that Clary. I want to, god knows I want to. I want to take your hand and run and never look back but I can't do that. I need to get to Mexico; I can't stay in the country. I don't want to go to prison, and if I run away with you right now there is no way I can get to Mexico on my own."

Reality is starting to sink in as I hear his words. I get it he needs Mark to get him to Mexico, and Mark thinks that he needs me to get them both there. Jace and I just stand there in the woods, stand there in the cold, we just stand there and look into each other eyes. His eyes are still glassy with the threat of tears, but they aren't distant or even sad anymore. No his eyes look like they did yesterday in the van. They look like they are trying to decode that foreign language again.

Jace lets a small smile show on his face before he places his hands on my shoulders and spins my body around so that my back is now to him. His hands leave my shoulders and he places one on my lower back and gives me a small shove forward before saying:

"Run Clary. Go I won't try to stop you. Mark won't be back for at least another half an hour, you can be long gone by then. Just try to run in as strait of line as possible. If you stay straight you will be back to the main road in no time where someone will help you."

He's letting me go? Should I run? Is it possible for me to find my way through the woods to the road? Why am I still standing here asking myself these questions? Why am I not running? The answer is simple. I know Mark will kill Jace for letting me go. Mark won't even give it a second thought, he will just pull his gun out and shoot Jace dead on the spot the instant he realizes I am gone. Jace won't have to bother trying to come up with some lie about me escaping; he'll be dead before he can even try to explain my absence.

I don't want Jace to die. I can't have his blood on my hands any more than he could have mine on his. More importantly I can't deny the truth either. The truth is Jace and I do have a connection. Jace and I do have the capability to have unspoken conversations just by looking at each other. No I will not run. I spin around and throw myself at Jace's chest and wrap my arms around his neck. I feel him shift and then his arms are around my waist pressing my body close to his.

"It's alright Clary you don't have to thank me. I don't want you to thank me. I want you to run and don't look back. I want you to forget all about this. I want you to go and live your life and be that Clary; the one who is going to do something with her life. Go, go on and run."

"NO! I won't run. I won't leave you. He is going to kill you if I run. I won't let him do that. I will stay with you and I will protect you from him."

Jace brings his hands up and places one on each side of my face so that I am looking at him.

"You're not running? You want to stay and risk being hurt by him? What makes you think that by staying you can somehow protect me?"

"You just answered one of your own questions Jace. Me staying, me doing everything I'm told to do, that's how I can protect you from him. You promised to keep me safe; this is my way of making that same promise to you. We can protect each other."

Jace doesn't say anything; he keeps his hands pressed gently to my cheeks as he tries to read my eyes.

"You're right Jace. We do have a connection. I will stay. Staying keeps you safe. You can keep me safe. We can do this together. Together you can make it into Mexico where you will be safe."

His lips crash into mine with teeth clattering force. His hands leave my cheeks and his fingers become knotted tightly in my hair. My lips begin to move with the same urgency as his and my fingers slide from the back of his neck and become tangled in his blond hair. This is what it's supposed to feel like to kiss someone. This is what it means to feel an attraction to another person. Complete passion and desire, complete loss of control, a complete feeling of the rest of the world just disappearing. Jace has his body bent down so he can reach my mouth with his, and only our faces are pressed close together. I want to feel more of him, I want to feel his entire body pressed against mine.

I shift my legs so that they are touching his legs in the attempt to have more of his body against mine. Jace seems to take my need into consideration, or maybe he feels the same need. Suddenly his fingers untangle from my hair and are now around my waist as he lifts my body pressing it close to his chest. Before I can really begin to enjoy the feeling of our bodies pressed together; Jace peels us apart and takes a big step backwards, leaving me feeling cold and empty. I reach out to him and begin to step forward but I freeze in place when he raises his hand up as if to say STOP.

"I'm sorry Clary. I shouldn't have kissed you like that."

"I didn't stop you. I wanted you to kiss me. Please don't be sorry. I'm not sorry."

"You wanted me to kiss you?"

"I didn't know I wanted you to kiss me, not until you did, and then I didn't want you to stop kissing me."

Suddenly I feel embarrassed, so embarrassed I can feel my blood flow to my cheeks as I cast my eyes to the ground. I keep my eyes down but I can see Jace moving towards me. Once again his hand gently lifts my chin so our eyes meet. He has the sweetest smile on his face that I can't help returning.

"I didn't want to stop kissing you. Kissing you makes me feel like nothing else matters. But we shouldn't be kissing each other. We can't let our hormones distract us from our situation Clary. We need to focus, and we need to work together. Maybe once we get to Mexico, if you still want me to, I'll kiss you again."

I don't want to wait until we get to Mexico to feel his lips on mine again. I want him to kiss me again, I want him to make everything disappear again with just the touch of his lips. As my hormones begin to subside a question forms in my head.

"What happens once we get to Mexico?"

"Listen to me Clary you don't have to worry. Once I'm across the border the police can't touch me, and I promise I will get you home safe as soon as I can."

"What about Mark?"

"Once we get to Mexico City I will get my share of the money and then I don't ever want to see him again. I'm done with him, I thought I knew him, I thought I could keep him under control when he's having one of his crazy moments. These last 24 hours so much has happened, shit I didn't know he was capable of. He shot that woman without so much as flinching, the way he looks at you, the way he looked at both of us before he left. Last night when he had that gun pointed at us was different, that was just him being crazy. I have seen him like that lots of times, when he starts muttering like that and running his fingers through his hair, that's just him having one of his moments. That's not the first time he's pointed a gun at me. I have always been able to talk him down. But the look in his eye this morning tells me that he will kill me. He will kill me and he will kill you."

"What should we do?"

"We have to work together Clary; which means we have to play the game. If we play our cards right we can win the game. But I'm going to need you to understand how the game has to be played okay?"

I should find it strange to hear Jace talk about winning the game and playing our cards right; but I don't for the simple fact that we do have that connection and the ability to have unspoken conversations. It's almost eerie how connected we are in such a short amount of time. Maybe this is what everyone talks about when they say that someone is their soulmate. I always thought soulmates were a load of crap; that was until I met Jace.

"That's easy Jace my whole life has been about winning the game. Winning the game and taking the whole pot home. Bluffing is my specialty."

"Bluffing's your specialty huh? How do I know you're not bluffing me?"

"You make a fair point there. If I were anyone else and if you were anyone else then yes I could very well be bluffing you. But since it _is_ me and it _is_ you, you can see everything in me Jace. So you can see that I am in fact _not_ bluffing you."

He's grinning at me as I speak the words, actually grinning. I now realize that he was messing with me, maybe dare I say flirting. Between the grin on his face and the twinkle in his eye that must be it, Jace is flirting with me. I can't help but giggle at him as I take a playful swat at his chest.

"Okay, okay you got me. That's enough now, we need to focus Jace. Mark will be back soon and we need to figure out our plan."

He lets the smile slip from his face but his eyes continue to twinkle as he tells me the plan.

"It's pretty simple really, anytime we are in front of Mark it has to be all business. I need him to believe that you are nothing but the insurance policy that he says you are. That being said; there are going to be time where I might say mean things to you, there will be times when I will have to take a harsh tone with you. Just think of it as acting, or as you call it bluffing."

"Okay."

"Okay? Do you have any questions?"

"No, not really I understand what you are saying Jace. We will be acting. We will be bluffing our way through the end of the game."

"Just remember that though Clary, it will all be fake. None of it will be real. Just like I was bluffing in the car; anything I do to you or say to you around him will all be a show for his benefit."

"If you were just bluffing in the car then why were you shaking?"

"Because Clary you couldn't see that I was bluffing, and that was hard for me to do knowing you couldn't see what I was doing. I told you I don't want to hurt you, and I mean that, not just physically hurt you, I don't want to cause you pain in any way."

"I knew something was off, I could see it in your eyes Jace. I guess I was still too cold and still too disgusted by what Mark said to understand what you were doing. I know what we have to do now; you don't have to worry about me not understanding anymore. I can play the game. Please trust me."

Jace smiles at me and wraps his arms around me before pulling me down to the ground and shift my body so that I am sitting on his lap. He does his best to cover as much of my body with his own and kisses my hair before whispering:

"Close your eyes Clary. He will be back soon so I need to look at the map and figure out where we can hide out until dark."

I want to argue with him about closing my eyes. I to want ask him if I can help him figure out where we can go. I want to lift my chin and feather kisses along his neck as he does his best to keep me warm. Instead the darkness pulls me down as I drift off into sleep.

"Clary wake up…I hear a car coming, I think its Mark."

Jace pulls me up so that we are standing. He wraps his arm around me and hugs me quickly before releasing me. He takes my hand and we start to walk back towards the road. At first we walk in silence hand in hand, but after a few steps we stop and Jace turns to me.

"I don't want to let go of your hand but we can't let Mark see us, so I'm going to let you go now Clary. This is it are you ready?"

"I'm ready, let's do this."

Jace reaches behind his back and reveals his gun once more before we continue our walk.

"Together Clary…."

"Together…."


	10. Chapter 10

HELLO READERS! I DECIDED TO GO AHEAD AND POST THIS CHAPTER AS WELL TODAY BECAUSE IT IS A LITTLE SHORT. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 10

Once we get back to the car Jace opens the back door and tell me to get in. He tells me not to bother trying to open the doors because they have the child safety locks on. I silently slide into the back seat and Jace climbs into the front with Mark.

"Did you get everything? Let me see."

Mark hands Jace the bag from Rite-Aid before saying:

"I got everything you told me to get; I went ahead and got you a toothbrush and some toothpaste too. I know how you like to brush your teeth all the time kid."

Jace shuffles through the contents of the bag with his long fingers and then places the bag on the floor at his feet.

"Thanks for the toothbrush, I see you got coffee, did you get any food?"

"You're welcome, yeah I got a couple of donuts and there are a couple of bagels in there for you too. I know you're not into the sweet stuff too much."

"Cool thanks man, I don't suppose you got any cream and sugar for the coffee did you?"

"Since when do you want that stuff for your coffee? I thought you always took yours black."

"I still do, but maybe she doesn't."

I want to tell Jace that I drink my coffee black too, but I say nothing. I am acting now, I have my cards open where I can see them and I have to remember to keep my poker face on. I will wait to be spoken to, and then and only then will I speak. Why is Mark being so nice to Jace? Buying him a toothbrush, remembering that Jace doesn't eat sweets, these are nice things but Mark is not a nice person. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe through all his craziness this is how he is with Jace when things are calm.

"Here's some coffee, sorry there is no cream or sugar. Do you want something to eat? There are bagels and donuts here if you're hungry."

I slowly reach up and take the coffee from Jace and tell him the coffee will be just fine. Jace doesn't turn to look at me as I take the coffee, nor does he say anything in return when I tell him I don't want any food. Mark on the other hand is turned in his seat so that he is facing both Jace and I. He pays little attention to Jace as he leers at me.

"Not hungry Clarissssa?"

"No thank you."

"How's your coffee?"

"Fine thank you."

Jace keeps his eyes focused out the windshield as he nibbles on a bagel as thought he could care less about our conversation. But I can see that his shoulders are squared with attention.

"No thank you…Fine thank you….huh looks like Jace taught you a few manners while I was gone didn't he?"

"Yes sir."

"Well she still look to be all in one piece, so how did you do it Jace? How did you convince the little bitch to behave herself?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about Mark. She has done nothing but behave herself since we took her. As far as her newly spoken manners go, it's probably because she knows that if she co-operates she will get to go home."

"So what did you do for a whole hour with her while I was gone then?"

Jace says nothing to this question, he just keeps looking out the windshield.

"Come on Jace look at her, are you trying to tell me you two just talked about the weather for an hour?"

"Of course we didn't talk about the weather Mark, actually we didn't really talk at all."

Marks eyes go wide and he rapidly rubs his hands together before he begins to speak again.

"Alright now were getting somewhere! So tell me Jace was she good? Did she put up a good fight? I love it when girls fight a little first, it makes me hard."

Up until this moment Jace was looking straight ahead, but after what Mark said his head snaps quickly in Marks direction. Throughout their entire conversation Mark never took his eyes off of me. His leering only grew more intense as they talked. I kept my eyes on the headrest in front of me but I could still see him looking at me, I could still feel his eyes on my skin.

"Shut your mouth! You're disgusting you know that. She's just a kid Mark."

"You know what they say Jace, if they bleed then they can breed. Besides I still say she's lying about her age."

"Stop it, just stop it Mark. And stop looking at her like that. I didn't touch her and you're not going to touch her either. Do you understand me Mark? You will not touch her."

The tension inside the car is getting intense now. I let a few tears slip down my cheek before curling my body into a small ball in the back seat. I cup my hands over my ears to give the impression that I don't want to hear them talk any more.

"Jeez kid I was only fucking around. Relax will you? What kind of plan did you come up with? Where are we going?"

Like a flip of a switch the rising tension fizzles out of the car. I remain in my ball in the backseat and try to fall asleep. I try but I want to hear Jace tell Mark where we are going since Jace didn't tell me when we were in the woods.

"Okay here's the plan, you're probably not going to like it but it's the best I can come up with in our delicate situation. So just hear me out okay?"

"I'm listening…"

I can hear Jace shuffling the map to, I assume, show Mark where we will be going.

"See this town right here? Williamstown is only about a half an hour drive from here if we take this road and then this road."

"Why don't we just take that road right there Jace? That looks like a shorter route."

"It is but remember we need to be cautious about driving in the daylight. No we'll take the roads I showed you to get there."

"Okay we'll take those roads, but why Williamstown? What's there?"

I hear the map shuffle and I hear the pages of the travel guide being fluttered open.

"See this? This place here rents out cabins. Private, off the beaten path cabins. When we get there you can drop Clary and I off and you go in a rent one of the cabins for yourself. Make sure you tell them you want a real private one."

"How will you know which cabin they put me in? How will you find me?"

"I looked at this place on the map; it's not really that big. We can just walk to the cabin. Don't even worry about it."

"Okay this all sounds good to me Jace. Why did you think I wouldn't like it?"

"Because it cost 90 bucks a night with a minimum of a 2 night rental."

"TWO FUCKING NIGHTS! WE ARE NOT STAYING FOR TWO NIGHTS!"

"Stop yelling, see this is what I meant when I said hear me out. We don't have to stay two nights but we will have to pay for two nights."

Mark lets out a small giggle before he says:

"Jace we have two duffle bags full of money in the trunk, you really think I give a shit about paying for a night we won't be using?"

Jace lets out a loud sigh.

"No,no,no Mark we talked about this. We can't touch a single dollar of that money until we get to Mexico. It's too risky."

"Shit that's almost two hundred dollars Jace. It's bad enough we have an extra mouth to feed, it's bad enough it's going to take three times as long to get there than we planned, and now this. I don't think we will have enough money to get us through the trip if we have to spend two hundred dollars on a room every night."

"We won't have to spend two hundred dollars every night. We can sleep in the car for the rest of the trip. The only reason we are renting this cabin is so that she can dye her hair and so I can study the maps so we can get our routes planned out."

"Yeah but come on Jace, two hundred bucks. That's a lot of our budget down the drain. Shit even if we are careful about limiting our food and shit, not to mention that means I won't have money for a couple of beers, I still think we are going to run out of money. No I don't like it. Come up with something else because this plan is shit."

The tension is back inside the car again. I quickly calculate the risk before I unfold myself from my ball and sit up before saying:

"I have money…."

They both turn and look at me with a startled look in their eyes; as though they forgot I was in the backseat. Mark just looks at me as Jace says:

"What do you mean you have money? How much money?"

I reach into my back pocket and remove a card from my wallet and hand the card to Jace.

"What is this? A credit card? A bank card? We can't use this Clary, it can be traced."

"No its one of those pre-loaded cards. It was loaded with cash. If you take that to an ATM you can withdraw the money and it can't be traced."

Mark finally decides to chime in on our conversation and says:

"Is that true Jace? Can we do that without it being traced?"

"Yes it's true. Lots of people use these. She's right if you load them using cash there is no way it can be traced. Clary how much money is on this card?"

"Five hundred dollars."

"Shit Jace did you hear that? Five hundred bucks! What the hell is a thirteen year old girl doing with that kind of money?"

"My dad gave it to me, he said to keep it for emergencies."

"Why would you give this to us?" Mark asked.

"It's my fault you two are in this situation. It's my fault that you have to change your plans. I just want to go home, and if me giving you the money helps get me there then it's yours, take it."

A wide smile spreads across Marks face; but Jace remains stone faced, but I can read it in his eyes, they are saying "good job Clary". With my own eyes I tell him "I got this."

"It's nice to know that you realize how much you have fucked things up for us Clarissa. As long as you continue to be a good girl you should be safe."

Mark's eyes are dark as he speaks those words to me. I don't like the way they looked when he was talking about me being a "good girl", almost as though he meant if I were his "good girl". My mind swirls back to what he said to Jace earlier about how he likes it when girls put up a fight. I choke back the urge to throw up the coffee in my stomach, the black coffee, the same black color of Marks eyes.

"I just want to go home. I just want to see my dad. I promise I won't be any trouble. I promise to do whatever you want me to do."

"Hear that Jace? Whatever I want her to do; she says."

"I heard her Mark. She won't be any trouble, just like she hasn't been any trouble from the start. Just because she said she would do whatever you want her to doesn't mean you should take that so literally. So stop looking at her like that."

"Come on Jace I'm sure she meant both of us when she said that. I'm not usually one for sharing, but hey, me and you are tight right?"

"ENOUGH! What did I say about keeping this situation as stress free as possible? Stop talking like that. You aren't going to touch her. I am not going to touch her. WE are NOT going to touch her. Do you have any idea how scary this all is for her to begin with? Can you imagine what's going through her head when you say shit like that?"

"Technically you already touched her…"

"What? I never touched her. What the hell are you talking about?"

Jace is panicking, he's panicking and that's not good. BLUFF JACE BLUFF!

"Yesterday in the van you had your hands all over her. I watched you Jace. I heard you whispering to her."

"That's different and you know it Mark. She was scared and in pain. What I did was comfort her. Comfort her after YOU scared her, after YOU hurt her. Don't make what I did into something ugly like that. She's just a little girl. She's just a little girl and I'm done talking about this. FUCKING DONE!"

Silence….

Tension in the car is at maximum level….

Jace and Mark are in the middle of a deep stare down….

Have you ever watched one of those old western movies? You know the ones where there are always two cowboys standing on main street; and they're both having a stare down to see which one of them can draw their six shooter first. Right now Jace and Mark are those two cowboys. I wish I could think of the right thing to say to calm the tension. I wish I could reach out and run my hand along Jace's cheek to calm his rapid heartbeat. I wish I could take his chin in my hand and make him look into my eyes. I wish I could lean forward and kiss his beautiful face. To kiss away that little "v" between his scrunched eyebrows. To kiss away the tightness in his jaw. To kiss those lips. STOP IT CLARY! I decide to curl back into my ball and try to sleep. I have my eyes tightly closes but every hair on my body is standing to attention because of the silence.

Suddenly the engine roars to life causing my body to jerk with surprise. The car begins to move and before I can think too much about whether or not Mark is driving us in the right location the darkness pulls me down and I fall asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

HERES THE NEXT CHAPTER, ENJOY MY LOVELIES

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 11

"Wake up Clary!"

"hmmm…"

"Come one we have to get out here."

I feel cold air wash over my face as I open my eyes to see Jace standing with the back door of the car open with a look of impatience on his face. I try to get out of the car as quickly as I can but my stiff muscles prove to slow me down. I hear Jace let out a loud sigh and I see him roll his eyes at my turtle like pace.

"Come on Clary! We need to get into the trees before someone sees us."

Once I'm out of the car Jace takes me by the elbow and begins to steer me towards the woods as Mark drives off. We continue walking through the woods silently as Jace keeps his hand wraped tightly on my elbow. I wonder why his grip is so tight. Mark is far from our view now, so why is he holding me like this? I feel his grip loosen and his hand slides down and he laces his finger through mine. Relief washes over me as I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding in my lungs.

"Are you doing okay?"

His eyes are warm as he asked me and he gives my hand a light squeeze.

"Sure I'm fine…"

"I'm sorry you had to hear all that back there."

"It's okay…"

Jace stops walking so quickly that he almost yanks my arm before pulling me tight to his chest.

"No Clary…is not okay, it's far from okay. He is sick and I don't trust him."

"I don't trust him either; but I trust you and I know you will keep me safe."

Jace hugs me tighter and I feel him kiss my hair. For a moment I close my eyes and just enjoy the feeling of his arms around me. My enjoyment doesn't last long as Jace takes me by the shoulders and turns me around; and takes my hand in his once more before continuing our walk. We walk in silence for about 20 minutes. I realize we really didn't cover much ground in that 20 minutes time due to the heavy covering of downed tree branches that we had to navigate over. Once again Jace stops suddenly but this time instead of yanking my arm he releases my Hand.

He couldn't have released my hand a worse time. Not realizing he was going to let go of me; I stumble over a tree branch effectively twisting my ankle and causing me to get my backside covered in a thick layer of mud. I no sooner land in the mud and Jace is pulling me up off the ground. I was hoping he would pull me to his chest once more; but he hold me by my shoulders at arms-length before asking me if I am alright.

"Well I think I twisted my ankle and I am covered in mud but yes I'm alright."

Jace turns me around and inspects my backside and then turns me again to face him.

"Shit Clary I'm sorry. Your pants are wrecked. How bad does your ankle hurt? Can you walk?"

I shift my weight back and forth to assess the damage to my ankle and find that it's sore but I decide that I can still walk on my own.

"Yes I think I'll be okay to walk on my own."

"Are you sure? I could carry you if you want, I don't mind."

I glance over my shoulder and can just barely see the back of Marks car.

"No that's too far to carry me. Besides it's really not that bad Jace; I think I can manage."

"Okay I know better than to argue with a woman." He chuckles

"Are you laughing at me?"

"Yes I am but not for what you are thinking."

"Huh?"

"You think I'm laughing at you because your butt is covered in mud don't you?"

"Yes I do."

Jace is in full out laughter by this point. I try my best to keep a smile from forming on my face.

"No I promise you that is not why I'm laughing."

"Okay what's so funny then?"

"I think it's funny you think I can't carry you the rest of the way."

"Why is that funny?"

"Come on Clary really? There's nothing to you. I could carry you for miles without getting winded."

"Oh…"

"Really? Oh? That's all you got? No arguments? No "shut up Jace I'm fat?"

"I don't sound like that when I talk!"

"Haha…you kill me Clary."

"I'm glad you find me amusing Jace. But I still don't sound like that, not to mention I would never say that. I would never tell you I was fat. If anything I'm too skinny. I hate it when girls say they are fat when they aren't, they only say it because they want attention. I am not one of those girls. Now if we are done flirting, can we get going? I'm sure by now Mark is freaking out."

Jace is no longer laughing, but he is smiling. His smile is warm and filled with what? Pride maybe? I'm not really sure, and it doesn't really matter, all I know is his smile makes me want to smile. So I do just that, I smile. Seeing me smile makes Jace's smile grow big before he shakes his head and continues to walk. He is a few steps ahead of me when I hear him say:

"Watch yourself Clary, if you're not careful, you just might make me fall in love with you."

I am shocked by his words so much I stop walking. Is he just joking around? Is he serious? More importantly; how does that make me feel? Jace who is now about 15 feet ahead of me realizes that I am no longer walk and turns around to face me.

"Did you change your mind? Do you want me to carry you? Really I don't mind. You don't have to be stubborn about it Clary."

Jace has made his way back to me by the time he's done talking, and is now standing in front of me with an expectant look on his face. I don't want him to carry me, not that I don't want to be in his arm, but because I need him to understand that I can be strong. I need him to understand that I can stand on my own two feet no pun intended. I don't want him to be too overwhelmed with the task of keeping me safe, protecting me from Mark; I don't need him to have to take care of me like a small child.

"No, no I don't need you to carry me; but you have such long legs, so maybe you could slow down a little bit?"

A shy smile creeps up on his face.

"Okay, why don't you take point then? I'll follow you."

I begin our journey once more and after a few steps I am faced with the reality of how much my ankle really does hurt. I don't want to be a burden to Jace, so I do my best not to limp as I bite back the pain. By the time we reach the top steps of the cabin I am exhausted. Exhausted from dealing with the pain in my ankle. Exhausted from the hours I spent shivering in the trunk. Exhausted from all the broken sleep. My whole body aches from lack of sleep and my head begins to throb where I hit it in the van yesterday. I just want to curl up and go to sleep.

"What the hell happened to you?"

I am snapped out of my fog as I realize that Mark is talking to me. But Jace is the one to answer his question.

"She tripped over a tree branch and fell in the mud."

"You look like you shit your pants; you know that right?"

"Don't laugh at her Mark, she hurt her ankle when she fell. Come here Clary. Sit down. I want to look at your ankle."

Mark is still quietly laughing as Jace removes my sock and shoe before rolling up my pant leg to inspect my ankle. I close my eyes while he gently feathers his fingers across my ankle; just enjoying the feeling of his hands on my skin, when suddenly they snap open and a small scream exits my mouth before I can stop it. Jace's eyes are full of concern.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you. I think if you stay off of this for a few hours you'll be fine."

Jace kept his tone cold and neutral. I want to look into his eyes so that he can see how proud of him I am. I was proud because his eyes were anything but cold and neutral when he realized he had hurt my ankle. I can't look at him though. I can't look at him because Mark is looking at me, he is always looking at me. I have to remember this fact, I can't let him see me looking at Jace. I doubt he can even come close to being able to read my eyes like Jace can, but that is risk I am not willing to take. So instead of looking where I want to look, I look around the cabin to distract myself from Jace.

"Mark did you bring the bags in?"

"Yep, I put your bag over there by the other bed."

I just want to go to sleep. I try to close my eyes, but wearing these wet, muddy pant begin to make my legs itch. I want to take them off; to take them off and slide under the blankets on one of the beds and go to sleep, but I can't do that. I can't do that because that will give Mark more of me to leer at. MY LEGS ARE SO ITCHY. Jace, now finished rooting through a small green duffle bag is now standing in front of me.

"Hear you can have one of my t-shirts. And these will probably work as a pair of shorts for you."

I take his t-shirt and a pair of his boxer briefs and fight the urge to blush. He gave me a pair of his underwear for crying out loud. Without saying anything to him; I rise to my feet being sure to keep the weight off my ankle, and then he hands me the bag from rite-aid. Mark launches himself at the two of us and snatches the bag out of my hand.

"Are you fucking crazy Jace?"

"What's your problem Mark, I just thought she might as well get it out of the way."

"Fine, but just give her the box then. Did you forget there was a pair of scissors in that bag?"

"No I didn't forget. She needs them to cut her hair."

"So you're just going to hand her a pair of scissors? And you trust that she won't stab you with them?"

Jace rolls his eyes.

"You're not going to stab me with these are you?"

"Like she would tell you she was going to stab you! Wouldn't that take the element of surprise out of it?"

"I won't even have the scissors in my hand TO stab either one of you. I will need one of you to cut my hair for me. I can dye it myself, but I won't be able to cut it myself."

"That's all you Jace. If I cut her hair she won't have any left to dye. I'm leaving anyhow."

"Leaving? Where are you going?"

"To the grocery store, I figured I'd just get some bread and shit for sandwiches to keep our budget in check. I figured I stop at the ATM and take the money off of her card too."

"Okay sounds good. Did you bring the rope in by chance?"

"No, Why? I thought we were going to leave her untied."

"Yeah, but I'm whooped man. I need to sleep for a while, and if you're leaving I better tie her up just to be safe."

"Okay I'll go grab it for you."

Jace and I don't talk or even look at each other as we wait for Mark to bring in the rope and then leave again.

"Jace you know I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to tie me up."

"I know that Clary, but I want Mark to think I am keeping my head in the game remember? Are you sure you can handle this? You're not going to flake out on me are you?"

Jace has a snippy tone to his voice, If Mark were still here I could understand why, but he's not so I return my own snippy tone right back to Jace.

"Excuse me for asking a question, I'm just tired. I just want to go to sleep. I CAN handle this. I'm not flaking out! Maybe you're the one who is flaking out. I'm just so tired. I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!"

Not realizing how crazy I sounded, or how crazy it is that I just took my pants off and threw them at Jace; who is now standing there with a look of shock on his face, I can't help but burst out in laughter. I continue to laugh as Jace's face turns from shock to amusement.

"Wow that escalated quickly didn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well we just started dating today and we already got into our first fight, and before we could get anywhere with that, you start ripping your close off."

Now we are both laughing. Jace walks over to me and wrap his arm around me in a hug. After a few moments we are no longer laughing and I am suddenly conscience that I am not wearing any pants. I wait for my cheeks to blaze with color but they don't. I realize that I'm not embarrassed to have Jace see me like this. Jace kisses my hair as his hands run slowly up and down my back. I feel his fingers brush the skin on my lower back; my stomach flutters at the feel of his finger on my skin. I lower my hands and hitch the back of his shirt up and run my finger over his bare back. His skin is warm, his muscles begin to twitch as my fingers explore his skin. I want him to kiss me. I want to feel his fingers run over every inch of my skin. I want to run my own hand over his skin, his back, his chest, his stomach, and his beautiful face. I want him. I WANT HIM.

I lift my face up to look at him as I hear his breathing increase, as I hear his heart begin to pound like mine is pounding. He feels it to. He must want me as much as I want him. When I see his face I expected him to look at me, to kiss me; but what I saw was his eyes clamped shut and his mouth was in a tight line. I let go and take a step back before asking him:

"What's wrong Jace? Did I do something wrong?"

His mouth and tight eyes relaxed the moment we broke contact but he keeps his eyes close for a few more seconds before replying.

"You should go soak that ankle and get your hair dyed."

Something about his eyes and his body language tells me not to press the issue. Does he regret kissing me? Does this have something to do with those "sick bastards" he talked about?

"I need you to cut my hair before I dye it."

"Why? What's the difference?"

"My hair is too long, one box won't be enough."

"Okay, let's go in the bathroom then so we don't get hair all over the carpet."

"Should we take the chair?"

"Why? You're short enough I don't need you to sit."

"Haha. That's right make fun of the short girl. No didn't you say I should keep off of my ankle?"

"Yes I did say that, I'll bring it in. I have a comb in my diddie bag so you can comb your hair. You should probably get it wet first, it will make it easier to cut."

"What's a diddie bag?"

Jace carries the chair into the bathroom and hands me a small black bag when he returns.

"This is what you called a diddie bag? It's called a toiletry bag Jace."

"I know that, but my mom always called them diddie bags. I guess it just stuck with me. Now go on, let me know when you're ready for me to cut your hair."

I want to ask him about his mother. I don't.

In the bathroom I remove my shirt and kneel in front of the tub so I can wet my hair under the faucet. After using a dab of conditioner from the box of hair dye I begin the task of combing through my tangles. I look at my red hair that reaches my belly button and say a silent goodbye to it before calling for Jace. I am sitting in my bra and underwear with my legs straddled around the back of the chair to make it easier for Jace to cut my hair. I hear him open the door where he stands gape mouthed looking at me.

"What's wrong Jace?"

"N-nothing's wrong. I just didn't realize you had such long hair. That and I was also wondering how much more of your cloths you were planning on taking off? Maybe you could give me a little warning next time."

"I told you I had long hair."

"I can see that. Why aren't you wearing a shirt?"

"Jace haven't you ever seen a girl in her bra before? I'm comfortable with my body, what's the big deal."

"Sure I've seen a girl in her bra before. I have seen several girls naked in fact."

"Okay so stop making a big deal about it then, I took it off so I didn't get hair all over it. Now are you going to cut my hair before it starts drying?"

Jace takes the comb from my hand and begins to part my hair into sections before he kneels down to begin cutting it. He has a small section of my hair and the scissors in his hands; but instead of cutting my hair he is watching my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I smile at him. He frowns back at me.

"I don't want to cut your hair Clary. It's so pretty, are you sure this is what you want me to do."

Do I want to cut half of my hair off? NO. Do I want to dump a box of chemicals on it to change the color? NO.

"It's just hair Jace, it will grow back. Honestly I could stand to lose some length; it's becoming a pain to deal with all this hair."

"How much should I cut off?"

"Hand me the scissors and that piece of hair for a minute."

He does as I ask. Without thinking about it too much I quickly snip about eight inches off my hair and return the now shorter hair and scissors to Jace. I am watching him in the mirror as he carefully cuts the rest of my hair. He is completely focused for several minutes; taking the time occasionally to comb my hair and adding a snip or two before he look at me in the mirror again. He stands up and leans forward placing his hands on top of my shoulders before kissing the top of my head. He is watching my reflection as he runs his left hand down my back. He is watching my reflection as he slowly slides his right hand across my collarbone. He lowers his head so that his mouth is at my ear and he is still watching my eyes in the mirror as he whispers.

"Why did you take your pants off Clary?"

His voice is throaty and low as he manages to make his question sound like a suggestion. His eyes are smoldering into mine. Hearing his voice, seeing his eyes; I feel a slow heat pool into my stomach and between my thighs. My stupid mouth answers him honestly before I can think of something flirty to say back to him.

"They were wet, and they were making my legs itch."

A wide smile spreads across his face and he plants a quick kiss on my cheek before walking to the door where he pauses.

"After you're done dying your hair you should probably soak in the tub for a little bit. The hot water will be good for your ankle. Help yourself to whatever you can use from my diddie bag."

I sit on the edge of the tub; examining my now brown hair in the mirror, as I wait for it to fill. It actually looks natural against my pale skin. It's the color of chestnuts, and with my new cut bringing my hair to just below the shoulders I find that it suits me. I rake my finger through my hair and pile it loosely on top of my head before securing it with a couple of paper clips I found on the desk in the bedroom. The water is warm and soothing to my sore muscles. I want to sit in this tub and never get out; it feels so wonderful. My eyes become heavy and before I allow myself to fall asleep I quickly wash myself with Jace's Irish Spring soap and pull the plug. I have to fold the waistband of Jace's boxers over three time before they don't feel like they might fall off, and then I slip his dark blue V-neck t-shirt on. The shirt hangs down to the middle of my thigh, completely covering Jace's boxer shorts.

Opening the bathroom door I find Jace sleeping on the bed. He looks so peaceful. One of his long legs are draped over the side of the bed. His left arm is propped under his head while his right arm rest across his ribcage. There is about two inches of his stomach showing where his grey thermal shirt has risen up. I quietly move towards the bed to get a closer look. His stomach has lovely muscle definition…hmm a six pack…hmm that "V" line that dips below the waistband of his jeans…hmm that faint line of golden hair….hmmm I want to…..

"Like what you see?"

"Gah! You scared me! I Thought you were sleeping."

Suddenly I am no longer standing. Suddenly I am lying on the bed, and Jace is hovering over my body and his golden eyes are burning into mine. I reach my hands up and pull his face close to mine but before I can kiss his lips his mouth is at my ear.

"Do you have any idea how sexy you look wearing my shirt Clary?"

A low moan escapes my throat. Jace lower his body so that we are pressed together. His right hand pulls the paper clips from my hair while his left hand is slowly sliding up my thigh. He reaches my makeshift shorts and slowly inches his fingers under the fabric. His lips are barely touching my skin as he slides them across my jaw, down my neck to my collarbone, and then back up to my ear before whispering:

"Do you have any idea how bad I want you right now Clary?"

I can't speak, I have forgotten how to form words with my mouth. My body is completely alive with Jace's body press against it. Instead of trying to tell him how much I want him too, I decide to show him. I let my hands slide from his face, around his neck and all the way down his long back. My fingers reach the hem of his shirt and I slowly inch it up. Half of his back is exposed; I want his shirt off, but my hands are too greedy. I abandon the task of removing his shirt and begin to explore his body with my hands. Jace's heart is pounding in rhythm with my own. His breath is hot on my throat and a low growl escapes his throat as my hands slide over his ribs. I feel his lips on my neck just below my ear where he plants slow gentle kiss before sliding his tongue across my lower ear. I moan loudly. I WANT HIM Jace lift his upper body up pressing his hips deliciously into mine and pulls his shirt off over his head. Finally he slowly brings his lips down and brushes them lightly across mine. Once again before I can capture his mouth with mine his face quickly darts up and he places a loud, wet kiss on my forehead and suddenly he is no longer pressed against me, no longer hovering above me. He stands at the edge of the bed with a satisfied grin on his face before saying:

"Behave yourself Clary, I'm going to take a shower."

I am speechless. ME behave MYSELF. Oh he's good. He is bad, but he is GOOD. I shift in the bed and slide under the covers to get some much needed sleep, but then I hear singing coming from the bathroom. The words are sad, but his voice makes them sound beautiful. I lay there listening closely trying to identify the song, it's not something I think I've heard before. The song started off slow and then picked up before slowing down again. The lyrics sound like an apology. His singing slows even more as the song comes to an end and there is a small moment of silence before he begins to sing again. Only this song isn't slow or sad. This song is upbeat and has fast paced lyrics. The words to this song are sort of dark, yet comical. I don't know this song either but I enjoy hearing him sing. Once he finishes the song I hear the water to the shower go off and a few minutes later he steps out of the bathroom.

I want to scold him for teasing me. I want to grab his t-shirt and pull his body down to mine again. I don't scold him, to be honest I like the way he teases me. As much as I want his body against mine again; I decide it's probably not a good idea. Mark might be back any minute now.

"What song were you singing?"

Jace lets out a little chuckle before answering.

"Which one? I sang two songs."

"Both I guess."

"The first one was "The Light Behind Your Eyes". The second one was "The Sharpest Lives"

"I liked them both, but the first one was sad and pretty, who sings that song?"

"Well besides me, MCR, they are both MCR songs."

"MCR? I don't think I have heard of them."

"You don't know who "My Chemical Romance" are? You're kidding right? I don't know if I can be your friend anymore Clary."

"Oh yeah! They sing that song "Teenagers" right?"

"Ahh you scared me for a minute there Clary. Yes one and the same. MCR is one of my favorite bands."

"Can't be my friend anymore? I thought we were dating, or did I get demoted?"

"Behave yourself Clary, Mark will be back any minute now. I might not be able to stop myself again."

"That's fine I'm tired anyhow. I think I'll get some sleep."

I stick my tongue out at him and close my eyes with a smile on my face.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12 IS PRETTY SHORT SO HERE IT IS…ENJOY

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 12

"What the fuck Jace! I thought you were going to tie her up!"

I open my eyes to see Jace lying on the bed with me, only his legs are by my head, and his head is at my feet. I am under the blankets which are shoved in between Jace and I as though they are some kind of barrier to separate our bodies. Jace rises to a sitting position and I feel my leg slide out from underneath the blanket.

"Relax Mark, she can't go anywhere because her leg is tied to my arm."

Sure enough my right leg is firmly attached to Jace's right wrist. How did he manage to do that without waking me up?

"Well while you two were cuddling I was a busy beaver in town."

I want to tell him we were not cuddling but I turn over and try to go back to sleep instead. Their conversation keeps me awake though.

"Did you bring any food? I'm hungry."

"Yeah I just grabbed a loaf of bread and some peanut butter."

I hear Mark walk over to the edge of the bed and hand Jace a grocery bag. I feel the blanket lift and then I feel a hand swat it back down over my legs.

"Where are her pants? What were you two doing while I was gone?"

"Nothing! We weren't doing anything. I gave her some of my cloth's to wear. Her pants were covered in mud so I washed them, they're hanging in the shower."

Jace washed my jeans? When did he do that?

"She looks better with brown hair doesn't she?"

"I don't care what color her hair is. Did you get the money off the card?"

"Yep all five hundred. Guess what else I did while I was in town."

I can feel Jace shifting around on the bed and I can hear him rattling the grocery sack.

"What else did you do in town? Do you want a sandwich? Clary are you hungry?"

I pretend to be a sleep.

"Yeah I'll take one, put lots of peanut butter on mine. I found a library in town so I used one of the computers to look up the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette."

"And?"

"And they don't have shit on us man. No positive identification of the two un-know assailants, no positive identification on the un-know teenage girl that was seen being abducted as the assailants exited the bank. The two people that were laying on the floor have no fucking clue who she is. The fat bitch said she didn't even see Clarissa's face and the old dude said he spoke to her but hadn't seen her before. Get this part man, only one eye-witness saw the assailants flee the scene; he told the fucking cops we left in an older model blue sedan and that we were headed northwest towards the airport."

I hear Jace laughing.

"Typical Pittsburghers for you, they all have their heads shoved to far up their own asses to notice someone not just robbed a bank but also kidnapped a little red haired girl. Holy shit Mark we might actually get away with this. They don't know who WE are, they don't have a clue who Clary is, and the one so-called witness pointed them not just to the wrong car but completely in the wrong direction."

"You know what's weird about this whole thing though Jace?"

"What?"

"They put a picture of her on the front page of the newspaper, the article said her face is all over the news, and yet not a single person has laid claim to her. She's been gone for over 24 hours now, don't you think someone should have at least reported her missing by now?"

SHIT SHIT SHIT Why did Mark have to go snooping around like that? Is Jace and I's plan falling apart? What can Jace say to that? What can I say?

"Hmmm….you know that is pretty strange. You make a good point there Mark. Some ones thirteen year old kid doesn't come home, you would think her parents would have reported her missing. Maybe we should wake her up, see what she has to say about this."

Oh God don't wake me up yet Jace! I don't know what to say yet.

"Nah let her sleep. We can ask her later. We need to get going in a few hours so we might as well get some sleep too."

"Yeah, I'm beat. Can you set the alarm? I'm a little tied up right now?

They both laugh at Jace's joke.

When I open my eyes it's dark in the room. I glance at the bedside clock and it reads 9:57pm, which means the alarm won't be going off for almost another hour and a half. I NEED TO PEE. I lift my head to see Jace curled into a ball beside me and he looks cold. Carefully I un-wad the blankets that separate the two of us and pull the covers over his body. It's dark in the room; but I am still able to see Jace's face relax as the blankets begin to warm him. I really want to wake him up so I can use the bathroom, but he looks so peaceful. I close my eyes and try to sleep, but all I can think about is how much I need to use the bathroom.

Giving up on sleep; I carefully turn on my side with the plan to spend the next hour and a half watching Jace sleep. As I watch him, his face twitches slightly as a few small whimpers escape his throat. I want to sit up and stroke his blond hair and chase away his bad dreams. Slowly the whimpers begin to increase into low moans. Still sleeping he starts to rock his body back and forth and begins to let out loud screams and I can see that his cheeks are moist from tears. I want to sooth him, I want to gently wake him up and hold him. I want him to tell me about his bad dream as I cradle his head in my lap. Before I can do anything to help Jace; I see Mark jump out of the other bed and quickly shake Jace awake.

"Hey buddy, come one wake up."

Jace lets out a sad moan before waking up completely.

"S-sorry…."

"Naw, it's okay…one the bad ones again I'm guessing?"

"Yeah…."

They speak in hushed whispers. I am surprised by Marks gentleness.

"What triggered you this time?"

"I'm not really sure…maybe just not getting enough sleep."

"Yeah that's probably it. Guess we might as well get going since the alarm is going to go off soon anyhow."

I feel Jace untying the rope that has the two of us attached before I feel him roll off the bed.

"Mark let her sleep for a little bit. I'm going to run though the shower, so why don't you load the car."

"Yeah okay, save me some hot water will ya?"

"Sure thing."

Hearing the water from the shower does nothing for my full bladder. Jace begins to sing again, this time he is singing a song I recognize immediately. I fight back the urge to giggle when he starts singing "Hate My Life" by Theory of a Deadman. Thankfully Mark ignores me while he makes several trips to the car. As soon as Jace finishing his singing the water to the shower is turned off, and my bladder whispers a silent thank you. I decide now is a good time to "wake up" so I sit up and turn on the bedside lamp. I keep the blankets pulled tightly as I wait for Jace to get out of the bathroom.

Mark is still outside when Jace opens the bathroom door. I quickly dart under his long arm and lock the door once inside the steam filled bathroom. After emptying my bladder I quickly use Jace's toothbrush to brush my teeth and exit the bathroom to find Mark with an impatient look on his face.

"I-I'm sorry I really had to pee…"

"Nice hair. Here let me see if you have any rats living in there."

My body turns to ice as Mark fingers my hair.

"Come on Mark leave her alone. Go get your shower. We need to get going soon."

Mark is still laughing as he enters the bathroom with a change of cloth's tucked under his arm. Jace takes three big steps toward me with his long legs and grabs me by the hand; before almost dragging me to the other side of the bedroom. He pulls me in for a quick hug and kisses the top of my hair before releasing me again.

Jace keeps his voice low as he speaks.

"Did you get some sleep?"

"Yes. Were you having nightmare?"

Jace gets an uncomfortable look on his face.

"Sometimes when I don't get enough sleep I have them. Between you touching me and lack of sleep for the past two nights I guess that's why I had one of my nightmares."

"What do you mean the way I was touching you?"

"It's okay Clary you had no way of knowing. Let's just say there are certain areas of my body that I am uncomfortable with anyone touching."

"Why?"

"I don't really feel comfortable talking about that stuff okay."

"I understand. Where don't you liked to be touched? For future reference you know?"

He gives me a small grin and pulls me in for a hug once more before speaking again. With a playful twinkle to his eye he says:

"Future reference huh? So I take it you enjoy touching me then?"

"Yes."

"Tell you what, how about we worry about that if it comes up again okay?"

"If? Not when, but if? Jace don't you want me to touch you."

Before he can answer my question the shower stops running making it unsafe to continue our conversation. Jace gives me a wink of his eye and a quick smile before bending down to put his boots on. I roll my eyes when he's not looking. I sit down on the chair and cover my legs with my jacket and wonder if my jeans are dry.

"Is she getting in the shower?"

Jace shoots an impatient look at Mark before saying:

"She's standing right there. Why don't you ask her. I'm not her keeper."

"Whatever Jace. Boy you sure are grumpy when you don't get your beauty sleep. There probably isn't any hot water left, but you can grab a quick shower if you want to Clarissa."

Seeing my reflection in the bathroom mirror it's no wonder Mark was looking for rats in my hair. With a groan I step into the shower and begin to wash my hair with Jace's Pert shampoo. I barely get the soap rinsed out of my now brown hair when the luke-warm water turns cold. After drying myself with the towel Jace used to dry off with I go and seek out my jeans. I find them along with my underwear hanging on the towel rack. Dear god Jace even washes my underwear out. I dress quickly and am relieved to find my jeans are mostly dry; with only a slight dampness near the seams and around the waistband. Time to hit the road.


	13. Chapter 13

JUST A REMINDER THAT STOCKHOLMS CONTAINS COTENT INTENDED FOR MATURE READERS ONLY

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 13

By 6:45 we pull into the parking lot of a truck stop near Lakeland Tennessee and Mark cuts off the engine.

"Why are we stopping here?"

"Jace I need a cup of coffee and a hot meal. Relax will you?"

"I asked you if you wanted coffee an hour ago when we stopped for gas."

"I didn't want coffee an hour ago. I want it now and I want breakfast. Remember we stopped here last time we took our trip and we had the best pancakes ever? I want pancakes."

"What about Clary?"

"What about her? Bring her in. I'm sure she's hungry too."

"Are you sure this is a good idea Mark?"

"Relax kid. The cops aren't even looking for us. The mysterious red haired girl got washed down the shower drain by a box of hair dye yesterday."

"Hmmm…I'm still not sure she won't be recognized. What if she tries to run or something?"

Mark turns around and looks at me with a wicked smile on his face.

"You're not going to run are you Clarissa? You're going to be a good girl aren't you? Do you have any idea what I will do to you if you pull any shit in there?"

"I'll be good I promise."

"See there Jace? She promised. Tell you what, you hold her hand, you know pretend she's your little girlfriend. Happy now?"

Jace takes my hand in his as I climb out of the car and we follow Mark into the restaurant of the truck stop. I steal a glance at Jace as we walk and he has a look of boredom or maybe indifference on his face. I try to mock him, but find it difficult; I can't relax my face enough to pull it off.

All I can think about is how holding his hands send pulses of electricity though my body. I WANT HIM. I need to control my frantic hormones. What is wrong with me? I have never felt like this before. I have been around lots of cute boys in the group home; some of them even flirted with me, but I was always too shy to do anything about it. Jace is the most beautiful boy I have ever seen, and that should intimidate me somehow but it doesn't. I feel completely comfortable with Jace, I feel like I have known him for my whole life.

It's strange to feel this way about someone I have only known for two days; especially when that someone is responsible for kidnapping me. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I'm just attached to Jace because he is the lesser evil of the two people who kidnapped me, and I know he won't hurt me. He promised to protect me from Mark, he promised to get me home safe. A cold feeling washes over my skin as I consider these things and I shiver.

"Are you cold sweetie? Do you want my Jacket?"

I think I'm losing it. I don't even remember sitting down at the table. I see someone has placed a menu in front of me and filled my cup with fresh coffee and Jace is still holding my hand while looking at me with expectant gold eyes and a smile on his face.

"Huh…"

"You're shivering babe, here take my jacket."

Jace stands and shrugs his jacket off with a smile on his face. My body moves on its own as he holds it out for me to slip my arms into his jacket. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm trapped inside someone else's body. I feel like my body is a robot that someone is controlling with a joystick. I sit back down and Jace takes my hand in his and places them on his lap.

"Do you know what you want to eat?"

Robotically I turn to look at Jace; my brain has forgotten how to form words again. Jace loses his smile and replaces it with a small frown before leaning towards my face. While still holding my hand he pulls it to his lips and gently kisses my fingers before saying:

"You okay babe? Didn't you sleep well last night?"

I still can't seem to form any words but I feel my head shake from side to side telling him no. Jace cups my face in his hands and brings his lips to my ear.

"Come on Clary snap out of it. Remember… you're my girlfriend now…Please Clary."

Jace's lips barely brush my cheek in a ghost of a kiss before leaning back and taking my hand in his once more. Feeling his lips on my skin was all it took to wake me from my strange dream state. I smile at Jace before turning to Mark who is of course looking at me. When isn't he looking at me?

"So big brother what are you getting to eat?"

Catching on immediately, Mark plays along with my declaration of false siblinghood.

"Well little sister… I think I'm going to get the pancakes. I hope they are good here."

Mark gives me a quick wink as if to say well played Clarissssa. I shiver again. Jace leans forward and strokes his long fingers down my cheek before placing his hand on my forehead.

"Uh-oh I think someone might be catching a cold. Not feeling well sweetie?"

Before I can answer the waitress comes to take our order. Her nametag tells us he name is Rose. She is very tall, probably close to six feet. Rose has crystal blue eyes, a crooked smile, and wide set hips. I like her instantly and can't help but smile as I order my pancakes; it turns out all of us want pancakes.

"Well that sure makes my job easier. I won't even need to wright this order down. Three orders of pancakes coming right up."

We eat our pancakes in silence. Mark was right; they are good and I find it easy to clean my plate. Jace is still holding my hand and I look at him before looking at Mark and back down at my now empty plate. For a moment I pretend that we are just normal people having breakfast in some truck stop. I pretend that Mark is my brother instead of a creep. I pretend that my bother approves of my choice in a boyfriend. I pretend that Jace and Mark are childhood friends and I fell madly in love with him at my families' traditional yearly pool party.

"So folks, how was everything for you today? Did you all enjoy the pancakes?"

"Mmm we sure did. My baby sister here made a good choice."

Rose gets a crooked smile on her face before saying:

"Well not only does she look just like her big brother, it looks like she shares his appetite too. Look at that girly; who would have thought a little bitty thing like you could clean a plate like that."

Jace squeezes my hand before leaning forward and planting a soft kiss at my temple and says:

"My girl has a good appetite. It's one of the things that made me fall in love with her. Most girls just push a salad around on a plate on a first date. Not my girl, nope she ate half of a large pizza. She had pepperoni grease running down her arms and when she smiled at me she had a piece of green pepper stuck between her teeth, and I knew right then and there I was in love."

This is fun, I want to play too. I mock embarrassment and playfully swat at Jace before saying:

"Babe you're embarrassing me."

Jace and I are smiling at each other like teenager in love. Wait we are teenagers. But are we in love? Does Jace love me? Do I love him? The waitress interrupts my thoughts.

"Well this one here sure makes your job of being a big brother obsolete doesn't he? Just look at the way he looks at your baby sister here. He is completely smitten."

"Yeah he sure is isn't he? He makes her smile and that's all I care about. As long as my baby sister is always smiling I'm a happy man."

Jace plays the dutiful boyfriend and waits for me as I use the bathroom. When I get out of the bathroom I reach my hand out to him but he doesn't take it. Instead he slips his arm around me and pulls me snugly to his side and we walk to the car like that.

"Laid it on a little thick in there didn't you Jace?"

"I don't know what you mean. You told me to pretend she was my girlfriend. If I had a real girlfriend, then that is how I would treat her."

"Seriously? You'd be that mushy gushy with a girl."

"What do you mean mushy gushy? I was just being a sweet, loving boyfriend."

"I never even seen you with a girl before Jace, I can't imagine seeing that every day. I'm not sure I could handle seeing you treat a girl like that all the time."

"I have had girlfriends before, just none that you knew about. Who are you to talk anyhow I never met one of your girlfriends either. How do you treat them?"

"Shit I don't do the girlfriend thing. I don't have time for that shit. I usually just treat women like the whores they are. You know fuck em' and forget em."

"Wow that seems harsh don't you think. All girls aren't whores Mark, in fact I'd like to think most of them aren't."

"Trust me kid, you get to be around girls as long as I have you will see. You're young yet, still wet behind the ears. It only takes one to break your heart kid then you'll see."

I sit quietly in the backseat thinking about what Mark said as him and Jace study the map for a safe sleeping spot for the day. Is that why he looks at me like that? Did some girl a long time ago break his heart? I find it hard to imagine this? He said himself he doesn't do the girlfriend thing. Maybe when he was younger he had a bad experience with a girlfriend? Maybe he feels this way about women because of the connection him and Jace share; maybe the "sick bastards" were women that did bad things to them?

"Jace did you see that there was a thrift shop across the street over there?"

"No….Oh okay I see it now. What about it?"

"Seeing how my baby sister back there likes to roll around in the mud; it's probably a good idea to get her a change of clothes. Sure she can sleep in your underwear, but you might not be able to wash her cloths again if she has another accident."

"You're right she should have a change of clothes."

We drive across the street and park the car out front of the thrift store. Jace turns around and asks me:

"What size pants do you wear Clary?"

Before I can answer Mark says:

"You dumb ass, I thought you said you knew how to treat a girl right Jace. Don't you know you NEVER ask a woman what her dress size is? And you never ask her how much she weighs either. Trust me. Just take your little girlfriend in the store there and pretend you are buying her something nice to say thank you for the great blow job she gave you last night."

"You're sick you know that right?"

"Yes Jace I am aware of that. I'm sick and you are mushy gushy. Now go on we need to get the hell out of this daylight."

Jace and I enter the store hand in hand. The pimple faced boy at the register greats us with a friendly hello. Jace says hello back and I just smile at him.

"Let me know if you two need any help finding anything."

To save time I decide to ask him some questions.

"Are you pants sorted by sizes here?"

"Yes miss they are. What size are you looking for? I'm guessing if they are for you, then you look to be about a size two. You're such a tiny little thing. "

Jace giggles quietly beside me but doesn't say anything.

"Good guess. Yep that's the size I need. Could you please point me in the right direction?"

"Sure thing sweetheart. Strait back and to the right is where you'll find the women's pants selection."

"Thank you."

"You are more than welcome sweetheart. Be sure to let me know if you need anything else."

Jace and I make our way to the back of the store and I begin the search for a pair of pants in my size. Less than a minute later I find a pair and turn to see what Jace is looking at. I find him in the next isle over holding a pretty yellow sweater that looks to be about my size.

"I think these one will be fine."

"That was fast; I figured we would be in here for an hour."

"No I hate shopping. I avoid it as much as I can and get it over with as quickly as possible."

"See that's another reason why I'm glad you're my girlfriend. Do you like this sweater?"

"Yes it's pretty. I think I'll take it. You are such a good boyfriend for buying it for me."

"That I am Clary. That I am. Here take the sweater and your pants, the dressing rooms are over there."

"I don't think I really need to try them on they should fit."

Jace gives me a sneaky smile and says:

"Oh I think you better try them on just to be sure."

I take the sweater from Jace and turn towards the dressing rooms. Just as I start to walk away from Jace he swats me on the butt. I chose to ignore his playfulness and continue my way to the dressing room. I glance towards the front of the store to see the pimple faced boy frowning at me. I smile at him and give him a little wave of my fingers and he smiles back.

Once in the dressing room I remove my Jeans and shirt. I pull on the yellow sweater first and examine myself in the mirror finding that it fits perfectly. Before I can try on the jeans Jace opens the door of the dressing room and pins me up against the mirror.

He's like a wild cat, with his slick fast movements. He has both of my hands pinned to the mirror above my head with just one of his. His long fingers curl easily around both my hands. His other hand is wrapped under my chin so that his thumb is pressing one side of my cheek and his fingers are pressing the other side. He has his knee between my thighs; his foot is resting on the low bench effectively lifting me high enough that are eyes are level. I am breathing hard at his sudden entrance and his sudden restraint of my body. Heat pools low in my stomach and even lower still between my thighs as Jaces eyes burn into mine. His lips move to my ear and I feel his tongue slid behind it releasing a low moan from my throat. He uses his tongue to pull my earlobe into his mouth and gently begins to nibble. I wish he would let my hands go so I can touch his body. That's probably the reason why he has my hands trapped so I won't touch him. I slide my leg up his thigh and lock it into place at his hip causing him to groan. He stops nibbling my ear and begins to run his lips across my jaw and whispers:

"I don't like how he was flirting with you Clary. Doesn't that little worm know that you are MY girlfriend? Doesn't he know that you belong to me?"

"Mmmm…..Jace…"

"That's right Clary moan my name. I want him to hear what I am doing to you in hear."

I WANT HIM

Jace is assaulting my neck with his lips, with his tongue, and so deliciously with his teeth. It feels so good. I want his mouth on mine.

I WANT HIM

"Jace….pleeese…"

Jace swiftly releases my hands and grips his fingers into my hips before pulling my other leg up and locking it above his other hip. I lock my ankles around him; pulling ours body's even closer together. I can feel every inch of him. I can feel the buckle of his belt biting into my stomach. I can feel…OH… I can feel HIM…he is HARD…I WANT HIM.

Now that my hands are free I slide them between our bodies hitching up his shirt so I can slide my fingers across his hard slick stomach, effectively releasing a low growl from Jace. Jace closes his eyes and suddenly his mouth is on mine. His lips are hot on my mouth as our lips begin to move in perfect unison. He parts my mouth and slides his tongue along my bottom lip, and I slide my own tongue against his and together they perform a slow seductive dance.

I WANT HIM.

Right now I don't care if the pimple faced kid can hear me moaning. Right now I don't care that Mark is waiting outside in the car. Right now all I care about is feeling Jaces mouth on mine. Feeling his hands slide under my sweater. Feeling his hardness pressed between my thighs. Can he feel me? Can he feel the heat between my thighs? It feels like fire. Not a warm cozy fire either, no this fire is almost painfully hot. I continue to quietly moan into Jace's mouth as his fingers slide under the hem of my panties. His fingers slowly work their way down and then he slides one deep inside of me. Jace releases my mouth with a gasp and his lips are at my ear once more whispering:

"Oh Clary, is this all because of me? Are you this wet just for me? Or are you wet for that little worm standing out there?"

"You Jace….it's all for you….only for you….please…."

Jace begins stroking me with his finger, slowly at first and then he slides in another finger and then he begins to move faster. Before long I can feel pressure building inside me. This pressure is intense; it's almost overwhelming, almost scary. For a split second I consider asking him to stop his deep stroking, but then the pressure finally boils over and I feel myself pulsing, feel myself clamping tightly around Jace's fingers as I loudly reach my climax. Jace removes his fingers from between my thighs and gently places my feet to the floor and he steps back. My legs are shaking violently so I slide my body down the mirror and sit on the low bench.

As I try to catch my breath I look up at Jace. He is running his thumb over the two fingers that were inside me. They are slick with wetness. Jace looks at me and a wicked grin spreads across his face as he raises his finger to his mouth and sucks them clean with a low moan.

"Mmm…you taste good Clary…sweet….but not too sweet."

My brain isn't working again, it won't form any words.

Jace chuckles and turns to leave the dressing room. After I am left alone I just sit there waiting for my legs to stop shaking. A good ten minutes later I am dressed in my original cloths as I exit the dressing room and make my way to the front of the store where Jace is browsing a rack of sunglasses. He pulls a pair off the rack and slides them onto my face and smiles at me.

"You should get those, you look sexy in them."

I smile at him and while still wearing the sunglasses; walk to register. Pimple face boy scowls at me before speaking to me with a clipped tone.

"I trust you were able to find everything you needed."

"Yes thank you."

He reaches his hand up and snatches the sunglasses off of my face; effectively yanking out some of my hair in the process causing me to let out a small squeal.

"Hey kid, keep your hands off of my girlfriend."

JACE IS MAD

"I apologize miss, I didn't mean any harm. It is part of my duty to inform you _sir_ that our dressing rooms are designed for one person and one person only. It is against store policy."

Jace lets out a dark chuckle before saying:

"What was I to do? My girlfriend needed help with her zipper. I'm sure you know that old saying never leave a damsel in distress."

Jace pays for my items and a minute later we are in the car.

"Wake up Mark. Let's go."

"Well can you blame me for dozing off? Why do girls take so long to shop anyhow?"

"I don't know. Let's get going Mark. We need to get some sleep. I want to be back on the road around six tonight. We are going to need to really put some miles behind us tonight. I'd like to get to the trailer and get rid of this car."

We only drive for about 15 minutes and by 8:45 am we are parked down a secluded street where we will be sleeping for the day. Jace climbs in the backseat with me and proceeds to tie one end of the rope to my wrist before securing the other end to his own. Mark is stretched across the front seat and is already snoring by the time Jace is done tying us together.

"Do you want your jacket back?"

"No, it's okay you need it more than I do. Besides we are already bound together, might prove to be a little difficult to give it back to me right now."

"Okay, sorry….thank you."

"Get some sleep Clary."


	14. Chapter 14

PLEASE BE SURE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO WRIGHT A QUICK REVIEW. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME SO FAR AND THANK ALL SO VERY MUCH FOR READING STOCKHOLMS.

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 14

_These ropes are wrapped around my entire body. They are too tight. They are so tight it feels like I am being weighed down. The weight is nearly suffocating. There are images flashing through my vision. Flashes of dark hair and dark menacing eyes. Flashes of blond hair. Flashes of an angry hand shoving my body hard. Flashes of golden eyes burning into mine. Flashes of long tan fingers sliding their way down my body. Flashes of a tall woman holding a plate of food. Flashes of soft lips feathering light kisses along my jaw line. Flashes of long fingers curled around my wrist like a vice. Flashes of my legs snaked around a long body. Flashes of a gun._

I open my eyes still seeing images of a gun and I need to blink a few times to make them go away. I am propped uncomfortably in the corner of the back seat. I can't move my arm. I look down to see why, and I find Jace's head on my ribcage. He has his arms wrapped tightly around my body. That explains why I can't move my arm; the rope connecting the two of us is pulled too tight behind my back. At first I panic, what if Mark see's Jace sleeping with his arms around me like this?

I am able to shift my body far enough ahead to see the clock on the dash. It reads 4:54pm, the alarm won't be going off for another six minutes and Mark is still snoring loudly in the front seat. I close my eyes and slowly count to ten before opening them again. Using my unrestrained hand, I run my fingers lightly across Jace's sharp cheekbone. He moves slightly at my touch but continues to keep his eyes closed. Slowly I run my fingers through his soft blond hair and his eyes begin to flutter open.

Jace gets a look if panic on his face as he realizes he is holding me. Before he can make any noise and wake Mark up; I place my finger over his parted lips as if to say shhh its okay he's still sleeping. His face relaxes and he slowly uncoils himself from my body and sits back in the seat before letting out a deep sigh.

Jace wakes Mark up, and unties us while Mark disappears into the woods to relieve his bladder. Once Mark returns it is our turn to go into the woods and go to the bathroom. I squat behind a few bushes as Jace relieves himself on a tall oak tree nearby. As I am fastening my pants Jace continues to water the tree. I bravely turn and watch him from behind as he finishes.

"Jace is it me or does he seem different to you?"

"No, not to me he doesn't. I know him. I know his patterns. Don't think he's had a change of heart Clary. You are still very much in danger. His eyes are always on you. His eyes are always undressing you. This is just the calm before the storm. Now is the time to be on the highest alert."

"I don't understand…."

"You don't need to understand it Clary. You just need to trust me when I say don't let out that sigh of relief anytime soon. I promise I'll keep you safe though."

Jace uses his pocket knife to spread peanut butter onto bread for sandwiches and licks the knife clean before shoving it back into his pants pocket. Mark reaches up and snatches two sandwiches off the dash and starts chewing. Jace passes me back one and I take it. I want to tell him that I don't like peanut butter. I want to ask him if I can just eat some bread instead. I open my mouth and take a bite. As I clear my mind; I pretend that I'm eating a cheese sandwich. Yes a cheese sandwich, with a nice thick slice of Cooper Sharp cut fresh at Szmidt's Old World Deli on Greenfield Avenue in Pittsburgh.

We have been driving for about four hours when Jace pulls into a gas station. I don't know what town we are in; I'm not even sure what state we are in. I think we might be in Arkansas, but I can't be sure. Mark is still sleeping as Jace pumps the gas. He fell asleep not long after we started driving. I don't understand how someone can sleep that much. Granted it wasn't the best sleeping arrangements; and my neck is stiff from being at an odd angle, I still feel like I slept well. I am completely wide awake. Jace opens the back door and beckons me with his finger to follow him.

After using the facilities; we enter the tiny store where Jace grabs some bottled water, a loaf of bread, and a big bag of pretzels before turning towards the old man at the register. As he places the items on the counter he glances over his shoulder at me and says:

"Did you want anything else babe?"

"Ummm…could I get some chewing gum maybe?"

Jace walks over and plants a kiss on my cheek before saying:

"If my baby wants some chewing gum then chewing gum she shall have."

"Thank you sweetie."

After selecting my gum, I place it on the counter so the old man can ring it up. The old man pushes buttons on the register before asking:

"Will there be anything else for you young folks?"

Jace smiles and says:

"Do you have any winning lottery tickets back there by chance? I want to buy my girl here a shiny little sport's car."

Jace winks at me and gives me a warm smile as the old man chuckles.

"Young man, don't you think if I had a winning lottery ticket laying around here I would be keeping it for myself? I'm 68 years old, if I had a winning Lottery ticket I wouldn't be standing here that's for sure. I'd be sipping some fruity drink with an umbrella sticking out of it down in Mexico or some other place with a hot beach."

I swallow hard at the mention of Mexico, but Jace just laughs at the old man before saying:

"Well that sounds pretty good too. I wouldn't mind sipping a fruity drink at the beach either."

"You kids have a good night now. Be sure to drive safely young man, and take care of that pretty little gal of yours."

"Thank you sir, you have a good night also. Don't you worry now; I will take good care of my baby. Who knows maybe someday I can buy one of those fruity drinks."

Jace pulls me to his side and kisses my hair as we exit the store. Once in the car he shakes Mark awake and asks him if he needs to use the bathroom before we leave; with a groan Mark curls into a tight ball and tells him no before going back to sleep.

We drive through the night. Jace flips through the radio stations when the one he is listening to fades to static. He sings quietly along with almost every song that is played. I realize that Jace is a music lover; with a love for many genres of music. He is some kind of music Savant, with his seemingly endless supply of song lyrics. Realizing this brings a smile to my face. I too love music; not nearly to the extent that he does I think, but it's nice to know that we can share that passion together.

Getting tired I stretch out across the back seat and let my mind wander to my pretend places. I imagine Jace and I lying naked together in tangled sheets in a big bed. It's late at night and we have just finished making love to soft music. We lay there in each-others arm and talk about our love of music. Jace softly sings in my ear. Some songs are slow and sweet and others are louder and comical. We pause occasionally to share a passionate kiss or a soft caress. BEAUTIFUL…..

The bright morning sun is shining through my eyelids; when I open my eyes I realize it is not the morning sun, but the florescent lights floating above a gas pump. Mark is still snoring and Jace is at the rear of the car filling the tank with gas. The clock on the dash reads 4:29am. Jace opens my door and hold his hand out for me to take.

We are sitting at a little picnic table just outside the gas station. Jace is sipping a large cup of black coffee and am chewing a piece of my mint gum. He looks tired. Jace has been driving for a little over 10 hours now. I wonder why he doesn't wake Mark up and ask him to drive? I wonder how Mark can sleep so long? I wonder if him sleeping has something to do with the "pattern" Jace was referring to?

Jace brushes a lock of my hair off of my cheek and tucks it gently behind my ear. His eyes are soft and his smile is warm. I return his smile with a warm one of my own. He leans his long body across the table and plants a chaste kiss on my lips.

"Mmm…minty." He says.

"Mmm…coffee-y." I joke.

"Sorry love, but I just had to kiss you. You look so beautiful sitting there."

I gasp in a breath of air. He called me love even though there is no one but me to hear it. He said I was beautiful, no one has ever called me beautiful before. Cute yes I get referred to as cute a lot. Once Simon told me I was pretty when we were out to dinner. But no, never beautiful. Thinking of Simon I get a slight pang of guilt in my stomach. I brush it off; I need to forget about Simon. I need to forget my old life and the memories of living in Pittsburgh. I don't want to think about anything else but the here and now. Just live each minute as they come. I don't want to think about whether or not we will make it to Mexico. I don't want to think about Jace's warning about the calm before the storm. I don't want to think about Mark undressing me with his eyes. I just want to live one minute at a time without thinking about anything at all.

We slide back into the car after Jace finishes his coffee and he swats Mark awake as he brushes his teeth.

"Wake up Mark."

"Mmmm…What? Why are you waking me up? Are we at the trailer already?"

"No it'll be another two hours or so before we get to the trailer so you might want to use the bathroom before we take off again."

"I don't need to use the bathroom. I'm fine. I'm tired. I'm going back to sleep. Wake me up when we get to the trailer."

Geez how can he still be tired? Doesn't he realize that Jace has been driving all night? Doesn't he realize how tired Jace is? I hope Jace can drive another two hours without falling asleep and killing us all in a car accident.

We drive into the darkness as Mark begins to snore again. The radio is on but the volume is low for almost an hour. Jace does not sing along as he drives. His eyes are open wide as though he's trying hard to stay awake. The radio begins to play a soft song and Jace reaches forward and turns up the volume just as a beautiful woman's voice begins to sing. Jace picks up the song mid-lyric and sings along softly. The song is sweet and sad, hearing Jace sing in his lovely voice in perfect unison with the woman sounds like they could perform a duet on a stage somewhere.

When the song is over I quietly ask him what the name of it is.

Glancing over his shoulder with a weak smile he says:

"It's called "Wings" by a girl named "Birdy" believe it or not. I love her voice, it was a nice surprise to hear her played on the radio. She is really not that well known, this must be one of those radio stations that play music to try to introduce new or unknown artist. It will be a shame when this station fades out."

"It's a very pretty song."

"Mmm...yes it is pretty, but it's also very sad too. I don't know for sure but it sounds like she is singing about someone she lost, or someone who might have died. She sings about having wings and wanting to be able to fly. Like if she could fly maybe they could find each other again. Maybe they could be together again. It's heartbreaking really."

"Maybe they can fly together when she finds him?"

"Maybe…"

"Does he always sleep like that? Sleep for so long I mean."

"No, not usually. Most of the time he barely sleeps for more than four hours a night. But sometimes he does this. Sometimes I think living on so little sleep for long periods of time catches up to him. It catches up to him and he does this; he sleeps for almost two days strait, and then it starts all over again."

This must be his pattern then. His strange mood swings causing him to be high and then low; mixed with his erratic sleep pattern makes me think he suffers from some sort of mental disorder. Like maybe he's a manic depressive, or possibly he could have bi-polar disorder. Jace said that Mark was crazy. He said that he has had to talk him down many times before. Why doesn't he get some help? There is no shame in having mental problem. Doesn't he realize how maybe some medication could help him?

We are just outside San Antonio Texas, and we have been traveling on a rough dirt road for almost twenty minutes. It's more of a single path than an actual road. It is rough and severely neglected. The center of the road has tall weeds growing high as though this road is rarely used. I find myself becoming hypnotized as I watch the front bumper of the car bend the weeds over as we drive. The way the weeds bend in the flashing of the bumpy headlights is almost beautiful.

Mark groans loudly and begins to stretches his legs and arms as he wakes.

"Holy shit kid I never thought you'd make it this far in one night. I'm looking forward to a hot shower and some couch time."

"I just hope everything is the way we left it last month when we were here. It's almost forty-five minutes one way just to get anything. I am whooped and I really don't feel like going to the store just because some asshole stole the toilet paper."

Mark starts laughing.

"Well let's hope if they did steal the toilet paper then they at least left us the coffee filters. Right kid?"

Now Jace is laughing with him.

"Yeah let's hope they do. And the coffee to go with them too."

"I got to tell you Jace; before you came along I would have never thought of using coffee filters to wipe my ass."

They continue to laugh softly as though they are reminiscing.

"You know me Mark. I can be very resourceful when I need to be. As long as I have duct-tape and some coffee filters there is no problem too big or too small."

"Haha…yeah you and your duct-tape. That damn pipe under the sink hasn't leaked for almost two years because of your taping skills. Oh well I guess I won't have to keep telling myself I need to fix that anymore now. Let some other asshole deal with that shitty apartment. I don't plan on ever seeing it or that smog filled city ever again. Nope just sunshine and Senorita's from now on my friend."

At ten after seven, the morning sun is shining bright as Jace parks the car in front of a small house trailer. The three of us gather everything out of the car; making sure nothing is left, before we enter the unlocked door of the trailer. All the blinds are close and it's dark inside. It smells closed up and musty like stale cigarette smoke, and something else I can't quite put my finger on. Something spice-like; clove or cinnamon incense maybe.

"Okay Jace since you did all the driving last night; I'm going to be a nice guy and go exchange the cars. Why don't you go flip the breakers and turn the propane on for the hot water tank? Do me another favor, check to see if everything is still here; if not I can run to town after I've had my shower."

"Okay, sounds good to me. See you in about an hour then?"

"Yep should be back in an hour maybe a little longer depending on whether or not there have been any bad storms lately to wash the road away."

"Take your time driving back. I really don't feel like walking eight miles because you cut a tire on the car."

"Don't worry Jace. I'll be sure to be careful of any rocks."

Jace takes me by the elbow and we exit the trailer. He steers me around the back of the trailer as Mark drives further down the dirt path. We stop walking once we reach a pole with a metal box attached to it. Jace lets go of me and flips the metal door open, he flips two breaker switches into the on position and then closes the door. I follow him to the propane tank and watch him spin the nozzle and I can hear the hiss of the propane as it fills the pipes that are going under the trailer.

I follow Jace back into the trailer; he flips on the lights as he walks quickly from room to room before pausing in the kitchen. He opens the lid to a small chest freezer and then closes it. He then opens each cupboard door and drawer for a quick inspection. Jace then walks down the short hallway off of the kitchen and disappears through a door while I remain standing in the kitchen. A moment later he walks through the kitchen, passing me along the way, and opens a door. He pops his head in quickly and walks back to the kitchen, leaving the door open slightly. I can just make out the end of a small bed as I look through the opening of the door. Jace pauses near me for about five second, then spins quickly around and heads for the exit of the trailer.

"Come on Clary, you can come with me if you want."

"Where are we going?"

"I need to check the generators."

"Generator's? I didn't see any generators when we were outside."

"That's because technically they aren't outside."

"Oh…where are they then."

"We are almost there, you'll see."

I look around as we walk. We are probably fifteen yards or so away from the back of the small trailer when Jace stops walking. There is nothing here, just dirt and weeds. Jace walks around in a small circle as he kicks the dirt. After a few more kicks of the dirt he stops and bends down. When he stands back up he has a rusted chain in his hand. He pulls on the chain and a lid of some sort magically lifts open, spilling dirt as it is raised higher. I can hear a low humming sound coming from inside the dark opening. Jace turns and smiles at me before lowering himself down the dark opening.

"Come here, I'll help you down the ladder."

Jace keeps one of his arms wrapped tightly around my waist as we slowly make our way down the ladder; the humming sound is growing louder as we descend.

"You can let go now Clary, you're on solid ground so you are not going to fall."

"It's dark….I can't see anything."

"Stay still while I find the light okay?"

"Okay…"

I can hear Jace's boots shuffling across the ground for a moment and then I hear the tinkling of a pull-chain. Suddenly the humming room is filled with light.

"See…Generators."

"Why are they down here?"

"Not sure, the old Indian man who sold us this place didn't really explain too much to us. He showed us how to find them, took his fifteen hundred bucks and left."

"Why are there three of them? What do they do?"

"This little one is only hooked up to this battery over here. The battery is what keeps the freezer running. Don't ask me how it all works, I just know that when the battery get down to the red then the generator kicks on long enough to charge it back up. These other two are for the lights in the trailer. One of them is for the bathroom, the kitchen, and the living room. The other one is for the bedrooms."

"What are all those blue jugs for?"

"Those are filled with diesel fuel. That's what the generators run off of. I need to top off the little one but the two big guys are full."

"How long will that last us?"

"Mmm…between the fuel that's already in the generators and what we have in the jugs, I'd say probably enough to last two weeks or better."

"Is that how long we will stay here?"

"God no, I'm hoping to get a good nap in today and be in Mexico by lunchtime tomorrow. We are still about fifteen hours from Mexico city, but believe it or not we are only about three hours from the border. Come one let's get out of here, it's creepy down here."

Once we are back inside the kitchen, I sit on one of the two bar stool while Jace pulls thing from the cupboards and out of the freezer. He places a frozen package of sausage links into the microwave and sets it to defrost. He then measures out pancake mix and some canned milk before mix them in a bowl with a fork. He holds his hand over the griddle; that is being heated from the propane stove, to see if it's hot enough. He licks his index finger and the quickly touches the hot metal.

"Ow, I'd say it hot enough."

He giggles and sucks on his burned finger. Jace slowly pours the pancake batter onto the griddle, forming two pancakes. He picks up the spatula and leans his back against the counter, waiting to turn the pancakes over. He is still sucking on his finger and I can't hold back my laughter.

"Are you laughing at me because I burned my finger?"

"No, I'm laughing at you because you look like a little kid the way you are sucking on your finger like that."

He pulls his finger out of his mouth and gives me a wicked grin.

"Little kid huh? Well it hurts, and if I keep it in my mouth it doesn't hurt as much. But if you think I look like a little kid, why don't you come over here and suck it for me? See how you look doing it?"


	15. Chapter 15

THANKS FOR READING

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 15

He wants to play I see. I'm surprised he has the energy. He looks so tired. I decide to play with him so I slide off of my stool and slowly make my way towards him. I lift his hand to my mouth as he watches me. His eyes are filled with mischief as I slowly slide my tongue over the tip of his finger. I twirl my tongue around the tip a few times before curling my lips around his finger and begin to slowly suck on his finger.

Jace's eyes are no longer filled with mischief, now his pupils are large and the gold color of his eyes are almost glowing with desire. His breathing kicks up, and he moans as I take more of his finger into my mouth and suck harder.

"Clary…." He moans.

"Mmmm…" I hum around his finger.

"Oh god you need to stop that before I throw you up on that counter and have my way with you."

Hearing him say those word with his voice low and husky sends pulses through my body. I begin to feel warmth pool to my stomach and between my thighs. I WANT HIM. I continue to suck as I look at him. My eyes are challenging him. My eyes are telling him that I wouldn't stop him from throwing me on the counter. My eyes tell him that I want him to have his way with me.

"Shit!"

Jace yanks his finger from my mouth and turns to find the pancakes burning on the griddle. I walk over and retrieve the trash can so than he can scrape the burned pancakes off the griddle.

"Oops." I innocently say when he looks at me.

Jace giggles at me.

"Oops my ass Clary…you knew what you were doing."

Still playing.

"I don't know what you mean Jace. You asked me to suck on your burn. Isn't that what I was doing?"

"Mmm-hmm… feign innocence all you want Clary. You're naughty you know that?"

"You started it; I saw the way you looked at me. That is exactly what you wanted me to do so don't bother denying it."

"Haha…you're damn right that's what I wanted you to do, I just can't believe that you actually did. Who are you to talk about looks anyhow Clary? You wanted me to put you on that counter. Remember I can read your eyes as if they were my own."

He started off with a playful tone to his voice but by the time he finished speaking his voice was low and sincere. I don't want to stop playing yet.

"They are yours Jace."

"What are mine?"

"My eyes, they are yours, remember yesterday you told me I belonged to you? Doesn't that include my eyes too?"

"I didn't realize that you took me serious."

"You don't want me to take you seriously?"

"Yes, I do actually. I mean all playing aside, yes I want you to take me seriously."

"I do."

Jace is quiet for a moment and looks into my eyes.

"Yes you do don't you. I can see that."

"I'm glad you can see that I do."

Jace is quite again, he is studying my eyes. His eyes graze up and down my body slowly, before taking a serious tone and says:

"Clary I need to ask you something. You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable though."

"Okay ask away."

"Are you a virgin?"

"Yes I am. Why would that question make me uncomfortable?"

"Usually when a guy ask a girl that question it makes them uncomfortable."

"Maybe if anyone else asked me that question I might be. But you asked me and I feel completely comfortable around you. More than comfortable actually. Why did you ask me anyhow?"

"Just needed to confirm it is all."

"What do you mean confirm? Why does it matter anyway? Is it a problem that I am a virgin?"

"No it's not a problem. It matters because….well we can get to that later. Yesterday in the dressing room, the way you felt when I put my finger in you I figured than you probably were a virgin; but I watched your face as I made you cum and I could tell that you never had an orgasm before, so even if you weren't a virgin no one has ever made you cum before."

"Could you see that it almost scared me at first?"

"Yes I could see how scared you were of your own body."

"I was only scared for a moment."

"Oh I know that too…the way you moaned my name as you came proves that you were far from scared."

"Okay so why does it matter? What did you mean when you said we can get to that later?"

Jace wraps his arm around me and pulls me tightly to his chest. I wrap my own arms around him and slide them around to his back.

"Well what you're doing with your hands is part of why it matters."

I start to lift my hands from his back.

"NO Don't! You're okay, just don't move them too much. Just be careful Clary."

"Okay you don't like to be touched very much. What else is there?" 

"No see you're wrong Clary I liked to be touched by you, I like it very much in fact. There are just parts of my body; that when someone touches me a certain way, well it reminds me of something else. That's something I need to work on."

"We can work on it together Jace. You said yourself that, that is one of the reason why me being a virgin matters. Why though?"

"Let me explain the other reason why it matter first. The most import reason in fact."

"Okay…"

"Clary I needed to know for sure if you were a virgin or not, because then I would know to be patient and gentle with you. To go slow so I don't hurt you. If I didn't know you were a virgin and would have put you up on that counter; and did what I wanted to five minutes ago, I would have hurt you. I don't want to hurt you Clary."

"I wanted you to put me on that counter five minute ago, I still want you to."

Jace takes my face in both of his hands and looks me in the eyes.

"No baby…no…not like that. Not your first time. I wouldn't do that to you. You deserve better than that."

"I want you Jace. I don't care if it's on the counter or in a bed or on some sand covered beach. I just want you, more than want, I need you."

I am surprised by my honesty. But it's the truth, I have never felt want or need like this.

Jace lowers his face and gently kisses my lips.

"I want you too Clary. I don't think you have any idea how much I want you. I have never wanted anyone like I want you. I understand what you mean when you say you need me. I feel the same way about you. I need you too Clary. I need you like I need air in my lungs. I need you like I need sunshine on my face every day to keep from going insane. I need you like I need my music, because without my music I don't want to breathe, I don't want to have the sun shining on my face. That's the way you make me feel Clary. You make me feel like without you there is no point to existing."

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his mouth down to mine, kissing him hard. Before our kiss gets too intense Jace pulls away and take a step back.

"We need to stop now, Mark will be back any minute now. I can't kiss you again, I can't have you touch me again. I can't Clary, I'm sorry it's too much. I won't be able to control myself. I told you I wouldn't kiss until we got to Mexico, but I have, I have more than just kissed you. I want to Clary, god know I do, but I can't anymore it's too risky. Please say you understand."

"I understand."

"You're not mad are you?"

"No I'm not mad, maybe a little disappointed to be honest, but I do understand why we need to stop. I can wait. I'm not going anywhere Jace."

Jace smiles at me and then turns to pour more pancake batter on the griddle. He has his back to me and begins to chuckle quietly.

"Something funny Jace?"

"I was just thinking about the burnt pancakes. Something tells me that if we manage to put all this crazy shit behind us; that won't be that last time you make me burn food in the kitchen."

I laugh with him.

"You're probably right Jace. I see many burned meal and lot of counter sex in our future."

"I look forward to that love. Bring on the counter sex and burned food!"

"I like that you know."

"Like what burned food, or the idea of counter sex?"

He laughs at his own little joke.

"I mean when you call me love. I like that."

Jace flips the pancakes over and turns so that he is facing me.

"That's good, because I like to call you love…Love."

We stand there a smile at each other until Jace turns back to the pancakes. He slides them on a plate and puts them in the oven to keep them warm before pouring on more batter. Jace opens the microwave, pokes at the pack of sausage a then turns the microwave back on. I watch him finish cooking the last of the pancakes for a total seven. There should have been nine of them had he not burned the first two. After sliding the plate of pancakes into the oven he begins browning the sausage. I notice that the coffee pot is finally done brewing and decide that since breakfast is almost done I will pour Jace and I a cup of coffee. Just as I hand Jace his cup of black coffee, Mark walk through the door and into the kitchen.

"Well, well, well doesn't this look cozy?"

Not liking the look on Marks face I try to diffuse the situation.

"Would you like a cup of coffee Mark? It's fresh brewed."

Mark's mouth drops open and quickly closes.

"Uh…yeah, sure I'll take a cup of coffee. Cream and sugar if you have it."

"There is canned milk here if that's okay?"

"Sure that would be fine Clarissssa."

Ew I hate the way he says my name. I wish I could get away with spitting in his coffee, but I know he is watching me like a hawk. I finish stirring the canned milk and a little sugar into the coffee and hand it to him. He takes the coffee and sits down at the table.

I decide to set the table, so I retrieve three plates from the cupboard that I saw Jace open earlier and place each one of them on the table. Opening two drawers before finding the silverware, I take three forks and three butter knives out. I place one each beside two plates; and then I glace at Mark before slowly setting down his fork and knife to show him that I don't intend to stab him with either one of them. He watches my slow movement and takes a small sip of his coffee. He smiles widely before saying:

"Mmm…that's a good cup of coffee sweetheart. This one here's a keeper Jace with her amazing coffee making skills."

Jace chooses to ignore Mark by pretending to be too engrossed in turning over the sausage links. Something feels off, Mark is being too nice and I can feel the tension in the room. I decide to make a joke:

"Watch it there big brother, my boyfriend might get jealous of you calling me sweetheart."

Mark is out of his chair so fast that he knocks it to the floor and it skids across the pale yellow linoleum. He grabs my arm and begins to shake it violently.


	16. Chapter 16

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 16

"What the fuck did you just say to me you little bitch!?"

With his cat like movements Jace is now standing between us and he grabs the front of Marks shirt and pushes him across the kitchen slamming him against the wall.

"I told you to keep your hands off of her Mark. What's your problem? She was only joking."

"The little bitch is getting too cozy. You have been too soft on her. I think she forgot that we fucking KIDNAPPED her. And get you damn hands off of me Jace."

Jace slams Mark against the wall again.

"I will not take my hands off of you. Do you really think she forgot that we kidnapped her Mark? Do you think that she thinks this is fun? That she thinks this is all just some fucking game? She just wants to go home. She just wants to fucking get through this shit and go home. As far as me being soft on her, that's bullshit. You are too hard on her, you scare her Mark. The way you're always looking at her. The way you pretend to be nice to her then you fucking flip out on her. She's scared of you Mark. Maybe that's why you think I'm so soft on her. I'm not treating her softly, I'm treating her like a human being. What is wrong with you man? Do you think you need to hate ever female in the world because of what happened? Guess what Mark they're not all like your mother. Don't be mad at Clary. She was just trying to joke around, to make things easier, to not be so scared."

Mark was stone faced and kept his head turned away from Jace as Jace spoke to him. Jace still has his hands fisted tightly in Marks shirt and he has his body pressed up against him pinning him to the wall. They stay like that for what seems like hours. Frozen. I peel my eyes away from them long enough to see that the sausage is beginning to burn. I take two steps toward the stove and turn off the burner. My movement was enough to unfreeze Mark.

"Will you let me go now Jace?"

"Do you promise not to hurt her?"

"AH geez, your fucking belt is digging into my hip. Come one let me go."

Jace slams him against the wall once more.

"Not until you promise."

"Okay, okay I promise I won't hurt her. Now will you please let me go?"

Jace slowly pulls his body away from Marks and then lets him go. Mark leans against the wall for a moment longer before bending down and retrieving his chair, which he drags to the table and sits down. Jace is standing in front of Mark blocking his view of me. Without turning he says:

"Are you okay Clary?"

"Y-yes I'm fine…I'm sorry Mark…please forgive me?"

Mark says nothing. Jace lets out an exhausted breath.

"Clary you don't have anything to be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong. You have been on your best behavior since the second I grabbed you in that bank. You don't need to ask Mark for his forgiveness, you haven't done anything wrong to be forgiven for. It's him that owes you the apology Clary. Thank you for turning off the stove. Now let's sit down and eat some breakfast."

I remain standing in the corner by the counter as Jace pulls the plate from the oven. Without even looking he holds the plate out to me. With a neutral tone to his voice he says:

"Here Clary put this on the table and take a seat."

I do as I am told. I set the plate of pancakes in the center of the table and take the seat directly across from Mark. I try to avoid looking at him and keep my eyes on my plate. Jace sits down at the seat that is in between Mark and I. He then places two pancakes on my plate, three on Marks, and the last two on his own plate.

"Thank you Jace…" I whisper.

"Sure no problem…Mark did you have any problems with getting the car?"

Mark is silent for a moment and he is watching me eat.

"No, no problems."

"Good I'm going to eat my breakfast and then I'm going to take a nap. I figured we could leave here about eight o'clock tonight if that's okay with you Mark."

"Maybe we should wait till tomorrow night to leave instead."

"Why? Why do you want to wait till tomorrow night?"

"This has all been a little overwhelming for me. Jace I owe you a little gratitude. I'm sorry I accused you of not being able to handle this, the honest truth is I am the one struggling and if it weren't for you I would probably be sitting in jail by now. I have been a mess since the minute we left that bank. But not you kid. You have been solid as a rock the whole time. Thanks Jace."

"Look Mark I'm just as stressed as you are, I just don't show it. You and I are different people and everybody handles stress differently. If we leave tonight by tomorrow afternoon it will be sunshine and Senorita's just like you said."

"Trust me Jace that's what I want. I want sunshine and Senorita's but all the driving, all the sleeping in cars, the constant worry; Jace I can't man, I fucking can't. I just need a day or two to relax. I just want to take a hot shower, flop on the couch, and watch a couple of movies. Actually what I would like to do is go in town and get drunk."

"I understand Mark. That's fine with me if you want to wait until tomorrow night. If you really want a drink I could take you in and then come back and get you later."

"Really you wouldn't mind?"

"No I don't mind. I know a few beers will do you good. I can run you to town after we eat some dinner later okay?"

"The bar is open now. Can't you take me now?"

He is such a selfish asshole. Doesn't he realize how tired Jace is from driving? I guess he thinks just because he slept for the twelve hour drive and HE's not tired then Jace shouldn't be either. I HATE HIM

"Mark it's not even nine o'clock in the morning, you want to go to the bar now?"

"By the time I get a shower and you drive me to town it will be more like ten."

"Okay if that's what you want. Go on and get your shower then and I can run you into town."

"Might be a better idea if you _drive_ me to town. I think you might be pretty tired if you _run_ me the whole way into town Jace."

"Oh hardie-har-har aren't you just so funny Mark."

Mark chuckles to himself and walks back to the bathroom. Jace crosses his arms and places them on the table and lays his head on top of them; letting out a loud sigh as he does.

Poor Jace.

Standing up I stack all of the dirty breakfast plates and take them to the sink. I want to wash them but decide to wait until Mark is done in the shower before turning any water on. I don't want to make him mad again. I decide to clear the counter and sweep the pancake mix off of the floor to busy myself. After wiping the counter off with a Clorox wipe; I grab the broom that is propped in the corner and begin sweeping the floor. Again with his cat like movements; Jace grabs me from behind, wraps his arms around me and kisses my cheek before whispering:

"Thank you for cleaning up. You didn't have to do that. I was going to take care of it. I'll wash those dishes when we get back from dropping Mark off. "

"No you won't, I will wash them. You are going to get some sleep when we get back."

Jace hugs me tighter and nuzzles his nose in my hair before saying:

"Okay love whatever you say. I know better than to argue with you."

"That's right you do. Go rest for a minute while I finish sweeping."

Without a word Jace goes back to his previous position at the table. Just as I am dumping the dust pan into the trash can Mark walks into the kitchen and announces that he is ready to go.

The drive to town is quiet. Jace does not even bother to turn on the radio as he drives. I am sitting in the middle of the back seat so I can see the road. I watch Jace closely as he drives. His eyelids are heavy and I am worried he might fall asleep. When we get to town Jace tell Mark he will be back at four to pick him up.

"Why four?"

"I figured you would want to eat some dinner after drinking all day."

"If I get hungry I can get something at the bar. Just come back and pick me up about eight or so. I want to get out of here before the place gets too busy tonight."

"Okay I will be back to pick you up at eight then."

After watching Mark go into the bar Jace puts the car in reverse and starts to drive back to the trailer.

"I'm sorry love I should have had Mark let you get up front. Do you want me to pull over?"

Instead of answering I just climb over the seat.

"Haha…I could have pulled over."

"It's no big deal. One of the perks of being small, I can just climb over the seat."

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are Clary? I don't think you do, and I think somehow that makes you more beautiful."

"Jace I think you are delusional from lack of sleep. What does me climbing over the seat have to do with being beautiful?"

"A lot actually, and I'm not delusional. You ARE beautiful Clary. You are an amazing girl, you have handled this whole situation so well. Hell I think you are the reason why I am still sane through all of this. If you are this amazing through all of this, I can't wait to see you in relaxed environment."

"Well thank you. I think we keep each other sane through all of this."

"I think you might be right love."

We ride in silence for the next few miles. Jace looks so tired. I wish I knew how to drive, then maybe I could offer to drive the rest of the way. Jace's eyelids grow heavy again, I should ask him questions about Mark, or about him, or maybe a little of both since I still don't know what it is that ties them together. I decide not to ask him any questions because of what he told Mark. He told Mark that he was stressed out over everything, and I think asking him questions that might make him uncomfortable will only add to his stress.

"Jace can I turn on the radio?"

"I wouldn't bother if I were you, you will only find static. We got lucky early this morning before daylight getting a station in. I have no idea why but for some reason when the sun is up you can't a thing to come in on the radio through this area."

Damn I was hoping he could sing along with the radio so he wouldn't fall asleep.

"Well if we can't get anything on the radio then maybe you could sing to me."

"You want me to sing to you?"

"Sure you have a lovey singing voice Jace."

"Thank you baby…okay well what would you like for me to sing you?"

"You are the lyric savant, you pick something."

Jace burst out into laughter.

"Why did you call me a lyric savant?"

"You seem to know every lyric to every song."

"No not every song, but I do know a lot of music."

"Okay so sing me something then."

"Hmm…let me think for a minute…oh okay I got one. We can make a game out of it. See if you can guess what song I am singing."

"That sounds like fun."

Jace begins to sing and I concentrate hard; listening to the lyrics to see if I can identify the song. He finishes and looks at me with a smile that says go on and guess.

"Nope sorry I don't know that song."

"Hot Coals by the Cold War Kids."

"Never heard of them."

"Ready for another one?"

"Yes please." 

Now this song I know immediately but I wait for him to finish first.

"Okay love any idea's"

"I know that one. That's Kiss With A Fist by Florence and the Machine."

"Good job Clary…oh this next one is a deal breaker, if you don't get this one right I might have to make you walk the rest of the way."

"Go easy on me Jace I don't know as much music as you do."

Jace sings and then looks at me with a smile as he waits for my guess.

"What It's Like by…oh what's the band name….give me a hint."

"Start with an E."

"Hmmm…E?...E?...OH I KNOW! Everlast! Am I right? Is that the name of the band."

Jace laughs at my excitement.

"Yes Clary…what a relief, I would have felt really bad about making you walk the rest of the way."

"I think we have time for one more. Can we do one more Jace? Please?"

"Okay one more…let me think…okay here it comes."

Jace begins to sing with his voice low. Within a few words I knew the song. It's called I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz and I love this song. I start to sing along with Jace, he turns and winks at me and continues to sing the rest of the song with me.

"Oh thanks for that one Jace, I love that song and it's been a while since I have heard it."

"You're welcome. Thank you for asking me to sing to you Clary. I would probably be sleeping in a ditch by now."

"I wasn't sure you wanted to talk."

Jace glance over and gives me the ghost of a smile.

"One day love."

"I'll be right here whenever you're ready."

"Will you?"


	17. Chapter 17

SUPER SHORT CHAPTER FOR YOU HERE…

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 17

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Jace puts the car in park and shuts the engine off. We both get out at the same time and I follow him towards the trailer. Before we reach the steps Jace turns around and take me by the shoulders.

"Clary can you drive?"

The urgent look in his eyes tells me he's not just trying to change the subject.

"No not really."

"Do you think you could if you had to though?"

"Yeah I guess so."

"Do you think you could walk eight miles?"

"Jace I've lived in Pittsburgh my whole life. I walk everywhere, every day."

"That doesn't answer my question Clary. Can you do it?"

"Yes. Why are you asking me these things?"

"Listen to me okay, If something happens, something bad I want you to run Clary. If you stay on this road for eight miles you will find the other car. If something happens I want you to get to that car as fast as you can and drive the hell out of here do you hear me?"

"I won't leave you Jace, you can't make me leave you."

"What if I'm dead, or what if the cops suddenly get a break and come here and arrest me?"

"Jace please stop talking like that. You are scaring me."

"Damn it Clary just promise me you will run if something happens."

"Okay I promise."

"Good girl."

Jace drops his hands from my shoulders and walks into the trailer. I follow him. Once inside Jace flops on the coach and falls asleep. I go into the kitchen and wash the dishes from breakfast. I sit on one of the bar stool and watch Jace sleep for almost an hour. I grab my bag form the thrift shop and dig out Jace's didie bag from his duffle bag and head for the bathroom. The tub is small and doesn't take long to fill. I lather up my legs with Jace's soap and then I shave them with his razor hoping he doesn't mind. I then shave my under arms and then wash the rest of my body before starting on my hair. I am shampooing my hair when I hear a knock at the bathroom door.

"I'll be right out Jace, I'm almost done taking a bath."

"Take your time I was just going to ask you not to drain the tub when you done."

"Why?"

"I want to wash up and the hot water tank is going to take two hours to heat back up."

"But my bath water is gross; it's sort of brown from this hair dye and I hope you don't mind but I used your razor to shave my legs."

I can hear Jace laughing outside the bathroom door.

"No I don't mind, please don't drain the tub though okay?"

"Okay."

Jace's Pert shampoo is rough on my dyed hair. As I comb through my wet hair I can see quite a bit of my red color. I pull my hair to the side and braid it over my shoulder. I decide to do some cleaning to keep myself busy while Jace takes a nap, and I don't want my hair in the way.

I open the door to find Jace leaning against the wall holding a change of close.

"Nice sweater Clary. Did your boyfriend buy it for you?"

"Why thank you. It is very pretty isn't it? And yes my boyfriend did buy it for me. My boyfriend is very protective of me and doesn't like it when other boys flirt with me. So you better watch what you say to me."

"He sounds amazing! You will have to introduce me to him some day, I would like to shake his hand and tell him he is a lucky man."

"Jace can I ask you question?"

"Are we done playing Clary?"

"Yes."

"Mmmm…okay you can ask, but I might not be able to answer you. Or I might decide to wait till I'm done getting my bath if I decide the answer might take too long. Dirty bath water I can handle but not COLD dirty bath water."

"What's your last name?"

"Oh that's an easy question. Wayland. My last name is Wayland."

"Okay, I just figured if I am running away to Mexico with a cute boy I should at least know his last name."

"Good point…I'm going to get in the tub now if that's okay?"

"Sure, enjoy your bath."

Jace is in the tub so long I begin to worry that he fell asleep. I managed to wash the windows in both the front rooms and dust the living room. Just when I convince myself that Jace has definitely fell asleep in the tub; and that I should go an wake him up before he drowns, the bathroom door opens. Jace walks into the living room wearing dark jeans and a plain white t-shirt. He shaved the stubble from his face and has his hair slicked back. He looks delicious.

"What are you doing?"

"Cleaning. I dusted and I washed the windows. How was your bath?"

"Relaxing."

"You were in there a while. I thought maybe you fell asleep. I was just getting ready to come and check on you."

"No I was just thinking about some things."

"You look tired Jace."

"Will you come to bed with me Clary?"

Instead of answer him I walk across the room, slide my hand into his, and guide him to the back bedroom. The bedroom has a set of small bunk beds and a small table with a lamp on it. Jace lets go of my hand and walks to the lower bunk and begins to take his belt off while watching me. He folds his belt and sets it on the table. Then he takes his wallet out of is back pocket and the car keys out of his front pocket, placing them on the table with his belt. Jace is still watching me as he slide's under the blankets which he holds open to invite me to lay down with him.

I walk across the room and slide in beside him on the small bed. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his side and I rest my head on his heart while sliding my hand across his stomach. Twenty minutes later Jace is still awake. I don't need to look at him to see he's still awake because he is slowly running his hand across my back as we lay together. I want to lift his shirt up and run my fingers over his chest and I want to rake my fingernails gently through that little line of hair that runs from his belly button all the way down below his zipper. I decide to just keep my hand still. I'm not sure where he doesn't like to be touched and it's so nice being this close to him I don't want to ruin it.

Jace lifts his cheek from my hair and his hand on my back stills.

"Did you mean what you said?"

"You mean when I said you look tired?"

"Not that. When you said you'd be here when I'm ready to talk."

"Yes Jace I meant it. Do you want to talk?"

"No."

"No then why did you ask me that then?"

"What if six months from now I am setting on a beach in Mexico drinking some fruity drink with an umbrella and decide I am ready to talk?"

"Then I'll be there to listen."

"Really? I won't be alone singing that sad song about flying?"

Why is he asking me these questions? Doesn't he believe what I am saying to him? Why does his voice sound so unsure and sad? I raise myself up with my arm and turn my face to his so I can see him. I need him to see my eyes.

"Well you might be singing that sad song but you won't be alone. I will be sitting beside you sipping my own fruity drink and we will be playing our game."

Jace smiles and strokes my cheek with his hand. For a moment he continues to softly stroke my cheek and looks deep into my eyes. His smile fades and his hand slides around the back of my neck where he tangles his fingers in my hair before he pulls me to him. Our lips are barely an inch apart and he is still looking at me. As he looks at me his eyes begin to change, the golden hue looks like boiling honey, and his pupils are wide.

I break eye contact and glance at his mouth; his lips are parted, he uses his tongue to pull his bottom lip between his teeth, dragging them slowly across his flesh before releasing it. I want to have his lip in my mouth. I want to drag my teeth across it like he just did. I look into his eyes again; I want to tell him how beautiful he is.

Jace erases the inch of space between our lips with the slight lift of his head. He kisses my once, softly, as though he is testing to see if I will return his kiss. I kiss him back just as softly and then his mouth consumes mine in a deep long kiss. He lightly runs his tongue along my bottom lip as though he's asking for entry to my mouth. I slide my tongue across his to grant him permission and then our tongues begin a slow sweet dance. As we kiss Jace keeps his fingers knotted in my hair and the fingers on his other hand dug deliciously into my lower back.

I need to have more of him touching me. I slide my leg up resting it across the waist band of his jeans and hook my ankle under his leg, locking my body to his. A low groan escapes from Jace's throat; and then with his slick fast movements I am suddenly on my back and he is on top of me. As our tongues continue their dance Jace slowly parts my thighs with his knee and presses his hips into mine; effectively causing me to moan. My moan causes Jace to break our kiss and he lifts his face to look into my eyes. His voice is low and throaty as he speaks:

"Do you want me to make love to you Clary?"


	18. Chapter 18

JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT THIS STORY IS INTENDED FOR MATURE READERS ONLY. ENJOY AND PLEASE BE SURE TO REVIEW.

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 18

I WANT HIM. My head begins to spin with so many questions at once. This is what I want. I want Jace to make love to me. I need to feel him inside of me. Am I crazy for feeling this way? I have only known this beautiful boy for a few days. Everything we have been through in such a short amount of time makes it feel like much longer than it is. The connection we share is deep, deep as an endless ocean.

"Yes, please Jace I need to feel you inside of me. Please make love to me."

Jace's mouth crashes into mine, our kisses are fast and hungry. Jace's hands are laced in my hair, and my hands are pressed to his face as we kiss. I can feel both of our hearts slamming against each other's chest. I moan softly as our kissing slows down in pace while still remaining profoundly deep. Slowly Jace's left hand untangles from my hair and begins to slide over my throat. His thumb massages my neck while his long fingers glide over and behind my ear. I feel his right hand being to glide down past my other ear; and continue a long slow path over my collarbone, lightly grazing the side of my breast, sliding over my ribs, pausing to grip my hipbone, before sliding down my thigh all the way to the back of my knee.

He curls his long fingers around my knee and hitches my leg over his hip. My other leg follows suit at its own resolve. Once both of my legs are around his hips I lock my ankles together pulling him tighter to me. Jace moans loudly making my lips tingle. He grips my face in between his hand and breaks our kiss. Lifting his chest off of mine he takes both of my wrists in one of his hands and raises them above my head and then he begins kissing my neck.

Jace slides his tongue over my ear and gently nips my neck until he reaches my collarbone; where he begins to suck gently. Feeling this causes my body to shudder with pleasure. His fingers slide under my sweater giving his mouth access to my chest. He runs his tongue over my skin and then he begins sucking the other side of my collarbone.

"Jaaace….mmm…"

Jace stops sucking my collarbone and he lets go of my wrists as he looks me in the eye. He then reaches his hand behind his head and pulls of his white t-shirt, tossing it to the floor. His body is beautiful; his skin is a light tan and his stomach is flat and muscular. I WANT HIM

"You're beautiful Jace."

He smiles at me with a crocked grin as he slides his fingers under the hem at the bottom of my sweater.

"Can I take this off?"

"Yes." I breathe

He locks eyes with me, never breaking contact. Jace places his hands on my hips and slowly run them up my sides. His fingers slip under my sweater as he hooks his thumbs at the hem of my sweater. His fingers run smoothly up my waist, over my ribs, pausing on my breasts, and then sliding under my arms. I lift my arms above my head allowing him to remove my shirt, which he tosses to the floor where his t-shirt lay. While still looking at me he uses his fingers to undo what is left of my braid causing my hair to fall lightly over my shoulder.

"Your red is starting show. I can't wait until this all washes out. I love your red hair."

He lowers himself to rest his weight on his arm; he places his hand on top of my head as he captures my mouth with his; and unhurriedly runs his other hand across my chest and then over my breast. His thumb grazes my nipple through my bra and I groan at the sensation. His fingers slip under my bra as he breaks our kiss. His hand encircles my left breast as his mouth moves to my ear.

"Your skin is so soft…" he whispers

I moan as his rough thumb grazes my nipple once more. His hand slide below the fabric of my bra under my back and pauses at the clasp.

"This too?"

"Yes…" I whisper

With the flick of his thumb I feel the pressure of my bra release as he pops the clasp open. He lifts his body up and while looking into my eyes, he removes my bra and tosses it to the floor. Jace lifts his chest higher shifting his weight to his left arm; as he gathers my hands, which are casually clasped together above my head, with his right hand and places them on his chest.

"Touch me love. I want to feel your hands on my skin."

I don't want to extinguish the mood but I risk it by asking:

"What if I touch you the wrong way?"

"Shhh…it's okay baby…you'll be able to feel me. You will know when to move your hands somewhere else."

Jace takes his hand off of mine freeing them. I slowly start to slide my hands gently across his chest. He breaks our eye contact and gradually lowers his eyes down my face, over my chest and across my stomach, examining my naked body. Slowly his eyes make their way back to mine, his eyes are filled with desire.

"Do you know how absolutely perfect you are Clary?"

Perfect? Hardly, my breasts are too small, my nipples barely have any pigment to them, and although I am thin my stomach is soft and lacks any kind of definition compared to his sculpted muscles. As if he can read my negative thoughts, Jace creases his eyebrows together and his eyes burn into mine with conviction. He plants a light kiss on my lips and says:

"Clary…you are beautiful…please don't think you are anything but beautiful and perfect to me."

"Okay…"

Jaces eye graze lazily over my body as he says:

"No one before me has seen this. No one before me has touched your skin. No one else has been inside you. I plan on keeping it that way love."

"I don't want anyone but you Jace."

His mouth is on mine again. He kisses me with passion and desire. Our tongues begin their sweet dance once again. My hands continue to explore his body, my fingers find his navel; I slowly drag my nails down his trail of soft hair and then I slide my fingers under the waist band of his jeans. Jace growls and presses his groin into me, he is hard, and feeling him pressed between my thighs causes another shudder to pass though me. I unbutton his jeans, and lower his zipper. The sound is loud in this quite space. Jace places his hand over top of mine and slides them down to his groin. He puts pressure on my fingers with his and I respond by griping his hardness in my hand. With a gasp Jace lifts his body and he removes his jeans, kicking them to the floor. He takes my hand away from his groin and kisses each one of my fingers. He rests his cheek in the palm of my hand and closes his eyes.

"My sweet Clary…."

Jace rises up so that he is kneeling; his knees sink deep in to the mattress. He slides his hands over my waist and his fingers brush the button of my jeans lightly. He slides his hand down further between my thighs and presses his fingers to my center releasing a whimper from me. I reach for the button of my jeans and Jace gently removes my hand kissing my fingers again.

"Let me do that please."

"Sorry…"

"Don't be sorry love, I've never done this before. So I want to cherish each moment."

"You've never done this before? But I thought…"

"Shhh…sex I know, sex I'm good at. This is different."

"Are you scared Jace?"

"No, why would I be scared?"

"Because I'm a virgin."

"That doesn't scare me. Are you scared?"

"I'm a little worried it will hurt to be honest with you."

"Don't worry love, I won't hurt you."

Jace unbuttons my jeans and unzips the zipper. I lift my hips to allow him to remove them. He removes my underwear along with my jeans and tosses them to the floor. I am now completely naked, to my own surprise, I am not the least bit embarrassed for him to see me.

He smiles sweetly at me and begins kissing my knee slowly traveling all the way up my thigh, over my hip bone and then reverses back up to my knee again. He switches to my other knee and repeats this process. He then slides his body against mine and begins kissing my mouth again. I feel his knees slide up and press against my thighs cause our bodies to part. He shifts his weight so that he is balance on his knees and on his left elbow. His right hand caresses my cheek before softly sliding down my body pausing at my breast and slowly strokes his fingers over my nipple.

His hand slides further down my body; slowly inching towards my center. He slides his finger over my clitoris and presses gently. Then he begins to stroke me as he leans down and kisses me, I capture his bottom lip with my teeth biting gently causing him to groan. He starts to kiss my jaw, working his way to my ear. Using his tongue he slides my ear between his teeth and he gently nibbles and sucks. His stroking deepens and I can feel pressure building inside my body. As he sucks on my ear and strokes me in near perfect unison; my moans come out in loud gasp, I cover my mouth with my hand to muffle the sound. Jace releases my ear and looks me in the eyes.

"Don't cover your mouth. I want to hear you. I need to know how good I'm making you feel."

I remove my hand from my mouth and Jace continues to stroke me as he watches my face. The pressure starts to build again, getting closer to my release and Jace slow his stroking little by little as he watches me. Oh why is he slowing down? I am so close. His stroking becomes excruciatingly slow and then stops completely.

"Please…please…"

"Mmm….soon love soon."

Jace starts kissing his way down my body; over my collarbone, across my chest, between my breasts. He runs his tongue over my nipple and then gently takes it between his teeth and begins to suck; his sucking deepens almost to the point of pain. He reduces his deep sucking little by little, only to deepen it further and further once again near the point of pain. He moves his mouth to my other nipple and starts the same process on it while he strokes his thumb over my other nipple. I can feel pressure building down low in my body again. The pressure build more and more and I begin to moan again. Jace abandons my nipple and begins kissing down my body again.

"Jaaaace….oh please…I need to….please…"

Jace's body begins to shake and he quietly laughs.

"Patience Clary."

"Oooohh….I want you Jace."

Jace hums against my hipbone with his lips making my body jerk up off the bed. Jace quietly laughs again as he continues to kiss my stomach.

"W-whyyy…are you….laughing…"

Jace looks up at me with a smile on his face.

"Your body is so responsive baby. It makes me happy."

"I think you just like to tease me?

"Mmm…yes I do Clary."

He lowers his head and begins kissing my belly again traveling down, down, down; until his mouth is on my clitoris. He starts moving his tongue up and down, side to side, around and around, creating a delicious pattern that he repeats over and over as he changes the pressure of his tongue from light to deep I feel myself getting closer and closer to my release. I begin to whimper wanting my release, needing my release. Jace continues his pattern and starts to hum from his throat lower then higher causing vibration to tear through my body.

My whimpers shift to moans, my hips are jerking and my legs are shaking. Jace grips my thighs pinning my hips to the mattress and presses his lips against my clitoris and gently sucks, pushing me to my breaking point giving me sweet release. I am panting and my heart is pounding as Jace slowly kisses his way up my body. Once he reaches my face; he looks at me with a small smile on his face.

"Thank you…." I breathe

"Mmmm…you are welcome…you taste so good Clary….here taste yourself in my mouth"

Jace presses his lips to mine and slips his tongue into my mouth and I can taste myself in his mouth. I break the kiss this time.

"Please Jace I need you inside me."

Jace reaches over and picks up his wallet; he pulls a foil package out and sets the wallet back on the table. He curls his fingers around the package and begins kissing me again. His kisses are slow and sweet. He is telling me with his mouth to be patient, telling me that there is no need to rush, and his kisses are promising me that he won't hurt me. As we kiss I feel Jace shifting his body as he removes his boxers. He shakes them to the floor and then presses his hardness against my center. I moan at the feel of his skin against mine. Jace starts to rock his hips against mine as he is pressed between my thighs. I break the kiss with a loud moan, and I begin to pant from the sensation of his body against mine.

My fingers dig into the skin on his back causing him to groan. Jace rises to a kneeling position and opens the foil package and carefully slides the condom on. He lowers his body to mine resting his weight onto one of his elbow as he guides himself to my center. His eyes are on fire as he looks down at me; they are almost too intense. I close my eyes as he starts to push himself inside me.

"Please don't close your eyes….I need to see you….I need to see your eyes."

I open my eyes to see Jace's eyebrows creased together as he pushes further into me. I whimper at the fullness, and he stops pushing and kisses me gently before he continues to push. I whimper again as he enters me completely.

"You okay love?"

"Y-yes I'm okay."

"Does it hurt?"

"Can you just keep still for a little bit?"

"Do you want me to stop? I can stop if you want me to."

"No, no…please don't stop Jace."

Jace keeps still and begins kissing me again. He parts my mouth with his and slides his tongue into my mouth where our tongues begin to dance. Jace slides his hand down my body and begins to stroke my clitoris again as he continues to kiss me. His stroking is slow and sensual and I begin to feel my body adjusting to his size. Wanting to see if it will hurt to move I carefully roll my hips against his and find that it feels good. Jace responds to my small movement and begins to circle his hips to test me further. I break the kiss and look into his eyes.

"Do you want me to move now?"

"Yes please."

"Don't be afraid to stop me Clary. You know I don't want to hurt you."

"It's okay it doesn't hurt."

"I only want to make you feel good."

"You are making me feel good, I promise."

While watching me closely for any signs of distress, Jace slowly slide out of me and then gently back in, he pauses for a moment and repeats the movement a few more times pausing each time. Seeing that he is not causing me any pain he begins stroking me at a slow steady pace. He feels so good inside of me. I enjoy his movements as I run my hands from his neck, down his chest, grazing his nipples the way he grazed mine. Jace moans in pleasure as I continue to slide my hands down his stomach and then I slide my hands around his lower back and push my fingers into his skin. Jace respond by pressing his body tighter to mine as he continues to rock his hip; and he begins to pick up his pace a little more.

I begin to feel pressure building again and I start to move my hips against Jaces, matching his rhythm. Jace groans loudly as I begin to roll my hip against his.

"You feel so good Love."

"Mmm…."

"Ahh….I like what you're doing with your hips."

"Uuuuh….."

"Oh baby…let me hear you moan Clary."

Jace increases the pace again and I quickly match his movements. Soon the pressure is too intense and I can't hold his rhythm any longer. My body begins to tremble as I find my release. Jace continues to stroke me at a steady pace.

"Jaaace…"

"Mmmm…."

His rocking continues as I run my hands down his back. Once again I can feel pressure slowly building. He feels so good inside of me, getting closer to my release I grip his hips tightly.

"Please not like that….please love, don't touch me like that."

His plea is heartbreaking but he continues rocking his hips causing me to release again. My body continues to shudder in waves as he rocks faster and soon finds his own release with a small whimper. Jace nuzzles his face into my neck and slides his arms underneath me and hugs me tightly as he softly whimpers.

He sounds so sad.


	19. Chapter 19

I AM TRYING TO POST THE CHAPTERS AS QUICKLY AS I CAN NOW THAT I HAVE FINISHED THE STORY. PLEASE BE SURE TO SEND ME YOUR FEEDBACK. THANK YOU.

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 19

I wrap my arms around him and return his hug. After a few minutes Jace carefully slide out of me and removes the condom; placing it on the table, and then he lays his head on my chest as he slides his thigh across my hips and locks his foot under my leg. He is holding me the same way I held him before we made loved. I run my fingers though his hair, enjoying our quite moment. After a while I can't help the thoughts that are running through my head. I feel bad for touching him the wrong way. He was enjoying the feeling of being inside of me and I feel like I ruined it somehow. My hands still in Jaces hair as my heart begin to break. I want to run to the bathroom and cry like a baby, I refuse to cry, I don't want to be one of those stupid girl that cries after sex. I shut my eyes and count to ten. Suddenly Jace has his hands on my face. When I open my eyes his eyes are filled with concern.

"Clary? What is it? What's wrong?"

I can't speak. I will cry if I try to talk.

"Please talk to me Clary. I'm thinking the worst things right now. Please talk to me."

He is panicking. He must think he hurt me, or that I regret my decision to have him make love to me. I can't let him think that.

"I-I'm sorry….."

"Sorry? Why are you sorry?"

"I shouldn't have touched you like that. I'm sorry if I ruined it for you."

Jace kisses me hard on the mouth.

"You think you ruined it for me?"

"I touched you the wrong way…"

"So, you stopped when I asked you to. Not sure if you noticed or not but you touching me didn't slow me down in the least."

Jace is laughing softly.

"So then I didn't ruin it for you."

"No not at all. Clary that was amazing. I have never been so close to someone like I was with you."

With a huff Jace sits up and shift me onto his lap pulling my legs apart so that I am straddling him. He wraps his arms around me and places them on my butt and pulls me tightly against him before nuzzling his face in my neck.

"Please don't be afraid to touch me Clary."

I slide my hand up his arms and over his shoulders. His face is still nuzzled in my neck.

"I hate that you think you ruined it for me. Clary for me sex has always been so controlled. Before when I was attracted to a girl I would tell them what I wanted and what I didn't want. None of them ever cared enough to ask why, they just wanted sex. So for me it was always just sex with as little touching as possible. With you it's different, and not because you were a virgin either. When we were in the kitchen this morning and I said I wanted to put you on the counter and have my way with you; I knew what that meant to me. The only way I have ever been able to have sex with a girl was if I was behind them so they wouldn't touch me."

"So why is it different with me then?"

Jace pulls his face back and looks at me.

"When I wanted to put you on the counter I knew that, that meant I was putting myself in the position to be touched. I wanted you to touch me. That's why I asked you to touch me before we made love….uh…you look confused….i'm not saying this right…I think the reason why it's different with you is because you DO care enough to want to know why, because you are careful with me when you touch me. When I asked you to stop earlier you did, you stopped immediately."

"Of course I stopped when you asked me to. You sounded so sad, so desperate when you asked me not to touch you the way I did. Why wouldn't I have stopped?"

"I don't really know why I thought you wouldn't. I guess it's a trust issue for me."

"You don't trust me?"

"Actually I do, I trust you completely. It's a bit of a revelation for me really now that I think about it. I have trust issues with everyone; Mark was the one person that I trusted the most, well pretty much since I was eight years old. I don't trust him at all now, granted I didn't really have that much before, but even that is gone now."

"I trust you completely too you know. I know what it's like to have trust issues. I have spent every day of my life in the system. Dealing with theft, bullying, lying, abuse, and that was just from the other kids at the group housing. I only ever had one good foster parent and I only got to be with her for ten short weeks; she was the sweetest old lady. If it wasn't for Edna I wouldn't be the person I am today. Before her I was a very negative person, but she taught me how to be positive. I will hold her in my heart forever."

"Is it hard for you to talk about your past Clary?"

"I have always been a very private person when it comes to personal things. I have seen the pattern in the other kids; they open up to someone about themselves only to have their business spread like wild fire and then have it used against them in the worst ways."

"I would never do that to you. You know that right?"

"Yes I do, I'm not afraid to have you know things about my past. I know I can't tell you everything at once, but I want you to know everything."

"Do you have demons too Clary?"

"Demons? No I wouldn't go that far, I guess in a way I have managed to be pretty lucky. I know about demons; I have seen them in people's eyes, I can see that something bad happened to them and that something haunts them terribly every day."

"Can you see demons in my eyes?"

"Yes…"

"Do they scare you?"

"No, nothing about you scares me. Jace, I do care enough to want to know why. I have so many questions in my head about you, about your past; but I don't ask because I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I just want you to know that I will be ready to listen when you are ready to talk."

"Out of all the questions which one is most import? Maybe I will be able to answer it for you."

"First of all they are all important because they are about you. I want to know everything about you. But I do have one that seems extremely important and it shouldn't be too hard to answer."

"You want to know everything about me? What if some of the stuff will be hard to swallow? Shit Clary a lot of it is hard for me to swallow. In fact I spit it out most of the time. I chose to avoid most of it."

"I still want to know."

"Okay, someday okay?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

"So what is this extremely important question you think will be easy for me to answer?"

"Where don't you like to be touched?"

"That's really not as easy to answer as you think it is. It's complicated."

"I don't understand…"

"Okay, say we are just walking through a grocery store and you place your hand on my lower back and push me away from the junk food isle; well that wouldn't bother me at all. But if you did the same thing while we were kissing or making love it would bother me."

"I pushed on you lower back when we were making love and you seamed okay with it then."

"That's what makes it complicated, because you only used your fingers not your whole hand and when I responded to you the way you wanted me to you moved your hand somewhere else."

"Do I look as confused as I feel?"

"Yes, you do…listen it's more of a trigger thing for me. Certain touches, on certain places, at certain levels of pressure, at certain times."

"How do I know what to do then?"

"My god you look even more confused now. I get it; even I have trouble understanding it all sometimes. Maybe it would be easier to just show you."

"Okay show me then."

Jace places his hands gently on my hips.

"Starting here…"

He slides his hand from my hips all the way around my back until the fingers on each of his hands touch.

"All the way to here…This is…let's call this the danger zone…"

Jace lightly runs his hands in reverse stopping at my hip and the repeats the movement.

"Feel how lightly I am touching you?"

"Yes"

He continues the pattern.

"This…light touching is okay for me…but only with you…I have never given anyone else the opportunity to touch me like this. So you can touch me here like this as long as you don't press hard like this…"

Jace has his hands flat against my back and is pushing his palms into my skin.

"This I don't like…this is a trigger for me…please don't do this…"

Jace slides his hands to my hips and grabs them tightly.

"This…right here….like this…this is a bad one for me…please don't do this to me….this is a major trigger for me Clary."

"Okay, got it. Avoid the danger zone. Anywhere else?"

"Yes two more things…here's the first one…"

Jace slides his hand up my back and knots his finger in my hair at the nape of my neck and pulls my hair hard enough to lift my head back.

"Don't ever do this to me…this is a really bad one for me too…"

Jace stops pulling and brings his other hand up and tangles his fingers in my hair. With both of his hands he grips my hair gently and slowly pulls my hair keeping the tension tight and pulls down slowly in an almost fluid like motion. I feel heat pooling between my thighs as he does this.

"This….this is okay….just like this…slow and careful…I think I would actually enjoy this…you seem to be enjoying it."

He laughs softly and untangles his fingers from my hair.

"Ready for the last one?"

"Yes."

Jace takes my face in one of his hands placing his thumb on one side and his fingers on the other side. He begins to squeeze my cheeks tightly together causing my lips to pucker.

"I can't really imagine you ever doing this to me…but this is also a no,no…please don't ever do this."

Jace loosens his grip and softly kisses my lips.

"That last one. That's what Mark did to me in the Van. That's why you were so mad."

"I get mad any time he touches you, but yes that was exceptionally difficult for me to see. That was the first thing he did to make me start to feel hatred toward him."

Jace scoots over and lies down on his back with me still straddling his hips; and runs his hands on my stomach as he looks at my naked body.

"How are you?"

"Fine why?"

"Are you sore?"

"Only a little, but I'm okay I promise. Why? Do you want to do it again?"

Jace laughs.

"Of course I want to do it again…before you even bother giving me that look; you might as well forget it, I don't have any more condoms. I will tell you; I'm relieved you're willing to do it again so soon, lets me know you're okay. Let's me know I didn't hurt you. As far as you being sore, you should adjust to that after a few more time."

"I did get a look when you said you wanted to do it again didn't I?"

"Yes you certainly did love, now behave yourself. I'll make sure we leave early and I can get some supplies from the drug store okay."

He winks at me and pulls me down to lay by his side.

"You should really try to get some sleep Jace; I don't want you to have a nightmare."

"I'm sure I'll have no problem falling asleep now, you wore me out. If you hear me screaming later just ignore it I'll be fine."

"I will not ignore you if you're screaming."

Jace laughs softly.

"I know you would never ignore my screams. Are you going to sleep with me?"

"I'm not really tired, but I am happy just lying with you if that's okay?"

Jace gives my shoulder a squeeze and kisses my hair.

"Yes, I'd like that very much baby. Why don't you get me up at about five and I will make you some dinner."

"Okay."

"Bring me that delicious mouth of yours and kiss me before I fall asleep."

With a giggle I raise myself up and place my lips gently against his to give him a sweet goodnight kiss. He captures my bottom lip in his teeth trapping my mouth and pulls me closer to deepen the kiss. He parts my mouth with his and slides his tongue in my mouth, our tongues start their dance. Jace's heart is pounding and he begins moaning as we kiss. With a final groan he quickly breaks the kiss.

"God I love kissing you. I want you so bad right now Clary."

I glance down and see that he is hard again and I giggle before leaning over and pulling the blankets over our naked bodies before laying my head on his chest.

"Goodnight Jace."

"Goodnight beautiful."


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

Less than five minutes later Jace is sleeping and I enjoy lying on his chest for the next hour until I have to pee and decide to slip out of bed. I bend down and pick up Jaces white t-shirt and slip it on before padding off to the bathroom taking the used condom with me.

I toss the condom into the toilet and empty my bladder. I comb my hair and re-braid it after brushing my teeth. I decide to let Jace sleep and I go into the living room to watch one of the movies that are in a milk crate that I spotted near the small television earlier. After flipping through the movies I decide on Dumb and Dumber. The movie comes to an end at a little after four; so I decide to go into the kitchen to see what I can find to snack on. After inspecting the cupboards; I realize there isn't much to pick from in the form of a snack. I decide to switch tactics and look for supplies to cook dinner for Jace. Opening the freezer, I spot a bag of chopped sweet peppers and onion that I tuck under my arm before rooting further. I find a package of ground beef and deicide what I am going to make.

I put the ground beef along with the peppers and onion into a skillet to brown. I retrieve the box of spaghetti and a jar of tomato sauce and place them on the counter. Then I fill a large pot with water and toss in a handful of salt before placing it on the stove. Removing the lid from the skillet, I chop at the half frozen meat to break it up and replace the lid. From the small cupboard above the stove, with me standing on one of the chairs, I pull out black pepper, Italian seasoning, and garlic granules.

Removing the lid once more, I sprinkle a little of each item I pulled from the cupboard into the meat mixture. I also add a couple of teaspoons of brown sugar to the meat before chopping it into smaller chunks and replacing the lid. Opening the cupboard once more; I grab the baking mix and a large mixing bowl and set them on the counter. I go back to the little freezer and grab the bag of shredded cheddar cheese and a stick of butter, and place them on the counter. Measuring out the baking mix and the right amount of water I add them to the mixing bowl. Into the mixing bowl; I sprinkle in a little of the Italian seasoning and some of the garlic granules, and then I add two handfuls of the cheese before mixing everything together. Finding a small bowl, I place the unwrapped stick of butter in it and pop it into the microwave to melt.

I check the meat mixture and find that it is no longer pink or frozen so I turn the burner up and leave the lid off so it will brown nicely before adding the sauce. A few minutes later the meat is browned nicely and I add the sauce and turn down the flame. Then I turn on the oven to preheat it for my biscuits and turn on the flame under the large pot so the water will boil.

Grabbing a cookie sheet, I drop large spoonful's of the biscuit mixture onto the pan and set it off to the side. After washing the mixing bowl and measuring cups I hear the oven buzz telling me that it is up to temperature. I slide the sheet of biscuits into the oven and wait two minutes before placing the pasta into the now boiling water. Pulling the melted butter out of the microwave, I sprinkle in a little Italian seasoning and some of the garlic granules and pop it back in for another minute.

Thanks to my timing skills, I pull the biscuits out right before I need to drain the pasta. I pull the seasoned butter out of the microwave and brush a little on the top of each biscuit. I pour the meat sauce into the large pot and stir it into the cooked pasta and leave it on the stove to set the table. I dry the bowl that I mixed the biscuits in and place the now cooked biscuits in the bowl, and put them on the table along with the pot of pasta. Feeling satisfied with my table setting, I decide to go and wake up Jace. I turn to find him leaning against the wall in the small hallway with a smile on his face.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Since you pulled the biscuits out of the oven."

"I was just getting ready to come and wake you up."

"I thought you were going to wake me up at five so I could make you something for dinner?" 

"I'm sorry I just figured I would cook so you could get some more sleep. Are you mad at me?"

Jace walk over to me and kisses my lips gently.

"No love I'm not mad, quite the opposite actually. Not only did I get to sleep for an extra hour but you cooked me a delicious dinner too."

Jace sits at the table and I follow suit. He places a scoop of spaghetti and a biscuit on each plate and then says:

"Mmm spaghetti, my favorite. This looks and smell so good. Thank you love."

"Don't thank me yet, you haven't even tried it. I did the best I could with what I could find."

I watch Jace take a bite, and then two, and then three, and then he sets his fork down and takes a big bite out of his biscuit and chews quietly.

"Can I say thank you now?" 

"Do you like it? Be honest I don't mind."

Jace leans over and kisses my cheek.

"It's delicious Clary, really delicious. You have no idea how nice it is to have someone cook for me. I am always the one who cooks, so this is very special to me."

Seeing the beautiful smile on his face and the look of sheer contentment in his eyes tells me just how special this really is for him.

"In that case you are very welcome."

"I consider myself to be a pretty good cook, but this is probably the best spaghetti I have ever eaten. These biscuits are really good too, who knew we had stuff to make these."

"Brown sugar."

"What?"

"That's my secret. If you put a little brown sugar in the sauce it takes the tang out of it. As far of the biscuits go, I have made them lots of times. I can cook all kinds of things."

"Well whatever you did Clary, this is good. I can cook all kinds of things too, but not as good as this. If I would have been the one to cook this; it would have just been meat, sauce, and noodles, nothing added to it, and definitely no biscuits."

After we finish eating Jace and I wash the dishes together quietly. Jace is leaning against the counter drying the cookie sheet with a smile on his face.

"What are you smiling about?"

"This. You. Me. Us. I could get used to this Clary. I could get used to washing our dinner dishes together every night. Maybe even needing to order pizza once in a while after we burned dinner because we were too busy making love on the kitchen counter."

I walk over and wrap my arms around his neck and stand on my tip toes to kiss his throat. With my head on his chest and his arms wrapped around me; I couldn't be happier that I am at this moment.

"I look forward to eating lots of pizza with you Jace."

Jace laughs softly and kisses my hair.

"Me too love, me too. We should probably get going. Got to go and pick up the drunk."

Jace manages to find a radio station for us to listen to on our drive; and of course he sings along with almost every song. I try to sing with him but I mess up the words and end up giggling.

"I love to hear you laughing."

"I tend to laugh at myself a lot of the time."

"I love that about you, instead of getting frustrated you just laugh. It's wonderful."

Jace is smiling and I can see how relaxed he is and decide to ask him a question.

"Can I ask you a question?"

The smile slips from his face and he glance at me from the corner of his eye.

"Okay…"

"Why did you make love to me today?"

Jace turns his face and looks at me with narrowed eyes and pursed lips.

"Why are you asking me that Clary? I asked you if you wanted me to make love to you, and you said yes. I don't understand your question."

Jaces knuckles are white from gripping the steering wheel so tight. His jaw is clenched tightly and he doesn't seem to be breathing.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to confuse you. I guess what I meant was; well you said we had to stop, that we needed to be focused. Then you changed your mind, I guess I was just wondering why."

Jaces face and hands relax and he lets out a sigh of relief.

"I know what I said, but when I was in the tub I started thinking about everything. I thought about what I said to you, how I made you promise to run if anything happens to me. Then I thought about what it would mean to me if something did happen. I guess I just didn't want to wait anymore. Not to make love to you, I would have been happy to wait for that. I just didn't want to wait to kiss you again."

"Do you think less of me now?"

"Less of you? What do you mean?"

"I mean we barely know each other and we…"

"We barely know each other? Really? I don't feel that way Clary. To the outside world maybe it might look like we moved too fast. But you and I are different; you and I are connected on some kind of stellar level. We have a connection that most people will never have let alone understand."

He spoke with so much conviction it was almost on the verge of anger. I realized I was just being judgmental about myself. I also realize that he is absolutely right.

"I'm sorry Jace."

"Clary I could never think less of you. Everything you do and have done and probably will continue to do blows my mind in the best possible way. You have no idea how amazing you are to me. Your mental strength alone makes want to bow to your feet in worship. Please stop being so hard on yourself love."

We pull into the parking lot of Walgreens Pharmacy at twenty minutes till eight; Jace shuts the motor off and turns to me with a sweet smile on his face.

"Sit tight for a minute okay?"

"Okay."

I'm guessing it must be embarrassing enough for him to go in and buy what we came here for; he must not want me standing next to him at the checkout stand too. Instead of him walking into the store alone, Jace jogs around to the passenger's side of the car and opens my door with a cheesy grin on his face as he holds his hand out to me. I place my hand in his and get out of the car with my own cheesy grin.

"What are you doing? I thought you wanted me to sit tight?"

"I did want you to sit tight love so that I could open your door for you."

"Why?"

"Just trying to be a gentleman dear. Now come along, we don't have a lot of time."

Jace lets go of my hand as we enter the store and slips his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to his side for a quick hug; before sliding his hand down my back and tucking it firmly into my back pocket as we stroll through the store. I decide to do the same thing to him and receive a crooked grin and a wink from him. I can't help but let a little giggle escape from my mouth as we walk. This must be what it feels like to be a teenager in love. WAIT WHAT? Is that what this feeling inside me is? Am I in love? Am I in love with Jace? Does he feel the same way? In the car on the way here he used the word love a couple of times; saying he loved to hear me laugh, saying he loved how I can find humor within my own self. He calls me love as a pet name, but does that mean he is in love with me?

"What are you thinking about?" 

We are standing in front of a display of an array of sexual wellness items; condoms for men, condoms for women, assorted lubricants, even something labeled as "dental dams". I turn to look up at Jace with a confused look on my face, not really wanting to tell him I was just thinking about the possibility of the "L" word; and decide to tell him the first thought that came to me when I realized we had stopped walking.

"There's so many, how do you know which ones to get? And what in the world is a dental dams?"

Jace laughs softly and kisses my hair.

"I'm not really sure why they have so many selections to be honest with you. They all work the same if you ask me, but my best guess would be simple marketing strategy. You know, like spaghetti sauce for instance; it's all being sold for the same purpose but everyone likes their favorite brands. As far as dental dams go, they are designed for the same purpose as condoms really; to protect against disease, but for oral pleasure instead."

"Oh."

I don't really know what else to say to him other than "Oh", this is a little strange to be having this conversation in the middle of a drugstore. I can feel my cheeks getting hot, so I cast my eyes to the grey carpeting and absently rub my wrist. Jace gently takes my wrists in his hands and slides up the sleeves of my jacket. He runs his thumbs lightly over the bruises.

"Do they hurt?"

"Actually they itch more than anything."

Jace raises my wrists to his mouth and kisses them both lightly before lowering them and letting me go. He grabs a box of condoms from the shelf and takes my hand in his, gently tugging me down the aisle after him.

"Do you need anything why we are here?"

Jace has a shy look on his face as he asks me this question. His eyes shift from mine towards the display of feminine hygiene products.

"Um…no not for about three weeks, but thank you for asking."

"You're welcome. Anything else you want? Shampoo or something?"

"No I'm okay, I can just use your stuff if you don't mind. Wait do you mind?"

"Nope, not at all. What's mine is yours."

"Really? Even your razor?"

Jace rolls his eyes at me and pulls me along to the register; where a teenage girl with purple streaks in her hair and a silver hoop sticking out of her lip greets us with a less than enthusiastic hello. That is until she really gets a good look at Jace. She takes a moment to look him up and down with her too bright blue eyes. They must be contacts; that or she has the most unique blue eyes I have ever seen. She has heavy black eye liner on both her upper and lower lash line, along with purple eye shadow to match the purple streaks in her hair. Her lips are shinny and flecked with glitter. She smiles at him while completely ignoring me.

"Will that be all for you good looking?"

Jace returns her smile as he takes his turn at looking her up and down. He really is looking at her too, her face, her hair, her piercing, and of course her cleavage. Jealousy flares inside of me so overwhelmingly that I feel dizzy. HE'S MINE my brain screams at her. I do my best to burn a hole into her face with my eyes as I duck my head under Jaces arm and hug him tightly. Jace places his finger under my chin; lifting my face, and kisses me sweetly. He keeps his eyes locked on mine and says:

"No thank you miss, this is all I need right here…."

Jace places his hand on my butt and gives it a little squeeze as he smiles down at me. While still looking at me he says:

"Oh and those too."

My cheeks blaze with color as I realize that when he squeezed my butt it was ME he was talking about. I was all he needed in addition to the box of condoms. I feel like a little kid on Christmas morning at this revelation. I want to stick my tongue out at her and say that's right he wants me not you HA.

Either she doesn't understand Jaces reference or she chooses to ignore it as she continues to flirt with him with no shame.

"You must not be from around here; I would remember a hottie like you. Has anyone ever told you that your eyes are the color of warm honey?"

"Not being rude miss; but we need to be somewhere soon, so if you could just tell me how much I owe you for the condoms that would be great."

Jace is no longer smiling, now he just looks bored.

Being shot down; the blue eyes girl cashes Jace out without another word. Jace opens the car door for me when we are outside again. But before I can get in he grabs me by the waist and spins me around to face him, and kisses me hard on the mouth.

"You were jealous in there weren't you?"

"She was flirting with you, and I saw you looking at her; looking at her cleavage. Why shouldn't I be jealous?" 

Jace kisses me again, only this time not hard, this time he kisses me deeply, sliding his tongue against mine so that together they can dance.

"I don't want to sound arrogant or anything, but you might as well get used to girls flirting with me. That happens to me all the time, I'm used to it. As far as me looking at her goes; yeah I looked at her, but trust me love I was in no way checking her out."

"Then why were you looking at her like that?"

"Did you LOOK at her? All that make-up, the purple hair, that lip ring, even the way she was dressed, showing off her cleavage like that; girls like that just want attention, and they lack any kind of self-respect. It's a shame too because underneath all of that fake shit, she really is a pretty girl.

"You thought she was pretty?"

"Sure."

That's it? Just…sure. I don't like that he think she is pretty. I do have to admit that it's true, she was a pretty girl. God what is wrong with me.

Jace smiles widely and kisses me on the forehead.

"Am I being ridiculous here?"

"Yes, but I have no room to talk. Look what I did at the thrift shop when that kid was flirting with you. When you flirted with him."

"I did not flirt with him!"

Jace chuckles at me.

"I saw that smile you gave him, that little finger wiggle you gave him."

Now it's my turn to chuckle.

"I only did that because he was scowling at me after you swatted my butt."

"I know I was only kidding with you. I saw how mad you got in there. I thought you were going to jump across the counter after her."

"No I would never do something like that Jace. I am not a violent person. I just tried my best to mark my territory."

"Is that why you peed on my leg in there?"

"Oh haha aren't you just so funny. This coming from someone who did unspeakable things to me in a dressing room."

"Mmm…well yes I did in fact do unspeakable things to you didn't I? I was under the impression that you rather enjoyed what I did to you love."

"We should get going, it's almost eight o'clock."


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

I slide into the car and Jace shuts my door. We pull into the parking lot at three minutes to eight and Jace shuts the car off. Checking to make sure no one is watching I slide across the seat and kiss him on the cheek.

"Awe that was sweet. I take it you're not mad at me anymore."

"Jace I was never mad at you."

Jace grabs the front of my jacket and kisses me. The kind of kiss that makes me want to slide onto his lap and have him inside of me. As though he can read my mind; Jace breaks the kiss with a soft chuckle.

"Behave yourself Clary."

"Me? You started it."

I begin to climb into the backs seat, but he grabs my leg and pulls me back into the front.

"What are you doing? I thought I told you to behave yourself."

I giggle.

"I am behaving myself; I was just getting in the back before Mark comes out."

"No you can stay upfront with me. Trust me he will be trashed and he will want to lay in the backseat. Look I'm going to go in and get him or we will be setting here all night. I will be right back okay."

"Jace, you can't leave me in the car."

"You can lock the doors if you're scared."

"No I'm not scared, but if you allow me to stay in the car Mark might get mad."

"Shit you're right. Damn it, I need to stay focused. I can't believe I almost left you in the car like that. He would have been pissed for sure. Come on let's go get the drunk."

The bar is hazy from too much cigarette smoke and smells like cheap liquor. We find Mark setting at the corner of the mostly empty bar. Evidently he wasn't watching the clock that is almost directly in front of him considering its ten minutes after eight and he has a full beer in front of him. He sees the two of us as he takes a swig from his beer and spreads his arms wide spilling his beer onto the bar as he does. With a huge drunken grin on his face he says:

"Here they are! Bob…hey Bob…come over here for a minute. I want you to meet my beautiful baby sister and her equally beautiful boyfriend Jace."

Jace smiles and slip his arm around my waist before greeting Bob the bartender.

"Hello Bob, it's nice to meet you. This is Marks little sister and my girlfriend Clary. I hope my future brother-in-law was on his best behavior for you."

"No worries kid; he's been here keeping me company all day, and I haven't had a lick of trouble from him. Did you say future brother-in-law? Aren't you kids a little young to be getting married?"

Jace laughs, a good full belly laugh that brings a smile to my face.

"Well technically I haven't asked her to marry me yet, but she's the girl of my dreams and someday I will do everything in my power to make her my wife."

Jace kisses my cheek and smiles at me with his eyes shining bright. Mark still has his drunken grin on his face and Bob smiles at us as well.

"Young man, I'd like to shake your hand if that's alright with you? You sure got yourself a beautiful little gal there."

It's my turn to smile brightly as I watch Jace shake hands with the bartender. Mark leans forward with his hand out towards Bob.

"Hey now don't you want to shake my hand too Bob? She is my baby sister after all."

Bob shakes Marks hand.

"Well I need to be getting back to work; you folks have a good night now."

Mark slides off of the barstool and falls to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Jace scoops him up and tosses him over his shoulder as though he weighed nothing. I am surprised at Jace's strength; picking me up is one thing, but Mark must weigh at least one hundred and eighty pounds.

Jace gives me a quick smile before heading to the door.

"Come on love, let's get your brother home and in bed."

Outside, I open the back door of the car and Jace gently sets Mark down on his feet and then just as gently places a hand on top of his head and tucks him into the back seat before closing the door. I get the feeling that this isn't the first time Jace has had to do this.

On the way back to the trailer Jace continues to sing softly along with the radio. We are almost halfway there when Mark lifts his head up.

"Brrr….uuuh….shit Jace you gotta pull over man."

Jace places his arm across my chest and practically slams on the brakes and jerks the car off of the road. He shifts the car into park and like a flash he's out of the car and yanking the back door open. Mark barely gets his head out of the car before becoming violently ill.

"Geez Mark didn't you eat anything today?"

"No."

"You do know that you are going to be up half the night now. Every time you drink like this without eating you get sick. When will you learn?"

"I was going to eat, but then I guess I just forgot."

"Will you try to eat something when we get back to the trailer?"

"Buurrr….uh...oh god…yeah I guess I can."

Fifteen minutes later we are pulling back onto the road with Mark moaning loudly in the back seat. We manage to get the rest of the way to the trailer without needing to pull over again. Once again Jace throws Mark over his shoulder and proceeds to carry him into the trailer. Just before Jace can manage to put Mark onto the sofa, Mark throws up down Jaces back.

"Shit Mark really? You couldn't have waited five more seconds to do that?"

Jace gets Mark settle on the couch and then takes his shirt off and hands it to me.

"Clary could you wipe me off a little bit please?"

I take the regurgitated beer covered shirt from his hands and use it to wipe off the back of his jeans the best I can.

"Sorry that's the best I can do."

"That's okay, just as long as most of it is off. Maybe it's a good thing he hasn't eaten anything, at least there are no chunks in it."

"Ew Jace! That's disgusting!"

I playfully swat his naked chest and he smiles widely at me and laughs.

"What? It's true!"

I want to laugh with him but I don't like the way Mark is looking at me.

"Should I get him a plate of spaghetti?"

"Spaghetti? Jace you made spaghetti?"

"Not me. Clary made it. Actually Clary, why don't you get him a biscuit first and if he keeps that down then he can try some spaghetti."

I hand Mark one of the biscuits, but before I can pull my hand away he grabs my wrist with a smile on his face. Jace tenses beside me and sucks in a hard breath of air.

"You made dinner?"

"Yes."

"Why? Why would you cook for us? How do I know you didn't poison this?"

He still has ahold of me, and beside me Jace is as still as a statue. I slowly lean forward and take a bite out of the biscuit that Mark is holding and begin to chew. Mark shoves me lightly as he lets go of my wrist and Jace places his hand on my lower back to keep me from stumbling.

"These are pretty good little sister; but you still haven't answered my question. Why would you cook for us?"

"I asked her to cook dinner Mark."

"Oh…well I still say we should keep her around after we get to Mexico. She can cook better than you anyhow Jace."

"Well let's see Mark, maybe if you paid her by the hour she will be your maid."

Jace's voice is dripping with sarcasm and loathing. Mark is either too drunk to realize this fact or decides he wants to play a little game with us.

"Paid by the hour huh? What else can you do besides cook? Do you clean? How about laundry, do you wash clothes too Clarisssa?"

Neither I nor Jace say anything to him.

"Mmm…let me think about this for a minute; while I'm thinking go get me a plate of that spaghetti."

This is a demand not a request. Marks tone of voice has darkened substantially. I steal a glance at Jace, who minutely nods his head to me as if saying yes go get him the food. I stand at the microwave and wait for the plate of spaghetti to heat as Jace and Mark seem to be having a staring contest. Mark looks like a drunken puddle of a man on the sofa; Jace is a perfect statue with his shoulders squared and his chin raised slightly as he looks down at Mark. The tension in the room is thick, so thick it almost has its own smell to it.

The beep of the microwave makes me jump and a small yelp escapes my mouth which I quickly cover with my hands. It's no use they both heard me and I now have two sets of eyes looking at me; one beautiful pair of honey colored eyes, and one dark and menacing pair of almost black eyes. Jace's eyes are wide with surprise, but his face remains statuesque as he looks at me. Mark on the other hand; his eyes are bright and sparkling and his face is contorted into a wicked grin.

"Why so jumpy over there Clarisssa?"

I uncover my mouth and retrieve the plate of spaghetti from the microwave, walk across the room, and hand him the plate of food. He slowly takes the plate from me as he keeps his eyes locked on my face. I take a step back and turn towards Jace.

"Would it be alright if I take a bath now?"

"Sure Clary go ahead."

I do my best not to run down the small hallway to the back bedroom. I close the door and lean against it for a full minute trying to get my heartrate back to normal. I grab the shirt and boxer shorts that Jace loaned me and slip into the bathroom. Once the tub is full, I slide into the hot water and am surprised by the sting I feel between my thighs. I sink low in the water, so low that only my nose is above the water line and I close my eyes. With my eyes closed I let my mind wander. I see Jaces smiling face as his naked body is pressed against mine deliciously.

His eyes are filled with desire and passion as he slowly rocks into my body. His lips are plump and moist from kissing and his blond hair is a dark bronze color where it's plastered to his sweaty forehead. The muscles in his arms roll and flex under his beautiful tan skin. His heavy breathing tickles my ear, and his low moans make my stomach flutter with excitement.

"CLARY!"

Jaces voice slips into my ears as I allow my mind to wander. I can hear the thundering of his heart as he calls out my name.

Suddenly I am being pulled up by my arms, I am so shocked that I kick the bathwater and begin to scream. Before a scream can escape my mouth a tan hand is clamped over my face and I see a pair of golden eyes burning into my eyes.

"Shhhh…it's just me. Are you okay?"

Jace lets go of my arm and slides his hand from my mouth.

"Of course I'm alright. What are you doing in here? Where is Mark?"

"Relax, he's passed out on the couch. I was knocking and calling your name but you weren't answering me. I was worried when you didn't answer me. I'm sorry…I didn't mean to invade your privacy. I will go and let you finish your bath."

His eyes look so sad as he begins to rise to his feet.

"It's okay Jace, you weren't invading my privacy. I don't need privacy when it comes to you, you've seen me naked so there is no need for me to be shy. You just scared me that's all. Mark makes me jumpy…I guess I thought…"

Jace drops to his knees and cups my face between his hands.

"I would have killed him if he tried to come in here."

"Aren't you afraid he will wake up and find you in here?"

"God no, he's out for the night trust me. You could probably set a bomb off right by his head and he wouldn't so much a twitch a muscle."

Relief washes over me and I feel all my muscles relax. I didn't even realize how tense I was until that moment. Jace has his hands on the edge of the tub and has his chin resting on top of them. He looks so damn cute as he looks down at me.

"What are you smiling at?"

"You. You're cute, you know that right?"

"Of course I do, I'm stunningly attractive."

I slap his arm with my wet hand and it makes a loud smack sound in the tiny bathroom.

"Owe, that hurt."

"No it didn't, your just being a baby."

"I'm being a baby huh? You do know I could yank you out of that tub, put you over my knee, and get two or three good smacks across your tiny little ass before you could even blink don't you?"

He has a challenging grin on his face and his left eyebrow is in a high arch over his gold eye.

"Don't threaten my with a good time Jace Wayland."

"Mmm…are you saying you want me to spank you Clary?"

"Maybe…"

"Hmm…what other kinky shit are you into Clary?"

"Nothing! No, I am not kinky! Please I don't want you to think I'm some kind of a freak."

Jace begins to chuckle and then is full on laughing a moment latter. I want to shrink down in size and hide under the bar of soap that is tucked into the corner of the bathtub. Jace stops laughing and takes my face between his hands once more.

"Oh…baby…don't do that. I was only playing with you. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."

I keep my eyes down so he can't see them. My cheeks feel like they are on fire.

"You didn't embarrass me, I'm fine."

"Look at me please."

I slowly raise my eyes to look at him and see his eyes filled with warmth and kindness, and maybe even a little bit of shyness.

"You are not fine Clary."

"I just don't want you to think I'm some kind of freak."

"Freak? Why would I think that about you?"

"Because I said I wanted you to spank me."

"First of all you technically didn't say that. Second of all I would be happy to spank you if that's what you wanted. Thirdly I would rather enjoy spanking your perfect little ass. And last but not least I don't think you are a freak."

"You would enjoy spanking me?"

"Sure I would….shit don't look at me like that, I would never hurt you, you know that right."

"Yes I know that. I know you would never hurt me Jace."

Jace drops one of his hands and slides his other hand under my chin and uses his fingers to pull my mouth to his. His lips graze mine once, twice, three times before he consumes my mouth with his. I feel his fingers lightly touch my knee and then his whole hand is tightly wrapped around my knee as he pulls my legs apart sending a blast of hot water to my sensitive center. A gasp escapes my mouth as he slide his long fingers up my thigh until his fingers are at my center. He begins to slowly stroke me with his fingers; running slow circles over my swollen clitoris. I can feel the pressure begin to build inside of me as his fingers move at a faster pace. I moan loudly into his mouth and he returns my moan with one of his own. Before I can reach my peak, Jace stops his circling and slowly slide two fingers inside of me and slowly starts to stroke me.

"Mmm….Jace….please…"

Jace slides his mouth from mine and begins to gently nibble a slow path along my jaw before pulling my ear into his mouth with a groan from low in his throat. He strokes me faster as he sucks on my ear and I feel the pressure rise once again.

"I want you so bad right now Clary. Do you have any idea what you do to me?"

"I want you too…..uuum….oh please Jace…let me….please…please…"

Suddenly Jace no longer has his fingers inside of me. He grabs me by both of my arms and quickly pulls me out of the tub and tosses me roughly over his shoulder with a loud growl. A small squeal escapes my mouth when he slaps my wet bottom.

"You're in trouble now little girl."

I cover my mouth to muffle my giggles as he carries me into the bedroom and tosses me on the bottom bunk. I cross my arms over my chest and clamp my thighs together with a playful grin on my face.

"Please don't spank me…I promise to be a good girl."

Jace finishes removing his close with a wicked grin on his face.

"Mmm… I think it's a little too late for that love."

"But I didn't even do anything. You were the one who was…"

"You didn't do anything? Are you sure about that? Look Clary, look what you have done to me."

I glance down and see how hard he is, and it makes my stomach flutter deliciously.

"I was only trying to take a bath, and you came in and started to molest me."

The smile drops from Jaces face and he gets a distant look in his eyes.

"Jace?"

"Jace, what's wrong? Are you okay."


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

Nothing…he just stands there frozen like a statue with a far off look in his eyes. I feel like he's not even in the same room with me at this moment. I scramble to the edge of the bed and carefully place my hand on his chest and he jerks away from me like I burned him. He closes his eyes tightly for a moment and then sinks to his knees. His words are so low I almost can't hear what he is saying.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean it…I'm sorry…" He pleads.

His eyes are filled with tears as he looks at me. My heart breaks for him; he looks so sad, so lost. He lowers himself further so that he is setting back on his feet and he places his hands on his thighs and hangs his head so that his hair is covering his eyes. I slide down to the floor and carefully crawl to him and climb into his lap and hug him tightly.

"Shhh…it's okay…Jace….it's okay…you didn't do anything wrong…I thought we were having fun? I thought we were playing?"

I feel his arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me tighter to his chest. Jace buries his face into the crook of my neck and he inhales deeply.

"I'm sorry about that love. We were having fun. We were playing. I'm sorry, it's just when you said that…I don't know…I….I'm sorry."

"Said what? What did I say?"

"That I …that I…..molested you….I…..Clary…"

"Hey…hey…no, no you didn't, I was only joking, Jace please I am so sorry that I upset you. Please forgive me?"

Jace breathes deeply into my hair a few more time and loosens his grip on me before he begins to kiss my neck and starts to slide his hands over my now dry skin. I want to ask him so many questions. I want to tell him how sorry I am for saying what I said.

"Jace?"

He doesn't answer, he just continues to run his hands over my body, grazing my nipple with his thumb, as he runs his tongue over my jaw.

"Jace?"

"Please Clary….please don't…please I need you…please just let me…can I….do you want to…please Clary…."

I pull away from his mouth, away from his touch at the sound of his voice. His voice is pleading and urgent, and full of sadness and want. I look into his eyes as I crawl backwards away from him. He looks so lost, and scared. Somehow I can't see him, not the Jace I know, somehow he looks much, much younger and so vulnerable it breaks my heart. What the hell happened to him when he was little? Is he sad because he lost his mother? Who are the sick bastards I've heard him talk about? None of these questions matter at this moment. All that matters now is that I need to get him back, to pull him out of the darkness, to scare away the demons he talks about. The ones I can see shadowing across his beautiful eyes when he looks at me.

I pull myself up into a standing position and hold my hand out to him. He studies me with a confused look in his eyes; his eyes dart from my face to my outstretched hand.

"Come here…come to bed with me sweetie."

I keep my voice low. I don't want to scare him. Right now he is as fragile as a small bird. A small bird that doesn't realize that it needs help. A small bird that just needs to be picked up and gently place on the windowsill so it can fly off into the blue sky.

Jace places his hand in mine and slowly rises to his feet. I carefully pull him towards me and gently place my hand on his chest.

"It's okay…lay down…it's okay."

Jace blinks tears from his eyes and slowly lowers himself to the mattress and lays down on his back with his hand still in mine. I pull his hand to my mouth and gently kiss each of his fingers before telling him I will be right back. I can feel his eyes on me as I walk across the room and pull the box of condoms out of the pocket of his jeans that lay in a crumpled pile on the floor. I open the box and tear off one of the foil packets before turning back to his beautiful body. I begin to crawl slowly up the bed towards his groin. He is no longer hard, he is soft, everything about him at this moment is soft and fragile. He says nothing as I take him in my hand and then place my lips around his softness. I look into his eyes as I slowly swirl my tongue around the tip of his slowly hardening shaft. His eyes flutter closed and a small whimper escapes his lips. I continue to swirl my tongue around his hardness a few more times and then I curl my lips around my teeth and take him as far into my mouth as I comfortably can and begin to slowly stroke him with my mouth.

"Clary…." He whispers.

I feel heat pooling between my thighs as he quietly moans. I release him from my mouth and open the foil package. I slide the condom out of the wrapper and gently unroll it over him; careful to do it the same way that I watched him do earlier, once in place I straddle my legs over his hips and gently lower myself onto the tip while holding his shaft in my hand. Thankfully his eyes are still closed as I wince; I begin to form small circles with my hips to allow him to enter me. Once I have him about halfway inside of me I remove my hand from his shaft and use my hips to lower myself until my pelvis is locked tightly against his. A low moan escapes my throat and Jace whimpers quietly. I keep still for a moment, allowing my body to adjust to the fullness. Jace opens his eyes to look up at me and they are still moist with tears and full of wonder.

I take his hands and place them onto my hips and begin to rock my hips slowly against his. At first he keeps his hands gently cupped around my hips while still looking at me with curiosity, as though he is trying to decode that foreign language once more. As I increase my pace and begin to moan with pleasure his eyes begin to change. They begin to fill with desire again and then his hands come alive on my body. His thumb grazes my nipple as the fingers on his other hand dig into my ribs. I feel his hips begin to move against my own, easily matching my thrust. A low, drawn out moaning comes from deep down in Jaces throat as I quicken my pace further. The pressure is building quickly inside of me, I don't think I can keep my pace any longer.

Jace, as though he can sense my struggle, rises and wraps an arm around my waist and the fingers on his other hand tangle into my hair. Now he is sitting strait up on the mattress and he spreads his legs wide and I feel my bottom touch the mattress as he continues to thrust into me. I wrap my hands around his neck, digging my fingers into the top of his shoulders as he pumps harder into me. I try to keep up with his pace but my body begins to shudder as I reach my climax. Jace grips my hips tightly with his long fingers and pumps faster as he moans. His moans switch to groans as he thrust deeper into me a few more times before reaching his own climax.

With a final thrust and a loud moan, Jace stills and wraps his arms tightly around my waist, keeping our hips tightly locked together. He has his face buried into my hair and he is breathing hard and whimpering softly into my ear. I slide my one hand into the hair at the back of his neck and stroke the top of his head gently with my other. A few minutes later Jace is no longer breathing hard but he continues to whimper softly and I feel his body begin to shake. I gently place my hands on either side of his face so I can pull his eyes to mine, only to see tears streaming down his face.

I kiss him between his eyebrows, trying to soothe away that little "v" of worry on his face.

"You're okay…it's okay…I'm right here."

"Clary…please don't leave me…please…I know I'm fucked up but I…."

"Shhh…I'm not going to leave you. I am not going anywhere. Do you hear me? I. Am. Not. Going. To. Leave. You."

Jace buries his face into my hair again and hugs me tighter. His words are too muffled for me to understand.

"What? What did you say sweetie? I didn't hear you."

Jace Looks at me, his eyes are scared again.

"I never knew I could feel this way about someone. I never knew I needed someone the way I need you Clary. I realized, that before you I was just existing. Just breathing, and existing, and not caring about much of anything. That's probably why I got myself all mixed up in this shit, because I just didn't care about anything, anything or anyone for that matter. But you…."

"I never knew I needed someone the way I need you either Jace. You make me want to take you hand and run away and never look back."

"What happens when we get to Mexico?"

"I thought you were going to take your share of the money and get away from Mark. Did you change your mind?"

"No, no I didn't change my mind. Trust me I'm getting the hell away from him once I get to Mexico. I mean you and me. What happens to you and me when we get to Mexico? I know you want to go home, but Clary I can't. I can't go back to Pittsburgh with you when you go."

"There's no one for me to go home to in Pittsburgh. I don't even have a home Jace. If I go back to Pittsburgh I'll be living at the group home or in some shitty foster home."

"You don't have anyone? No one at all? Not even friends you will miss?"

A pang of guilt floods through me as I realize that I haven't even thought of Simon in days. Jace shifts us and slide out of me causing a gasp of pain to escape my mouth.

"Are you sore?"

"Yes."

Jace peppers kisses on both of my cheeks and then kisses me sweetly on the lips.

"I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"No, it's not like that. I'm not in pain or anything. Just a little sore, remember I need time to adjust."

Jace takes a moment to look into my eyes and kisses me lightly on the lips.

"Good, I'm glad I didn't hurt you. You know I don't want to hurt you Clary."

"I know and you didn't I promise."

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"I saw the look in your eyes, I felt your body tense when I asked you if there was anyone to go home to."

"I have a friend."

"Okay what's her name? Tell me about her."

"His name is Simon."

Jaces eyes change from questioning to confusion. Now it's my turn to feel his body tense.

"Tell me about him."

"I met him a little over six months ago and we became fast friends."

"Is he a foster kid like you?"

"No, he's a normal kid. His dad died a year ago and since he's a teenager trying to live his own life; his mom was lonely and came to the home looking to foster a baby."

"Normal kid? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Pretty much any kid that doesn't live in the system is considered a normal kid."

"I don't live in the system, and I don't live with my parents. Does that make me a normal kid?"

I don't know what to say to him. I only want to ask him questions. Questions that might make him shut down again. Questions that might make him get lost in the darkness again. I can't help it, I ask him:

"What happened to your parents?"

"Uh-uh…nope we're not talking about me right now Clary. Right now you are telling me about your friend Simon."

A pang of guilt washes over me again. Jace sees it, he can feel it. He takes my face between his hands and forces me to look at him.

"He's not just your friend is he?"

"Please don't be mad at me…it's not what you think."

Jaces body tenses and I can feel his heart beating faster in his chest.

"Tell me."

"We were just friends, he's nice, I have fun with him. One night we got into his moms liquor cabinet, we both got drunk. I got sick. He held my hair and wiped my face off with a wet washcloth. I was overwhelmed with gratitude by his gentleness, I felt like I could trust him to take care of me. Next thing I know I'm kissing him. I woke up the next morning filled with regret. I avoided him for two weeks, but I missed him, I missed my friend. So I went to see him, I tried to explain to him that kissing him was a mistake. The way he looked at me…I just couldn't…I felt so bad…I knew that I needed to figure out a way to make him understand without losing him as a friend…two weeks later you kidnapped me from a bank."

I realize that by the time I was done talking my voice change from a simple explanatory tone to a very guarded tone.

Jace sensing my hostility and hearing my cold words as I finish speaking; drops his hands from my face and scoot away from me. He pulls the condom of and slips it into the drawer of the nightstand before looking at me.

"I'm sorry Clary…I'm sorry I fucked up your life."

He is sad again, I can see his eyes growing distant again. No, no I don't want to lose him again. I slide myself across the mattress and force my way onto his lap.

"Please Jace..please hold me…please don't be angry with me."

He doesn't hold me; instead he places his index finger under my chin and lifts my eyes to his.

"Angry with you? Clary why would I be angry with you?"

"Because I didn't tell you I had a boyfriend."

Jace cups my chin in his hand and brushes my hair behind my ear with his other hand and knots his fingers into my hair at the back of my neck.

"Has anyone ever told you you're a heartbreaker Clary?"

His smile is warm but his eyes are guarded.

"I don't want to break your heart Jace. I…I…"

I love him. The realization hits me like a ton of bricks. I realize that not only do I love this beautiful haunted boy, but I would do anything for him. I would go anywhere with him. I would run away to Mexico, to Africa, to Iceland, to anywhere as long I could be with him.

"I love you too Clary."

"You do? You love me? How did you know that's what I was going to say to you?"

"I have loved you since the first time you looked at me with those green eyes of yours that first night in the van. How do I know anything you are thinking? I can't really answer that question. I just do."

"Oh Jace I do love you. I think I fell in love with you that same day in the van. I was watching you when you were sitting in the front seat. I watched you as you looked out the windshield and I fell in love with you."

"What about your boyfriend."

Jace has a playful tone to his voice and a small grin on his face. I can't manage to return his smile. I can't because he still has that guarded look in his eyes. I grip his face tightly between my hands, squeezing his cheeks. Through clenched teeth Jace says:

"Careful love…."

I loosen my grip; just keeping the tips of my fingers dug into his skin, as I look deep into his eyes and say:

"I want you Jace. I don't want anyone else but you. I belong to you."

His mouth is hard on mine and his fingers are digging almost painfully into my ribs. I bite his bottom lip and he is suddenly on top of me. Parting my thighs with his knees, his mouth moves to my throat where he begins sucking and biting a fast path down my body. He drags his teeth across my nipple, dips his tongue into my belly button, sucks gently at my hipbone, before taking my clitoris between his lips. My hips buck violently at the quick movements of his tongue; moments later I find my release with a low moan. Jace slows his tongue flicking little by little as I come down off my peak and then slowly kisses his way back up to my mouth. He holds my face tightly between his thumb and his long fingers causing my lips to pucker. Jace lightly grazes my lips with his a few time before settling in for a deep kiss.

We kiss for what feels like hours, slow, deep, unhurried kisses. As we kiss our hands explore each other's bodies; skin against skin, rough fingers against soft skin, tiny fingers across hard muscles. Jace breaks the kiss and looks into my eyes.

"My sweet Clary…" he whispers

"Yours." I demand

"I love you."

"I love you too. I promise I'll never leave you Jace."

"What if you don't have that choice."

"Stop it…Don't talk like that okay."

Jace slides down my body and rests his head on my chest. My eyes grow heavy as I listen to his breathing grow heavy as he falls asleep with his arms wrapped around me. I want nothing more than to drift off into sweet dreams with him but I carefully slip out of his arms and dress quickly before climbing my way to the top bunk. I don't dare risk Mark waking up and finding the two of us sleeping naked together. I whisper I love you once more into the darkness before drifting off to sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

OKAY I RECEIVED A COUPLE OF PM'S IN REGUARDS TO MARK. PEOPLE ARE ASKING ME IF THERE IS A POSSIBLITY THAT MARK IS SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH JACE. HMMMM….HERE'S THE THING I HAD WRITEN A DIFFERENT VERSION FOR MARKS CHAPTER BUT DECIDED THAT MAYBE IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH. TOO GRAPHIIC, TOO DETAILED…HONESTLY TOO DISTRUBING. I NEED ALL OF THE READERS TO UNDERSTAND HOW DIFFICULT IT WAS FOR ME TO WRITE SOME OF THE CONTENT IN THIS BOOK. I SAT FOR HOURS MENTALLY STRUGGLING WITH SO MANY PARTS OF THIS STORY; TO THE POINT OF HEADACHES. MY POSTED CHAPTER 23, I THOUGH IMPLIED ENOUGH THAT YOU COULD ALL PRETTY MUCH FIGURE OUT WHERE MARKS MIND WAS WHEN IT CAME TO JACE…HOWEVER I RELIZE THAT I MIGHT HAVE BEEN WRONG. SO I GIVE THE EXTENDED VERSION OF MARK….FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IF YOU FOUND YOURSELF UPSET OR DISTRUBED BY THE ORIGINAL CHAPTER FROM MARK YOU MAY NOT NOT NOT WANT TO READ THIS EXTENDED VERSION…..MAJOR WARNING FOR GRAPHIC CONTENT FOR THIS CHAPTER….PROCEED WITH CAUTION

CHAPTER 23 MARKS POV …EXTENDED VERSION…

I really need to learn how to pace myself more when I drink. I must have drank twenty beers at that shithole bar today. I wasn't lying when I told Jace that I meant to eat something while I was there. I really did, but then I ordered another beer and forgot all about it. The next thing I know there he is. He's there to pick me up; him and the girl, that fine little piece of ass that she is. I was a little thrown off by her young age, but it hasn't stopped me form thinking about what she will look like when I slide between her pale thighs. Nope her being thirteen doesn't stop me from thinking about how it will sound to hear her scream out in pain as I pump into her. If anything the fact that she is so young makes me think that she is probably still a virgin. The thought of having that sweet virgin pussy makes me hard just thinking about it. I want to see those green eyes of hers flooded with tears. I want to fuck her so hard that she bleeds. I want to wrap my hands around her tiny throat and squeeze until the light goes out of her piercing green eyes.

I roll off the couch still drunk; it's too fucking hot it this shitty trailer, I need to go outside and get some air. I can't find my jacket so I grab Jace's off the back of the kitchen chair and make my way outside. After finding my cigarettes in the glove box of the car; I toss Jace's jacket across the trunk and light one taking a long drawl off of it. I really need to just stop buying these damn things, I quit for a full year, yet every once in a while I feel the urge and break down and buy a pack. The kid is always looking down his nose at me when he sees me with one in my mouth but he never says anything to me about it. That's probably why I sneak off like a school kid and smoke where he can't see me.

I remember the day I found him. Jace was lying behind that dumpster covered in bruises and his own blood, and wearing nothing but a pair of thin shorts in the middle of February. Seeing him lying there like that brought back a flood of memories for me. Poor kid looked so tiny lying there, who knew he would shoot up to be almost as tall as me. I remember the look in his peculiar colored eyes as he sat at my kitchen table gobbling down those peanut butter sandwiches like they were high dollar steaks. The way he look at me told me he didn't give two shits whether he live or died. It broke my heart.

I told him about my time at the club, about those three long fucked up years. All those sick fuckers paying high dollar to fuck young boys. The worst part about it was after my first three months there, I didn't even really mind it anymore. I would just close my eyes and pretend to be somewhere else until whatever sick bastard came into my room was done with me. My favorite ones were the ones that didn't talk at all; nope they'd just come in there and get it over with. It's the ones that would talk dirty to you or even worse wanted me to talk dirty to them; those were the ones that I hated.

As much as I hated what all those sick bastards did to me every day; I still hated someone else more than I hated them. I hated my mother; ha if that's what you would call the fucking bitch that gave birth to me. My mother was a heroin addict that would do anything to get her fix. I don't ever remember a single day where I felt any kind of love from that bitch. I was nothing but a fucking burden to her; she hated having to be stuck taking care of me. She neglected me severely and she hit me all the time. I was always so damn hungry; why wouldn't she just feed me? Wouldn't it have been easier to give her kid something to eat instead of listening to him whine all the time?

I wish I could say that nothing terrible ever happened to me before I live at Boyztown; the truth is my mother would do _anything_ to get her heroin. She would let whatever sick fucker do whatever they wanted to do to me just so they would get her high. I was four years old the first time one of her douche bag friends raped me. FOUR FUCKING YEARS OLD! She would just trade her fucking kid off for money or for drugs whenever she felt like it. One day she got presented with an opportunity that she just couldn't resist. She got offered a big old bag of heroin in exchange for me. Not only did she have enough heroin to last her for two weeks but she also got rid of her pain in the ass kid. FUCK HER. FUCK THAT STUPID CUNT.

Telling Jace what happened to me when I was there made him open up and tell me about his time in that hellhole. He asked me how I got away. I told him they just didn't want me anymore. I got too tall, too mature; the perverts didn't want me anymore. Those fuckers like their boys young and small; two things after three years I just wasn't anymore. I asked him how he got out of there. Even though he was covered in bruises and his lips were split and swollen I could still see how beautiful he was.

Once his bruises healed and the swelling went down in his lips I could really see that he was a looker. I don't think I have seen very many girls that were as beautiful as that blond haired boy. To this day he is still a beautiful boy; there is something sinful about a boy being that good looking. He's almost angelic, like some sort of untouchable god. His angelic looks are the only thing that has kept me from putting my hands on him for the past three years. I have always made it a point to be careful about how I look at him. If he saw what I wanted to do to him he would leave me. I don't think I could bear the thought of him leaving me. I know he could never return my feeling for him but that doesn't mean I want him to leave. I have never acted on my feelings towards him; not acted on them with Jace or with any other man for that fact. I always just find some stupid whore to get off when I have the urge. The thought of being with another man is not what Jace wants for himself; he is all about the pussy. It's true he has never brought a girl home before but I have followed him around the city enough times to see what he does with those girls. He always goes after the older ones for some reason. I remember the first time I followed him to one of their houses I got lucky enough that the girl's bedroom was on the first floor. I stood outside her bedroom window and jerked off as I watch his beautiful ass as he fucked her. He had her bent over the dresser and he kept his eyes close as he pounder her pussy. I remember watching him and pretending that it was me he had bent over that dresser. I pretended that those were my hips that he had his long fingers dug tightly into as he pounded his hips.

So there sat this beautiful broken boy; with peanut butter smeared at the corner of his mouth, setting at my kitchen table. I wanted nothing more than to lean across the table and lick that peanut butter off of his beautiful mouth. He told me that he was there for a little over a year and that he fought them every day. Every single fucking day for over a year this kid fought them, until one night he lashed out so violently, they threw him out. I couldn't help cringing at the ghost of a smile he got on his face as he told me about biting that bastard. That took balls to do that. No not balls; that took extreme willpower to sink his teeth into that fucker. I could never bring myself to do something like that. Sure I might have thought about doing it a few times, but self-preservation alone kept me from ever actually doing it.

I found myself full of mixed emotions by this boy's confession. On one hand I couldn't be prouder of his willpower, but on the other hand I was filled with hatred and resentment for him. How did he manage to fight for so damn long? What did he do different than I did? What made him fight hard enough that they just threw him away? Was I somehow weaker or less than this golden eyed boy for giving in to them?

Here we are almost three years later and I still look at him with wonderment. How does he do it every day? How the fuck can he be so normal? Doesn't it haunt him every minute of the day like it does me? I know he still has nightmares from time to time but other than that he seems to function well. Alcohol seem to be the only thing that keeps the shit in my head down to a dull roar; yet that kid wont drink a drop of beer. He doesn't do any drugs, he isn't out getting himself in trouble, he's just fucking normal compared to me.

I know he chases a whole lot of pussy; the chase can keep him pretty preoccupied. I'll give it to the kid; he seems to have mastered the art of seduction when it comes to the ladies. I have followed him enough times to see him work his magic. He has that right mix of danger and mystery about him; combined with knowing how to use his words and his body to get exactly what he wants from any girl that he decided he wants. He finds a girl that he wants and he is relentless at the chase until he gets what he wants. Usually once he gets in their pants he drops them like a bad habit and moves on to the next one. I think there were only maybe two girls that he dated; if that is what you would call it. All I ever seen him do was take them somewhere to fuck.

He does go running a lot at night time too. He tucks his earbuds into his ears and runs the streets of Pittsburgh for hours at a time. Always coming home soaked with sweat and exhausted. Those are the times where I find it hardest to resist my urges for him. Seeing him soaked in sweat; seeing that raw almost broken look in his eyes when he sinks down onto the sofa as he tried to catch his breath. Those are the nights that I want him more than anything. I always make it a point to go straight to bed when he comes home looking like that. I go to bed and jerk off while I think about that sweaty golden angel pounding his hips against me. Who knows maybe that's how he keeps the bad dreams away most nights, by running himself to near death so that he passes out instead of trying to fall asleep.

I finish my cigarette and flick it out into the darkness of the night; watching the reddish-orange glow floating through the air before landing on the dirt road behind the car. Grabbing Jace's jacket, that I didn't need, I head back into the trailer. I snatch another biscuit from the bag on the counter and eat it while standing in the kitchen. I'll give it to the little girl, she can cook. After eating the biscuit, I realize I am still holding Jace's jacket. I pull it to my face and inhale his scent deeply before giving it a toss onto the back of the kitchen chair. I managed to hit the chair, but his jacket falls to the floor. Seeing his jacket lying on the floor for some strange reason takes me back to breakfast this morning. When Jace slammed me up against the wall and push his hips into mine; it took everything in me not to get a hard-on.

The only thing I could think of to distract me from having his body pressed against mine and distract me from his intoxicating scent; was I kept thinking about the look of his face after I had hit him in the van. I realize now that the only reason why I hit him was because I was jealous. I hate how protective he is over that little red head. At that moment all I could think about was somehow she was going to take him away from me.

I glance at the clock above the sink and see that it's a little after one in the morning. I stand in the kitchen just staring at the jacket on the floor for what feels like hours. I think maybe I will go soak in the tub for a while; I'm pretty sure I have puke on my shirt and pants anyhow. Yes a long soak in a hot tub will sober me up a little more; that and a good personal hand-job while I indulge and think of my golden angel boy. Finally I snap out of my daze and walk over and scoop up the jacket. I picked it up from the bottom and end up spilling the shit out of the pockets onto the floor. The kids MP3 player hits the floor with a loud crack and his little note book that he's always writing song lyrics in lays open near is MP3 player. His ink pen rolls under the kitchen table coming to a rest against the leg of one of the chairs. I pick up his MP3 player to inspect it; he'll be pissed if I broke it. He is always singing; constant, constant singing. Always something different too. If someone ever asked me what kind of music he liked best; I think it would just be easier to tell them what he doesn't like. I'm not complaining about his singing; the kid has a beautiful voice. Finding his MP3 player to look as though it's in one piece, I grab his note book, reach under the table for his pen and slide them back into his jacket pocket.

I feel something in his pocket that feels like a credit card of some sort and decide to pull it out and have a look. When I turn the card over in my hand I see a pair of green eyes staring me right in the face. I have to squint my eyes to read the small print on the card; I really should get a pair of glasses one of these days. The card is a photo ID, and it has her face and name on it. Looking closer I see her birthdate is also printed bellow her name. I quickly do the math in my head and my blood begins to boil in my veins.

Not only was the little bitch lying about her age, but Jace knew about it. What the fuck is going on here? I knew she was lying about her age, I knew she wasn't fucking thirteen. Why though…why would she lie? More importantly; if Jace knew the truth, knew she was actually almost sixteen, why didn't he tell me? That little fucker, I want to go down the hall and drag him out of bed by his blond hair. Is it possible he kept this from me so he could keep her all to himself? Has he fucked her yet? If he has, he must have taken it easy on the little red head. She seems to be pretty comfortable around him, not like she is around me. I can practically hear her skin crawling anytime I am near her.

Sitting on the kitchen floor I being to put together a picture in my head. He has fucked her. He's fucked that little red head and she must have liked it. Of course she liked it; how could she not? Motherfucker! I knew it; I fucking knew that they were acting weird when they came and picked me up from the bar. They acted even weirder when we got back to the trailer. When I made my little dig about the red head performing services; Jace looked at me like he was going to rip my face off. I am pretty sure I even heard him snarl at me. I may have been trashed off my ass but I still saw how he had his hand pressed against her lower back. That son of a bitch! That fucking little whore! Who do they think they are? Hmm let's see if he still wants her when I am through with her. I am going to tear her apart. I am going to destroy her tight little pussy, and then we will see if he still wants her. I will not let that little cunt take him from me. I will fucking kill her; yes after I fuck her senseless I will choke the life out of those green eyes of hers. He is mine!

Quietly, I open the door to the back bedroom and see Jace sleeping on his stomach. Fuck he really does look like an angel. Even through all of my rage I still want to walk over and stroke his cheekbone; I still want to brush his blond hair away from his eyes. Why can't he love me? I look up to the top bunk and see her sleeping with her hands under her cheek. Awe doesn't she look so sweet? Doesn't she just look so innocent sleeping like that? I make my way up the ladder and slide my knife against her throat and cover her mouth with my hand.


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24 BACK TO CLARYS POV

I open my eyes to see Marks dark eyes blazing with hatred. He has his hand clamped over my mouth and I feel something sharp against my throat. I want to scream. I want to pull his knife wielding hand away from my throat. I want to kick my legs hard enough to make the bunk bed shake and wake Jace up. The look in Marks eyes tell me that if I do anything to wake Jace, he will slit my throat before I can get a scream out of my mouth. Mark awkwardly pulls me off the bed and drags me quietly down the ladder. On the last step of the ladder; the board releases a small creak of sound, causing Jace to stir in his sleep. Mark is frozen and he is holding his breath. I can't help it; I can't hold my breath, the sound of my fast breathing sounds loud in the small room.

WAKE UP JACE! PLEASE! JACE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE WAKE UP.

Jace doesn't wake up. His breathing is heavy and rhythmic as he sleeps peacefully. He looks so sweet, the corner of his mouth is turned up slightly as though he is smiling. I wonder if he is dreaming? I wonder what he is dreaming about? Maybe me, maybe he's dreams of my eyes the way I dream of his. After a full minute Mark slowly backs the two of us through the open door of the bedroom. I take one last look at the beautiful sleeping boy before we get into the hall.

Mark continues to drag me through the small trailer and out though the front door. The door to the trailer is wide open and I can see the dim light from above the stove as he drags me down the steps. Mark keeps my mouth covered as he pins me up against the car and opens the back door. He shoves me into the back seat; hitting my forehead off the hard metal, and pins me down with his body.

He is breathing hard and his breath reeks of beer and vomit, and my eyes begin to water at the smell as I fight back the urge to gag. His hand is still over my mouth and he still has the knife pressed against my throat. He lowers his face and licks my ear.

"Did you and Jace have a nice little laugh at my expense you little bitch?"

What is he talking about?

"I know your almost sixteen Clarisssa, and I know that Jace knows it too. The little shit has known it all along."

Every hair on my body is standing up and my heart is pounding out of my chest.

"Mother fucker thought he could just keep you all to himself. Well I got news for him, by the time I'm done with you he won't even be able to look at you anymore."

Oh my god! I want to die! I would rather be dead than to have to be here right now in this car with him. He is going to rape me. The awful truth sinks into my bones as I realize that he's right. Jace won't want anything to do with me once Mark has finished with me; let alone be able to look at me. Tears begin to stream down my face as I think of Jaces golden eyes looking at me with disgust. I love him so much; he said he loved me, but he will only loathe me after Mark is done with me. I think I can actually feel my heart breaking.

"That's right I figured it all out you little fucking whore. I know he fucked you, and I know you enjoyed it too. Trust me when I tell you that I am the only one who will be enjoying what I am going to do to you. You are already crying and that makes me happy. I want to hear you scream next. I want you to scream so loud it hurts my ears as I rip you apart like the piece of shit that you are."

Mark uncovers my mouth and I begin to scream as loud as I can. He has his hand on the waist band of Jaces boxer shorts and begins to try and pull them down. I keep my thighs locked together and use everything in me to pin my bottom to the back seat. He only manages to pull them down about two inches before he can't get them any lower. Mark lets out a breath of air and tosses his knife to the floor as I scream and thrash my body.

Now that I no longer have a knife pressed against my throat; I stop screaming to try and focus my energy into my swings. I get a couple of hard slaps to his face before he punches me. His fist hits my mouth so hard I see stars.

"That's right fight me you little bitch! I want you to, really I do, it's making me hard."

I spit a mouthful of blood in his face and punch him hard in the jaw. I hit him hard enough that I think I might have broken a bone in my hand. He grabs my fist before I can get another blow in and pins my arms to my chest; making it hard for me to breath.

"You bitch! Why the fuck would you spit in my face?"

Mark lowers his face to mine and licks the blood from my chin and mouth; I choke back a gag as I feel my stomach flip violently. He lifts his face from mine and with a wicked grin spits my own blood back on my face. I begin to thrash my body under his as hard as I can. He lifts some of his weight off of my chest while still holding my arms down and uses his other hand to pull at my shorts once again. I scream and buck my hips off of the back seat, trying to knock his hand free. He slaps me across the face with the back of his hand hard three times; causing me to stop my wild bucking. I can hear a buzzing sound in my ears and my vision is blurred; and my whole body is tingling from exertion. Mark pins me down with his weight and I can feel him rooting his fingers around the floor board of the back seat. He lifts his weight off of me and let's go of my arms. He has the knife in his hand as he grabs the hem of my shorts above my thigh. He lowers the knife towards my body and I realize he is going to cut the short off of me.

NO! NO! KEEP FIGHTING CLARY! DON'T LET HIM CUT OFF YOUR SHORTS! I use everything in my little body to fight him as he lowers the knife. I manage a few blows to his shoulders and one good one to the side of his head before I feel the knife slice open my thigh. I have never been cut before and am surprised at the fact that it burns more than hurts. I have no more energy left to fight and I hear the material of Jaces shorts being cut off of my body. I stop screaming and can feel tears streaming down my face as I give up the fight. Maybe I can just close my eyes and think of Jace until it's over.

Mark tosses the knife to the floor and begins to unbuckle his belt. He is breathing hard as he struggles with the button of his jeans. His fingers are covered with my blood and his thumb keeps slipping off of the button. Mark wipes his hand off on his jeans and shifts his legs further apart before trying the button once more. Opportunity is not just knocking at my front door; it's kicking the door hard and fast. I keep my upper body still and close my eyes as I hear him lower his zipper and then I jerk my knee up as hard as I possibly can.

Mark chokes out a scream and collapses on top of me. I use the last of my strength to push his body off of me and onto the floor of the car. I launch myself over the front seat of the car and begin pounding my fist into the steering wheel. The horn blared loudly in a few short burst before I put all my weight onto the wheel causing the horn to continuously blare. Mark yanks me back into the back of the car and begins punching me in the face so hard and so fast that I have trouble separating the blows in my mind. He is shouting at me but I can't understand what he is saying. I feel myself slipping to the darkness; maybe he will beat me to death before he can rape me. The repeated blows are too much for me to take any longer and I am engulfed in blackness. I can hear Jaces sweet voice in my ears; he is saying my name softly. His soft voice changes to screams and I can see his beautiful eyes; they are full of fear. Oh no…don't be afraid Jace. Why are you screaming like that? Why do you look so scared? I feel my body begin to shake and then I open my eyes.

"Clary…please baby…please open your eyes!"

"Uuuuh…"

Jace pulls me tight against his chest and begins to rock me in his arms.

"My Clary…my sweet Clary…oh god…I'm so sorry…fuck….please don't leave me baby…"

"Jace…."

He tilts my head back in his arms and I can barely see him out of my left eye. Mark must have blinded my right eye. My breathing comes out in a sickening rattle as he looks down at me with tears in his eyes.

Suddenly I remember that Mark was on top of me and was punching my face. I don't want him to hurt Jace. He knows that Jace knew how old I really was and kept it a secret. I struggle to get out of Jaces grips and begin rambling.

"No…Jace...you have to run…Mark is going to kill you …you have to…"

Jace wraps his arms around me tighter and pulls me to his chest.

"Shhh….stop…stop it's alright. He's not going to kill me Clary."

"Yes he is! You have to run!"

"Marks dead Clary…I killed him…I heard you blowing the horn and when I got outside and saw him on top of you I just lost it…I broke his neck…he's dead."

Relief washes over me. MARK IS DEAD! JACE KILLED MARK!

"He's really dead? You really killed him?"

"Yes he's dead."

"You killed him?"

"Yes…"

Jaces eyes are filled with fear as he looks at me.

"Come on…let's get you inside."

Jace lift me out of the back of the car and I can see Marks lifeless body lying on the ground. He has blood coming out his mouth and nose, and he has blood coming out of his ears. I have never seen a dead person before. I have seen so many movies and television show that have dead bodies on them; I always thought how real they looked until now. Seeing him lying there not breathing; with his lifeless eyes looking out into nothingness proves just how unreal the bodies on the screen looked. I can't look any longer and I bury my face into Jaces shoulder as he carries me into the trailer.

By the time Jace sets me onto the toilet in the small bathroom I am sobbing loudly. He turns the water on in the tub and gets a towel from the drawer of the sink and places it on the floor. I am still sobbing as Jace gently removes his borrowed shirt from my blood covered body.

"Come on love…hang onto me."

I wrap my arms around his neck and he carries me to the tub and gently lowers me into the water. The hot water seeps into the long gash on my thigh and I can't help but scream at the pain. Jace is quite as he stands and begins to undress himself. I bite my bottom lip to fight back the pain in my leg as I watch him strip. Jace places his hands on my shoulders and slide me forward in the tub and sets down in the water behind me. He pulls me against his chest and begins to wash my body.

Jace is so gentle as he washes my entire body. Neither one of us speaks as he cleans me. After he is done washing my body he uses a plastic cup to wet my hair and gently massages the shampoo into my scalp with his long fingers. He rinses the soap out of my hair and proceeds to comb conditioner through my hair with his fingers. After he rinses the conditioner from my hair he slides me forward in the tub once more and he gets out of the water. He pulls the plug to drain the tub and he quickly dries himself off and slides on his jeans. By the time he comes to help me out of the tub the water is completely drained. He wraps the towel around my body and lifts me into his arms and set me down on the toilet once more before leaving me alone in the bathroom.

I sit there wrapped in a towel for what feels like a long time. When he finally returns he has on his long sleeve grey thermal shirt and is carrying a first aid kit; I am crying again. He doesn't look at me as he flips the now blood soaked towel off of my bleeding thigh. He dabs at my cut with an alcohol swab; I bite my lip to keep from screaming at the stinging pain. His brows are furrowed as he applies gauze and white tape over my cut. I quietly watch him as he works. I look at my legs and arm and find them coved in small bruises. My face hurts and I still can't see anything out of my right eye. Jace has a q-tip with a strange brown liquid on it and dabs at the inside of my nostril with it. The brown liquid burns my nose and it smells bad. His mouth is cast down in a frown as he looks at my nose. He rests his fingers on my nose lightly and looks me in the eyes.

"This is going to hurt Clary. It's okay if you need to scream."

His words come out clipped, and once he is done speaking he lowers his eyes to my nose once again. His fingers grasp my nose and with a quick flick of his wrist I hear my nose crunch back into place before I scream so loud it hurt my own ears. Jaces eyes move rapidly across my face as silent tears begin to stream down his face. He roughly wipes his face with his shirt sleeve and clears his throat before saying:

"Open your mouth Clary."

I open my mouth and Jace begins to wiggle my front teeth with his fingers, finding one to be quite lose as he does.

"This one will probably be fine in a few days."

He dumps more of the brown liquid onto a cotton swab and begins to dab at my right eye with it.

"I can't see anything out of my right eye."

"That's because it's swollen shut…here let me see…"

Jace uses his fingers to pry my swollen eye open. The light from the bathroom stings my eye and everything looks blurry as he holds my eyelid painfully open.

"Can you see anything?"

"It's blurry, but yes I can see."

Jace keeps my eyelid open as he looks closer. I whimper at his touch and he lets go of my eye. Jace puts more brown stuff on a new cotton swab and dabs at both my top and bottom lip. The brown liquid burns painfully; and I cry out, before I can feel my lips begin to numb. Jace places each of his hands on each of my knees and hangs his head low before letting out a small whimper of his own. He is still as he keeps his head lowered and his eyes are tightly shut as he tries to control his breathing. He begins to spread my knees apart slowly.


	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

"What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry…I just need to see how bad it is Clary…to see if you need any ointment or bandages…just let me see how bad it is and then I'll be done okay?" His words sound like sobs as tears stream down his face.

I finally understand what he is talking about. He wants to look between my thighs because he thinks Mark raped me.

"No, Jace don't…you don't have to…"

Jace looks at me with tear filled eyes, they are sad, and full of pain as he looks at me.

"Please Clary…just let me look okay…"

"No…he didn't…I'm fine…you saved me before he could…Mark didn't hurt me."

Jace raises himself onto his knees and pushes his hips between my thighs and he hugs me tightly. He whispers in my ear.

"He didn't rape you?"

"No. No he didn't…he tried but I fought him…and then you came…it's okay…he didn't hurt me Jace."

Jace stands up pulling me with him and walks me towards the sink.

"Look at your face Clary…look and then tell me again that he didn't hurt you."

Jace's voice sounds so angry all I can do is look at him for a moment before turning towards the mirror. My right eye is purple and swollen to three times its size, no wonder I can't see out of it. My left nostril is split as are both of my lips. I have a dark bruise under my left eye from my nose being broken. The whole right side of my face is coved in bruises. The left side of my jaw is purple and swollen. I have an angry looking welt in the middle of my forehead from where Mark slammed my head into the doorway of the car. I have bruises all around my throat, I don't remember him choking me but he must have. I use my tongue to wiggle my front tooth and find it's quite loose. No wonder my face hurts so badly. I can't look at myself any longer; between my dyed hair and all the bruises I hardly recognize my own self. I look back at Jace and he is still crying softly as he stands next to me.

"I…don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to say anything, but please don't say he didn't hurt you."

"I'm sorry…"

Jace lift me into his arms and carries me into the back bedroom and lays me down on the bed. He slides in next to me and puts his head on my chest.

"I'm sorry Clary…I wish I would have gotten to you sooner. I wish he never laid his hands on you. I'm sorry I ever let him convince me that we had to take you that day in the bank. I'm sorry you ever met the two of us."

His words are heartbreaking to my ears. In truth I agree with everything he says. If it weren't for the two of them I would probably be sleeping at my foster parent's house. I would probably be having nightmare about how I could break up with Simon without losing his friendship. But if I wouldn't have been in that bank, if they hadn't taken me that day; I wouldn't know what it feels like to be in love. Totally, and completely head over heels in love with this beautiful boy. I find myself becoming angry at Jaces words, they sound like defeat in my ears. Like he's just giving up on us all together. Like he has just thrown the towel in because it all got too hard. I whimper in pain as I push Jace off of me and scramble into a sitting position.

"What is it Clary? What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"Yes…"

His hands flutter over my body and his eyes are frantic as he studies my face.

"Where? What did I hurt?"

I place my hand over my heart.

"Here, you hurt me here. I don't regret knowing you Jace…I love you…"

"Clary…I…I love you too…it's just…what are we going to do now? Mark is dead, I killed him. What am I going to do?"

"Put him in the ground with the generators and we can leave for Mexico."

Jace just looks at me with a puzzles look on his face.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Do you regret killing him?"

"No, no I don't regret killing him. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"Then what's the problem? Let's hide his body and get the hell out of here."

Jaces eyes change from a look of puzzlement to a look of wonderment.

"You still want to go with me? He's dead now, you are free to go where ever you want to go."

"I go where you go." My tone is final

Jace leans forward and brushes his lips gently against my cheek.

"I can't take you across the border looking like that. You are going to need a few days for the swelling to go down and a lot of make-up to cover your bruises before anyone can see you."

"Why won't you look at me for very long Jace? Is it because of what I said? What I said about just dumping his body with the generators?"

Jace chuckles softly.

"Well it does sound pretty callous coming from such a sweet little girl. But no I couldn't agree more. It's a good idea to put him down there."

I ignore his comment about me being a little girl.

"If it's such a good idea why won't you look at me?"

Jace closes his eyes tightly for a moment and sighs loudly before looking at me.

"It's hard to look at you love…seeing your beautiful face all swollen and bruise like that make me want to go out and kick the living shit out of his dead body. Seeing your face makes me want to scream until I have no voice left. Seeing your face like that makes me want to wrap my arms around you and cry until I have no tears left."

"I don't want you to do any of those things Jace."

His gold eyes are filled with hurt.

"You don't want me to hold you?" He whispers softly.

I slide across the mattress and take his hands in mine and kiss both of his palms.

"We need to get him in the ground first. We can't just leave him lying out there. We can cuddle after we take care of Mark."

Jace chuckles softly again.

"Who are you and what have you done with my sweet Clary?"

"I…I…"

Jace burst out into full laughter.

"I'm joking. You are just doing what I'm not right now. You are using your head. I'll be right back and then we can cuddle."

"Don't you need my help?"

"No babe I'm good. You need to rest. I will bring you something for the pain when I come back in."

"Are you going to be gone long?"

"No, probably only about fifteen minutes."

"Okay please don't be gone long."

Jace takes my hand in his and kisses my fingers causing a yelp to escape my mouth.

"What's the matter?"

"It's my hand. I hurt it when I punched Mark in the face."

Jace smile widely at me.

"Good girl…here let me see."

I hold my hand out to him for inspection. He moves my fingers and presses the back of my hand lightly with his fingers. He wiggles my middle finger while pressing his finger into the back of my hand and I scream out in pain.

"Mmm…yep…right there. I think you might have a small fracture in your hand, but I don't think it's broken."

He kisses my hand where he pointed out the possible fracture and leaves the room.

I lay down on the bed and pull the blankets over my naked body; I should get up and put some closes on but my body is so sore. I close my eyes and then open them again. I can't close my eyes, not until Jace is with me. All I can see is Marks dark eyes when I close my own. I lay there and try to remember the words to one of the songs Jace was singing in the shower when we were at the cabin. I work out the melody but can only remember a few of the words. I keep singing the words I do remember over and over in my head until I hear the front door of the trailer open. A moment later Jace walks into the room and I feel my body relax.

He hands me a bottle of water and a white pill. I swallow the pill without even asking him what it was, and hand him back the bottle of water. He sets the bottle on the side table and says:

"I just want to run through the shower real quick I'm covered in dirt from dragging him through the yard."

"Okay. Then will you come to bed with me?"

"Five minutes I promise."

Jace darts out of the room and sure enough about five minutes later he walks back into the room with a towel hanging low on his hips. Seeing his almost naked and wet body makes heat pool between my thighs. Jace drops his towel and slide under the covers with me. He lays on his back and hold his arms in the air.

"Come here…" He whispers

I climb on top of him and straddle my legs around his hips while I burry my sore face in his neck. Jace places his hands gently on my lower back.

"Please Jace….Please hold me tight…I need you…" 

Jace wraps his arms around me and holds me tight and kisses my temple.

"I'm sorry…"

"What are you sorry for Clary?"

"I want to kiss you but my face hurts."

"Mmm yes love I want to kiss you too. I want to kiss every inch of your body. I want to kiss away all your bruises. I want to make love to you until he goes away…"

Can he do that? Can he make Mark disappear just by making love to me? I feel Jace getting hard between my thighs and I find my body begins to tense. There is just too much going through my head right now.

"I can't Jace…Not right now…there's just too much going on in my head right now…please don't be mad at me…"

Jace laughs softly.

"I'm sorry baby, I promise I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at myself. My body has a mind of its own sometimes."

I can't help but laugh at his words with the faint sound of embarrassment in his voice.

"You're not mad at me then?" I ask.

"God no… you're not mad at me for getting hard are you?"

"No… I understand…when you walked in the room after your shower I got all warm between my legs just looking at you…so I get it."

"Really? Just looking at me made you wet?"

I slap his shoulder and giggle.

"I never said anything about being wet. But yes it's true, I guess my body has a mind of its own too."

"It's nice to know that I'm not alone then. Do you have any idea how much you affect me?"

"Probably about as much as you affect me. Even right now, being in your arm, feeling you hard against my thigh, I am starting to second guess my decision."

Jace kisses my temple sweetly.

"Get some sleep love."

"I just want to stay like this for a little bit if that's okay?"

"You can sleep on top of me all night. It won't bother me at all. In fact I'm pretty damn comfortable just the way we are."

My eyes grow heavy and within a few minutes I fall asleep on his chest.


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26 JACES POV

Clary has been sleeping on top of me for almost an hour as I lay wide awake unable to get to sleep; carefully I slide her off of me and get out of bed. She should sleep good for at least a few more hours. The muscle relaxer I gave her usually is good for about six hours or so. I do wonder if maybe I should have broken the pill in half; usually Mark takes two of them at a time, but he's twice her size and has a pretty high tolerance for drugs and alcohol.

After I get dressed I sit on the edge of the bed and run my fingers through her soft hair. Almost all of the dye has washed out and most of her natural red hair is showing again. I can handle the temporary color of her hair; but I hate that I had to cut it. When I walked into the bathroom that day and saw her wet red hair was only a few inches above her waist it nearly took my breath away. Well seeing that her hair was so long AND the fact that she was straddling that chair in nothing but her bra and underwear; that could have been what nearly took my breath away. Being on my knees behind her while I cut her hair; smelling her fresh washed body, feeling her soft skin under my fingers, it took everything in me to keep from spinning her around in that chair. I never wanted anyone more than I wanted her in that moment.

Dear god, the things I did to her in that thrift shop! I never thought I would do something like that. Watching that little worm flirt with her made me so jealous. I never knew I could be one of those people who got jealous just because someone flirted with my girlfriend. I always felt flattered anytime someone made a pass at my girlfriend. I know the difference now; those few girls that I told myself were my girlfriends we in fact not my girlfriends. I only thought they were. The truth is I was only using them for sex. God, even in the privacy of my own mind that sounds harsh and cold.

I shake this thought out of my head quickly because I was always very clear with those girls. I made them understand what I wanted, and I always told them never to touch me. Why they never asked me the reasons for not wanting them to touch me seems pretty clear to me now. They only wanted me for sex too I guess. Maybe the young ones wanted more; but after that close call with the girl that lied to me about her age, I pretty much stuck to older girls. I tried to stick to girls who were at least eighteen; they were just more understanding than the young girls. They never complained about not being allowed to touch me. They never complained when I kept their hands locked in mine while I kissed them. Hell I'm sure me keeping them restrained probably even turned some of them on. None of them ever complained about my preferred position for sex either; the all seemed to enjoy me taking them from behind.

I'm sure me only being able to have sex with girls if I am behind them probably has more to it than just the fear of them touching me. I'm sure it has some sick connection to my year in that hellhole. I try not to think about all of that too much. The thoughts are always there, always floating under the surface of my mind. Floating like a dead leaf that just skims the surface of a mud puddle. Like you could either choose to reach out and pick it up; or poke it with a stick and watch it sink into the mud, or not touch it at all and just let it float. I choose to just leave my thoughts alone; just let them float and not touch them.

I have been proud of how well I have managed to function on a daily basis since Mark took me home that night a few years ago. Loving Clary, and having Clary love me in return makes me want to be better. I can't go on the way I have been; it's only a matter of time that I fuck things up with her if I don't start working on my demons. I know she said she wants to know everything about me but that scared the hell out of me.

Part of me wants to tell her every last detail of my life; all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly of it all. Part of me only wants to tell her a breezed over account of what I went through. Another part of me doesn't want to tell her a damn thing. I don't know how she will react to the things she thinks she can handle hearing. Will she look at me in horror? Will she still want me? Will she still love me? Will she run away screaming? It's all the not knowing that scares me; scares me so much I feel cold deep down in my bones at all the possibilities of her reaction.

The moment I realized I was in love with this green eyed girl absolutely blew me away. I never knew I was even capable of loving someone. I thought I was too fucked up to have these kinds of feelings. I thought I had too many demons in me to be able to love. It's almost painful the way I love her. I would do anything for this girl. I would move heaven and hell for her, I would die for her, I would kill for her, hell I DID kill for her.

Christ now I have those images of seeing Mark on top of her in the back of the car flooding into my mind. I was having a sweet dream about Clary. I dreamed that we were at the beach and I was sitting in the sand watching her splash around in the waves. Her bright red hair was long again and it was wet from her splashing; she had the most beautiful smile on her face, and she was laughing sweetly as the waves crashed against her body. Suddenly her smile disappears and she begins to scream. I jump up and start running to her as she continues to scream. I run and I run but she remains far away from me; I can't seem to close the distance between us. I keep running, she keeps screaming, and then I hear the sound of a horn far off somewhere. The horn is getting louder; I begin to scream Clary's name as I run. My screams woke me up and I could still hear the car horn. I bolt out of bed and am filled with blood curdling fear when I see Clary is gone. I am still buttoning my jeans as I bolt down the stairs and see the back door of the car open.

Marks pants are slouched low on his hips and I can see his belt hanging off to the sides of his open jeans. I see thin pale legs under his legs. The thin pale legs are motionless. My ears begin to ring and my vision starts to get dark as it sinks into my brain what I am seeing with my eyes. Mark is raping Clary. He is raping her and she is not moving. My god he must have killed her because there is no way she would be so still. I grab him by his ankles and drag him off of Clary's lifeless body. I drag him out so violently he bashes his face off of the floor board of the car. As soon as he hits the ground I am on top of him. Without a seconds thought I grab his head and snap his neck, killing him instantly. He didn't deserve the quick death that I gave him. He deserved to have me beat and torture him until he would beg me for his death. The only reason why I didn't do all those things to him was because of Clary. I had to get to her as fast as I could. I needed to find out if she was dead. I need to find out if there was anything left of her to save.

When I climbed into the back of the car; relief washed over me because I could hear her gurgled breaths. At least she wasn't dead like I had feared. My god, seeing her face almost made me jump out of the car and puke my guts up. I hardly recognize my sweet girl. There was so much blood; blood all over her pale thighs, blood all over her face, blood running down her neck, blood soaking into her hair, blood soaking into the cushions of the car, blood everywhere. I risk further injury to her small frame as I lift her limp body into my arms, but I am afraid she will drown in her own blood. I prop her up so that the blood will no longer drain down the back of her throat and I continuously call her name until she finally moans my name.

She starts to panic once she realizes I am holding her. She tells me to run, she tells me Mark is going to kill me and that I need to run. The love I have for her threatens to consume me. Here she is beaten and raped and all she cares about is protecting me. She wants to protect me and I couldn't do the same for her. I have failed her; I promised that I would keep her safe and I failed. Part of me had hoped to find her dead so that I could kill myself for failing her. I shake it all out of my head and take her into the trailer so I can see how bad she really is. To see where all that blood was coming from, to clean her up and to bandage her cuts.

Hearing her sobs as I undressed her broke my heart. Washing her bruise body and her blood soaked hair while she continues to cry quietly broke my heart further. After I washed her and sat her down on the toilet I left her alone to get the first aid kit. The first aid kit was in the cabinet under the kitchen sink. Pain and rage was consuming me so much that I had to stand in the kitchen alone for a few minutes to get control of myself before I can go back in and see her again.

I keep my eyes focused on her tiny feet as I approach her; I can't look at all those cuts and bruises at once without losing control again. First I tend to the cut on her thigh. That motherfucker sliced an almost six inch gash into her leg. Thankfully the cut isn't very deep and I am able to stop the heavy bleeding with the use of some gauze and some first aid tape. She will forever have a scar now. I should take her to the hospital for stitches, but think better of it. I apply antiseptic to her split nostril before I fix her broken nose. Dear god, between her screams and the sick crunching sound that the cartilage in her nose makes as I shift it back in to place; tears fill my eyes again. I ask her to open her mouth so I can see if any of her teeth are broken, and luckily only find one of them to be a little loose. I apply ointment to her split lips and to the small splits on her eyelids. She tells me she can't see anything and I tell her that it's because her eye is swollen shut. Carefully I open her eye with my fingers to see if her pupil will dilate properly in the light. It doesn't matter how lightly I touch her swollen eye; she still whimpers at my touch.

I save the worst for last. This is the part that I am having trouble handling. I don't want to look. I am trying so hard to control myself. I fail miserably at self-control as sobs begin to escape my mouth. Fuck! I don't want to look! I don't want to see! I take deep breath and open my eyes as I begin to pull her knees apart. Her voice is filled with fear as she asks me what I am doing. I tell her that I need to see. I tell her I need to see if she needs ointment or bandages. I tell her I just need to see and then I will leave her alone. She stumbles over her words but I manage to understand what she is saying to me. I force my way between her legs and hold her tightly and whisper my question in her ear. I ask her if he raped her. I am overwhelmed with relief when she tells me no. Anger begins to consume me again when she says that he didn't hurt her. I am so angry that I drag her battered body over to the mirror. She quietly assesses her bruises and cuts before looking away. Even she can't look at her face for too long. After I carry her to bed I lay my head on her chest and continue to cry quietly. I feel like my tears will never stop.

I shake my head as I squeeze my eyes tightly. I stop stroking Clary's hair and begin pulling my own as my chest tightens painfully. Fuck not again! Not now! I roll to the floor and drag myself into the hall as fast as I can manage. I no sooner pull the bedroom door shut before loud gasps begin to escape my throat. Fuck I can't breathe; my chest is so tight I feel like I can't get any air into my lungs. My heart is racing and I can feel my blood pounding in my veins. My vision begins to blur at the same time my hearing begins to fade as I am engulfed by a full panic attack. I have had so many of these since that first night at the club you would think I could get a better grasp on them by now; but each time I have one I am just as shocked as I was when I had my very first one.

I crawl into the kitchen and collapse face first onto the cool floor. I close my eyes and try to keep my body as still as possible as I wait for it to be over. Ten minutes later the tightness in my chest finally begins to loosen, and my heartrate drops back down to a normal pace. I feel exhausted as I climb up off the floor and then lean against the counter for another ten minutes. I need to get out of my own head for a little while. I need to run until I can't run anymore. I need to blast my eardrums with music to shut my fucking demons up. Checking on Clary and placing a scribbled note on the table telling her I will return shortly; I shove my ear buds into my ears and get the hell out of there.

I start off in a slow jog as the music pounds in my ears, I sing along with Gerard Way as he sings Vampire Money in my head. After that song is over Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran begins to play in my ears. My first thought is to change the song; I don't want to think about that night in the club when that sick bastard played this song for me. I decide instead to let it play and I begin to think about making love to Clary. I remember she asked me if I was afraid to make love to her because she was a virgin. I told her no, because honestly I wasn't really afraid. I knew if I took my time and was slow and careful I wouldn't hurt her.

I still feel like I lied to her though when I told her I wasn't afraid to make love to her. Part of me was scared; but I wasn't scared for her, I was scared for myself. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it if she touched me the wrong way; but I was surprised at how well I managed when she grab my hips. Another part of me was not as much scared as I was worried. I was worried about whether or not she would enjoy it.

Turns out I was worried for nothing, seeing how well her body responded to my touch before I was even inside of her wiped all my worries away. Looking at her beautiful face as she found her release is probably the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life. I don't think there will ever be a time where it looks like she is flying as she cums that will ever not amaze me.

I have been running for almost an hour before I decide to turn around and continue to run back towards the trailer. As I slowly jog down the dirt road in the dark I start to think about what Clary will think of me when she wakes up and finds me gone. I know I left her a note but I should have never left her. I pick up my pace and begin to run as fast as my long legs will allow. I need to get back to her. I need to get back to my beautiful Clary. What if she has a bad dream that makes her wake up screaming? Fuck what if she needs me to hold her to calm her down?

I can't run any faster; my lungs begin to burn, the muscles in my legs are beginning to cramp. Suddenly I can see the dim light from the kitchen of the trailer and manage a final burst of speed to get me the rest of the way. I burst through the front door of the trailer and freeze as I listen for Clary. All I can hear is my own ragged breathing as I make my way back to the bedroom. I slowly open the door to find her still sleeping.

I collapse in the hallway and lie on the floor like a slug for almost five full minutes before I pick myself up and go get into the shower. I stand under the cold water until I begin to shiver and then I shut the water off. I dry myself quickly and go and climb into bed beside Clary. Carefully I lay my head on her chest and slide my hand across her waist. I feel her hand slide over top of mine and wait to see if she wakes up. When she doesn't wake up; I reach over and shove my note into the draw and lay back down on her chest and soon fall asleep.


	27. Chapter 27

DOING A MASS SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE GREAT REVIEWS I HAVE BEEN GETTING! THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH.

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 27 BACK TO CLARYS POV

_His dark eyes burn into mine, and his rotten breath makes my eyes water. I feel my stomach roll with sickness as he runs his slimy tongue over my ear. He is covered in sweat and he stinks of stale beer, cigarette smoke, and vomit. His loud breathing makes my skin crawl as he tries to pull my shorts down. I am sickened by the sight of his bulging jeans. What kind of monster gets off on raping someone? I realize that raping someone probably has little to do with sexual pleasure. It's about having power over someone. He has the knife in his hand and lowers it to the bottom of my shorts. The blade burns my skin as he cuts my thigh. I begin to scream in horror. He is going to kill me. I thought I wanted to die but I don't. I WANT TO LIVE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!_

"Clary….Clary…wake up Clary!"

Jace has his fingers knotted in my hair and his eyes are full of fear as he looks at me. Relief fills my body as I comprehend where I am at. I'm not in the back of that car, and Mark is not on top of me. I am in bed and Jace is hovered over me; and Mark is in a hole in the ground where his heart no longer beats. MARK IS DEAD! My eyes go back to Jace's fearful eyes.

"Sweetheart?"

Why won't my mouth move? My brain is forming words but my mouth won't let them come out. My head feels funny; I feel the same way I did the day after Simon and I got drunk. But I didn't drink anything. Do I feel like this because Mark beat me so bad? What was that white pill that Jace gave me last night?

"Clary please say something…"

I feel my lips moving but I can't hear any words coming out of my mouth. This is so frustrating. I close my eyes; I can't stand to see that fearful look in Jaces eyes any longer.

I expect to hear Jaces pleading voice again, but he is quiet. He no longer has his hands knotted in my hair. He has his face buried in the crook of my neck and he is holding my hand in one of his; while his other hand softly strokes my cheek. Jace begins to softly hum and then he starts to quietly sing in my ear. The sweet song he sings sounds so beautiful that I keep my eyes closed until he finishes it.

"What was that pill you gave me last night?"

Jace lifts his head and gives me a sheepish smile.

"It was one of Marks muscle relaxers. I thought it would relax you and help you get some sleep."

"Uh...no wonder I feel like I have a hangover."

"Are you mad at me for giving it to you?"

"No…no I'm not mad. I think you did the right thing giving it to me. I'm not sure I would have been able to relax on my own enough to fall asleep."

"I probably should have just given you a half of one. You're so tiny; a whole one was perhaps too much for you. I'll go make you some tea and a piece of toast; maybe you will feel a little better after getting some food in your belly."

I close my eyes and wait for Jace to return. I wiggle my face to see how bad it hurts and regret doing it instantly. Pain shoot through my entire face and I can taste blood from my now cracked lip. I hear the bedroom door creak and I open my eyes to see Jace caring a cup in one hand and a small plate in the other. I try to set up but my arms feel like jello and I fall back against the pillow. Jaces eyes widen and he quickly puts the cup and plate down on the table before helping me sit up. He places the pillow between my head and the wall and kisses my temple with a small smile on his face.

"Thank you…my arms don't seem to be working very well this morning."

"You're welcome love…What happened here?"

Jace lightly brushes his thumb across my bottom lip and then licks my blood off of his thumb.

"Ew Jace that's gross."

"Why? What's the big deal?"

"What was that song you were you singing?"

"Why are you not answering my questions?"

"Oh…sorry…I moved my mouth wrong and cracked my lip back open. As far as you licking my blood off your thumb; well I guess it's not a big deal considering you have had my other bodily fluids in your mouth."

Jace laughs softly.

"Mmm yes I certainly have had your other bodily fluids in my mouth."

I roll my eyes at him and he laughs again and smiles at me with a crooked grin and an arched eyebrow. I swat at him but he moves away quickly before my hand can connect with his arm.

"Tell me!"

"Tell you what?" He is still laughing.

"What song you were singing."

"Oh…that one was called Make It To Me by Sam Smith."

"I thought I recognized some of the lyrics. Did you slow the song down a little bit when you sang it to me?"

"Yeah…way down actually."

"I think I like the way you sing it better than the way he sings it."

"Easy there love…Sam Smith has the voice of an Angel; I will not have you knocking my boys singing talent."

"I think you have the voice of an Angel. I also think its sweet how you will go to such great lengths to protect your music."

Jace stops laughing and he loses his smile. He drops his head and buries his face in his hands.

"Jace what's wrong?"

His voice is muffled as he keeps his face buried in his hands.

"What a joke…I can manage to protect some singer I don't even know; but I couldn't protect the girl I love from nearly being beaten to death. I couldn't protect her from almost being raped…"

"Jace look at me!" My voice is surprisingly loud in this small room.

His head snaps up quickly and he looks at me with confused eyes.

"Stop it! Stop demeaning yourself like that! Jace you saved my life last night. You heard me beeping that horn and you saved me. You don't understand how hopeless I was thinking you couldn't hear me screaming for you, thinking that you would never hear me honking that horn. But you did hear me honking, and you saved me."

"I was dreaming about you. It was a good dream. You were smiling and you were laughing sweetly; but then you started screaming. I heard you screaming in my dream and then when you honked the horn I woke up."

"That's right you woke up. You woke up and you saved me."

"I just wish I would have woken up sooner. I hate seeing those bruises on your face. Seeing your face makes me feel like such a failure."

"Jace…" I can't hide the hurt in my voice.

Jace pulls me swiftly to his chest and wraps his arms around me tightly.

"No baby…I didn't mean it like that. I was talking about the bruises. Clary I love you so much."

"I don't know why I'm so upset? I know what you meant…it's just…I don't know…I don't know what's wrong with me Jace."

Jace gently holds my chin with the tips of his fingers and brushes his lips across my swollen mouth.

"It's your demons love….you have them now too…that's what they do…they mess with your head…they make you feel crazy sometimes."

"I don't want to feel crazy. I don't want to have demons. How do I make them go away?"

"Whenever I get that figured out I'll be sure to let you in on the secret."

"No I don't mean it that way. I know that I won't be able get rid of them; just like you will never be able to get rid of your demons. What I am asking you is how you keep them from getting too loud. How do you keep them tucked away? How do you manage them?"

"Usually I just listen to music; but sometimes they are still too loud, so I run."

"Run? What do you mean?"

"I mean I run. I put my sneakers on, put my music in my ears and I run. I run until I'm so exhausted that I can't think anymore. I run until I'm so exhausted all I can do is pass out."

"I have never been much of a runner, but I guess I could try it."

"You don't have to run Clary. You just need to find something that make you think of something else for a while. Music and running helps me but you might find something different helps you."

"Like what?"

"When you get stressed out about something what do you do to calm yourself?"

"I chew on my hair."

"No, that won't work for your demons. What else do you do?"

"Sometimes if I read it relaxes me."

"Reading might work for you then. Reading for you might be like music is for me. Hell reading would probably work for me too now that I think about it. You see songs are like tiny stories to me. Maybe that's why I can memorize so many song lyrics."

"Okay, I guess it's worth a shot."

"Clary…I think we should talk about them…"

"Talk about what?"

"Our demons…"

"Do you feel like talking to me about your demons right now? Because I don't think I'm ready to talk about mine yet. I think mine are still too fresh to talk about yet."

"I'm not sure I will ever really be ready to talk about them; but I think it might help me to talk about them, and you said you wanted to know. You said you wanted to know everything didn't you?"

"Yes I said that. I said that and I meant it. Jace I want to know everything about you, but only when you are ready."

"Like I said I don't know if I will ever really be ready for that. I'm not really sure where to start here. Maybe you could ask me some questions."

"What kind of questions?"

"I don't know. What are some of the big questions in your head about me?"

I say nothing for a few minutes. I do have questions, maybe too many for him to answer all at once, but I guess I can just start with one question at a time and go from there.

"What happened to your mother?"

"Ouch, starting off with one of the hard ones I see."

"Just because I ask you a question doesn't mean you have to answer it. You can always take a pass on a question if it's too much."

"Okay well I guess that's good to know that I have that option. When I was eight years old some crack head shot my mother right in front of me on a public bus. She was sitting right beside me. She was holding my hand when he shot her. I had her blood and her brains splattered all over me. I still have nightmare about it."

Dear god! What that must have felt like to have been so young and see your mother murdered right in front of you.

"Why did he shoot her?"

"Because he was a fucking crack head Clary! Because my mother smiled at him! She just fucking smiled at him and he just pulls a gun out and shoots her."

Jace has tears threatening to spill from his eyes. I fight the urge to cry myself from hearing him yelling at me.

"I'm sorry Jace…" I whisper.

Jace closes his eyes and takes a couple of deep breaths before opening them again.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you Clary."

"You don't have to be sorry; I know you weren't really yelling at me. I understand how much that must have hurt you to watch your mother die in front of you. I understand how angry you are at the person who shot her."

"The fucked up part of it all is for the longest time I was mad at her."

"Your mother? Why were you mad at her?"

"Because I convinced myself that it was her own fault that he shot her in the first place. I convince myself that if she wouldn't have smiled at the asshole then maybe she would still be alive."

"Tell me about her. What kind of mother was she?"

"She was a great mother. She told me every day that she loved me. Even on the days where I made it hard for her to love me, she would still tuck me in bed at night and tell me she loved me. We never had much money, but she always did little things to spoil me. She worked two jobs but always found the time to make me homemade pretzels once a week. You know like those big soft ones you can get at the mall? She would make them for me, it took her half a day to make them but she always found the time."

"This is probably a stupid question so feel free to roll your eyes at me for asking it. Do you still miss her?"

Jace looks right at me and just stares at me for a moment. I can't really understand what I see in his eyes. It almost looks like sympathy. But why would he give me a look of sympathy? Maybe he feels bad for me for asking him such a dumb question.

"Yes I still miss her. I don't think there will ever be a day that I won't miss her."

"Do you remember what she looks like? I have heard people say they forget what their loved ones looked like after not seeing them for so long."

"I couldn't forget what my mother looked like even if I tried to. All I need to do is go look in the mirror. I look just like her. Same eyes, same cheek bones, same lips, same hair, same damn teeth. I look exactly like my mother. I don't know if that means she looked like a boy or if it means I look like a girl, but I look just like her so I could never forget what she looks like."

"I think it means she was beautiful."

Jace smiles softly at me.

"Yep…I guess that mean I look like a girl then."

"No it doesn't…Jace your beautiful. Trust me you don't look like a girl. You're too….too….you're too…"

Jace arches an eyebrow at me and smiles widely at me.

"Too sexy?"

"Yes….yes that's what I was trying to say…that isn't word I'm quite comfortable using yet…but yes."

"What sexy? Does it bother you when I say that word?"

"No. I guess I just prefer to use other words to describe you."

"Like what? Beautiful? Handsome? Dashing maybe?"

"I like to think of you as delicious."

Jace lets out a loud laugh. He is still laughing as he takes my hand and kisses my fingers.

"Delicious huh? I like that. I look forward to you telling me I look delicious sometime."

"Really? You don't think it's silly?"

"Nope…I think it's delicious."

Jace begins to laugh again and this time I join him with my own laughter.

"Okay, that wasn't so bad. I think I'm ready for another question."

"What about your dad? Did you know who he was?"

"Yes I knew who my father was. That wasn't rude was it? I didn't hurt your feeling by saying that did I?"

"No you didn't hurt my feeling. I never knew either one of my parents so no that wasn't rude."

"After mom died, my dad started drinking a lot. Then he got laid off from his job and he started to drink even more."

"Was he mean to you?"

"No…no I wouldn't say he was mean…neglectful yes…but he never hit me or anything…hell after mom died I don' t even remember him ever even yelling at me. He had a lot of trouble looking at me though. I think I reminded him of her too much. He avoided looking me in the eye more than anything. Before mom died my dad used to sing this stupid song almost every day when he came home from work. It went something like 'Oh lookie there, lookie there, my two golden eyed beauties, oh those beauties make me want to stay home and play hookie'. It was a dumb song but it always made my mother smile; seeing her smile always made me smile. So I guess maybe it wasn't so stupid after all."

"What happened to your dad?"


	28. Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28

"Mmm…I'm not sure if I can answer that question without you asking me other questions."

"Okay….I understand."

Jace is quite for a while. He picks at his fingernails and begins to hum. I wait for him to start singing. I want to know if he is humming the song I think he is. I can't help it I begin to giggle at the possibility. Jace stops humming and looks at me. His face is like a statue and I can't read his eyes.

"Is something funny?"

"I'm sorry…I'm not laughing at you. It's just were you humming what I think you were?"

Jace smiles widely at me.

"What do you think I was humming?'

I giggle again.

"Was it Teenage Dream by Katy Perry?"

Jace laughs.

"Busted."

"Oh you mean I was right. Oh…that's funny."

"What it's a good song! Don't judge me Clary."

Jace puts his bottom lip out to feign being wounded; but his eyes give him away.

"I love you…"

"Don't suck up now Clary. I should spank you for that you know."

I lean over and carefully kiss his neck just below his ear and then I whisper:

"That would be delicious."

Jace pulls me onto his lap and chuckles softly.

"I love you too…" He whispers.

We stay just like that for a couple of minutes.

"How are you feeling?"

"Still kind of hung over."

Jace shift me off of his lap and hands me the cup of tea. I take a sip from it and it's hot but not too hot that it burns my sore lips. He holds the piece of toast out for me to take a bite. I open my mouth but it hurts to open it far enough to take a bite. Jace puts the toast on the plate and puts the plate on his lap picking the toast back up. He begins tearing it up into tiny pieces. Once he finishes tearing the toast up; he holds a small piece up to my mouth. I take the small piece and chew. The toast is cold but it taste good from the honey he put on it. He continues to feed me the tiny pieces of toast until the only thing left on the plate are crumbs. Jace is still licking honey off his fingers when I finish the last of my tea. He wrinkles his nose at me and takes my cup and the plate before leaving the room. I hear him place the dirty dishes in the sink and start to walk back towards the bedroom but he doesn't come in. A moment later I hear the sink in the bathroom turn on. He must be washing the honey off of his fingers. He shuts the sink of and then I hear him turn the water on in the tub. A minute later Jace walks back into the bedroom completely naked. What is he doing? He walks over to the edge of the bed and pulls the blankets off my naked body. He scoops me up in his arms.

"What are you doing?"

"Giving you a bath…the hot water will make you feel better."

"I think I can walk to the bathroom by myself. I think I can even take my own bath."

Jace lower me into the tub and pushes me forward before getting in behind me.

"I know you can do it by yourself. You're tough, and you're amazing, but I like carrying you and I REALLY like washing you; so just let me okay."

"Okay I know better than to argue with you."

"Hey…that's my line."

I roll my eyes and stick my tongue out.

"You know just because I am setting behind you; doesn't mean I didn't just see you stick your tongue out at me."

I can't help it. I let out a little giggle.

"You're just asking for a spanking little girl…behave yourself Clary."

"What are you going to do if I don't?"

"Please behave love. I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me Jace."

"No, not on purpose. I could touch you with my fingers until you cum and that would not hurt you; but the faces you make when you cum will hurt. So please behave yourself."

"Oh god! I can just imagine the horrid faces I make!"

"They are NOT horrid. You look beautiful. You look like you're flying."

"That's kind of what it feels like. I feel like the world disappears and I am high in the clouds. Like a bird with my wings spread wide."

Jace kisses my hair, then he kisses my temple, then he kisses me right behind my ear causing my body to shudder.

"I love to watch my little birdy spread her wings." He whispers in my ear.

Jace continues to kiss me behind my ear.

"Now who need to behave themselves?"

Jace laughs softly in my ear and reach for the soap.

"Sorry love…I guess I can't help myself…this is what you do to me…can you feel what you do to me?"

Jace pulls me back in the tub and I can feel HIM.

"That's not fair…don't tease me like that Jace."

He laughs and begins to wash me. After he is done washing my body he washes my hair and puts conditioner in it and then rinses it.

"Do you want me to shave your legs for you?"

"The bigger question here is do YOU want to shave my legs for me?"

"Yes."

"Go ahead I won't stop you."

Jace giggles softly and stands up and steps over me and is now sitting facing me. I watch him quietly as he shaves my legs. He is slow and careful and his eyebrows are furrowed as he concentrates on his work. After he finishes shaving my legs he pulls me in between his legs and begins to shave my underarms with equal concentration. I can't help giggling; it tickles.

"Mmm…well that's one ticklish spot I have found so far."

Jace puts the razor on the edge of the tub and quickly washes his hair before leaning back against the front of the tub. Seeing his hair darker from being wet and slicked back makes him look delicious.

"Now that….right there…that is delicious."

Jace gives me a crooked grin and pulls my foot out of the water and begins massaging it. Once he is done with that foot he places it back in the water begins to massage my other foot. I feel so relaxed as he massages my foot; I feel my eyes begin to grow heavy. Jace's voice snaps me out of my sleepy daze.

"Dad is in jail…He got drunk one night and decided it would be a good idea to drive a car…he drove off the road and slammed into an unmarked cop car…he didn't really like it when the cop wanted to arrest him for a DUI…he ended up beating the cop up and ran down the street on foot…three blocks later the back-up cops found him…they tazed him and arrested him…he was charges with a DUI…assault of police officer…fleeing the scene of an accident…drunk and disorderly conduct…and eluding the police…I was almost fourteen when he got arrested…He won't get out of jail until I'm twenty-four."

"What happened to you after they arrested your dad? Where did you go?"

"Mmm…no….no I think that about all the questions I can answer for tonight if that's okay?"

Jace looks at me with a guarded look on his face.

"Of course…I'm sorry I didn't mean to push you."

Jace kisses my toes one at a time and then gently bites my pinkie toe.

"We should probably get out of the tub; we're starting to prune."

Jace stands up and wraps a towel around his waist. He drapes another towel over his left shoulder and holds his hands out to me.

"Come on love…"

I take his hands and winch when he grasps the hand with the fracture in it as he lifts me up.

"Oh…sorry sweetheart…I forgot about your hand."

"It's okay."

Jace dresses me in a pair of his boxers and one of his long sleeve t-shirts; and then lift me up to carry me back to bed.

"Jace can we go in the living room instead?"

"You don't want to go back to sleep?"

"No, I think I want to watch a movie."

Jace sets me down on the sofa and drags over the crate of movies for me to look through.

"I'm going to go make some coffee. Do you want any?"

"Yes please."

I pick out a copy of The Perfect Storm and put it in; but decide to wait until he comes back to start the movie. Jace walks into the living room with a smile on his face.

"Did you find something you want to watch?"

"Yep, I picked The Perfect Storm. Are you ready to watch it with me?"

"You go ahead and get it started without me; I'm going to wash some of our cloths in the tub real quick."

"I can wait until you're done if you want. I can even help you if you want me to."

Jace bends down and kisses my hair.

"That's okay, I can get it. You go ahead and watch your movie."

Jace disappears down the hallway and I start the movie. Twenty minutes later; I pause the movie and pad down the hallway to see how Jace is managing with the laundry. He is on his knees with a towel still wrapped around his waist. His arms and his chest are wet from washing the clothes. He's wringing the water out of a pair of my jean and I enjoy watching the muscles in his arms flex. Jace stands up and hangs my wet jeans over the shower rod and turns to pick up one of his dirty shirts but he sees me standing in the door way of the bathroom.

"Are you okay Clary?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Did you change your mind about the movie?" 

"No, I just wanted to see if you were almost done so you can come and watch it with me."

"Yeah I'm about done in here. Just got one more shirt and a couple of pairs of socks left to do."

I walk into the bathroom and sit down in the toilet. Jace walk over to me and lifts my t-shirt up to look at my cut.

"That's good it's not bleeding any more. I think we will leave the bandage off for the day; but I'll put a new one on before you go to bed so it doesn't break open while you're sleeping."

"Okay."

"How is your head feeling?"

"It feels better; not so hung over feeling anymore. My face hurts though."

"I'll be right back okay."

Jace leaves the room and come back a moment later with a bag of frozen peas, a bottle of water, and what looks like pills in his hand. He hands me the water and hold the pills out for me to take. The pills are small and kind of an orange-brown color. I put them in my mouth and swallow them with some of the water. He hands me the bag of frozen peas.

"What were those pills you gave me?"

Jace laughs softly.

"Nice of you to ask me that AFTER you swallow them."

"I trust you; I was just wondering what they were."

"Just some Advil. I figured you didn't want another one of Marks muscle relaxers."

"No, not really…maybe tonight if I have trouble getting to sleep. Is this my lunch?"

Jace laughs again and rolls his eyes at me.

"No, they are for your eye. Keep that on there for about twenty minutes."

I place the bag of frozen peas against my swollen eyes and wince at the cold; but I keep the bag against my face anyhow. Maybe if I can get some of the swelling to go down it won't hurt so badly. Jace finishes wringing out the last sock and hangs it up with the other laundry.

"Okay, I'm all done with my wifely duties for now; let's go watch our movie."

Jace hold his hand out to me with a wide grin on his face; and I return his smile and take his hand. I set down on the couch and Jace walks into the kitchen to get us some coffee; before settling down beside me.

"Wifely duties huh? Should I be offended by that?"

Jace chuckles quietly.

"No you shouldn't be offended by that; I was only joking. I guess it was more of an inside joke."

"Inside joke?"


	29. Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

Jace takes the bag of frozen peas from my face and walks them to the kitchen; putting them back into the small freezer. When he sits back down he is nibbling on the last biscuit from our spaghetti dinner.

"Mmm…these are still good even though it's cold and a little stale now."

I just smile and watch him eat. He stops eating and looks at me.

"How's your eye?"

"Numb…"

"Yeah I'll bet it is. Looks like the swelling went down a little."

"At least if it's numb it doesn't hurt so badly."

Jace shoves the last of his biscuit into his mouth and points at the television with an expectant look on his face. I turn the movie back on but leave the volume low; and we watch it and sip our coffee. A little over an hour and a half later the movie comes to and end and Jace begins to root through the crate. I stand up and carry our coffee cups to the sink; and decide to wash them along with the other dirty dishes from this morning. I look out the small window into the back field behind the trailer. My eyes focus to where I think the hidden door to the underground generators are. Jace slips his arms around my waist and rest his chin on my shoulder.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Are you sure he's dead?"

"Yes…don't worry love, he's not going to pop out of there and get you. He is definitely dead; I promise."

I shut the water off and begin washing the dishes while Jace still hold me from behind. He peppers little kisses on my neck and then says:

"You don't have to wash those you know; I was going to get them later."

"It's okay…I don't mind washing them…this can be my wifely duty."

Jace kisses my neck once more and goes back into the living room. A few minutes later I join him once again on the couch.

"Did you find another movie?"

"Yep."

"Okay what are we watching now?"

"Uncle Buck."

Jace gets up and changes the movie and presses play before setting back down beside me.

"Are you going to keep that towel on all day?"

Jace stands up and takes the towel off; and drapes it over the side of the sofa before sitting back down with a grin on his face.

"Is that better?"

I giggle.

"It's a little distracting; I feel overdressed now."

"You are more than welcome to take your clothes off too. I won't stop you."

I just roll my eyes at him.

"So tell me about this inside joke of yours."

"It's nothing really; Mark just used to joke around about me being a good little house wife. I was always doing something to keep myself busy. You know; like washing the dishes, or doing laundry. He used to make fun of me for organizing the kitchen cupboards. I would stack all the cans neatly and make sure all the labels were facing the right way; and I would organize all the boxes from largest to smallest. Just busy work really."

"I'm happy to cook and clean and stuff like that; but I hope you don't expect me to organize our canned goods." 

"I don't expect you to do anything Clary."

I turn to look at him and see nothing but honesty in his eyes. I want to play. A small smile come across my face.

"Really? Nothing at all? There isn't anything you expect me to do?"

Jace smiles at me catching onto my playfulness.

"Behave yourself little girl."

I smile wide, being careful not to split my lips open.

"Nope."

In a flash Jace has me across his lap and swats my bottom three time. It doesn't hurt; only stings a little. I can't help but giggle. Jace has his hand on my back keeping me pinned to his lap.

"Keep giggling little girl and I'll spank you harder."

I can't help but laugh at him; the playfulness in his voice is just too cute.

"You do realize where my right hand is Jace? Two inches; I only need to move my hand two inches and then I can grab ahold of your most sensitive areas."

"Mmm…don't threaten me with a good time Clary. I knew you wouldn't be able to resist my naked body."

Jace lift me off of his lap and gently pushes me into the corner of the couch before climbing on top of me. He uses his knees to spread my legs apart and presses his hips into mine. He runs his tongue across my ear.

"I'm not sure you really want to tease me like that love. I am much better at this game than you are." His whispers are low and seductive.

"Are you sure about that Jace? How do you know you are better at it then me?"

Jace pulls back and looks at me with questioning eyes.

"What do you know about teasing? You're a good girl remember?"

"I may be a good girl; but I'm a fast learner and I have a good teacher."

Jace lets the smile slip from his face and kisses me lightly on the cheek before setting back down on the couch.

"Are we done playing already?"

I steal a glance and find that he is not hard. Disappointment colors my face. Jace just grins at me.

"For now yes, I told you I don't want to hurt you. I do however look forward to finding out how you plan to tease me."

I lift my hand and start to lean my body forward; but he stops me by putting his hands up in a stopping motion.

"No, no,no…not now…you need to heal before you decide to tease me. I don't doubt your ability to drive me crazy. You do that to me without having to do anything. I can only imagine what you will do to me if you put your mind to it. It's hard enough for me to control myself right now…so please behave love."

I smile softly and slowly lean my body towards him as I look him in the eye.

"I promise to be good; but can I at least snuggle with you while we watch our movie?"

Jace smiles and slips his arm around my waist; pulling me to his side so I can rest my head on his shoulder. I place my one hand on his thigh and wrap my other arm around his waist. We finish watching our movie and Jace walks back into the kitchen; returning with the bag of frozen peas in his hand.

"Time to ice your eye again. I'm getting kind of hungry; I think I will make some pancakes. Do you want any?"

"Sure, do you need some help?"

"Nope. Keep that on your eye until I'm done okay."

I keep the bag of peas on my face as I watch Jace make the pancakes. He whistles softly as he works. I don't think he is whistling anything in particular; it just sounds like random whistling to me. But I decide to ask him just to be sure.

"Is that a song?"

Jace stops whistling and turns to look at me. He is holding a spatula in his hand and looks beautiful standing there naked.

"No I was just messing around. Why do you want me to sing to you?"

"Do you know any One Direction songs?" I giggle at my question.

"Sure I know most of their songs; which one do you want to hear?"

Holy crap he is serious! I can't help but laugh at the thought of him singing one of their songs.

"What's so funny? I told you I love all kinds of music. Don't you sit over there and laugh at me because I like 1D. Those boys know how to make the girls swoon."

I do my best to hide my smile. Jace is still smiling at me though.

"I'm sorry…um well since I was really only joking about you singing a One Direction song to me; I really don't know that many of their songs, so you pick one."

"Something fast or something slow?"

"Fast…and feel free to dance a little if you want."

Jace laughs at me and turns around to check the pancakes and begins to sing. He still has his back to me as he sings. I giggle when he starts to wiggle his hips as he sings. I actually know which song he's singing. He is singing Heart Attack. It's comical hearing his high pitched OW as he sings. By the end of the song I am laughing so hard at his dancing and animated singing that I have tears in my eyes.

"That's enough singing for now; the pancakes are done. Come and eat with me love."

I set across from Jace with a smile on my face as he places pancakes on each of our plates. I pour syrup on mine and grab my knife and fork to begin eating. My hand hurts too much to cut up my pancakes so I put my knife down and try cutting into them with my fork instead. I manage to cut a small bite off of my pancakes and begin to chew. I look up to see Jace watching me.

"Why are you staring at me."

Jace reaches across the table and takes my plate from me. He slides his own plate off to side and begins to cut up my pancakes. Once he has them all cut up he places my plate back in front of me with a sweet smile on his face.

"Thank you…"

"You're welcome. I should have done that for you in the first place. I'm sorry I keep forgetting about your hand."

"That's okay…I can see why it's easy to forget about. The rest of me looks like shit; so my hand seem easy to look over."

Jace scowls at me from across the table.

"You don't look like shit. You look beautiful…granted I'm not a huge fan of the bruises on your body; I can still see how beautiful you are underneath them."

He has such a look of sincerity in his eyes I just smile shyly and continue to eat my pancakes.

Jace and I wash the dishes together without talking. He has a look of contentment on his face as he dries a plate. I suddenly feel very tired and my face hurts again. Jace puts the plate in the dish rack and wraps his arms around me in a hug.

"I think it's time for some more Advil and a nap for you."

I nod my head in agreement against his chest. Jace lets go of me and brings me two Advil and my bottle of water from earlier. I take the pills, slip my hand in his, and walk to the bedroom. I am laying with my head on his chest trying to fall asleep but find my mind wandering.

"You should try to get some sleep sweetheart. Sleeping has some kind of magical healing properties."

"I'm tired but I can't seem to fall asleep."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No! Then I really won't be able to fall asleep. Please stay with me."

Jace kisses my hair and pulls me tighter to his side.

"Do you want me to sing to you?"

I do want him to sing to me. I love to hear his voice, but decide I want to talk for a while instead. I decide maybe it might help if I take my turn talking about my demons.

"I thought he was going to kill me."

Jace strokes my hair but remains quite.

"At first I wanted him to kill me. I would rather have been dead than have to watch him rape me…"

Jace kisses my hair and continues to stroke my hair.

"I tried so hard to fight him off…he hit me so hard…it hurt…he was so much stronger than me…his blows were so hard I was sure I was only one or two away from dying…I don't think I have ever been more afraid in my life…I don't think I have ever been in that much pain…why would he do that to me? Why would he hit me like that? Why would he want to rape me?"

Jace is no longer stroking my hair. I feel his body shudder under my head and I hear him sniffling. I look up to see him crying.

"Jace I'm sorry…I didn't mean to upset you…I'll stop talking now."

Jace shift his body and gently places me on my back before sliding his body on top of me. He buries his face into my hair and begins to kiss me softly behind my ear.

"Don't be sorry Clary…I want you to talk to me…I'm sorry for crying…it's painful to hear those things, but that doesn't mean I don't want you to talk about it."

"I just figured it might help me if I talked to you about what happened."

"It will, just the few things I talked to you about already seems to be helping me. I feel like a little bit of weight has been lifted off of my shoulders."

"I'm glad you feel that way."

Jace pulls away and looks into my eyes. He leans forward and brushes his lips against mine. Still watching me he begins to lift my shirt up as if asking permission. I don't want to hurt his feelings, so I lift my arms up so he can take my shirt off. Then he slips his finger under the waist band of my shorts and waits for my permission once again. My heart begins to beat faster as I lift my hips up granting him permission. Part of me wants him terribly; but another part of me is still too raw from last night's events. Jace lowers his mouth to my ear and whispers.

"Relax…I'm not trying to make love to you Clary…relax…I just want to kiss you."

Jace looks into my eyes to see if I understand his words. I place my hands on either side of his face.

"Please be gentle…everything hurts…"

Jace lowers his face and brushes his lips against mine; and continues to lightly kiss every inch of my face with just the brush of his lip. He then kisses my entire neck; making sure to kiss each bruise before continuing a slow path down my body. I expect him to kiss my breasts and run his tongue over my nipples but he doesn't. No he continues to search my body for even the tiniest bruise and kisses them gently. He kisses my arms, my wrists, the backs of my hands, and each one of my fingers.

Scooting lower down on the bed he begins to kiss the bruises on my legs. He gently runs his thumb across the cut on my thigh before following its path with feather light kisses. I feel my body slowly relaxing as he kisses me; I steal a glance between his thighs and see that he isn't even a little bit hard; and I feel my body relax further. What he is doing has no sexual intentions what so ever. He is only kissing my bruises. He kisses them and I can feel how much he wants them to vanish with each brush of his soft lips. I hear the silent apologies for my pain in each kiss. Each kiss is him saying how much he loves me.

"I love you Jace…" I whisper softly.

"My sweet Clary…I love you so much…" He whispers just as softly.

After he is done kissing what feels like every inch of my body; Jace slide off the bed and quietly leave the room. I close my eyes and try to fall asleep. When I open my eyes Jace is gently applying something to my split lip. He sees the question in my eyes.

"It's Neosporin…it has a mild pain reliever in it…it will help them heal faster."

Jace dabs a little Neosporin on my swollen eye and a little on my nostril. He then dabs a small amount of it across my cut on my thigh; before applying gauze and some tape.

"What time is it?"

"Almost four. Do you want me to lay with you until you fall asleep?"

"Yes please."

Jace slide in bed beside me and pulls me to his side before covering us both with the blanket. I find myself drifting off into sleep quickly as he hums softly in my ear.


	30. Chapter 30

CHAPTER 30

It's been eight days since Jace killed Mark; and eight days since Mark beat me and almost raped me. I look at myself in the mirror in the tiny bathroom of the trailer to see most of my bruises are now gone. My right eye is no longer swelled shut and the bruise on it has faded to a pale yellow color with a few grey spots. My lips are no longer cracked; and the small split in my nostril is almost healed. I look at my thigh where Mark sliced me open with his knife; to find a light scab over top of what will surely be a permanent scar. All of the dye is gone from my hair and my red hair has returned to its natural shade. I pull my hair over my shoulder and braid it quickly and then I brush my teeth before leaving the bathroom.

Jace is wearing his jacket and is standing by the front door of the trailer waiting for me. We are going into town today to buy me some make-up to cover up my remaining bruises; we are leaving for Mexico tomorrow.

"Ready to go?"

"Yes, I'm ready. Let's go."

Jace sings softly to himself on the way into town as I look out the side window. Jace has been quite and distant for the past few days; and he hasn't wanted to talk about his past since that day he told me about his dads arrest while we soaked in the tub. I have wanted to ask him so many questions; but every time I look at him to ask him something his golden eyes tell me it's not the right time.

I steal a quick glance at him now and I can see how tired he is. The past four nights I have woken up to him gone; finding a scribble note saying he went for a run. Five nights ago I woke up to him screaming. He was covered in sweat and his eyes were full of tears when I shook him awake. I asked him what his dream was about; but he just brushed my hand away from his face and left the room without a word. I laid there for over an hour waiting for him to come back. Finally I got out of bed to go see where he was; I found him sitting on the couch listening to his MP3 play with his eyes closed.

I sat down next to him and placed my hand on his thigh. He kept his eyes closed and shook his head and whispered the word NO to me. I removed my hand from his leg and sat beside him quietly for almost a half an hour waiting for him to open his eyes; he didn't, so I went back to bed hoping he would come in shortly. I woke up the next morning to find him sleeping on the couch. So yeah the past few days have been very quiet.

We pull into the parking lot of the Walgreens and Jace grabs my hand before I can get out of the car. I turn to look at him and he slides the sunglasses he bought for me at the thrift shop onto my face without speaking to me. I follow a couple of steps behind him as we walk through the store. We locate the make-up isle and Jace waves his hand at the display as if telling me to pick out what I want. I take a few seconds to study his face before trying to find a foundation to match my pale skin. After a few minutes I find one that is close enough and hand it to Jace; who takes it and turns around heading for the checkout stand.

His silence is driving me crazy. I wish he would talk to me. He doesn't have to talk to me about his past. I just want to have a conversation with him. To just talk about music, or books, or even the funny shapes of the clouds; anything is better than his eerie silence. As we near the counter I see little miss purple streaked hair is working today; my blood begins to boil. I am not in the mood for her today; I want chocolate. My period will be coming in a few days and between that, Jace not talking to me and having to deal with this cashier again its stressing me out. I NEED chocolate.

When we get to the counter she smiles brightly at Jace.

"Well would you look here. If it isn't Mr. Golden Eyes. How are you doing today handsome?"

I snatch a chocolate bar from one of the boxes beside the checkout stand and slam it down on the counter in front of Jace and turn my back to the two of them. I can feel his eyes on me, but I refuse to look at him.

"Fine miss, thank you for asking. How are you doing today?"

Before I can stop myself a small growl escapes my throat. I can feel his eyes on me again.

"Well I was having a pretty terrible day until you walked in. Seeing your beautiful face just brightened my day."

THAT DOES IT! I WILL NOT STAND HERE AND LISTEN TO HER FLIRT WITH MY BOYFRIEND. I dart away from the counter and knock over a magazine rack with a deliberate swipe of my hand before walking out of the store. A few minutes later Jace opens the passenger door of the car and squats down and grabs me gently by the shoulders.

"Will you look at me please?"

I turn my face to him. He removes my sunglasses and gives me a confused look. How dare he feel confused. I wasn't the one who was flirting with the cashier. I'm not practically ignoring him the way he has been ignoring me for that last few days. How dare he look at me in confusion. I try my best to keep my face frozen like a statue; as he tries to read my eyes. His voice is soft:

"Do you want to tell me what just happened in there?"

"No."

"Clary what's wrong? You were angry before we even got to the checkout stand; then once we got there…geez…"

"I hate her!"

"Sweetheart, you don't even know that girl how can you hate her?" 

"Who does she think she is? Doesn't she even care that you are MY boyfriend? Stop looking at me like that Jace!"

Jace drops his head and lets out a loud sigh before he stands up.

"Where are you going?"

"We are getting nowhere with this conversation; and after what you just did in there I'll be damn if I'm going to start an argument right here in the parking lot."

Jace slams my car door and gets in the other side. He starts the car and drives back to the trailer in silence. The longer we drive in silence that harder it is to hold back my tears. As soon as Jace stops the car in front of the trailer I bolt into the trailer and lock myself in the bathroom. I burry my face into a towel and scream into it as tears begin to stream down my face. A few minutes later I am still crying when I hear a soft knock at the bathroom door.

"Clary?"

"Go away JACE!"

"Please open the door baby…"

"Don't call me baby. Just leave me alone."

I listen for him to say something but he doesn't. I know he's still there; I can see his bare feet under the door. I hear a soft thud against the door and hear Jace slide down the door to his knees. I sit on the bathroom floor for a half an hour staring at his knees under the door. I crawl across the floor and unlock the handle and then open the door. With his lightning reflex; Jace grabs me by the waist and pulls me onto his lap and hugs me tight.

"I'm sorry Jace…I overreacted in the store. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."

"Shhh…you don't need to be sorry…this is my fault…I did this, not you…I knew I was going to fuck this up…I told myself I wouldn't, but I did…I fucked everything up…I'm sorry Clary."

"How? How did you mess things up? I don't understand."

"Have you ever heard the saying two steps forward, two steps back?"

"Yes."

"Well after I thought I took two steps forward by telling you some things; the other night I had one of my bad dreams…I mean BAD, bad…and it shook me up…so I didn't just take two steps back…I turned around a ran three miles backwards."

"Is that why you have been distant and quiet?"

"Yes…and that's fucked up…I shouldn't shut you out just because I had a bad dream."

"No you shouldn't shut me out. All you needed to do was tell me you had a bad dream and that you need a little time. You didn't have to ignore me…you didn't have to make me feel like maybe I did something wrong." 

Jace hugs me tighter and rocks me back and forth in his arms. Slowly he stops rocking me and I feel his body begin to shake. I pull away to see him crying. I lift his chin up and kiss him softly on the lips.

"I'm so sorry Clary…you didn't do anything wrong…you never do…you always do everything right…I'm the one who always does everything wrong…I'm sorry I'm so fucked up Clary."

His eyes are so sad. I kiss him softly on the lips; and he kisses me back this time. His lips move fast and hard on mine and his tongue invades my mouth with forcefulness. His hands grip my sweater tightly as he lift it up. Our kiss breaks long enough for him to remove my shirt and then his own. His mouth crashes into mine once more and he pushes me to the bathroom floor. The cold tile on my bare skin causes me to gasp; breaking our kiss. Jace starts kissing and biting my jaw; he is biting too hard and he is moving too fast. His breathing is ragged as he whimpers softly.

"Jace?"

His hand goes to the button of my jeans and he quickly undoes the button and lowers my zipper.

"Jace….JACE!"

Jace stops biting me and he stops trying to take me pants off. He collapses on top of me with a loud sob.

"Please love me Clary…please don't hate me…" His words come out in painful sobs.

I knot my fingers in his hair.

"Jace I DO love you…I could never hate you…please don't say that."

"I'm sorry…I'll do better…I'll try harder…I promise…I know I'm fucked up…please don't give up on me…please love me Clary…I need you."

His heavy sobbing has stopped but I know he is still crying because his body continues to shake and I can feel his tears running down my neck. His weight is too much for me to handle anymore. The pressure of him laying on my chest is starting to hurt my ribs.

"Jace…can you get off of me please? You are crushing my ribs."

Jace rolls off of me and onto his back; where he shoves his palms into his eyes. I stand up and put my hand out to him.

"Come on…come with me."

Jace lowers his hands and looks at me with shame and embarrassment vivid in his golden eyes. Jace slowly raises his hand and places it in mine.

"Where are we going?" He whispers

"To bed."

"I'm not tired, I don't want to go to sleep."

"That's good, because you're not going to sleep."


	31. Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31

We are in the bedroom and l release his hand. I watch him as I remove the rest of my clothes and then he watches me as I remove his clothes. I take his hand and lay down on the bed, pulling him on top of me.

"This is better." I smile.

"Clary…" he whispers.

"Make love to me."

Jace kisses my lips gently and then pulls back to look at me.

"I'm sorry about what happened in the bathroom."

"It's okay."

"No love it's not okay…I realize I was being too rough…moving too fast…I'm sorry if I scared you."

"I won't lie to you Jace, you were sort of scaring me."

"I know…I scared myself in there…it's just…Clary I love you so much and I don't want to lose you…I was scared…I just wanted you to love me…and I got scared…I'm so sorry."

Jace lays down on the bed beside me and exhales loudly. I realize now that I was being selfish. I need to be more patient with him. I need to be more understanding about his situation. He said he was going to try harder, he said he was going to do better. I just need to show him that I can be patient with him. Right now he needs to know how much I love him.

I slide on top of his naked body and begin to kiss his neck slowly. He has his arms draped over his eyes and is quiet. I gently nibble his ear and run my tongue down the length of his neck and then back up to his ear.

"Mmmm…I need to feel your hands on my skin." I whisper seductively.

Jace responds by running his fingers lightly over my shoulders as I continue to kiss his throat. I begin to suck on his collarbone effectively causing him to groan. I continue to kiss and lick my way down his chest; dragging my teeth across his nipple. I can feel how hard he is; I can feel him pressed into my ribcage as I continue to kiss his body. He now has his hands knotted in my hair and he is moaning softly.

"Clary…" He moans.

I kiss my way back up his body and bite his lip gently. Using my teeth I pull his bottom lip into my mouth and begin to suck on it while running my tongue along his smooth flesh. Jace whimpers softly as his fingers grip my hips; he presses his hardness against my center. I scoot up higher on his body so I am straddling his waist instead of his hips. Being this high up on his waist I can no longer feel his hardness. I stop sucking on his lip and consume his mouth with mine in a deep kiss. Jaces hands abandon my hips and he wraps his arms tight around my body as he slides his tongue into my mouth. I run my hands over his neck and chest as we kiss; I even reach behind myself and drag my finger through the trail of hair below his navel. Jace growls into my mouth and runs his left hand down my back, over my bottom, and touches my center from behind.

His long arms allow him to stroke me deliciously as we kiss. Part of me wants to stop him from stroking me; this isn't about me right now. Right now I want to show him how much I love him. But the greedy part of me doesn't stop his stroking as I feel pressure begin to build in my body. Moments later I begin to shake all over as I cum; I break our kiss and bite down on Jaces lip with a moan. He returns my moan with a low growl. I need him inside of me now; I can't wait any longer. I release his lip and set up and take a foil packet from the bedside table and scoot down onto Jaces thighs.

Jaces hands are resting lightly on my thighs as he waits for me to open the packet. My hands are still shaking and I can't get it open. I lift the packet to my mouth to use my teeth to get it open.

"For the love of god Clary…you have no idea how sexy you look right now." His voice is filled with desire and need.

I rip the foil open with my teeth and carefully slide the condom onto his hardness. I smile wickedly at Jace and deliberately run my tongue over my teeth as I lower myself onto his shaft. Taking my time; I lower myself about halfway down and begin to circle my hips not going any further.

"Ahhh….please Clary…"

Hearing him moan my name causes my stomach to flutter. I stop circling my hips and lift my hips until he is barely inside of me; where I pause before lowering myself slowly halfway down. I repeat this pattern a few times and then begin to circle my hips again.

"Mmm…pleeease…ohhh baby…mmm that feels so good…please love…"

I can't help but giggle at his pleading.

"Patience Jace…" I whisper.

"Mmm…please love…this is beyond patience…this is torture."

At first I feel bad for torturing him; but quickly brush it off when I realize that at any moment he could overpower me if he wanted to. The fact that he hasn't done this proves how patient he is; it also proves that he is allowing me to do just what he asked me to do. He asked me to love him and that is exactly what I intend to do. I continue to circle my hips as I lower myself further down; slowly, little by little, until he is completely inside of me.

He fills my body deliciously as I begin to rock my hips slowly against his. Jace cups my breasts as I continue to rock against him; he caresses them lightly at first and then kneads them deeply before returning to his light caress. He is distracting my movements, he is making my pressure begin to build too soon. I'm not ready to give over control to him yet. I am enjoying the feel of him in me as I rock slowly against his hips. I take his hands off of my breasts and lace my fingers through his and begin to circle my hips as I keep our hips locked tightly together.

Jace is whimpering at my slow movements. He grips my fingers tightly on my left hand; careful not to hurt my right one. I'm still not ready to allow myself to have release; I stop circling my hips and keep still as I lower my chest to capture Jaces mouth in mine. I kiss him slowly as I remain still. He moans loudly in my mouth breaking our kiss.

"Why…why won't you cum for me Clary…please love…I need you to."

I lift my body up and place my hands on his chest.

"I'm not ready to yet…I don't want this to be over yet…if I cum then I will lose control."

"Okay…you want it slow…I can go slow."

Jace pulls my mouth back down to his and I begin to slowly rock against him again. Our tongues perform their seductive dance as I feel pressure building deep inside of me once more; instead of slowing down or stopping I keep the same pace and a few minutes later my release comes. I manage to keep my pace as I reach my peak and continue to rock my hips against Jace's. I am proud at my control. I am proud of myself for keeping a slow pace and managing not to shudder to the point where I lose control. I revel at this new found power I have over my own body as I continue to circle my hips.

Jace continues to whimper softly under me; and I am proud of his control as well as my own. I know how much restraint he is using to keep his hips still. I know how much he wants to find his own release; I can see the need for it in his eyes as l look down at him.

"Mmm…is it my turn yet love?"

Feeling satisfied by my self-control I decide to give into him and nod my head yes to him. Jace sits up and wraps my thighs around his back; where I lock my ankle as he turns us over so now he is on top of me. I expect him to pump at a faster pace than I did; but he doesn't he keeps the same pace that I had. He mirrors my earlier movements; alternating a slow rocking motion and then circling his hip. His eyes burn into mine when I begin to moan as I get close to my release once more.

"You are so beautiful…" he whispers.

"Mmm…"

Jace lowers himself so that our chest are pressed tightly together. He slide his hands under my back and wraps his long fingers around my shoulders; and then begins to rock into me slowly once more. He has his face buried into my shoulder and his low moans tickle my skin. I have my fingers lace in his hair. Remembering Jaces movements when he showed me how to pull his hair; I lightly grasp his hair and pull his hair with slow, careful movements. Jace releases a low growl from his throat and begins long slow strokes into me. He strokes almost completely out of me before sliding deeply back into me. He does this a few more times when I recognize he is mirroring me as I pull his hair.

"Please touch me Clary…I need to feel your hands on my skin…please."

I untangle my hands for his hair and lightly run my hands over his body. His back is slick from sweat and my hands glide smoothly over his skin. Jace picks up his pace minutely; yet still thrusting deliciously slow into me. I drag my fingernails all the way from his lower back to the top of his shoulders as I find my release once more. Jace is groaning long low groans as he continues to stroke me. His groans transfer to soft whimpers as he finds his own release a few minutes later. Jace carefully slides out of me and rolls the two of us over so that I am laying on his chest. He wraps his arms tightly around me and softly kisses my neck.

A few minutes later I feel Jaces body begin to shake. I snap my head up quickly; thinking he might be crying only to find him giggling.

"What's so funny?"

"I think I'm bleeding."

"Bleeding! Where? Where are you bleeding?"

Jace can see the concern in my eyes and places his hands on either side of my face.

"Relax…I'm alright love…"

"Then why did you say you were bleeding?"

Jace slides me off of his body and sits up while turning his back to me. DEAR GOD! HE IS BLEEDING!

"Jace! I am so sorry! Oh my god! I'm sorry! I'm…."

Jace turns around and kisses my lips; effectively cutting off my panicked words.

"Don't be sorry love…I'm not…that was…what we just did…it was…it was beautiful…please don't be sorry…"

I kiss him softly on the lips.

"I love you Jace…you're right that was beautiful."

Jace laughs softly.

"Who would have guessed two teenagers could have that much control."

"I for one am quite proud of the both of us."

Jace removes the condom and tosses it on the bedside table. He lays down and snuggles up to my side; laying his head on my chest.

"Do you want to hear something odd?"

"What's that?"

"When I told you I needed to feel your hands on my skin; I wanted to FEEL your hands on my skin."

"What do you mean?"

"I found myself wanting you to push on my lower back. I found myself wanting to feel you grip my hips tightly with you soft hands."

"Why do you think you felt that way?"

"I'm not really sure love. Maybe because we WERE so controlled. Maybe I thought I could control that part of me too."

"Maybe…"

Jace laughs softly.

"Wow…you sure know how to wear a guy out don't you?"

I return his laughter.

"I need a shower. I am covered in sweat."

"Mmm…yes so am I"

Jace lifts his head off my chest and runs his tongue from my belly button all the way up to my ear in one swift motion.

I giggle.

"Ew…you are so gross."

Jace laughs and sits up, pulling me with him.

"Come on you can wash the sweat off my back."

We are in the shower and Jace has his back to me as I wash him. I am careful with the amount of pressure I use as I wash him; cautious of his danger zone. Jace places his palms on the wall of the shower.

"Push harder Clary…" His whispers sound unsure.

"Why do you want me to push harder Jace?"

"Please…I need you to…I need to see if I can control it…"

"Jace I don't want to push you."

"Please! I have to try…I have to start somewhere…I trust you to stop if it's too much."

I place the soap on the edge of the tub and gently put my hands on his back. I begin to slowly but deeply massage the soap onto his skin. I started at his shoulders and am almost to his danger zone. I linger just above his lower back for a moment before sliding my flattened palms down to the center of his back and still my hands while applying pressure. I keep perfectly still to see if he ask me to stop. I can feel the muscles under my palms tighten and twitch slightly. I want to lift my palms when is see Jace no longer has his palms flat against the shower wall.

Now he has his hands in tight fist and they are resting against the shower wall. Even over the sound of the running water I can hear him breathing hard. I can tell he has his teeth clenched tight by the sound of him sucking air between his teeth. I can feel his heart beating rapidly under my palms as he remains still. I feel the distress rolling off of his body; I want so badly to lift my hands off his lower back but I wait for his command.

"Now my hips…" His words are strained as they come out through his clenched teeth.

I slowly begin to slide my hands towards his hips. Jace lets out a low moan. I can tell this is not a moan of pleasure. No this moan is a deep sad moan. I wrap my fingers around his hips and squeeze lightly.

"STOP! STOP! STOP!" He pleads.

I snatch my hands away from Jace as he collapses against the shower wall. I stay perfectly still as Jace controls his breathing. After a couple of minutes he stands up and turns around. He holds his arms open.

"Come here."

I go to him and he wraps his arms around me and hugs me tightly. I keep my arms to my sides.

"Sorry I yelled at you love."

"You didn't yell at me."

"I didn't scare you then?"

"No you didn't scare me, but I was scared for you."

"If I didn't scare you, and you aren't mad at me for yelling; then why won't you hug me back?"

I slip my arms around Jaces back, up and away from his lower back and return his hug. The water is starting to get cold as it runs over our bodies. Jace lets go of me and shuts the water off. I pick Jaces t-shirt up off the bathroom floor and put it on after I finish drying off. I leave Jace in the bathroom to shave and go into the kitchen to find something to eat.


	32. Chapter 32

CHAPTER 32

I open the small cooler Jace bought last week and take out a tomato, the head of lettuce, and the Cooper cheese we found at a small deli in town. I set the oven to broil and turn it on. I grab two bagels that we bought from the same deli we got the cheese from and slice them each in half before popping them into the oven. I slice the tomato into thick slices and tear off a couple of big chunks from the head of lettuce.

I pull two plates from the cupboard and set them on the counter. I decide since it's only a little after two in the afternoon I will make some coffee so I'm not sleeping by five pm. After I turn on the coffee pot I take the bagels out of the oven and spread a thin layer of butter on each piece. I just finish cutting both of our sandwiches in half when Jace slides his hands around my waist and kisses my neck.

"Perfect timing."

"What did you make us for lunch?"

"L T C's on toasted bagels."

"What is a LTC?"

"Lettuce, Tomato, and Cheese."

"Mmm…sounds good. Too bad we're all out of that black pepper turkey. That was some good stuff."

"Yeah it sure was."

We are setting at the table when Jace gives me a sheepish grin.

"What?"

"Did you make fresh coffee?"

"Yeah why?"

"I swear you can read my mind. I was shaving in the bathroom and I thought to myself boy I sure could go for a big cup of coffee."

"Great minds think alike."

"Yes they do love, yes they most certainly do. This sandwich is good by the way. Thank you."

"You're welcome…am I crazy for being a little freaked out about what kind of food they have in Mexico?"

Jace laughs softly as he chews a bite of his sandwich. After he swallows his food he says:

"You're not crazy, and you shouldn't be freaked out. Nowadays you can pretty much get anything down there as you can up here. Just as long as you stay close to the cities you should have any trouble at the grocery store."

"I don't speak Spanish either. I'm a little freaked out about that too."

"Again if you stick close to the cities you won't have too many problems. You will find that most all of the store cashiers and whatnots can speak clear English."

"I missed this."

"Missed what?"

"This…taking to you…you have been so quiet for days and I missed you. I missed talking to you."

Jace reaches across the table and stokes my cheek with his knuckles.

"I promise I won't do that again okay love?"

"Jace you don't have to do that. I guess I was being selfish; I wasn't being patient enough with you when you needed me to. Please don't feel like you have to make that promise to me."

"Yes I do, I can't promise you I won't have bad days once in a while. But I promise I will never shut you out like that again."

"Oh I have been meaning to ask you something but the time never seemed right."

"Ask me now then."

The way he said it, he sounded like I could ask him anything I wanted to. Maybe even who those sick bastards were and what did they do to them.

"How are we going to get across the border without passports?"

Jace laughs softly.

"That's easy, we buy them."

"But were minors won't we will need some kind of parental permission? Plus doesn't take like six weeks to get a passport?"

"Yes and yes."

"So we're not leaving for Mexico tomorrow?"

"Yes we are leaving for Mexico tomorrow." 

"That doesn't make any sense."

Jace laughs again only louder this time.

"Relax...we are going to BUY passports, not go through the channels of legally applying for them and then purchasing them. Cold hard cash can get you any legal documents you need to get in or out of this country if you know the right people."

"Do you know the right people?"

"Yep, you will meet Dave tomorrow."

"How much does it cost?"

"He told me and Mark he would make what we need for five grand."

"I thought you told Mark you couldn't touch the money from the bank until you get across the border."

"That's right."

"Wait so you have five thousand dollars on you that isn't part of the stolen money."

"Believe it or not Clary it cost money to get away with robbing a bank. Mark and I worked and saved money preparing for that day for almost an entire year. Think about it. We bought four vehicles, bought this trailer, and saved the five grand to pay for our papers. That's a lot of money for two deadbeats with shitty jobs. It took a lot of commitment from the both of us."

"Wait, if it was going to cost you five thousand dollars to get you and Mark across the border. What about me? How were you going to get me across?"

Jace's face pales and he drops his eyes to his empty plate.

"I don't think Mark ever thought that through. Him and I never discussed how we would get you into Mexico. Maybe he never was going to take you across the border. Maybe he was going to let you out when we were close. But I already made my mind up I was going to use the money we took from the bank to get you into Mexico. I didn't care how big of a risk it was I wanted you to go with me."

"Well now you don't have to take that risk. We can just use Marks money."

Jace lifts his head up with a look of amazement in his eyes.

"You're not mad?"

"No."

"You wouldn't have tried to stop me?"

"No."

"Good."

Jace gets up from the table and carries our dirty dishes to the sink. He washes the two plates and the two knives quickly and places them in the dish rack to dry. He pours two cups of coffee and sits back down at the table. I wonder why we are sitting in the kitchen so I ask him:

"Do you want to go in the living room and watch a movie?"

"No."

"Do you just want to go sit on the couch then?"

"No."

I giggle.

"Do you want to go back to bed instead?"

Jaces smiles widely.

"Maybe later."

"Okay…so are we just going to sit here and drink our coffee?"

"No."

"Jace…that's it I'm out of suggestions. What DO you want to do then?"

Jace gives me the ghost of a smile.

"I want you to ask me more questions."

"Oh…Oh!...Those kind of questions."

Jace nods his head at me.

"Okay I have maybe an easy one for you first."

"Ask away…"

"How was that for you in the shower when I touched you?"

Jace closes his eyes for a few minutes and then takes a sip of his coffee.

"At first it wasn't too bad. You touching my lower back wasn't that bad. In fact I managed to breathe through it and then it didn't really bother me at all. I may have pushed myself a little too much when I asked you to grab my hips."

"I felt you getting more and more anxious the closer I got to your hips. I saw your fist balled tightly shut. I could feel your heart pounding and I could hear you moaning."

"I was moaning?"

"Yes."

"That seems strange because I didn't enjoy it at all."

"No you weren't moaning like that, it was a sad moan."

"Oh…"

"I thought you were going to have a panic attack for a minute when I grabbed your hips"

Jace shudders and shakes his head.

"I hope you never have to see me have a panic attack. They scare the hell out of me when I have them. I can only imagine what it would be like to see that happing to someone."

"So you have had panic attacks before?"

"Yeah…they suck."

"What should I do if I see you having one?"

"I don't know…nothing probably...maybe leave the room so you don't have to watch it."

"You know I won't be able to just leave the room."

"Let's hope you never have to see me have one."

I can see the anxiety rising in his eyes. Time to change the subject.

"Did you get my make-up from the drug store?"

Jace gets up and goes outside and comes back in a minute later laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"I should have put my shoes on; I cut my foot on a sharp rock."

Jace sets the bag on the table and sits down to look at his foot. Blood begins to drip onto the kitchen floor. I jump up and hand him a paper towel as I head to the bathroom for the first aid kit. I kneel in front of him and take his bleeding foot in my hand. I clean his cut with an alcohol swab first. He doesn't even flinch when I touch his skin with alcohol. After I clean his cut I dab a little Neosporin on it and then put a bandage on it. I kiss the top of his foot and go back to my seat.

"Thank you, you didn't have to do that. I could have put a band aid on it myself."

"Yes you could have, but I wanted to. Just like you wanted to take care of me even though I could have done it myself."

Jace smiles at me.

"I'm always going to want to take care of you Clary."

"Good, because I'm always going to want to take care of you too. We can take care of each other."

Jace opens the bag from the drug store and hands me the bottle of foundation and the chocolate bar that I slammed on the counter. I take them without making eye contact with him; I'm still embarrassed for how I acted in the drug store.

"Aren't you going to eat your candy?"

"I think it's broken."

"You think? You did slam it on the counter."

I still can't look at him, so I busy myself by reading the ingredients list on the back of the bottle of foundation. Jace places his fingers under my chin and lift my eyes to his. He is smiling thoughtfully at me.

"Tell me what happened in the drug store. Was that because of the last few days? Was it because of me?" 

"Maybe…I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."

"You didn't embarrass me…You scared me. When you ran out the door; my first thought was that you were leaving me. The only reason why I didn't chase after you was because I saw you get in the car."

"I'm sorry I scared you. I would never leave you Jace."

Jace leans across the table and kisses me on the lips and then sets back down in his chair. With a small grin he says:

"You scared the hell out of that cashier too. You knocked over that rack of magazines and she was all what's her problem. Do you want to know what I said to her?"

"Mmm…let me guess…Please excuse my crazy girlfriend she forgot to take her medication today?"

Jace laughs loudly, but I wasn't trying to make him laugh. I really was acting like a lunatic in that drug store today.

"No, that's not what I said. First I made a show by smiling proudly at you as you ran from the store. Then I told the girl that she made you angry. She asked me how she made you angry. I told her that she made you angry because she was flirting with me. Then she asked me why I had a big grin on my face. I told her it was because I was proud of you for not jumping across the counter and beating the shit out of her. You should have seen her face Clary. I wasn't sure she believed me so I upped that ante by telling her that you just got off of probation for beating up the last girl who flirted me and that you were trying to turn over a new leaf."

I can't help but giggle at him.

"Do you think she believed you?"

"Oh I'm pretty sure she believed me; she told me she should call the cops on you for knocking over that magazine rack."

"Oh…I'm so sorry…I could have gotten you in trouble."

"Do you want to know what I said to her after she threatened to call the cops on you?"

Jace is still smiling at me.

"What did you say to her?" 

"I asked her how much she like having that ring in her lip and those purple streaks in her hair. She started to answer my question but I cut her off. I told her that if she called the cops on you; then you would come back in the store and make it worth your while if you were going to get arrested again. She asked me why I would date such a crazy girl. I told her I think you are the most amazing girl in the world. I told her that I plan on making you my wife someday and the mother of my children. Her eyes got huge at that comment. She asked me if I was crazy for wanting you to have my children. I told her if you were that protective over me then you would be an amazing mother. I guess she had a change of heart about calling the police. She cashed me out and told me to have a nice life. I think she really meant it too, she had a very sincere look on her face when she said it."

"That's why you looked at me like that when I said I hated her."

"Yes…honestly love I could care less about that girls opinion; but I can't stand the thought of you walking around filled with hatred. I know what that's like…it can consume you…I don't want that for you…I want to see your beautiful smile. I want to see your eyes shining bright and I want to hear your laughter. If you have hate inside of you it will drain the life out of you slowly. Do you remember that song I was singing in the shower?"

"Which song?"

"The one by My Chemical Romance; it was called The Light Behind Your Eyes."

"Yes I remember…it was a pretty song."

"Yeah it is a pretty song."

"What about it?"

"The song goes Never let them take the light behind your eyes. Then there is another part of the chorus that says Just remember you will always burn as bright. Don't let hate take the light behind your eyes Clary. Keep smiling, keep laughing, and keep your eyes burning bright."

Jace looks at me with a strange look in his eyes. What is it? Hopefulness?

"Did you really mean what you said to her?"

"You mean when I told her I wanted you to be my wife and the mother of my children?"

There's that eerie connection that we have again; he knew exactly what I was talking about when I asked him my question.

"Yes…Did you really mean that?"


	33. Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

"Yes."

"You want to have children with me?"

Jace smiles sweetly at me.

"Sure, someday I do…not anytime soon, but yes. Why? Don't you want to have children?"

"Honestly…I never really thought about that. I'm not even sixteen yet; so thinking about being a mother never really crossed my mind before."

"Really? Never crossed your mind? Are you sure about that Clary?"

"I don't understand your question."

"Think about it Clary. You never had a mother or a father in your life. Don't you ever wonder what it would be like to have a family? Just a, dare I say the word normal; but just a normal family."

"Sure I have. Why do you think it was so easy to lie to Mark about my so called dad? It was easy because when I was little I would lay in bed at night and fantasize about being a normal kid. A normal kid with a mom and a dad and even a dog."

"See there? You have thought about having children then. At least subconsciously you have thought about it anyhow."

"I guess you're right. I wanted to be a Child and Youth Therapist someday; so I could try to help kids, kids like me."

Jace's smile slips from his face and he has a remorseful look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Clary…"

"Why are you sorry?"

"For taking you away from your dreams."

I can't stand seeing him look so sad; I get up from the table and go sit on his lap and hug him tight."

"Jace I love you. Don't you understand that you ARE my dreams now. Being with you is the only thing I want; the only thing I will ever want."

Jace wraps his arms around me and hugs me back while burying his face in my hair and inhaling deeply. His voice comes out in an unsure whisper.

"Does that mean you want to be the mother of my children someday too?"  
>"Yes…probably not for another ten years, but yes."<p>

"Ten years sounds pretty good to me. I am in no hurry to share you. I want you all to myself for a while."

I kiss him on the cheek as I slide off his lap and go back to my chair across the table.

"Yes ten years seems good to me too Jace. I'm happy with the idea of losing sleep at night because you and I can't keep our hands off each other; not because our baby needs his diaper changed."

Jace smiles thoughtfully at me.

"So we're having a boy then?"

I can't help but laugh at the playfulness in his voice.

"Well I'm pretty sure you don't get to pick whether you have a girl or boy; I was only speculating."

"That makes me happy too."

"What does?"

"Losing sleep because we can't keep our hands off of each other. Losing sleep and burning dinner."

"Bring on the eye bags and empty pizza boxes."

"I am loving your enthusiasm right now Clary. I hope you stay that way because I plan on making love to you ever night for the rest of our lives."

"We will be able to catch up on sleep for at least one week a month anyhow." I giggle.

"What do you mean?"

"Jace? I am a girl you know. Girls get their periods every month."

"So…"

"So that's what I meant when I said we would have a week to catch up on all of our lost sleep."

"Are you saying you won't let me make love to you just because you have your period."

"GROSS!"

"Why is it gross?"

"Forgive me Jace I forgot your fascination with my bodily fluids."

Jace smiles sheepishly at me and his cheeks turn a light shade of pink.

"Seriously? I seriously just made you blush Jace? I never thought I would see that."

"Everything about you fascinates me love, you should have figured that out by now."

"I am beginning to figure that out."

"So, I'm guessing that's a no then."

"What are you talking about?"

"No as in no you won't let me touch you when you have your period."

"Why are we still talking about this?"

"Because you won't answer me."

"Jace you are a strange boy, and you are gross, and you are beautiful, and you are haunted, and I love you."

"What an eclectic mix of compliments and insults you weaved together there Clary."

I giggle and shrug my shoulders at him.

"No one's perfect."

"I can see we are getting nowhere with this conversation considering you keep avoiding my question. It doesn't even matter I'll get my way anyhow."

"Get your way huh. You are pretty cocky you know."

"I prefer the term confident, but yes. Remember Clary I know all your sweet spots. All of your many, MANY sweet spots."

"I don't think you want to start a game you can't win Jace."

Jace burst into laughter at my sad attempt to look menacing.

"I have been playing the game a little longer than you have baby. I think you will be the one who will lose. I see you tapping out and calling mercy long before I will."

"No way! I will not tap out or call mercy before you do. Be honest with me here; I did a pretty good job of teasing you didn't I?"

"Mmm…yes a VERY good job. You should be ashamed of yourself for making me beg like that."

Now it's my turn to laugh hard.

"Look who's talking! I can remember a few choice times where you made me beg."

"Hmm…this is true."

"The point I am trying to make here Jace; is if I managed to do that well at my first attempt, then I can only get better at it."

"Shit…now you're scaring me. Can I just tap out now and avoid all that torture?"

"What happened to your so-called confidence?"

"I think you may have missed my sarcastic tone love."

"Uh-huh…I guess I did."

Jace run his fingers through his hair and shakes his whole body.

"Okay we are losing daylight here Clary; time for another question."

Jace has his serious face on again. I might as well dive into the deep end and ask him the big question.

"Who are the sick bastards I have heard you talk about?"

"Ouch…strait in for the kill I see…No don't feel bad about asking me that…I will tell you…just…fuck me…"

Jace is running his palms up and down his thighs and I can feel his anxiety rising. He stops moving and closes his eyes. When he opens his eyes they are distant as he looks at the wall; avoiding my eyes.

"When I was thirteen I was taken by gunpoint by four men. They made me get in the car and they took me…they took me to a private club called boyzland…it was one of those underground type of clubs that not many people know about. One of the four guys that took me was my friend; at least I thought he was…when we got inside the club; one of the gunmen handed Jimmy…that was my friends name…he handed Jimmy a big wad of cash and told him how good of job he did finding me. He told Jimmy that I was a real looker; I had no idea what was going on…what did he mean I was a real looker…I asked Jimmy what was going on…I told him I thought he was my friend…he said sure kid…sure we're friends…he said right now I need you to be a good friend and listen to whatever they say…to do whatever they want you to do…if you do this you will be fine…Jimmy left after that and I never saw him again…"

Jace hangs his head and runs his palms over his thighs again as he tries to control his breathing. I remain quiet and wait for him to continue. After a couple of minutes he stills and looks at the wall again.

"They put me in a small bedroom…there was a single bed with a bare mattress and a bare pillow on top of the mattress…and there was a short, long dresser that doubled as a night stand…there was a single bare lightbulb hanging from the ceiling that had a chain pull to turn it on or off…the rest of the room was empty…the floors were wooden, and the walls were painted a pale brown color…I must have stood in the center of that room for almost an hour before someone came in…he handed me folded sheets and a blanket and told me to make my bed…he stood in the doorway of the room and watched me make the bed… and then he handed me a bag of clothes and told me to take a bath and put something from the bag on…he said when I was done with my bath I was to lay down on the bed and wait for Ash…I asked him where the bathroom was and he pointed at a door I didn't notice had been there…he left the room and locked the door again…I opened the bathroom door and stepped inside…there was a small sink, a toilet, one of those old fashioned claw foot tubs, and a shelf with towels and washcloths folded on it….the tub had one of those plastic things hanging off the side of it…it had shampoo, conditioner, and a bar of soap in it…there was no mirror in the bathroom…do you eat Peaches?"

Jace's random question throws me off.

"No not really. Why?"

"Have you ever used Peach scented shampoo?"

"No. Why anyone would want their hair to smell like food is beyond me."

"Good…I am not a fan of Peaches…not the smell of them…not the taste of them…not the color of them…I do not like peaches."

"Okay…" I whisper.

Jace studies my face for a moment and he can see how confused I look.

"The shampoo, the conditioner…even the bar of soap…all of it smelled like peaches…fucking peaches…so there I was, a thirteen year old boy who smelled like a goddamned peach…when I got out of the tub…I opened the bag of clothes…the first thing I saw when I opened the bag was a pair of black sequence shorts…can you imagine?...I flipped through the rest of the bag only to find similar items of…well they were mostly just shorts in the bag…tight, short, shorts…I refused to put any of them on…so I put my own close back on and went to lay on the bed…a little while later…I don't know maybe ten minutes or so…the door opens and in walks this tall skinny guy…he had on a pair of black jeans…he wasn't wearing a shirt…he didn't have socks or shoes on either…he was probably in his mid-forties…his head was shaved bald…he had light brown eyes…there was another guy standing beside him…he was a big guy…muscular…like he lifted weights all the time or something…the big guy had a roll of duct tape in is hand…he was twirling it around his finger…the skinny guy walked to the edge of the bed and said hello Jace my name is Ash…I asked him how he knew my name…he said oh I know a lot of things about you Jace…I know you are an only child…I know about your mother…how you watched her die right in front of you…I know your dad is drunk more than he is sober…I know how old you are…I know lots of things about you Jace…I asked him why I was there…he told me I was there to make him money…lots of money…I asked him how I could make him money…he said by being young and beautiful…he said and you are definitely young and beautiful…Jimmy told me you were a good looking kid…but damn that was an understatement…he said…sorry Clary…give me a minute…"

I remain quit while Jace repeats his leg rubbing and heavy breathing for almost five minutes before he starts talking again.

"So this guy…Ash…Ash told me that after my training I was going to make him a lot of money…I asked him what I was being trained for…he told me he was going to train me to be a good…a good…piece of…oh fuck me this is hard…a good piece of ass…I was only thirteen…I didn't understand what he was talking about so I asked him what he meant by that…he said it would be easier to just show me…He motioned for the big guy to come closer to the bed…the big guy…I found out later his name was Cliff…Cliff grabs my wrists and tried to put tape on them…I panicked…I started squirming…to try to get away…I tried to kick him…he punched me in the face…fuck he hit me hard…I saw stars when he hit me…he taped my wrists together and flipped me over on my stomach…he pulled my wrists up towards the frame of the bed…and started to tape my wrists to the bars…I understood…I got it then…I knew what they were going to do to me…I started screaming…I started thrashing my body…Cliff punched me…right in the Kidney…I thought I would pass out from his blow…he climbed on top of me…he jammed his knee into my back…I couldn't move…I was just a little kid…barely over a hundred pounds…I was…I guess I was what you would call a late bloomer…I wasn't much bigger at the age of thirteen then you are now Clary…Cliff was huge…he must have been a good two fifty or better…so I couldn't move…I tried to…I kept kicking my legs…I kept screaming…but he won…he taped my wrists to the bed frame…he got off of me after I was taped to the bars…I heard Ash tell him to take off my pants…Cliff grabbed me by the hips and lifted me up…he…fuck…mmm…I can't…oooh…I can't…I need to stop for a minute…"

Jace has tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He wipes his moist eyes with the back of his hand and then blows his nose into his napkin from lunch. He stands up and picks up both of our coffee cups.

"Do you want some more?"

The clock above the kitchen sink reads 6:14pm. I have a feeling this won't be my last cup of coffee for the night.

"Yes please." I do my best to keep the pain out of my voice.

Jace fills our cups with coffee and sits back down at the table. I wish he would look at me.

"Jace…"

"Please don't Clary…"

He has his eyes closed and his long fingers are wrapped around his cup of coffee.

"You should stop for tonight Jace…I think you might be…"

"I can't…I can't stop Clary…I need you to know…really NEED you to know…"

"I understand, but maybe you should stop for tonight."

"No…because I am leaving for Mexico tomorrow…so I need to tell you tonight…"

"Jace are trying to tell me you are not taking me with you?"

"No that's not what I'm saying…but I can't be sure you will want to go with me after all of this… so I have to tell you…I have to know….oh god…shit…no…not right now….oooh fuuuuck…"


	34. Chapter 34

CHAPTER 34

Jace's face is twisted in pain and his fists are in his chest. His eyes are closed tightly and his breathing is coming out in short, fast burst. Jace rolls off of the chair and falls to the floor with enough force to shake the floor. He still has his face twisted, his fists are still tight against his chest, his breathing is now coming out in loud gasp. He is lying on his back and he is moving his body slowly from side to side as he moans in pain. I understand now what is happening to him; he is having a panic attack. I slide off of my chair and crawl on my hands and knees quickly to him. I place my hand on his chest.

"Tell me what you need Jace." I whisper calmly to him.

Jace doesn't answer my question. He just continues to gasp and moan. My hand slide off of his chest as he rolls over and lays flat on his stomach. He has his arms strait down; and his fists are pounding into his hips. He has his cheek pressed against the floor and his face is still twisted in pain as he continues to gasp for air. I shift my body and lay down on my side keeping my body far away from his pounding fists. I rest my cheek on my arm and lightly touch Jaces cheek with my other hand. When he doesn't flinch away from my touch; I slowly start to stroke his hair.

"Shhh…it's okay…I know it's scary…you're okay Sweetie…" I whisper.

Jace still won't respond to my words but his pounding fists are slowing down in pace and his gasping isn't as bad. I keep stroking his hair for a few more minutes and he stops pounding his fists all together. I slide a little closer to him and kiss his cheek lightly; and then rest my head on my arm again and move my palm to his cheek and stroke his eyebrow with my thumb lightly.

"You're doing good baby…breathe….breathe….you're okay…" I coo.

Another minute or so goes by as I continue to stroke Jaces eyebrow with my thumb. He is no longer gasping or moaning. His eyes are still closed but his face is no longer twisted in pain. I shift my body and rise to a sitting position; scooting closer while still running my thumb over his eyebrow. Jace opens his eyes and lift his head up to look at me. I smile softly at him. Jace lifts his body up and slide closer to me and lays his head in my lap while wrapping his arms around me. I go back to my gentle eyebrow stroking when he closes his eyes again. I slide my other hand carefully onto his back and begin to lightly run my hand back and forth across his shoulder blades.

Almost ten minutes go by as we remain on the floor. I glance at the clock above the sink and see that it is five till seven. Jace's panic attack lasted for close to twenty minutes. Jaces voice sounds exhausted when he begins to speak.

"Thank you Clary…" He whispers hoarsely.

"Are you okay now?"

"Tired…"

"Do you want to go lay down?"

"No…I'll be okay in a little bit…takes me a few minutes to get my bearings back afterword's…"

"Is there anything I can get you? Anything you need me to do?"

"Just keep doing what you are doing."

"Is it helping?"

"Yes…I'm surprised you were brave enough to even come near me let alone touch me."

"I knew you wouldn't hurt me, and I was careful."

"Thank you for that…for being careful…Once Mark grabbed me too fast and too tight by my shoulders and I swung at him."

"Does it feel as scary as it looks?"

"Yeah…like I said they suck."

"Are ready to get up off the floor yet? My butt's getting numb."

Jace laughs softly in my lap and then he rises to his feet pulling me up with him. Once we are standing he wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me up to his chest where I wrap my arms around his neck. Jace looks deeply into my eyes and then kisses my softly on the lips.

"Have I told you how amazing you are Clary?"

Instead of answering him I kiss him. Our kiss quickly shift from soft and sweet to deep and passionate making heat pool between my thighs. I WANT HIM. Before I can wrap my legs around his waist he puts me down and breaks the kiss.

"Later Clary…"

"Okay…" Disappointment is heavy in my voice.

"Let me finish answering your question first. I can do it…it just might take me until midnight to get it all out…but if I can get it all out then the worst of it will be over."

"You don't need to push yourself so hard Jace."

"Damn it Clary don't you get it…I need you to know. You need to hear it all right now…telling you is hard…it's fucking painful…but I can do it…I can tell you…THAT I can handle…it's the not knowing…not knowing is harder and more painful than telling you about my past."

"Not knowing what Jace?"

Jace hangs his head and I can barely hear his whispers.

"If you will still love me after you know…"

My heart is breaking for him right now.

"Nothing you can say will make me stop loving you Jace."

Jace looks at me and studies my face.

"Let's sit down and find out whether or not that is true."

I want to argue with him. I want to throw myself at him and kiss him hard. To kiss him until he believes me. Instead I go and sit down at the table and then he sits down across from me again. He takes a sip from his coffee and grimaces.

"Yuck cold coffee…I'm going to heat mine up. Do you want me to heat yours too?"

"Yes please."

Jace keeps his back to me while he waits for the microwave to beep. He hands me my coffee with a wink of his eye and sits back down.

"Okay…let's see…where was I…"

"Ash told Cliff to take your pants off."

Jace gives me a strange look almost like a no shit Clary, but not in a rude way. Maybe the look was more of a holy crap she's actually listening to this.

"Right so there I am taped to the bed and Cliff is on the bed with my hips in his hands….I try to shake his hands off of me…he pins his hips against my backside and shoves me up the mattress…pinning me between him and the metal bars…he reaches around and unbuttons my pants…even over my screaming …I could still hear him unzipping my pants…he lifted his hips away from me…then he pulled my pants off…then I hear Ash tell him to hold me down…he put his hands on my…on my…back…then I can hear the sound of another zipper…I wanted to look…to see…to see it coming…but I was too scared…then I heard something crinkling…I saw the wrapper on the floor after it was over…the crinkling noise was him…Ash…opening a condom…he hurt me Clary…he made me…he made me…bleed…Clary…it hurt so bad…I couldn't even scream anymore…I think I might have even blacked out for a little bit…he dug his fingers into my hips…he pulled my…my hair…he pulled my hair hard…he push his hand down on my lower back…all of it…hurt…every night…he…would…rape me…make me…bleed…I never…I never stopped fighting…every day I fought…but everyday…I had new bruises…every DAY the bath water was red from my blood…one year, two months, and six days…four hundred and thirty-two days…blood…bruises…screaming…fighting…sick bastards never let me rest…never let me heal…sick bastards raped me…they raped me every fucking day…it hurt…I have scaaars…they…hurrrrrt…"

Jace is sobbing and has his head in his hands. His shoulders are curled down and his back is curved down…he looks so small and fragile…I think right now Jace is that thirteen year old little boy again. I get out of my chair and walk over to Jace. I bend down and duck under his arm and climb my way onto his lap; where I wrap my arms tightly around him. He keeps his face in his hands and continues to sob loudly. I can almost hear my heart shattering in a million tiny pieces for him. I am having trouble controlling my own sobs, but I do my best to whisper:

"I'm so sorry…I love you so much Jace…"

Jace continues to sob loudly; and I have trouble making out what he says.

"A-a-a-re…y-y-y-oooo…..g-g-g-going…t-t-t-to….to…lea….leave…mmmeeee…"

I think what he said was Are You Going To Leave Me? I am not completely sure so I use my words carefully.

"I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere."

Jace, with his lightning speed has his arms tightly wrapped around me and his face buried in my neck. Almost five minutes go by before his sobs taper off to soft whimpers. A few more minutes later I hear his soft whisper.

"You're everything to me Clary…I don't ever want to lose you…music used to be everything to me…but I would give up listening to music for the rest of my life just to be with you." 

"You don't have to give up your music. How would we play our guess this song game if you didn't listen to music?"

Jaces begins to run his hands slowly up my back and then he tangles his fingers into my hair. He has his nose in my hair and is inhaling deeply. His whispers tickle my ear.

"Clary…my sweet Clary…you smell so good…"

"I smell like you. I use your shampoo and your soap so I smell just like you."

"No you don't…you smell like you…my sweet Clary…"

Jace pulls back to look at me. His eyes search mine…for what? Pity? Disgust? I try to tell him with my eyes how much I love him.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Why would you need permission to kiss me Jace?"

"I don't know…Can I?"

Instead of answering him I brush my lips gently against his. His lips are soft from crying and his mouth taste like black coffee. Jace returns my kiss sweetly and then breaks our kiss too soon. I try to go back for more but he cups my face in his hands to look at me again.

"Let's go take a bath. I feel dirty after telling you all of that."

"Okay…"

Jace doesn't give me the chance to get off of his lap; instead he lifts me into his arms and carries me to the bathroom and sets me down on the edge of the sink. He pulls his tooth brush out and squirts toothpaste on it.

"Open."

"Jace I can brush my own teeth you know."

"Humor me please."

"Wow my breath must be terrible."

Jace gives me an impatient look. I roll my eyes and open my mouth.

"Keep sassing me little girl and I might have to spank you."

I roll my eyes again as he carefully brushes my teeth. He laughs at me. He finishes brushing my teeth and puts more tooth paste on the brush and begins to brush his teeth. I turn my head and spit the toothpaste out of my mouth. I begin to slide off of the sink to go turn on the water for our bath when Jace clamps his hands on my hips. He talks around his toothbrush.

"Mmm…where do you think you're going?"

"I was going to go start our bath water."

Jace pulls the tooth brush out of his mouth and places it on the sink. He uses his knee to part my thighs and fits his hips against mine. He wraps his one arm around my waist and wipes the toothpaste off of his mouth with his other hand.

"Did you just swallow toothpaste Jace?"

"Shhh…kiss me… I want your mouth."

Jace doesn't wait for me to kiss him. His mouth is on mine and his kiss is hungry. He slides his tongue into my mouth with a moan. I caress his tongue with mine as I slide my hands under his shirt to touch his flat stomach. Jace breaks our kiss with a smile on his face, and slides his fingers under my shirt; slowly lifting up and removing it. With his skilled hands he removes my bra and tosses it to the floor. Returning his smile I decide I shouldn't be the only one who is topless, and I remove his shirt.

I am feeling playful and instead of tossing his shirt to the floor; I drape it across my chest and say:

"I thought we were taking a bath?"

A wicked grin spreads across Jaces face and one of his blond eyebrows arch high above his honey colored eye. He is my beautiful golden boyfriend. I love him and all of his demons. Jace slides his tongue across my ear before whispering in his own playful tone:

"I decided to go green and conserve water."

Jace has his palms resting on the edge of the sink; I run my fingers from his hands all the way up to his shoulders. I slide my fingers into his soft hair and pull gently as I whisper in his ear.

"First you walk around outside in your bare feet; now you are conserving water. Are you turning into a hippy now Jace?"

I feel Jaces body shake with silent laughter as he pulls my thighs onto his hips. He pauses his long fingers behind my knees for a moment as he nibbles my ear. Then in one swift movement he slides his hands from behind my knees; all the way up my thighs, and then grips my butt with his long fingers. A small squeal escapes my mouth when he lifts me off the sink and starts to carry me; Jace giggles with delight as we enter the bedroom. As Jace lowers me onto the bed his voice come out as a low growl.

"I have got to find more ways to make you squeal like that."

Jace stands by the side of the bed and removes the rest of his clothes as he grins down at me. I reach down to remove my own pants; I burst into laughter when I almost fall off the bed trying to take my pants off. Thankfully Jace catches me before I can fall and he returns my laughter with his own small chuckle.

His eyes continue to sparkle with playfulness as he gently slides his hardness into my center. A soft moan escapes his mouth as he fills me up completely. Jace presses his lips gently against mine and he begins to kiss me sweetly; keeping his hips still, allowing my body to adjust to his size. I begin to move my hips underneath him; giving him unspoken assurance of my readiness. Still kissing me softly he beings to move his hips and within a couple of stokes both of our hips move in perfect unison. I slide my hands over his body as our hips glide together. Our pace isn't slow; but in no way is it hurried. Our bodies slide smoothly against each other as my pressure builds.

I am amazed by Jaces deep connection to my body; he responds to my building pressure by slowing his pumping down to an almost excruciatingly slow pace. His eyes graze almost lazily over my face as he watches me. My pressure continues to build with a slow pooling sensation of heat. We keep our hips moving in unison as the pooling heat turns into fire; my core begins to tremble as I find my release, never losing pace with his body. Jace lowers his mouth to my ear and whispers:

"Beautiful…"

His lips are soft as he kisses my neck with feather light pressure. Little by little he increases our pace; allowing my rocking to match his. His mouth covers mine and he moans into my mouth as he slides his tongue across my lips; parting them so our tongues can dance. We continue to kiss as our hips flow together like fluid. After a few minutes Jace breaks our kiss as my moaning prevents me from moving my lips against his. Starting at the corner of my mouth; his kisses keep beat with his thrust as he works his way to my ear. He nibbles my ear for a short moment before his own moaning transform into deep groans. My pressure is building quickly this time as he rocks into me. I close my eyes in concentration to focus on my release before it's too late. Jaces groans reduce to whimpers as he finds his own release at the same time as I find mine.

Growing up in a group home; teenagers tend to tell a lot of stories to each other about their sexual experiences. I always remember fighting the urge to roll my eyes every time I heard one of them say: Oh it was so amazing, we came together. I always thought that was impossible, having simultaneous orgasms, people's bodies are different. I now internally scowl at my disbelief of couples climaxing together. Jace's whisper stops my internal scowling.

"I love you Clary…"

"I love you too Jace…" I whisper back.

Jace raises his head and looks at me with a satisfied grin and a look of gloating in his eyes.

"Well aren't you just so proud of yourself Jace?"

"Who knew I would reach my peak at such a young age?"

He is laughing but I can't laugh with him because his words confuse me.

"What are you talking about?"

"I figured I'd be thirty before I could learn to time my pace so we could cum together."

"Oh…well I never even thought something like that was possible. I thought people were just making that stuff up."

"I guess I really shouldn't be gloating about it though. Something like that doesn't come easily and it might be ten years before I get to enjoy that again."

I pull his mouth to mine with a small chuckle and kiss him quickly before I burst into laughter. Jace joins me in laughter as he lifts his body from mine. He sits on the edge of the bed and removes the condom; he remains sitting at the edge of the bed as his laughter fades to soft chuckles and then he is quiet.

"Are you okay Jace."

"Yes I'm fine…just thinking."

I sit up and place my hand on his shoulder and kiss his neck.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I need you to do something for me Clary."

His voice sounds uncertain; the hair on the back of my neck rises. I do my best to make my voice sound casual.

"What's that sweetie?"

"I need you to rub my back."

"Are you sore? Did you pull a muscle?"

"No, no I'm okay…could you please go slow?"

I understand now what he is asking me to do. He is testing himself again.

"Do you want to lay down on the bed?"

"No…I think that might be too much for me to handle. I think I'll just stay where I'm at for now if that's alright?"

"Okay…but please don't push yourself too far Jace. You have put yourself through so much today already."

I grab the two pillows and set on them so that I can sit behind him and reach his back easily. I slide my ankles down his thighs and rest my knees against his hips. Jace is sitting up strait but his shoulders are relaxes as his palm rest on his thighs. I start to rub his shoulders with light pressure at first and then increase the pressure to a deep massage. I have massaged my way down to the center of his back and I lean forward and begin to kiss his back as I continue to massage him. Jace sighs softly and wraps his long fingers around my ankles and smoothly runs his hands from my ankles up to my knees. He continues to stroke my legs as I rub is back. I stop kissing his back so I can watch his muscles; waiting for them to tense or twitch as I lower my hands further. His whispers cause my hands to still for a moment.

"That feels nice…"

I continue to massage his lower back, being cautious of my pressure.

"Tell me to stop if it's too much…" I whisper softly.

"Keep going please…" His voice is throaty.

I continue to knead his lower back with my flattened palms. Jace moans softly while he continues to run his hands over my legs. His moan causes me to have a slight burst of fear for him; but I relax when I see his shoulders are slack and his head rolls slowly from side to side.

"Mmm…Clary…" His voice is low and filled with pleasure.

All my concern for his anxiety disappears hearing him say my name that way. He really is enjoying my touch. I do my best to make my voice sound seductive as I say:

"Your body is amazing…"

Suddenly Jace has my body pressed against the mattress. He has both of my wrists clamped between is hand and my face cupped in his other hand. I begin to panic at the thought of saying the wrong thing to him. Jace ignores my panic and consumes my mouth with his in a short kiss before placing his lips at my ear. He parts my thighs with his knees and press our hips together.

"feel how hard I am right now Clary." He growls.

A small whimper escapes my mouth as he presses his hardness against my center.

"Please tell me I can have you again. I need to be inside of you love."

After we make love Jace has his head on my chest and his leg draped over my legs. He traces patterns into my stomach with the tip of his index finger. I cradle his head in my hands; keeping still as I enjoy the light tickling sensation from his tracing. My eyes begin to grow heavy after a few minutes and I close them; only to open them when I hear Jace's voice.

"I still can't believe that I enjoyed that. I was just happy that I wasn't freaking out; but then it really started to feel good. I was already hard when you said my body was amazing; you saying that made me believe just how amazing my body really is and I knew I needed to be inside of you again. I wanted to be completely inside of you at that moment; to be able to wear your skin as my own."

"Well if that is how you plan to thank me after I rub your back; feel free to request them as often as you like."

Jace laughs and bites my ribs making me squeal. He lifts himself to his knees and bite's my opposite rib, bite's my nipple, bites my hip; effectively being rewarded by my loud squeals and eye watering laughter. Jace stops laughing and begins to kiss a quick path up my body before settling in for a deep kiss; our lips moving deliciously together. After a few minutes Jace rolls onto his back with a sigh.

"I hope we never go a single day without laughter Clary."

"I highly doubt that's possible."

Jace's next words come out sad.

"I still have so much to tell you about my past. About some of the really bad nights at the club, about how I finally got the hell out of there, about the crazy rollercoaster ride it was living with Mark for three years. I will tell you everything…all of it…but I think I just want to spend some time being happy and laughing with you. I need a break from being sad, I need a break from crying…I have cried so many times over the past couple of weeks that I feel like a child. So I need a break; I promise you I will tell you everything, but for now is it okay if I just want to stay happy and laughing for a little while?"

"I'm not going anywhere. I will be right here whenever you are ready to tell me more. I'm always going to be right here; right here with you."

Jace rolls over and grabs my waist, pulling me to him; so that we are laying on our sides and his chest rest against my back. He has his arms wrapped around me and I place my arms over top of his; lacing my fingers with his. Jace kisses me sweetly behind my ear and whispers:

"Goodnight my sweet Clary…I love you…"

"Goodnight…I love you too Jace…" I whisper back.

A few minutes later I hear Jaces steady breathing as he sleeps with his nose buried into my hair. I think I am still smiling when I fall asleep in his arms.


	35. Chapter 35

CHAPTER 35

Jace is still asleep when I wake up the next morning; I thought about playfully waking him up but decide to let him sleep in. We are leaving this afternoon to go meet a guy named Dave that will sell us the paperwork to get us into Mexico. I slip out of bed and go put on a pot of coffee before heading to the bathroom. I start my bathwater and get a towel out of the drawer before I brush my teeth. I find myself smiling as I brush; I'm thinking about Jace brushing my teeth for me last night. He is so strange sometimes; he said himself that he was fucked up. Is odd as it was for him to want to brush my teeth; I let him do it because it seemed like a harmless request.

He is probably just at the infatuation stage of being in a relationship. He shaved my legs…he brushed my teeth…he picks me up and carries me at every opportunity…he insisted on taking care of my cuts and bruise every day until they were healed…he washes my hair for me…he put my sneakers on and tied them for me the other day…INFATUATION may be putting it lightly.

I put Jaces toothbrush on the sink and undress before getting in the tub. I just finish shaving my legs when I hear soft knock at the door.

"I'm in the tub."

"I need to peeeee…" He whines.

"So come in and pee, I'm not stopping you."

Jace shuts the door behind him as he enters the bathroom. I fight back a giggle as he runs naked to the toilet and lets out a loud sigh as he begins to empty his bladder. He _really_ had to go; it takes him a while to empty his bladder.

"Boy I'll say you had to pee. Why did you wait so long to knock on the door? You could have just come in you know." 

Jace is standing at the sink now, squirting toothpaste on his toothbrush. He looks at his reflection in the mirror for a moment and then turns his head towards me.

"I wasn't waiting, I just woke up. I was sleeping like the dead in there."

"You haven't been sleeping well; I think maybe it finally caught up to you."

"I think you're the reason why I slept so well last night. All that love making wore me out."

He smiles and begins to brush his teeth. I squirt shampoo in my hand and wash my hair as I watch him brush his teeth. He looks so comfortable leaning over the sink naked. Like being naked is the most natural thing there is. I am pretty comfortable with my own body; but I doubt I can look that sexy brushing my teeth naked. My internal hand clamps over my internal mouth. I just said the word…gasp…sexy in my head. Feeling brave:

"I wish I could look that sexy when I brush my teeth."

Jace spits his toothbrush into the sink and spins around to face me with a look of shock on his face.

"Did you just say the word sexy Clary?"

"Yes."

"That's new, I thought you weren't comfortable saying that word. What happen to delicious?"

"I still like that word. How this for you…its delicious watching your sexy butt while you brush your teeth."

Jace laughs loudly and walks over to the tub where he bends down and kisses my quickly on the lips.

"Well there is my first laugh of the day. Thank you for that love."

"Glad to be of service."

"Mmm…I could think of some other ways you could serve me."

Now it's my turn to laugh.

"Breakfast first. I am starving."

"Well damn, at least I tried. I'll go get breakfast started while you finish your bath."

Jace leaves the bathroom and I finish my bath. I decide now would be a good time to cover my bruises with the foundation that Jace bought me. I manage to cover my bruises without looking like I have pancake batter on my face. My freckles are gone as a result of using the foundation, and I find myself wishing for some mascara and a little lip gloss. I go to the kitchen hoping breakfast is almost ready.

"What are you making for breakfast?"

Jace is standing at the stove stirring something in a pan. He is no longer naked; now he is wearing a pair of dark jeans that hang low on his hips. He is still shirtless and his feet are bare. He keeps his head lowered as he concentrates on cooking and says:

"Nothing fancy, just some scrambled eggs. Do you want cheese on yours?"

"Cooper cheese?"

"Considering it's the only cheese we have, yes. Do you want it on your eggs?"

"Yes please, and for future reference I want cooper cheese on anything, anytime."

I pour us each some coffee and put it on the table along with two plates and some silverware before setting down. Jace opens the oven and pulls out a plate of toast and carries it and the pan of eggs to the table. He puts down the plate of toast and then scoops half the eggs onto my plate before dumping the rest of the pan on his own plate. Two stride of his long legs and he puts the pan into the sink before taking his seat across from me.

We eat our breakfast in comfortable silence; exchanging the occasional smile. Halfway through my plate of eggs I find I'm too full to finish.

"How many eggs did you cook?"

"The rest of the carton."

"how many was left in the carton?"

"Um…well there was only one missing from the carton so…eleven. Why?"

"No wonder I couldn't finish my breakfast."

"You're not going to eat the rest of those?"

"I can't I'm too full, they were very good though. Thank you for making them."

Jace shovels the last two bites of his eggs into his mouth; reaches over and grabs my plate, and quickly finishes the rest of my eggs.

"There is still a piece of toast left on the plate Jace."

Jace looks at me with a mouthful of egg and smiles. He swallows his food; snatches the toast off of the plate, and breaks it in half as he leans back in his chair.

"Sorry…I was hungry. What's wrong with your face?"

I laugh loudly at his odd question.

"What are you talking about?"

"Your freckles…there gone…where did the go?"

"Oh no they are still there; they are just coved up by the make-up you bought me."

"I thought that was just for the bruises."

"Yeah, it was…but I looked all blotchy…so I just put it all over my face to make it look even."

"Hmm…well I don't like it…I like seeing your freckles."

"I'm glad you like them because I hate wearing make-up."

"Good, you don't need it…I mean wear it if you want; I would never stop you or anything…but I think you're beautiful just the way you are."

"Maybe you're pregnant?"

Jace laughs loudly.

"Why would you say that? I thought we were talking about make-up. Where the hell did that come from?"

"Pregnant women sleep like the dead, have full bladders all the time, and eat like they are starving. So, maybe you are pregnant."

"Impossible, I always practice safe sex. No rubber, no shudder."

I laugh and his choice of words.

"Maybe it's divine intervention. Maybe you are the next Virgin Mary."

Jace and I both laugh. I grab the pot of coffee and top our cups off with hot coffee. I sit across from Jace and lean back in my chair and watch him as he chews on his toast. Jace leans forward and take a sip of his coffee and leans back in his chair again. He places his hands over his stomach and pushes his belly out.

"Mmm…You might be right love. Look how big my belly is."

I walk over and straddle his hips and kiss him on the forehead. He wraps his arms around me and scoot up in his chair as he attacks my throat with his lips and teeth. His whisper sounds playful.

"Did you make sure to wash every inch of your beautiful body in the tub?"

"Yes. Believe it or not I am capable of washing myself, but I will always welcome your help."

"I am very thorough with my washing abilities Clary. I'm not sure you washed EVERY inch, I think I better check on a couple of your inches."

"Mmm…Jace…"

Jace stands, lifting me up with him; and with a single swipe of his long arm clears the table off. Silverware clangs to the floor and I hear one of the plates shatter as the other one rolls across the floor. Jace lays me on the table and shamefully removes my pants. Kneeling on the floor he spreads my legs with his hands and quickly consumes my center with his mouth. His lips, his tongue, and even his teeth move quickly on my clitoris effectively bringing me to my release in a few short moments. My body shudders so violently that I worry if the table will collapse.

Jace pulls himself into his chair and leans back with a smile on his face while I continue to shudder on the table.

"Huh look at that I guess you did manage to cover EVERY inch, but now about two inches of you is extra clean."

I can only manage a small giggle because of my temporary exhaustion.

"I could sit here all day and look at you lying there love. I do believe that you are the most satisfying meal that has ever been on that table."

"Do you want me to take my shirt off so you have a better view?"

"Oh no baby don't do that, you will overstimulate me and I have stuff to do today."

I sit up on the edge of table and cross my legs and place my hands on my knees as I give Jace a stern look.

"Yes stuff to do. Thanks to you now I have to clean the kitchen floor."

"You're over stimulating me again Clary."

"How?"

"The way you are setting there on that table. You thought I was sexy brushing my teeth, I wish you could see what I can see right now. You look soooo delicious."

"Hey that's my word!"

"So, I stole it. What are you going to do about it?"

"Let me show you…"

"Oh shit, are you going to tease me? Have heart Clary. Don't I get a pass on teasing for the day after what I just did for you?"

Instead of answering him I slide off the table and kneel in front of him as l slide my hands onto his knees. I pull his trick and use my knee to part his thighs. I do my best to give out a dark chuckle. I want him to think I plan on torturing him.

"Tapping out! Tapping out! Mercy…"

I fight back laughter at his pleading.

"Shhh…it's much too late to wave your white flag now Jace."

I look him in the eye as I undo his pants. He has his top lip clamped between his teeth and his eyebrows are furrowed as he looks at me with pleading eyes. I smile wickedly at him.

"You're in trouble now Jace." I purr

Jace has his hands wrapped around the bottom of his chair and I can see that he has his toes curled. I fold his jeans down and pull his boxer shorts down, exposing him to me.

"Oh my, looks like someone needs to be taught to stand up straight…look at you slouching…shame on you."

I wag my finger at Jaces softness. He must really be scared of what I am going to do to him. He isn't even the least bit hard. I look into Jaces eyes and I can see it there; fear. I smile sweetly at him.

"Relax sweetie…I'm not going to torture you…I only want to return the favor."

Jace lets out a sigh and his shoulders relax and his toes uncurl; but his fingers remain wrapped around the bottom of his chair. I take his silence as unspoken permission to continue. I keep my hands on his knees and slowly run my tongue over his shaft. Jace moans as he becomes hard under my tongue. I wrap my fingers around his shaft and flick my tongue over the top of him.

"I think I changed my mind."

I stop my tongue flicking and look up at him in confusion.

"You don't want me to do this?"

"Oh no, trust me love I most definitely want you to take me in your mouth. I changed my mind about you leaving your shirt on. Will you take it off?"

I lift my shirt over my head and toss it to the floor.

"My bra too?"

Jace nods his head yes as he licks his bottom lip. I remove my bra and toss it onto my shirt before placing my hands back on his knees.

"Stay just like that for a minute Clary."

I keep still as he looks down at me. His eyes graze over my naked body before locking his eyes with mine. His eyes tell me he is ready for me to continue. I run my hands slowly up his thighs; his breath hitches as my fingers slide over his hips as I scoot closer to him. Before he can protest at my hand placement I slide my fingers over his abdomen. I slide my one hand down to grip his hardness while I rake the fingers of my other hand though his thin line of hair below his navel. I lick my lips and take him in my mouth and begin to slowly stroke him. I rest my mouth on my hand and begin to stroke him with my mouth and my hand at the same time.

"Holy shit CLARRRY!"

His voice is strained to an almost high pitch as I begin to stroke faster. His breathing becomes heavy as he starts to groan. His moans are music to my ears and I increase my pace a little faster.

"Shiiiiit…you….mmm…you might want to slow down…"

I don't slow down I keep my pace steady and I dig my finger nails into his tight stomach muscles.

"I'm gonna cum…oh….fuck Clary….stop now if you don't want me to cum in your mouth…"

Moments late warm liquid flows into my mouth; I fight the urge to gag and swallow quickly as Jace continues to moan. His legs are shaking and the muscles in his stomach are twitching. I slow my stroking and then run my tongue up the length of his shaft before looking up at him. Jaces hands are still wrapped around the bottom of the chair but his arms are shaking. Looking at his face; I can see his head shaking slightly and his mouth is quivering as though he's trying to say something. All that comes out of his mouth are soft whimpers.

I rise up and straddle his lap and kiss his neck before hugging him tightly. He continues to shake as he wraps his arms around me in a tight hug.

"Are you okay?" I whisper.

"Mmm-hmm…"

"You're shaking."

"Mmm-hmm…"

"You can't talk right now can you?"

"Nnnnooo…"

I giggle softly and kiss his neck. I kiss his ear. I kiss his jaw. I kiss his cheek. I kiss his nose. I kiss him between his blond eyebrows. I kiss his chin. I brush my lips across his slowly a few times and he moans as I consume his lips with my mouth. Jace breaks our kiss before it can get too intense. He looks at me with his nose crinkled and his lips pursed.

"I hate to admit this Jace; but I do believe that I taste better than you do."

Jace laughs softly.

"While I agree with you on that subject; that's not why I made that face."

Oh no! He must not have liked what I just did. I must have been too aggressive. The look of disgust in his eyes makes me feel ashamed. Jace sees the shame in my eyes and his eyes go wide with understanding. He places his hands on my cheeks and peppers my entire face with kisses before saying:

"Please don't feel that way love. Don't be ashamed of yourself. It's the coffee…the smell of it…the taste of it on your lips…it's another one of my triggers."

"Then I will stop drinking coffee; I never want to see that look on your face ever again after I kiss you."

"Don't be silly; just brush your teeth after you drink coffee and I assure you that I will welcome every one of your sweet kisses."

"That's why you brushed my teeth for me; to make sure all traces of the coffee was gone."

"Well yes technically that's true; but I told you I was fucked up Clary. I would brush your teeth every single time if you let me. I would shave your legs for you…I would do every single thing in the world for you if you let me. I hold back a lot; I don't want to smother you."

I get up off his lap and button his pants for him before holding my hand out to him. His eyes are confused and shy.

"Where are we going?" 

"I want to kiss you; so you need to come brush my teeth for me."

Jace smiles widely and in a flash he's out of the chair and has me up over his shoulder. I giggle as he races to the bathroom; causing the floor of the trailer to shake. He sits me down on the sink and picks up his tooth brush; squirting toothpaste on it. After he is done brushing my teeth he starts to brush his own; he strokes my hair as he brushes. I remain quiet and just watch him. His eyes are soft as he looks down at me; almost tranquil-like. He puts his toothbrush down and wipes his mouth off with his hand and then he kisses me softly on the lips.

I wrap my hands around his shoulders and deepen the kiss. Jace runs the tips of his fingers over my back as we kiss; sending shivers of pleasure up my spine. As I enjoy his lips and his fingers on my body; I realize I will never get enough of him. I grab the waistband of his jeans and pull him between my thighs. Jace groans into my mouth and breaks our kiss.

"As much as I would love to take your beautiful naked body back to bed and worship you all day; we really need to get ready to go."

Jace kisses me on the forehead and lifts me off the sink.

"Okay well why don't you get your shower and I'll go clean the mess up in the kitchen."

"Why bother? We are leaving soon."

"So I should just leave the mess?"

"Yeah who cares? I for one will be happy to get the hell out of this shitty little trailer."

Jace turns the shower on; removes his jeans, and winks at me before stepping into the shower.

"I could wash your hair for you!" I shout over the noise of the shower.

"Don't you dare come in this shower Clary. I only have so much self-control you know."

I am still giggling as I put my cloths back on in the kitchen. After I dress I look around the small trailer and find that I have a small pang of sadness. Jace is right it will be nice to get out of this shitty little trailer; but I can't help but feel a small attachment to this place. So much has happened between Jace and I within these walls. I look out the kitchen window with a smile on my face; thinking about Jace. My smile disappears when my eyes graze over the ground where I know the trap door to the generator room is.

He's in there, Marks dead body is in there with the generators. I still can't believe he's dead. I still can't believe that Jace snapped his neck with his bare hands. I close my eyes tightly as I grip the edge of the sink. I can see his eyes…I can smell his fowl breath…I can feel his body pressed up against mine…I can hear his ragged breathing as his fingers slip under the waistband of my shorts…his arms are around me like a vice as he begins to shake my body and I scream…


	36. Chapter 36

CHAPTER 36

"Hey hey hey…it's just me…tell me what happened…where were you just now?"

I turn around and look at him with confusion and tears in my eyes.

"What? Right here…I was right here…I didn't go anywhere…"

Jace pulls my head to his chest and kisses the top of my head as he hugs me tightly.

"I came in the kitchen and saw you shaking love. I must have said your name three times. At first I thought maybe you hurt yourself but when you didn't answer me I knew you were somewhere else."

"Hurt myself? Why would I do something like that."

"No not on purpose; there is broken glass all over the floor. I thought you cut yourself."

"I'm sorry I didn't answer you…I'm sorry I screamed when you touched me."

Jace pulls me away from his chest so he can see my face.

"Where were you? What made you so upset?"

"Him…in the car…I was there…he was on top of me…can we get out of here please?"

Jace strokes my cheek lightly with the back of his hand and studies my face.

"This time tomorrow I plan on laying in the sand and watching you splash around in the waves."

"I don't know how to swim." 

"You don't? Well I guess we will just have to fix that won't we? I can teach you."

"You would do that for me? Teach me how to swim?"

"Clary how many time do I have to tell you? I would do anything for you. I wasn't joking when I said I wanted to worship your body; I worship everything about you love."

I kiss his neck and cuddle in for a quick hug. Jace picks me up and carries me across the room towards the front door; where he puts me down.

"I see the way you are looking at me Clary…you are in your bare feet…I didn't want you to step on glass. I promise to do my best not to suffocate you."

I finish putting my sneakers on and the slip my hand into his.

"You're not suffocating me…I get it…you are just trying to show me you love me."

Jace opens my car door and holds my hand until I am settled in the front seat, and then he shuts my door and walks around the car to climb in behind the steering wheel.

"So you're okay with me doing things for you? Even though some things I want to do may seem a little strange to you?"

"Yes."

The two and a half hour drive to Laredo Texas seems to be flying by; Jace and I have been talking the entire time. We talked about music…he sang loudly along with the radio and laughed when I tried to join in, only to mess up the lyrics. He points to a road sign that reads: Laredo -23 miles.

"Almost there love."

"Have you met this Dave guy before?"

"Yes, Mark and I met him on our second trip down."

"What's he like?"

"Who Dave? Ehh…I guess he's okay…he seems to just be all business…honestly I didn't really get to talk to him too much myself…Mark and him worked out all the details."

"Do you think he will be okay with the fact that Mark isn't with us?"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure it will be fine. Like I said Dave seems to be all business, and money talks. This is what HE does Clary. Making papers for people to get in and out of the county is how he puts food on the table. Money is money to him; if you got money he will get you papers."

"Are you sure his documents will look real?"

"Dave has been doing this for almost twenty years; before him his dad did it. I guess you could say it's a family business."

"How did you and Mark find him?"

"Only takes knowing the right people. You know…a friend of a friend, of a guy I know who knows this other guy who is cousins with this other guy. One of those situations; shorter answer to your question would be; Mark knew some colorful people."

"Oh…"

"Look Clary I have been meaning to tell you something…Now I can't promise this…but maybe once we get settle in Mexico…maybe you could call Simon…"

"Why would you want me to call Simon?"

"I know what it's like to live with regrets Clary. To regret tying up loose ends. I don't want you to regret anything."

"I don't regret falling in love with you Jace."

"I didn't say this was about me. You calling Simon has nothing to do with me. I know you love me Clary and I love you too. I fell in love with you the first time I looked into your beautiful green eyes. I told you how shocking that was to realize. I'm fucked up…I never knew that I would be capable of loving someone after what I went through, but I _am_ capable of love. Have you considered that you might be one of those people that just one look at you and boys fall head over heels in love with you? Have you considered the possibility that maybe Simon loves you?"

"He's never said it to me."

"That doesn't mean he doesn't though. I can't imagine you spending any amount of time with someone that couldn't understand who you are. That couldn't read your eyes and your face at least a little bit. Maybe the reason why he never told you is because he could see that you didn't love him."

"I cared a lot about Simon…I guess I still do…"

"Yes as a friend…there is nothing wrong with that… look love all I'm trying to say is if it were me…if I were in Simons position…scratch that for a minute…you know how much I love you…what if I woke up one morning and you were gone…if I never saw you or heard from you ever again…don't you think I would spend every day of the rest of my life wondering where you went…what happened to you…if you were safe…if you were happy?"

"I would never leave you."

"I bet you thought you would never leave Simon either, but look how that turned out for you…stop looking at me like that…I'm not doing what you think I'm doing…I am not demeaning myself…I'm just saying you didn't have a choice that day in the bank. So you should call him; even if it's just to say that you are safe and happy. If it were me and you just disappeared one day…I would beg for that phone call…I would want to know you were safe…I would want to know you were happy…it's the not knowing that would be torture."

"Okay if you tell me that it will be safe to call him; I will call him."

"Thank you."

"What do you regret?"

"Huh?"

"You said you know what it's like to regret tying up loose ends. What do you regret."

Jace chuckles softly and glances shyly at me.

"I'm not sure I should tell you."

"Oh…if it's too hard to talk about, I understand."

"No, no it's nothing like that; but I don't know how you will react to it. I don't know how you will look at me."

"You mean like judge you? Jace I would never judge you."

"Not judge me…but you might be a little put off…might be a bit disturbed."

"Not going to happen Jace. I love you. You may have demons…you may be as you say fucked up…you may have an odd infatuation with me…but don't you get it? All that stuff makes you who you are…I love you."

"Odd infatuation huh? That is a very tasteful way of saying that I am consumed by you; obsessive seems to be another good word. Seeing you smile like that after I just told you I am obsessed with you only makes me feel even less shameful. I have no shame for how I feel about you. Until the day I die; I will worship you and the ground you walk on."

"Just because I don't brush your teeth for you doesn't mean I don't feel same way as you do."

"I know…"

"So tell me about your regrets."

"When I was sixteen I started dating this girl named Sarah…she told me she was sixteen…I believed her…she was tall…way taller than you anyhow…she was curvy…she had big boobs…sorry…that sounds pervy…what can I say I'm a teenager…I met her at one of those all ages clubs…she asked me to dance…I thought she was cute, so I danced with her…boy could that girl dance…she knew how to use her body to make the boys swoon…and swoon I did…I wanted her…I wanted to…well…I'll spare you the details since you have flames shooting out of your nose right now…any how she kept me on a string…she would let me kiss her…she would let me put my hand under her shirt, but nothing more…not being one to give up on anything, I did everything in my power to get into that girls pants…shit stop looking at me like that love…I'm trying to make my point here…just bare with me okay…Sarah wasn't having it…I asked her if she was a virgin…she told me no…she told me she just wanted to take her time…she said that she has made the mistake of having sex too soon in the past…she said she didn't want to make that mistake with me…she said she really liked me…again being a teenage boy I still tried…one night we are in her bedroom…I had my hand under her shirt…we were making out pretty heavily…next thing I know her dads dragging me out of her room by my hair…he drug me the whole way outside and tossed me on the front lawn…I started to blurt out an apology to him but he cut me off…he said he was getting tired of dragging teenage boys off his THIRTEEN year old daughter. THIRTEEN Clary."

"Oh my god!"

"You're damn right oh my god! I was shocked. I had no idea she was that young…she didn't LOOK that young…I felt sick…I almost puked when he said it."

"So what did you do?"

"I apologized about a hundred times. I told him I had no idea she was only thirteen…I told him that she told me she was sixteen…and then I think I thanked him about a hundred times."

"Thanked him?"

"Hell yeah I thanked him. Christ Clary if he wouldn't have drug me out her room when he did, god knows how far I would have went with that girl. I don't think I could live with myself if I had actually had sex with her…as it was I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for almost a month after her dad threw me out. It took me another month before I could even look at another girl; and trust me after all that, I made damn sure I knew the girl's age. To make extra sure I stuck with the older girls."

"Older girls?"

"Not like OLD, older girls; but yeah older. You know eighteen, nineteen."

"You dated a nineteen year old when you were sixteen! How is that any different?"

"Judging Clary…you're judging, you said you weren't going to do that."

"I'm sorry…I'm not judging you…I'm just having a hard time trying to see the difference. You and Sarah were three years apart; and you and the nineteen year old were three years apart, so what's the difference?"

"I don't want to sound like a sexist pig here Clary; but it IS different. I'm a boy…it's different for boys…don't scowl at me Clary…any how that is not the point…the point is that I was a sexually active sixteen year old boy that sought out consensual sex with girls of a legal age…I was never taken advantage of…Sarah was only thirteen…no matter how you look at it, I was taking advantage of her…no thirteen year old girl should have her boobs touched by a sixteen year old boy…no thirteen year old should have heard the kind of things I said to her…gah…even to this day it makes me shudder…"

"So what exactly do you regret then?"

"I regret not telling her how sorry I was. I regret taking advantage of her."

"That's not fair though Jace she took advantage of you too. She lied to you about her age. She convinced you that she was sixteen; she shouldn't get handed and innocent card."

"You don't think so? Let me ask you something Clary, When you were thirteen; would you have let a sixteen year old boy touch your boobs? Would you have let a sixteen year old boy put his tongue in your mouth? Would you have let a sixteen year old boy hold your hands above your head while he whispered filthy things into your ear?"

"I didn't even have boobs when I was thirteen…I still don't really…"

Jace looks at me impatiently.

"No…I don't think I could have even had the guts to talk to a sixteen year old boy when I was thirteen…especially one that looks like you…so to answer your question…no I would have never let a sixteen year old boy do those things to me."

"Exactly…so doesn't that make you wonder why Sarah did?"

"I see your point."

"Clary I know what it's like to have bad things done to you…I also know how much that shit can mess with your head…and I also know what it's like to need some kind of attention…attention and affection that feels like you somehow have control over."

"Do you think that someone did something bad to her?"

"I'd almost put money on it. I regret not talking to her about it. I wish I would have been able to tell her that even though some sick bastard made her feel worthless; doesn't mean she is. I wish I could have told her to slow down and enjoy being a kid. I wish I could have told her how beautiful and special she was."

"Did you love her?"

"No…you're the first girl I have ever loved. You will be that last girl I ever love while we are on the subject. Not loving Sarah doesn't mean I didn't care about her…doesn't mean she should go through life thinking she was worthless."

"Is that how you feel?"

"What worthless? Not anymore, but I did feel that way for a long time."

"What made you stop feeling that way?"

"You…"

"Maybe you could call Sarah too?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because she's dead."

"Oh no! Why? What happened to her?"

Jace is quiet for a minute. I feel his anxiety. His knuckles are griping the steering wheel tightly; and his jaw is clenched.

"She was raped and murdered by three gang members she met at the all ages club."

"That's heartbreaking…I'm so sorry…"

"It happened two weeks after her dad threw me out of the house."

I unbuckle my seat belt and slide across the seat and lay my head on Jaces shoulder.

"I'm sorry…" I whisper.

Jace wraps his arm around me and kisses my hair.

"Me too Clary…me too."

"I'm sorry you felt worthless…"

"Thanks to you I don't feel that way anymore…it's a wonderful feeling to feel like I might be worth something to someone."

"No just something Jace…everything."

"Thank you love…you're everything to me too."

"I know…"

Jace laughs softly and kisses my hair again.

"As much as I am enjoying cuddling with you; could you please put your seatbelt back on?"

I kiss him quickly on the cheek and feeling playful; I give his crotch a squeeze before sliding back to my seat and buckling my seatbelt.

"You're naughty you know that right?"

"What?" I ask innocently.

Jace laughs loudly.

"Just when I think you can't possibly do anything else to surprise me; you somehow manage to prove me wrong. You are so amazing."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Uh-huh…I see how you are. Playing innocent over there…did you forget what you did to me in the kitchen earlier Clary?"

I laugh.

"Well…maybe I'm not THAT innocent."

"No, but I was."

"What do you mean you were?"

"Believe it or not; what you did to me in the kitchen; that was a first for me."

I am shocked! How is that possible? He has been with other girls; how has he never had something like that done to him before?

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't you dare be sorry for that Clary…I loved it…it was amazing…I'm hoping that, that wasn't a onetime thing."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just did tell you."

"You should have told me Jace…the first time I put my mouth on you wasn't this morning in the kitchen; I put my mouth on you that one night…you should have told me."

"Babe, why are you so upset over this?"

I look at him in disbelief.

"Do you remember what you told me after I told you I was a virgin?"

Jaces eyes go wide with understanding.

"That's different! Me having sex with you without knowing you were a virgin would have been dangerous. I could have really hurt you Clary. I think a blow job is mostly pain-free."

"No I'm not talking about hurting you Jace."

Jace laughs in confusion.

"Then what are you talking about?"

"If you had told me; I could have made it special for you…went slower…took my time…"

Jace frowns at me and his eyes are sad as he glances at me.

"It was special for me…" He whispers.

I study his face quietly for a moment.

"I'm sorry I made a big deal about this…I'm sorry if ruined it for you…"

"No, it's okay…don't be sorry Clary…don't ever be sorry for telling me how you feel. Please don't ever be afraid to talk to me."

Jace shuts the car off and slide across the seat after unbuckling himself. I glance out the windshield to see that we are parked in front of a small blue house. Jace places his fingers on my cheek and turns my face towards him. Before I can say anything he is kissing me. His kiss is sweet and filled with love. He stops kissing me and cups my face between his hands.

"You didn't ruin it…"

"You promise?"

"I promise…I'm sorry I didn't tell you…but I'm not sorry about what you did…I don't think I have ever…you made my whole body shake…it was…wow…thank you…"

I can't help the shy blush that colors my cheeks from the way he looks at me.

"Look at that…I _can_ make you blush…I wasn't sure I could do that to you."

"Are we here? Is this where we are meeting Dave?"

Jace smiles and kisses my nose.

"Nice way to change the subject. Yes this is Dave's house. Come on I'll introduce you to him."


	37. Chapter 37

CHAPTER 37

Jace hold my hand as he knocks on the front door. He smiles softly down at me while we wait for someone to open the door; a few seconds later the door opens.

"What do you kids want…wait…you're Marks boy…what was your name again?"

Marks boy? Mark was only ten year older than Jace.

"Jace, my name is Jace…and this is my girlfriend Clary. Clary, this is Dave."

Dave extends his hand as he narrows his blue eyes at me.

"Pleasure to meet you Clary."

Dave claps his hand on Jaces shoulder and pulls him further into the room.

"So that pretty little thing is your girlfriend huh? I was under the impression that you belonged to Mark."

Belonged to Mark, what is that supposed to mean? Dave is probably in his late thirties or maybe even his early forties. He is about three inches shorter than Jace, but he is bulky; like he spends a lot of time at the gym. His hair is a medium brown color with a few specks of gray; and its cut into a neat crew cut; like a Marine's haircut. He has a moustache and a small beard that is also trimmed neat and flecked with the occasional gray. He is wearing green carpenter pants and an ugly sweater that has about ten shades of brown to it.

Jace chuckles softly at Dave's comment and says:

"There must have been a misunderstanding Dave."

"But he said…wait where is Mark? Didn't he come with you?"

"No he ended up backing out of the trip; he got hired on at the steel mill. He's a union man now; says he's going to fly the straight and narrow now. We sort of split ways a few weeks ago…he kicked me out of his apartment…I couldn't seem to stay out of trouble."

"What about her? Does she stay out of trouble? What is she twelve? Thirteen? Is that why you are leaving the country? To covet this young girl Jace?"

"I'm almost sixteen…I love him…I broke my probation…I don't want to go back to juvie."

Jace smiles proudly at me and Dave narrows his eyes at me again.

"Juvenile Detention? Probation? Sweet little thing like you doesn't seem to fit the bad girl stereotype."

"My P.O. told me my innocent looks; is the only thing that kept me from spending two years in juvie instead of six months."

"Two years! What the fuck did you do red?"

Jace continues to smile at me; but his eyes are a little uncertain. I smile sweetly at him; as if I am telling him with my eyes…I got this.

"I smashed a nineteen year old girl's face off of a sink in the bathroom at a McDonalds. The bitch was an employee there; and she was being rude to a girl in front of me. When I saw her go into the bathroom I saw my chance. I broke he jaw, shattered four of her teeth, and fractured her eye socket."

I smile proudly at my story. The story is in fact true; it's just not my story. The story belongs to a girl named Jessie; she was in the group housing with me.

"Was the girl your friend?"

"You mean the girl she was being rude to? No, I didn't even know her."

Dave laughs loudly and claps his hand on Jace's shoulder again.

"What did she do that made you decide she need her face rearranged?"

"The girl in front of me ordered a fish sandwich; and that bitch of a cashier started making fun of her. She called her names….she called her a butch lezzy…she called her a clit licker…she made the girl cry."

"Was the girl in fact a clit licker?"

I flare my nostrils at Dave; how dare he say that.

"I don't see why a CUSTOMER should be judged by her appearance. How would I know what that girl does behind closed doors? That is none of my business. That is none of anybody's business. The point is that girl was a paying customer that just wanted to order some lunch; and the bitch behind the counter made her cry and run out of the restaurant. She judged her just because of the way she was dressed…just because of the way she wore her hair."

"How was she dressed? What kind of haircut did she have?"

I narrow my eyes at Dave and cross my arms over my chest; refusing to answer his questions. Jace shifts his body closer to me and runs his fingers down my cheek before saying to Dave:

"My girl can be very protective of people. Growing up in foster care; she has seen a lot of bad shit. She is kind of a self-appointed guardian angel of sorts."

"I'm sorry for snapping at you Dave…it's just peoples sexual preference is a very touchy subject for me…I guess I don't see why it has to be other people's business. No one has a right to tell someone who they can and can't love."

Jace smiles proudly at me again. The complete look of respect in his eyes for me makes me return his smile with my own proud smile.

"Okay, okay…let's get down to business shall we? Jace am I to assume that she is going to need the works to get across?"

"Yes she will need everything."

"Okay that won't be a problem…the two of you together is going to cost sixty-five hundred."

"Wait, why sixty-five hundred? I thought you could do it for five…why is it more now?"

"The five grand was for you and Mark…Mark is a friend of mine…and she is girl…girls cost more…especially underage girls…sixty-five hundred is how much it's going to cost you. Is that a problem?"

Jace runs his long fingers through his hair and I can feel his anxiety spike. I decide maybe I can convince Dave to keep his deal of five thousand dollars.

"I don't think this is right…you told them five grand…you should stick to your word…I'm not a normal underage girl…I don't have anyone who will come looking for me…nobody cares about me…nobody but him…Jace is the only person who has ever cared about me…please reconsider Dave…we really need to get into Mexico and we only have the five grand to pay you…if we have to pay you sixty-five hundred then we will barely have gas money to get to Mexico. How will we eat? How will we have money to get a place to sleep?"

Jace is watching me; his eyes are glassy with fear and defeat.

"Clary…" He whispers.

"No Jace! Don't Clary me…maybe we should call Mark…Dave you said Mark was your friend, well we are friends of Marks…so he might be a little upset by you trying to take advantage of us."

Jace's eyes are filled with panic. Dave begins to chuckle and says:

"This girlfriend of yours sure has a smart mouth doesn't she?"

Jace hardens his eyes as he looks at Dave; but a second later his eyes soften and he smiles before saying:

"Her smart mouth is one of the reasons why I fell in love with her."

"Okay, okay…come on over here red…have a seat and smile for the camera."

Jace lets out a quite sigh; and I squeeze his hand as I make my way over to the stool to have my picture taken. Dave takes my picture twice; he said I smiled too big for the first one. He said I looked too happy. He said I need to look natural and indifferent in my photo. I do my best to scale down my smile and he takes my picture for the second time. He squints at the screen of his computer for a moment and clicks a couple of buttons before turning to me.

"That should be good…what's your name?"

"Clary…My name is Clary Fray."

"No, no…you need a fake name…you don't want to put your real name on these…too easy to track."

I look at Jace for help; he smiles at me before turning to Dave.

"Let her keep her first name…she can use the same last name as me. We will pass for young newlyweds."

"Okay, Clary Herondale it is then…"

"Clarissa…make it Clarissa Herondale…sounds more official."

Dave nods his head to Jace and turns to me with a smile before saying:

"Well, I got his stuff all done…it's going to take me a few minutes to get yours done…why don't you and your HUSBAND go and have seat in the living room while I work."

Jace takes my hand and leads me into the living room that is connected to the small office. We sit holding hands quietly as we wait for Dave to finish my paperwork. Jace absently stokes his thumb over the back of my hand as he glances around the room. I watch his thumb as it lightly traces little circles over my skin; all my nerve endings snap to attention from his gentle caress. Jace looks at me; his eyes are burning. He feels it too. He smiles wickedly at me before whispering in my ear.

"I can't wait to start our honeymoon Mrs. Herondale…"

I giggle as he starts to nibble my ear.

"Behave yourself…" I whisper.

Jace smiles at me and continues to stroke my hand with his thumb. His eyes burn into mine as he slowly drags my hand across his lap; and presses it into his hardness. I gasp and snatch my hand away. Jace throws his head back in laughter. I swat at him playfully.

"Shame on you…" I whisper.

"Sorry love…"

His words come out broken as he continues to laugh. I turn my face away to hide my red cheeks and my smile. Jace lean up and sees my face and starts laughing louder. I can't hold my laughter in any longer. We are both still giggling quietly when Dave steps into the room with both of his eyebrows arched at the two of us.

"You kids okay in here?"

"Yeah we're okay…just tormenting my _wife_ a little bit while we were waiting…sorry if we disturbed you."

"Nah…its cool, I'm all done now."

Jace stands and pulls me up to his side in a small hug.

"Love why don't you go grab the envelope out of the glove box for me? I forgot to bring it in."

"Sure…"

Jace smiles at me as I step outside; I return his smile as I close the door behind me. I take my time walking to the car; enjoying the warmer weather on my face. The sun is shining bright overhead; and the fall wind is calm. Being this far south in November the weather is usually much nice than it is in Pittsburgh. I smile at the thought of living in Mexico. No more SNOW, well there is a rare occurrence of snow higher in the mountains of Mexico but usually by the next day you would never knew it had snowed the day before.

I open the car door and slide onto the seat before opening the glove box. Jaces 9mm gun stares me straight in the face when I open the glove compartment; I freeze for a moment and just stare straight back at it. The clip is in the gun and I can see that the safety trigger is off. The gun is ready to fire with just the slight squeeze of the trigger. I hold my breath as I gently slide the white envelope of money out from underneath the gun. Air shoots fast out of my lungs when I have the envelope safely in my hands and away from the gun. I take another minute to look at the gun before closing the glove box. I think I will ask Jace to get rid of it when we get to Mexico.

I keep the white envelope of money pressed tightly to my chest as I walk back to the house. I have never had this much money in my hand at one time. I have never even seen what five thousand dollars looks like. The envelope is surprisingly thin; must be all one hundred dollar bills. My body freezes mid-stride and I drop the envelope as I hear a loud crash and a scream from inside the house. I bolt towards the front door; abandoning the white envelope on the ground. When I open the front door everything looks the same in the small living room; except it is now empty. Dave and Jace are nowhere to be scene. Shouting from the next room snaps me back to attention.

"We can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way kid…it's up to you."

I see Jace face down on the desk and Dave has Jace's hands pinned tightly to his lower back. Jace's face is twisted in anger and he has a stream of spit hanging from his bottom lip. His right eye is red and beginning to show signs of a bruise.

"Get the fuck off of me you sick bastard!" Jace growls through his teeth.

"Come on kid, it's this or you give me the sixty-five hundred that I asked for…come on it will be fun…she can watch while you suck me off."

Rage fills my body at Dave's words. I sprint across the room and begin pounding on Daves back. While still pinning Jace to the desk; Dave backhands my face and I fall to the ground. Jace roars with anger and I can see his whole body thrashing on the desk.

"You motherfucker! You motherfucker!"

"Relax kid…I'm sure she'll be fine."

"Let me go and I will get you your money…"

"Mmm…don't think so kid…I think I have decided that a blow job from your sweet lips is worth way more to me than an extra fifteen hundred bucks."

I quietly crawl out of the room towards the front door; leaving it open as I sprint towards the car. I rip the car door open and grab Jaces gun out of the glove box and sprint back into the house. Once inside the door I tiptoe quietly towards the small office. There is no more shouting coming from inside the room. As I round the corner I can see Dave's back. His pants are open and his belt hangs from each side of his hips. I fight back the urge to gag. I quietly take another step into the room and can see Jace kneeling on the floor in front of Dave. Jace has tears streaming down his face and a distant look in his eyes; almost as though he is making his mind focus on something else. I swallow hard as I feel bile climb up my throat. He is rubbing his palm over his thighs and is licking his lips as he tries to control his breathing. Dave raises his hand and begins to pull Jaces head closer to his open pants.

Dave's hand drops from Jaces head and his body crashes loudly to the floor as he groans loudly. Jace's eyes are huge and his mouth is hanging open as he registers what has just happened. His face and hair are spotted with blood. I can't move; my body feels like it's frozen to the floor. My ears are ringing loudly as Jace begins to slowly crawl towards me; his voice is muffled as he speaks to me in a soothing tone.

"It's okay baby…put the gun down…it's okay…please put the gun down love…everything is okay now."

Gun? What is he talking about? I take my eyes off of his and look at my outstretched hands. Sure enough there is the gun he was talking about; it feels heavy and cold in my hands. Reality begins to soak deep into my bones as I realize what just happened. I just shot Dave! My god is he dead? Did I kill him? My body begins to tremble and I see my hands shaking violently; my small fingers threaten to drop the gun.

"Easy Clary…don't drop it…easy…come on baby look at me…"

My eyes shift back to Jace and his eyes are no longer wide and filled with shock. All I can see in his eyes now is love as he slowly rises to his feet and places his hand lightly on my arm. He keeps his eyes locked on mine as he slides his fingers down to my hand where he grips me gently before raising his other hand and removing the gun from my fingers.

Somehow that gun was the only thing that kept me standing. As soon as I feel the metal slip out of my fingers; my body drops to the floor as I begin to sob uncontrollably. Jace drops to his knees and lays the gun on the floor before sliding in away from both of us. Jace scoops me up in his arms and begins to carry me out of the house as he whispers in my ear soothingly.

"Shh…it's okay now baby…we're okay…everything's going to be fine…"

Jace lowers me into the front seat of the car and cups my face in his hands. He kisses me gently on the lips and says:

"You stay here Clary…I'll be right back…"

"Where are you going?"

"I need to get this blood off of me…I need to get our passports and stuff…I need to get rid of the evidence…I promise I'll be right back okay…"

I nod my head and he kisses me quickly before shutting the car door. I watch him as he sprint back towards the house. He stops and bends down; scooping the white envelope off of the ground before tucking it into his back pocket. He disappears into the house for what feels like hours as I watch the open front door. I see him sprint down the stairs. His hair is wet and slicked back making it look darker. He has on a white t-shirt that hangs loosely from his body. He tosses a black garbage bag onto the hood of the car as he passes by. He ducks into a small shed and comes back out a moment later carrying a small red gas can; and disappears back into the house.

Two minutes later Jace is setting in the car beside me staring intently at the house. Smoke begins to pour out of the front door and after a few minutes I can see flames licking at the windows from inside of the house. Jace watches the flames for another minute or two and starts the car. I turn around in my seat and watch the flames consuming the blue house as we drive. I watch until I can no longer see the house; all I can see is the dark smoke rising towards the sky.

Jace leans forward in his seat as he drives; causing me to turn around in my seat. He pulls out the gun from the back of his jeans and places it on his lap. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out the white envelope of money and places it onto his lap along with the gun. Jace leans across the seat while keeping his eyes focused on the road; and opens the glove box. He gathers the envelope and the gun in his hand and places them into the glove box before closing it.

Jace looks at me and finds that I have been watching his every movement since I turned around in my seat. I watch him as he reaches across the seat and unbuckles my seatbelt.

"Come here baby…" His voice is soft.

I remain in place as I look into his golden eyes. He breaks eye contact with me a few times as he glances at the road. His hand that is still close to my hip slide back across the seat and take hold of the steering wheel. He takes his eyes off of me and pulls the car to the side of the road before shifting it into park. I find my voice:

"What are you doing? You can't stop! We need to get out of here Jace!"

Like a flash Jace has his own seatbelt unbuckled and is across the car holding me tightly in his arms. His voice is shaky as he talks.

"I need to know you are okay…please tell me you are alright love…"

"I will be…just get me out of here Jace…just get us to Mexico…we don't have time for this…it's too dangerous…someone will see the smoke…we need to get out of here."

Jace grips my face tightly with his hand and kisses me hard on the mouth before sliding back across the seat. He fastens his seatbelt as he pulls the car back onto the road. He drives fast; just a little over the posted seventy mile an hour speed limit. Twenty minutes later I can see the sign that tells us we are approaching the border. Jace points his long finger to the black trash bag on the floor at my feet.

Get our passport and stuff out of there and toss the bag out of the window."

I quickly do as he says; once I throw the bag out of the window I hold out the passports to him.

"Set them on the seat for a minute…"

I do as he ask as he looks at me with question in his eyes. He sighs and reaches across the dash to open the glove box. He pulls out the gun and places it on his lap while he rolls his own window down. He picks the gun up and flings it hard out of the window. I spin around in my seat to see it bounce once in the bushes before it disappears into the high grass.

"Put that stuff in the glove box Clary."

I look at him in stupidity and he nods his head towards the passports setting between us on the seat. I scoop them up and place them in the glove box before closing it.

"Can you buckle your seatbelt please?"

I glance at my lap and realize that I don't have the brown belt draped over my body. I reach up and pull the belt across me and click it into place before looking at Jace again. His shoulders relax and one of his hands drops from the steering wheel. He holds his hand out to me with question in his eye. I place my hand in his and he smiles softly at me before turning his eyes back to the road.

"I love you…" He whispers softly.

"I love you too…" I whisper just as softly.

Ten minutes later we are waiting behind a line of cars at the entrance to the border. I feel my heart begin to pound with worry. What if our passports aren't good enough? What if they decide to arrest us? Jaces soft voice snaps me out of my mental questioning.

"Why don't you take a nap love…"

"I'm not tired…"

"I know…but you're starting to freak out over there…rest your head on the window and close your eyes…"

I decide not to argue with him because the truth is he is right; I am starting to freak out. I do as he says and rest my face against the car door and close my eyes. I keep them close as I hear him talking to someone through the car window. I keep them close when I hear Jace take our passports out of the glove box and hands them to the man on the other side of the open window. It's quiet for a moment; and then I hear the man ask Jace what our business will be in Mexico. Jace tells him that we eloped in Vegas and we are off to celebrate our honeymoon on the beach. The man then asks Jace to open the trunk of the car. I feel my anxiety spike. Shit the money! He's going to find the money!

The man returns to the window a moment later after I hear him shut the trunk. He asked Jace why we didn't have that much luggage. Jace told him we only had enough money to stay in Mexico for a couple of days. He then chuckles softy before telling the man that he doesn't think we will be needing too many changes of clothes. I hear the man laugh before he tells Jace to enjoy his honeymoon. He tells Jace that he has a beautiful wife. Jace thanks him and I feel the car begin to move. I keep my eyes closed as we pick up speed.

"Are you really sleeping over there?"

I open my eyes and lift my head to look at Jace. He has a huge grin on his face as he looks at me.

"We made it! Holy shit we actually made it! Oh baby we're going to be fine now…now more running…no more drama…just me and you…me, you, the beach and fruity drinks with umbrella's sticking out of them."

I find myself laughing hysterically; I can't stop. I grip my stomach in pain as I continue to laugh with tears streaming down my face. Jace is laughing too; only his laughter sounds nervous. My laughing turns to wails as I begin to cry with overwhelming relief.

"Oh don't cry love…everything is okay now…please don't cry…"

I do my best to calm my crying as I turn to him and smile.

"I'm just so happy Jace…I wasn't sure we would ever get here but we did…and I am just so damn happy…"

Once again Jace reaches over and unbuckles my seatbelt.

"Please come here Clary…I need to feel you close to me…"

I slide across the seat and hug him tightly and pepper kisses all over his neck. Jace chuckles softly.

"Mmm…that tickles."

"How long until we get to Mexico City?"

"Actually we aren't going to Mexico City."

"What? Why? Where are we going then."

"Easy love one question at a time…okay in about ten minutes we will be at the currency exchange…once I exchange our money then we are going to head for Tampico."

"How come that guy didn't find the money in the trunk?"

"Because the money isn't in the trunk?"

"It isn't? Where is it then?"

Jace point his thumb towards the back seat of the car.

"Behind the seat back there. The back seat of this car folds down so that you can get into the trunk. I cut the back of the seats open and shoved the money in there. I made sure that when someone opened the trunk all you would be able to see is the back seat."

"When did you do that?"

"One night when I couldn't sleep. Originally I was planning on hiding the money where the spare tire goes. I decided not to incase we got a flat; plus I didn't want to risk them checking there when we got to border patrol."

"That was smart of you. How far is Tampico from here?"

"About nine hours from here."

"What's there?"

"Well first of all they have a Hilton Hotel and Suites in the city; that's where we will be staying until I can get us something more permanent. I'd really like to get something on the beach if I can. I want to watch you walk around in the sand with a bikini on every day."

"What makes you think I would wear a bikini?"

"Why WOULDN'T you? You have a smoking hot body Clary; you should be proud to show it off."

"I just think you will run out of money too fast if I walk around in a bikini all the time."

Jace laughs loudly.

"What are you even talking about?"

"Think about it. All my pale skin exposed to the hot Mexican sun every day; can you imagine the money you will have to spend on sunscreen?"

"Mmm…you make a good point love…I rather enjoy your creamy colored skin…bulk containers of sunscreen it is then."

"Don't forget you promised to teach me how to swim."

"I didn't forget."

"I want you to teach me as soon as you can." 

"What's your hurry?"

"I have more demons now…I think swimming might help keep them at bay."

Jace is quite and he hugs me tighter as he kisses my hair. He kisses my hair a few more times and then runs his hand over my back before saying in a soft voice.

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't be sorry…I'm the one who is sorry…I'm sorry he did that to you."

"You saved me though…I hate that I didn't see that look in his eyes the first time I met him. Mark saw it; that must be why Mark told Dave that I belonged to him. I think Mark wanted Dave to know that I was off limits…sick bastard."

"I told you I would protect you Jace."

"Yes you did love…I'm just still so shocked."

"Why?"

"I didn't even know you knew how to shoot a gun; let alone take someone out with a kill shot."

"I _don't_ know how to shoot a gun…that's the first time I ever even touched a gun…I really don't even remember pulling the trigger…I just remember running outside to the car; and the next thing I know Dave's body falls to the floor."

"I think your need to protect me took over. I'm so proud of you…thank you for saving me…I'm sorry saving me means you have more demons now."

"Don't be sorry I'll take a thousand demons floating around in my head as long as I get to wake up to your beautiful golden eyes every morning."

"let's hope the collecting of demons is all over now. I just want happy days from here on out."

"Yep happy days, burned dinners and lots of eye bags."

"Sounds like Heaven to me."

"Yes Heaven…"


	38. Chapter 38

CHAPTER 38

I'm setting in the car waiting for Jace to exchange the money. The weather is beautiful here; not hot but definitely not cold like it would be in Pittsburgh right now. I find myself smiling at this thought. After a few minutes I see Jace walking out of the exchange post carrying the two duffle bags he walked in with thirty minutes earlier. He has the biggest grin on his face as he opens the back door and puts the bags in before sliding in the front seat. He lets out a loud whoop as he pounds his fist in the air and stomps his feet on the floor of the car. I can't help but giggle at him; he looks like such a little kid right now.

"So how much money do you have now Jace?"

"We Clary…How much money do we have now. This money is both of ours, not just mine."

"Okay, so how much money do WE have?"

"Well with the addition of the five grand we didn't have to spend on the passports I walked in there with four hundred and fifty-eight thousand dollars and with the exchange we now have a little over six million, seven hundred thousand peso's! I'd say down here we will be set for a while. I'm sure eventually I'll need to get a job; but for now we can just enjoy life."

"That's a lot of money Jace."

"It sounds like a lot of money; but it will only last us so long. I'm happy to work, but for now I just want to spend every waking second with you for a while. It's probably going to cost about a million peso's to buy a house in Tampico; but like I said if we are careful we will be fine for at least a couple of years."

"A million dollars for a house! Jace! What kind of house are you planning on buying?"

"Wow, stop screeching Clary…calm down…I said peso's not dollars. A million peso's is about seventy-five thousand U.S. dollars. Trust me I'm not looking to buy a mansion or anything; just a small house on the beach will be fine."

"Sorry I freaked out; I guess I panicked…I'm happy to clean but you had me worried I would need to hire a maid for a minute."

"You can still get a maid if you want to…but if you don't want to; you know you won't be cleaning our house by yourself. It will be OUR house so we BOTH will be cleaning it. Same goes for cooking; we share the wifely duties."

I smile when he says wifely duties.

"Is that time right?"

Jace follows my finger to the clock on the radio it reads 4:58pm.

"Yes we will still be in the same time zone as we were in when we were in Texas."

"Even when we get to Tampico?"

"Yes."

"So when will we be there?"

"Mmm…probably by one-thirty or two. I don't know about you love; but I'm getting kind of hungry. I need to go into town and trade this car off real quick; we can grab something to eat when we stop."

"I could use something to eat. Why are we trading off the car? Are we safe driving around in this?"

"Relax babe we aren't in any danger; I just want to get rid of this car."

"Why?"

Jace is quite for a moment and just looks at me as though he is measuring what he should say to me. He lets out a sigh and then says:

"I'm sorry for bringing it up but every time I see that blanket on the back seat I get angry."

"Why?"

"Underneath that blanket is a huge bloodstain; your blood…there was so much blood…I tried to clean it but the stain was already set."

"Oh…"

Jace slides across the seat and pulls me to his chest.

"I'm sorry if I upset you Clary."

"It's okay…can we go now?"

Jace kisses my cheek before sliding back across the seat; he starts the car and shifts it into drive.

"Let's go and trade this off and then see if we can find something quick to eat."

About forty-five minutes later we are driving through a busy town; or maybe it's a small city. Jace pulls into a car lot and shuts off the car.

"How did you know about this place?"

"Guy at the exchange post told me about it. Come on let's see what they have."

We have looked at all the used vehicles on the lot and to me a car is a car; but Jace keeps asking me which one I want. I finally just randomly point at one and say:

"That one's nice."

"Seriously? The white Jetta? That's that car you want? Look they have a really nice red BMW over there; wouldn't you rather have that instead?"

"Jace, I could care less about what car we get but do you really think we should be driving around a red sports car?"

"Come on lets go see how much they want for the Jetta."

"You can get the red one if you want. Really Jace I could care less."

"No…you make a good point; maybe a red sports car might be a little too flashy. Besides it's a stick shift and I doubt you will ever want to learn how to drive it."

"I would be willing to try."

"Maybe in a couple of years we can get something like that. For now let's get the Jetta; it's a nice car. You made a good choice."

I looked through a real estate book while Jace and the sales clerk were in a small cubicle speaking in Spanish about the car. Twenty minutes later we are outside putting our bags into the Jetta; Jace smiles as he puts the bags in the trunk.

"I'm glad you picked this one; the miles are pretty low on it and it still has that new car smell."

I roll my eyes as I get in the car. Jace laughs as he shuts my door.

We only drive for a couple of minutes when we come up on a busy street filled with busy traffic and lots of parked cars that line both sided of the street. I don't know where we are; all I do know is the streets are line with dozens upon dozens of food carts. Jace manages to find a free parking spot and pulls off the road. He tells me to sit tight and jogs to the other side of the car to open my door.

"Shall we Mrs. Herondale?"

I laugh at his silliness and take his hand before getting out of the car. Jace laces his fingers in mine and we begin to scout out the different food carts for something that looks good. We only get about two blocks from the car when Jace stops walking and points to one of the carts.

"Let's get something there; whatever is cooking in there smells fantastic."

I smile and nod my approval as we get into the short line in front of the cart. The cart is painted in wild colors; lime green, hot pink and bright red. There is a small sign to the right of the order window. I can't read the words but there are little pictures painted beside the words. Jace turns to me and ask me what I am hungry for. I tell him to make it easy and to just order me whatever he is having.

We get to the window and the short woman says something to Jace in Spanish that I can't quite make out the first part of but I'm pretty sure she asked him if he spoke Spanish. Jace begins speaking to the woman in almost perfect Spanish. She smiles at him and says something to him and points at me. Jace smiles and wraps his arm around me and continues to speak to her in Spanish; I catch my name in the middle of his words. She smiles at him again and starts to speak again. Jace listens and nods his head to her and then continues to speak to her in Spanish. She says something back to him and holds her hand up like a peace sign and Jace nods and pulls me off to the side of the line to wait for our food. I turn to Jace with a look of wonderment on my face.

"I didn't know you could speak Spanish! Can you teach me?"

Jace laughs softly.

"I will teach you as much as I can. I'm sure all that sounded impressive to you but I really don't know that much Spanish. I bought one of those language learning programs and learned as much as I could over the past six months. I made sure to focus on the important stuff. I can't really read Spanish either."

"Oh well at least you managed to have a conversation with her in Spanish; she seemed to be able to understand you pretty well."

I hear the woman yell something to Jace and wave her hand for him to come to the window. I stay off to the side as I watch him give the women money from his pocket. They speak for a moment longer and Jace smiles brightly at the woman as she speaks. He is carrying two glass bottle of what I can only guess is some type of soft drink; and in the other hand he has a small brown box balance on his large palm. He hands me the glass bottles and points to a small table that is beside the food cart.

We sit down and I take a small sip from one of the glass bottles and find that it tastes like Pepsi. Jace unwraps half of what looks like some sort of burrito and hands it to me.

"What is this?"

"It's chicken I think. Take a bite and find out."

I nibble at the corner of the burrito and find it to be delicious. It is in fact chicken. It also has rice, beans and cheese in it. The chicken has bits of onion, garlic, and some sort of spicy pepper cooked into it. I take another bite as jace bites into his own.

"See, told you it was chicken. I guess my Spanish isn't that bad after all."

"It's good…spicy, but very good…I like it."

"You will find that most of what you order from places like this will be spicy."

"I don't mind spicy stuff once in a while; just not all the time. I can't wait till we find a place so I can go to the store and get stuff to cook a real meal."

"Oh…what kind of real meal?"

"Whatever you're hungry for I guess."

"I'm easy to please Love; I'm happy with peanut butter sandwiches. So whatever you decide on will be fine with me."

"I will not make you peanut butter sandwiches for dinner."

Jaces laughs as he swallows a bite of his burrito.

"Why not? What's wrong with eating sandwiches for dinner? I'll have you know I grew up eating sandwiches for dinner almost every night. Sandwiches and cereal; the dinner of champions."

"Don't get me wrong Jace the occasional sandwich or bowl of cereal will be okay for me too; just not peanut butter."

"Oh, so I take it you don't like peanut butter."

"I know you don't like it when I use this word; but I hate peanut butter."

Jace frowns at me.

"Why didn't you tell me that love? I have fed you so many peanut butter sandwiches in the past two weeks you would put most school lunches to shame. I had no idea you hated peanut butter…shit now I feel bad."

I laugh at him.

"Don't worry about it Jace. It's really not that big of a deal. Beggars can't be chooser right?"

"Yeah but I could have got you jelly or something instead."

"Let it go already." I laugh.

He smiles at me and shoves his last bite of burrito in his mouth. I still have over half of mine left. I take a big bite and begin to chew quickly.

"No, don't do that…there is no need to rush; please take your time. I was just starving that's all. I'm actually thinking about going and ordering another one of those."

"So why don't you?"

"No…better not…I have a lot of driving to do so I don't want to have too full of a belly; it will make me sleepy."

"Didn't your mother know how to cook? I mean other than the pretzels she used to make for you."

"Sure mom could cook all kind of things. But her and dad worked a lot so we didn't have to many hot meals on the table. Mom tried to cook at least Sunday dinner when she could."

"Okay so what was your favorite thing to eat when she made Sunday dinner."

"Roast."

"Roast? Just a big old slab of meat on a plate?"

Jace laughs at my snarkyness.

"No she made other stuff too… usually the normal stuff…you know like mashed potatoes and gravy…she made these really good candied carrots that I loved… and she would make homemade biscuits to sop up the gravy with…yum...you are making me nostalgic Clary."

"I'm surprised you eat candied carrots; I thought you didn't like sweet stuff."

"She never made them too sweet though. You could still taste the salt and the butter on them; they were fantastic."

"Okay…well I will do my best not to make them too sweat when I make them for you."

Jace smiles widely at me.

"You're going to make me candied carrots? Really? I haven't had them in like nine or ten years."

"Yes I am going to make you candied carrots; them and all the other stuff you talked about."

Jace does this odd little bounce in his seat.

"Seriously? Roast…mashed potatoes with gravy…homemade biscuits…AND candied carrots?

"You seem very excited about this."

"Damn right I am! My beautiful wife wants to cook me my favorite meal; why wouldn't I be excited?"

"You're never going to stop saying that are you?"

"Stop saying what? Wife?"

"Yes wife."

"Nope…I like it…think I'll keep it with my other pet names for you."

"Okay husband of mine; whatever you say…Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"You don't have to answer me if you don't want to though."

"It's okay…"

I look at him for what feels like forever before asking:

"Did you ever go and see your dad in prison?"

"Once."

"Why only once?"

"He asked me not to come see him anymore."

"Oh…I'm sorry…"

"Nah it's okay; he was happy that I was okay and everything. He just didn't want me to see him setting behind a wall of glass."

"Do you think someday you will go see him again? Like when he gets out or something?"

"I'm not sure…maybe…I have about seven years to think about it; so let's talk about something else now okay?"

"Sorry…"

"Don't be sorry. I don't mean to sound so cold about my dad; it's just I haven't been close with him since mom died. He didn't even ask me where I was for over a year. He just thought I got tired of having a drunk for a dad and took off. When I told him what happened he wouldn't look at me anymore. I guess I can understand why; still doesn't make it an easy pill to swallow though."

"Maybe he was ashamed."

"Ashamed? Why would he be ashamed?"

"Think about it Jace; after your mom died your dad kind of gave up on life. He spent all his time drunk so he could try to avoid reality. You said yourself he had trouble looking at you after your mom died. Then you just disappear one day. He probably thought it was like you said; because of his drinking. Then he really goes off the deep end and gets sent to prison. One day you show up and tell him about where you really were all that time; maybe he felt like he failed as a parent, or just failed at life all together. First your mom dies, then he loses his job, and then one day his son disappears only to find out that you were kidnapped. I'm sure after you told him what happened to you it just made him feel like more of a failure. He should have been there for you…he should have protected you…instead he got lost inside of a bottle."

I couldn't stop myself from talking; it just kept coming out of my mouth. I really only meant to comfort Jace. I may have started off with those intentions but halfway through my speech I found myself getting angry at Jace's father. Jace kept a steady face throughout my entire rant but now his eyes are soft and he has the ghost of a smile on his face.

"Why are you smiling Jace? Didn't what I just say upset you?"

"Well yeah it upset me but the truth hurts sometimes. I guess all the shit with dad is probably where I got one of my demons from; seeing my mom murdered in front of me was where I got my first one. I like to ignore my demons; pretend they aren't there. I never really allowed myself to think about everything with dad too much; but I really think you might be right."

"So you're not mad at me for saying what I said?"

"No not at all. Why do you think I was smiling?"

"I'm glad you're not angry with me; as far as why you were smiling, I have no idea."

"Clary did you hear how much conviction you had in your voice when you were talking about how my father should have been there to protect me? A good parent should do everything in their power to protect their child. I am in awe of your mind Clary. Here you are; a teenage girl that never had any parents; yet you still know what it means to be a good parent. You are going to be such a wonderful mother someday. I also was smiling because not matter what you are always honest with me; even if your honesty can sting I wouldn't have it any other way."

Jace stands up and pulls me up to his chest so my feet dangle off the ground, and he kisses me hard on the mouth. Jace slowly lowers me back down so that I am standing on my feet again as he continues to kiss me sweetly. After a few minutes Jace breaks our kiss and laughs softly as he whispers in my ear.

"I'm going to need you to stand in front of me for a minute…"

I laugh loudly as he presses his hardness against my belly button. I wrap my arms around his waist and enjoy a quiet cuddle as he regains control over his body. I smile as I think about what he said to me about being a wonderful mother someday. After a couple of minutes he pulls away and slides his hand into mine as we head back to the car.


	39. Chapter 39

CHAPTER 39

I wake up and stretch before glancing at the clock and see that's it's almost one in the morning.

"Are we almost there?"

"Well we should have been there in a little over an hour but I missed my exit sooo…looks like it will be a little over two hours before we get there. Did you have a nice nap love?"

"I'm sorry I didn't even mean to fall asleep. Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Why would I do that? You were tired."

"Like you're not tired…I wish I could drive so I could give you a break."

"I'm okay…I'm actually going to stop at this next exit to top off the tank and hopefully get a huge cup of coffee."

"I heard somewhere that Mexican coffee is much stronger than American coffee is."

"Shit I sure hope you're right love; I could really go for a pick me up right about now."

Jace turns on the signal to exit the highway as he yawns loudly. We pull into a mostly empty gas station; with the exception of one other car at the pumps. Jace shuts the car off and slumps over the steering wheel with a loud groan.

Maybe you should take a little nap before you drive the rest of the way?"

Jace slumps back against his seat and rolls his head to the side to look at me. His eyelids are heavy as he gives me the ghost of a smile.

"I knew it was a mistake to eat that burrito earlier."

"You were hungry; you couldn't NOT eat. To be honest with you I'm actually kind of getting hungry again."

"Well I'm sure you can find something to snack on inside. By the way if I wouldn't have ate; then I would be near starving by now. If I'm that hungry; then food is all I can think about. So if I'm too busy thinking about food then I won't feel like I'm going to fall asleep. Come on lets go see what they have inside."

I look around the small selection of items in the gas station; and find that they have things I recognize. I decide on a chocolate bar and a bottle of chocolate milk. Jace grins at me as he puts the lid on his cup of coffee; on his large cup of coffee.

"I see you've decided on chocolate and…what's that…oh, more chocolate."

"Sorry I get a craving for chocolate sometimes."

"You're going to give me a toothache you know that right?"

"What are you talking about?"

Jace laughs softly and kisses my cheek as he places his coffee on the counter. He holds his hand out and takes my milk and candy bar; placing them on the counter with his coffee. He and the man behind the counter exchange Spanish; Jace points at our car and then the man speaks a few words to him. Jace pulls his wallet out and hands the man some money. The man pushes some buttons on the register and then hands Jace his change. Jace says something else to him; smiles and gives him a small nod before turning to me and handing me a small bag with my milk and candy in it.

We are back on the highway and Jace takes a sip of his coffee and yelps.

"Shit that's hot."

"Well yeah it is HOT coffee you know."

"Watch yourself little girl; I will pull this car over and warm your ass."

I laugh at his playfulness. I stick my tongue out at him and say:

"I'm not scared of you."

"Mmm…you and that tongue of yours. Keep it up woman…"

"Nope…still not scared…" 

"You REALLY should be scared of me you know."

"Oh? Really? Why exactly should I be scared of you Jace? Are you going to spank me until I cry?"

Jace scowls at me.

"No I would never make you cry Clary."

"Sorry I was only playing…"

"I know you were only playing; but you realize since you said that, you only managed to dig your own grave deeper love? Just you wait…you're in BIG trouble now."

I laugh softly.

"Ooooh…do you see that Jace…see my hands shaking…no, well that's because I'm still not scared."

"Sure, sure you talk a big game right now…but I assure you Clary…you better have your white flag all ready to be waved."

I stick my tongue out at him and take another bite of my chocolate bar. Jace throws his head back in laughter.

"Give me that candy bar for a minute…"

"Why? I thought you didn't eat sweet stuff."

"I don't…just give it to me please…"

I hand Jace my bar of chocolate and he takes a big bite out of it and hands it back to me before unbuckling my seat belt.

"What are you doing?"

Jace keeps his lips pressed tightly together as he beckons me to come to him with his long finger. I slide across the seat; pressing my hip against his and wait for him to say something. Jace pats his lap and winks at me. I glance at the road as he drives wondering if his suggestion is safe. Trusting him; I slide onto his lap and straddle his hips. Jace tilts my head to the side and covers my mouth with his and uses his tongue to open my mouth.

Warm sweet chocolate coats his tongue; he kisses me deeply as he watches the road over my cheek. I feel heat pooling between my thighs as he kisses me. I WANT HIM. I can feel him getting hard between my thighs and I moan into his mouth as I grind my hips against him. Jace breaks our kiss with a soft laugh.

"Stay on my lap, but turn around so you are facing the windshield."

I grin widely at his suggestive tone and turn around to face the windshield. I set on his left thigh; but Jace wraps his long arm around me and pulls me onto his lap so that my legs are between his. He reaches down and pulls my left leg up and over his left leg before switching driving hands and repeats the same thing with my other leg.

Jace slides his knees apart effectively spreading my legs wide. He slides his left hand over and between my thighs as he kisses my neck. His hand slides to my center where he presses his fingers and strokes me through my jeans as he nibbles on my ear. I begin to moan as my hips seem to begin rolling on their own accord.

"Mmm…Clary…does that feel good baby?"

"Ahhh…yesss."

"Put your hands on the steering wheel…"

I do as he says as he continues to stroke me.

"Keep your eyes on the road Clary…"

I open my eye just as Jace takes his hand off of the steering wheel. I gasp as I realize we are going a little over sixty mile an hour and I am the only one controlling the steering.

"Shhh…you're doing good baby…just keep the wheel steady."

"This is how you plan on teaching me to drive?" 

"Sure why not?"

"Can you…ohhhh…can you stop touching me like that?"

"Mmm…now why would I do that?"

"I'm having trouble concentrating."

"Then I suggest you try better to focus on driving…both of our lives are in your hands right now…"

He continues to stroke me as he runs his tongue behind my ear.

"Can you…can you…Ohhh…can you at least slow down a little bit?"

Jace uses his tongue to slide my ear into his mouth and begins to suck as he increases the speed of the car; we are pushing close to seventy now.

"Jace…please I really don't know what I'm doing."

"Shhh…keep the wheel steady…keep your eyes on the road."

Jace continues to suck on my ear as he strokes my center; He slides his other hand under my shirt and slips his finger under my bra. His hand kneads my breast. His mouth on me and his hands on my body are too much; my pressure begins to build at a fast rate and my eyes begin to grow unfocused on the road. I am overwhelmed by what is going on in my body right now. I have a dangerous mix of pleasure, adrenaline and fear as I widen my eyes in attempt to focus on the road. Just when I think I am going to lose complete control of not just my body but the car as well; Jace stops sucking my ear and places his hands over mine on the steering wheel. He chuckles softly as he leans around my body to see the road.

"I'd say that was a pretty successful first driving lesson for you Clary."

"Why did you stop? I thought I was doing fine…I was so close…"

"Close to what love?"

"You know what I am talking about Jace." 

"Hmm…no I don't think I do…you better tell me so I don't feel so lost."

I get it. I get what he was doing. I laugh loudly.

"You are so mean…"

"Why am I mean?" He sounds so innocent.

"You did that on purpose."

Jace laughs softly in my ear and kisses my cheek.

"I tried to warn you Clary…it's your own fault…your mouth got you into this…your mouth and that tongue of yours."

I scowl as Jace continues to hold my hands on the steering wheel as we drive.

"Nothing huh? Just going to scowl at the windshield are you?"

"Yes."

Jace laughs loudly and pats my thigh with his hand.

"Okay that's enough for now…go on…go get your seatbelt back on…we are getting closer and I don't want to make any more wrong turns."

I do as I'm told and after I buckle my seatbelt a question pops into my head.

"Jace?"

"Hmm?"

"What about the fourth car?"

"Fourth car?"

"Yeah…I remember you said that you and Mark purchased four different cars over the course of a year. We were in the van…then the car we drove to the trailer…and now this one…so what happened to the fourth car?"

"I bypassed it on the way to San Antonio."

"Why?"

"Because of you."

"Why because of me?"

"I had to reroute our entire trip because of you. I needed to take as many back roads as I could. Doing that made it unreasonable to go and pick up the, what should have been the third car."

"I'm surprise that didn't make Mark flip out."

"Oh it did trust me; you were partially frozen in the truck for that one."

"Oh…"

"Sorry…I didn't mean to remind you of that; I didn't need to remind myself of it either come to think of it."

"Did he hit you?"

"Mark? No he didn't hit me. Why?"

"Because he hit you that day in the van."

"That was the first time he ever hit me."

"Oh…"

"It shocked me; he promised me the day he found me behind that dumpster that he would never put his hands on me in any way. He lied."

"I'm surprised you didn't hit him back."

"I was too shocked that he actually hit me or I probably would have."

"Can I ask you something Jace?"

"Sure babe, you can ask me anything."

"You don't have to answer me if you don't want to." 

Jace looks at me for a moment and frowns slightly.

"It's okay…you can ask me."

"Were you going to do what he asked you to?"

"Do what who asked me to?"

"Dave…what he…"

"Clary…"

Jace's jaw clenches and his hands grip the steering wheel tightly.

"I'm sorry…never mind…just forget I asked okay?"

"No…" he growls.

I look over expecting to see his jaw still clenched and his knuckles still white from his grip on the wheel; but instead his face is relaxed and he has one of his hands draped over the wheel while the other on rest on his knee. He's quite for another minute before he lets out a loud sigh.

"No I wasn't going to do it Clary…"

I want to ask him what he WAS going to do; but I decide to just keep quite.

"I was going to do the same thing I did to Ash…and then the same thing I did to Mark…"

I can't help it the question come flying out of my mouth before I can stop it.

"You killed Ash!?"

"No, he's still alive."

Again my mouth seems to be working on its own and I ask him another question; not just one, but many in a rush of words.

"So what do you mean you were going to do the same thing to Dave as you did to Ash? What were you going to do to him? Were you really going to break his neck? Were you really going to kill him?"

Jace closes his eyes for a moment and rolls his head back and forth slowly before letting out another loud sigh.

"I really wasn't ready to tell you that part of my past yet Clary."

"So don't. Please don't feel like you need to answer my rambling questions. Why don't we play our guess this song game?"

"No…"

His voice is soft and sort of distant.

"Look someday I will give you all the gory details of how it happened…but for now I will just summarize it for you okay?"

"Okay…" 

"Ash wanted me to do the same thing that Dave wanted me to do…I didn't want to…fuck Clary that night I didn't even want to live anymore…that night was the last fight I had in me…so I did what Ash asked me to…only, when I put my mouth on him…I sunk my teeth into him as hard as I could…he was bleeding bad when he left my room…then they…shit…nope not getting into that part now…all you need to know is that was my last night there."

I reach to unbuckle my seatbelt; but before I can slide across the seat Jace holds his hand up in stopping motion.

"No don't…put your seatbelt back on. Enough questions now. I am taking a fucking pass on all of your questions for now okay?"

I buckle my seatbelt and turn my face away so he doesn't see the tears in my eye. I don't want to make it worse for him. Why do I have to ask him so many questions all the time? Why do I have to keep pushing him? His voice was so angry when he told me he didn't want me to ask any more questions and his eyes were cold. My tears fall faster as the silence between us drags on further.

"Are you crying?" His voice is neutral.

I do my best to keep my voice from shaking.

"No…"

Jace puts the brakes on hard and jerks the car off of the road and slams the car into park. HE IS MAD. He said he didn't want to tell me anymore about his past for a while. He had said he was tired of crying and being sad. He said he just wanted to be happy for a while before he could tell me more. I couldn't just let him be happy; my big mouth had to ask him questions. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut? Why did I have to ask him all those questions? Why did I have to push him like that? Why did I have to make him mad? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE CRYING RIGHT NOW? My crying has only made him angrier. Before I can register what I am doing I am out of the car and running.

"CLARY!" "Clary STOP!...what the fuck are you running for?"


	40. Chapter 40

CHAPTER 40

I glace over my shoulder to see him still in the car as I continue to run. I see him bolt out of the car and I push my legs as fast as I can. I want so bad to turn around and see if he's close to me; but I know that will only slow me down so I keep my head forward and continue to run. It's so dark I can't see but two feet in front of my face. I am surprised that the darkness doesn't scare me; I guess my fear of what Jace will do once he catches me outweighs my fear of the dark.

Just when I think about turning around to see if he has caught up to me; the wind is knocked out of me as he tackles me to the ground. He flips me onto my back and sits on my hips while he pins my arms above my head.

"Let me go Jace!" I scream.

Jace is breathing hard as he looks down at me. It's too dark and I can't see his eyes.

"Why…why did you do that…why did you run?" His voice is ragged.

"Please…please let me go…please don't hurt me…" I sob.

Jace lets go of my hands and collapses his body on top of me. He sobs almost as loud as I do. I try to use my hands to push him off of me. I can't he's too heavy and he's too strong. He only clutches me tighter as I attempt to push him off of me.

"Please stop Clary…please don't leave me…I would never hurt you…why would you think I was going to hurt you?"

I stop fighting him and continue to cry quietly as his sobs seem to increase.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm so,so, so sorry…my sweet Clary…I wouldn't…I could never…Clary I would never hurt you…please…please believe me…oh god…oh god I love you so much…please, please, please don't leave me…I can't…I can't…"

His sobbing picks up and then quits all together and then he whispers so softly that I almost don't hear what he says.

"There is no me without you Clary…"

I wrap my arms around him and pepper kisses all over his face, his ear, his hair, part of his neck, part of his shoulder, I kiss any part of him my lips can reach. Jace loosens his grip on me and starts do to the same to me. He whimpers as his lips kiss every part of me that they can reach.

"I'm sorry I ran…I don't even know why I ran…I KNOW you would never hurt me…I don't know what I was thinking…I just panicked when you stopped the car so fast…I'm sorry…"

Jace pulls his face up and tries to see my eyes but it's too dark.

"Christ you scared me…when you bolted out of the car I couldn't even register what was happening. One second I am trying to hug you; the next second you're running."

"I'm sorry I scared you."

"No, no baby…I'm the one who should be sorry…I scared you…I don't ever want you to be scared of me."

I glance over Jace's shoulder to see we are far away from the car.

"Can we go back to the car now? It's too dark out here. I don't like the dark."

Jace slowly begins to rise off of my chest but stops and puts his mouth by my ear and whispers.

"Please Clary…I love you…please don't run."

Hearing the fear and uncertainty in his voice breaks my heart. How could I have done this to him? His whole life has been nothing but bad shit and heartache; and I had to do something so stupid like this. His whispered words haunt me. He said he is nothing without me. I am everything to this sad broken boy. I am the only thing that gives him hope. He said I was the reason why he didn't feel worthless anymore; and in less than two minutes I managed to crush all of his hope. I feel like I can hear his heart breaking as it pounds rapidly in his chest.

I pull his face to mine and kiss him hard on the mouth. I want to kiss away his fear. I want to kiss away his uncertainty. I want to kiss him until he knows he is not worthless. I want to kiss him until he understands that he is worth something; that he is worth everything. This beautiful fucked up boy is worth everything to me. I want my kiss to tell him that he isn't the only one who is fucked up. Everything that has happened since that day in the bank has added up and added up; and now I am fucked up. My mind screams those words to him as I kiss him. I'M FUCKED UP TOO. Jace gasps as he breaks our intense kiss.

"Clary…" He whispers.

"I'm fucked up too…" I whisper back as I run my fingers through his hair.

Jace chokes back a sob and kisses me again. This time his kiss is sweet and gentle. His mouth quivers as he kisses me and his tears drop onto my face. Jace stops kissing me and rises to his feet and puts his hand out to me. I grip his hand tightly as he pulls me up off the ground.

Jace holds my hand as I slide into the car and his face looks sad as he closes my door. I watch him as he walks in front of the car; he is watching me too. His eyes burn into mine; they are still full of fear and uncertainty. I have got to find a way to erase that look from his eyes.

Jace slides into the car and starts it as he shuts his door. He shifts the car into drive as he fastens his seatbelt and then pulls back onto the highway.

"Jace I…"

"Please let me talk first Clary."

His voice is assertive but not harsh.

"Okay…"

"I can't ever go through that again. Please promise me that you will never do something like that to me ever, ever again. I can't handle it…do you have any idea what that did to my head? Do you have any idea what that did to my HEART? If you make that promise to me then I will make a promise to you. I promise you that if you ever DO run away from me again; you won't have to worry about me catching you. I won't catch you because I won't ever chase you like that again. Do you hear what I am saying here? I CAN"T have that again. I won't ever chase after you again if you run."

Jace's words; all though still very assertive, were full of so much pain that it brings new tears to my eyes.

"I promise…I'm sorry Jace…"

"I told you not to be sorry…I don't want you to ever be sorry for who you are Clary. If I make you mad then tell me. If I hurt your feelings then tell me. If I ever scare you; and I'm praying that never fucking happens again, please, please, PLEASE tell me."

"I'm s-s-s-sorryyyyyy…" I wail.

Jace slides his hand over and unbuckles my seatbelt.

"Please come here Clary…"

His words are like a magnet and in an instant I am clutched to his chest as my tears continue to fall.

"Shhh…it's okay now…we're fine now okay…we're fucked up, but we're fine…please don't cry…I love you…I love you…"

His voice is full of love and understanding as he speaks softly to me. I wipe my tears shamelessly on his shirt and I feel his body shake. I look up thinking that I made him cry too; only to see him laughing soundlessly.

"Why? Why are you laughing?"

"I think I have made it to official boyfriend status now Clary."

"What do you mean?"

"Isn't that what makes it official? When your girlfriend blows her snot on your shirt; doesn't that make it official?"

"I didn't blow my snot on your shirt. I only wiped my tears on your shirt."

"Same thing. I'm pretty sure your nose was running too Clary. I would bet money that there is in fact some of your snot on my shirt."

I swat at his chest and giggle as I burry my face in his stomach.

"It's not even your shirt anyhow…you stole it remember?"

"What's that Clary? I can't comprehend what you are saying with your mouth that close to my zipper."

I start to lift my head only to have his hand gently push my face back down to his lap.

"I didn't say you could come up from down there now did I?"

His body shakes with silent laughter as I slide my fingers towards his zipper. He wraps his hand around my fingers and says:

"No please don't think I meant that; I was only playing."

"I don't mind."

"No but I do. You can't do that to me while I'm driving. Shit girl you will make me wreck if you do that."

I giggle and begin to raise my head once more; only to have him gently push me back down again.

"Please stay there…I need you close to me right now…close your eyes…go to sleep…I will wake you up when we get there."

"I'm really not tired Jace…I'm worried you'll fall asleep; I think I should stay up and help you stay awake."

"Trust me Clary; I'm wide awake now…you gave me a boost of adrenaline when you ran away from me…don't worry about me; I'm fine, I promise…close your eyes…"

I roll over so that my face is resting on his stomach and my back is facing the windshield. I look up at Jace as he runs his fingers through my hair. He smiles down at me and I return his smile as I close my eyes.

My eyes open to see Jace looking down at me. He has his forehead resting on the steering wheel and he has one of his hands resting on top of my head while his other hand strokes my face. I smile at him and say:

"Why are we stopped?"

"We're here. We've been here for a while."

"Oh why didn't you wake me up? How long is a while?"

Jace smiles sweetly at me; he looks so tired.

"Hmm…about twenty minutes or so. I just wanted to watch you sleep for a little bit. You look so peaceful when you're sleeping."

I smile shyly at him.

"I like to watch you sleep too."

"Do you now?"

"Yes and you do too you know; look peaceful when you're sleeping that is."

"Are you ready to go in? I could really use a shower."

"Can I take a shower with you?"

"Just for future reference you never have to ask me that."

"That's not what you said yesterday. Yesterday you said don't you dare come in here Clary."

Jace laughs as he opens the door, taking my hand in his as we slide out of the car.

"I did say that didn't I. That was different, we had a schedule to keep; we don't have a schedule to keep anymore. So I promise from now on if you want to take a shower with me; you are more than welcome to."

Jace puts down the duffle bags that are full of money at the front desk at the Hilton. I put his duffle bag that has our clothes in it on the floor beside the money. Jace speaks to a pretty woman behind the counter. I can't help it; I square my shoulder and hold my chin high as I look at her warm brown eyes. It's not that often I find someone that is shorter than me. She looks to be in her late twenties and she is short. Ha that's right she is short. I try not to be too cocky about my measly two inches of height I have on her as her and Jace speak in Spanish to one another. She smiles wide at him and laughs softly at something he says. Jace returns her smile with one of his crooked grins and raised eyebrows. She continues to smile and then he is laughing at something she says.

I feel jealousy creep up my spine as I watch the two of them carry on their conversation. I step closer to Jace and snake my arm though his. Jace glances at me and smiles. He says something to the pretty woman and waves his hand towards me. I don't know what he said other than hearing my name in the middle of his Spanish. The woman smiles at me and says something to me with an expectant smile on her face. I look at Jace for help.

"I told her that we are here to celebrate our honeymoon; she asked you if you are going to start family right away."

"Tell her no."

Jace turns back to the woman and says something to her that makes her laugh again. She continues to smile softly as she talks to him in a more professional tone. Jace says something and she replies before Jace pulls his wallet out and hands her a wad of money. She takes his money, and hands him back his change along with a little white envelope and a piece of paper. Jace folds the paper and shoves it and the small white envelope into his back pocket; then he shoves his change into his front pocket before picking up the money. I pick up our clothes bag and follow him down a long hall towards the elevator.

I can't help but get distracted by how beautiful the lobby of the Hilton is. I have never been inside of a place so nice.

"Are you coming?"

I look at Jace and he is standing inside of the elevator with his arm across the open door so it won't close.

"Sorry, it's just so pretty here."

"That's okay…take your time; I don't mind holding the door for you."

I step into the elevator and drop our bag on the floor as Jace pushes one of the many buttons to select the floor that our room is on. I place both of my hands on Jaces chest and push him towards the back of the elevator. He drops the money bags and wraps his arms around my waist just as his back hits the wall of the elevator.

"I've always had a fantasy of kissing someone in an elevator."

Jace laughs and bends down to kiss me. I slip my fingers into the waistband of his jeans as he kisses me. Jace laughs again effectively breaking our kiss.

"Do you also have a fantasy about being intimate on camera too Clary?" 

"No! Why?"

Jace points to the ceiling of the elevator.

"Smile for the camera Clary."

I look at the camera and then I feel blood pool to my cheeks as I remove my fingers from his waistband.

"Sorry Jace."

"You don't have to be sorry; as tired as I am I can't wait to get my hands on you. I'm fine with right here in the elevator, but I'm pretty sure we will get kicked out of here even though we would give them a good show. If you want to have elevator sex; we need to pick a hotel that isn't this fancy. The cheaper ones don't have security cameras in the elevators."

The elevator dings and the door slides open. We step out into a beautiful hallway where there is only one door marked PHE.

"Jace I think we got off on the wrong floor; there aren't any rooms up here."

Jace points at the door marked PHE.

"Right here is our room Clary."

"Can't be; it doesn't even have a number on the door."

"Well no not a number; but it is marked. PHE stands for penthouse east."

"You got us a penthouse!?"

"Sure why not…it's not like we don't have the money." 

Jace pulls the little white envelope out of his pocket and pulls out two plastic cards that look like credit cards almost. Jace hands me one of the cards and shoves the other one into his pocket.

"Do you want to do the honors Clary?"


	41. Chapter 41

HELLO MY LOVELIES! SO SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO RESPOND TO ALL OF YOUR WONDERFUL REVIEWS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN GIVING. I HAVE BEEN WORKING HARD TO MAKE SURE THAT I GET ALL THE CHAPTERS POSTED AS FAST AS I CAN FOR YOU. I MADE A BIG MESS UP ABOUT 10 CHAPTERS AGO BY DUPLICATING 2 CHAPTERS AND COMPLETELY LEAVING OUT ANOTHER. SORRY IF I MESS ANYONE UP; GOT IT ALL FIXED NOW. PLEASE ENJOY THIS NEXT CHAPTER.

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 41

"What do I do?" 

"See here…turn the magnetic strip towards the door and just slide it down."

I do as he says and lights blink on the little box. Jace smiles at me and opens the door. Breathtaking is an understatement for what I see when Jace opens the door. There is a huge round table in the center of the room with all kind of fruit, chocolates, and tall green bottles of what I would assume to be filled with sparkling cider.

Off to the right of the table is the biggest kitchen I have ever seen with my own eyes; complete with everything you would need to cook a meal. To the left of the table are two doors. I open the first door to find a huge walk-in closet that is empty. The next door opens up to a cute little bathroom; I get a small pang of disappointment when I find that there is only a single shower stall and no bathtub. On the other side of the huge table is a big living room with plush white couches and a giant television that is mounted over top of a small fireplace.

On the other side of the living room is a wall of glass. In the center of the glass wall I can see two handles that mark the doors. The doors open wide to a beautiful terrace that has a few chairs and a small table and chairs. I go to the edge of the railing and take in the view; I think I can see the entire city from this high up. I make the mistake of looking down at the ground and get a slight wave of dizziness.

Back inside of the penthouse, now facing the front door I look to my right and find another door. I open the door to a large bedroom. The room has a queen size bed and simple yet elegant furniture. To the left of the bed I find two doors that turn out to be closets. To the left of the bed I open another door and smile; it's a bathroom that has a shower-tub combo. I'm excited now seeing that there is in fact a bathtub to soak in.

I continue to smile as I make my way back through the living room to open another door. WOW! This bedroom makes the other bedroom look like a closet. There is a California Kings size bed with plush white linens and enough pillows for probably five beds. To the left of the bed there is a large sitting room with two couches, a large television that sits above another fireplace. There are two doors beside the fireplace that turn out to be matching walk-in closets. On the other side of the bed is yet another door. I pause for a moment before opening the door; and when I open it a small squeal escapes my mouth. There are his and her sinks; a big walk-in shower that looks like you could fit five people in. In the center of the room sits the biggest bathtub I have ever seen in my life. Dear god as small as I am I think I could almost swim in it; that is if I knew how to swim.

I realize I am still carrying the duffle bag with our clothes in it; I drop it to the floor and climb into the tub and sit in the middle of it. I begin to giggle like a little girl because from inside the tub it looks even bigger; big enough that I can lay flat on my back without my hands, feet, or head touching the sides of the tub. As I lay on my back giggling I can hear Jace laugh softly from the doorway. I was so busy looking around the penthouse; I just now realize that he followed me around the entire time in silence. I sit up and climb out of the tub. As soon as my feet hit the floor; I race across the room and jump into Jace's outstretched arms.

"I take it that this room is up to your standards."

"Oh Jace! It's so beautiful! I have never seen anything this pretty before. I can't believe that this is a hotel; someone could live here it's so big…And did you see that kitchen? I can't wait to go to the store and get stuff to make dinner!"

Jace has me lifted high in his arm so that my feet dangle just below his knees; and he is laughing softly at my excitement.

"I'm sorry that I'm rabbling; I am just so excited!"

Jace spins around and carries me back into the bedroom where he throws me on the bed and jumps on top of me with a giggle. He buries his face in my neck and plants a light kiss on my skin; before lifting his head to look at me.

"Do me a favor and stay here for a couple of minutes okay?"

"Why?"

"Humor me please."

"Whatever you say Jace."

"Mmm…that's more like it; good girl. I'll be back to get you in a little bit."

Jace get off the bed and goes into the bathroom; shutting the door behind him. I enjoy the plush comforter that feels as soft and fluffy as a cloud. I look up at the sculpted ceiling and wait for my love to return. As I lay there I realize that since I ran from the car like an idiot; he as only called me by my name when he talks to me. Not love…not baby or babe…not sweetheart…just Clary…realizing this I can't help but feel he is still in pain over what happened. I close my eyes as I hear the words that he spoke to me in the car after I ran. He made me promise never to run again…in return he promised me that if I did in fact ever run from him again he would not chase after me. I know it's not because he wouldn't want to; it's that he can't go through that again.

I need to work hard every day to prove to him that he can trust me not to do that again. The fact that I compromised his trust in me makes my stomach hurt. Jace interrupts my thoughts as he slides up my body and places his mouth by my ear. His soft words tickle my neck.

"You're not sleeping are you?"

"No I was just enjoying this wonderfully soft bed."

Jace looks at me with the ghost of a smile on his face.

"Hmm…it does seem like a pretty nice bed doesn't it?" 

"Yes it's wonderful; this whole place is just so wonderful. Thank you baby…thank you for bringing me here."

Jace kisses my cheek quickly and slides his fingers under my shirt.

"You are not going to be needing these; so why don't I take them off for you?"

I lift my arms so he can remove my shirt; which he flings over his shoulder before removing my bra only to do the same thing. He smiles sweetly at my bare chest and quickly removes my jeans and underwear in one swift movement before lifting me off the bed as he stands. He lets go of my hand and takes two big steps backwards. I lift my leg to begin walking towards him but he raises his hands in a stopping motion.

"Stand still…I just want to look at you for a minute."

I cast my eyes to the floor as he looks at my naked body in this brightly lit room. I can feel heat coloring my cheeks as I feel his eyes lazily grazing over my body.

"Look at me please" His voice is soft.

I raise my eyes to him and see his eyes are on fire with desire.

"Do you have any idea how perfectly beautiful you are Clary? I could stand here all day and look at your creamy skin. I still can't believe that you are mine. I still can't believe how honored I am that I am the only person to see your body, how honored I am that I have been the only one to touch your body, and how overwhelmingly honored to have been the only person to make love to you. How did I get so lucky?"

I remain still as he continues to look at me; only now I have my chin held high and my cheeks are no longer heated with a blush. Jace reaches behind his head and I see his t-shirt rise up.

"Wait!" I almost shout.

Jace drops his hand and now it's his turn to cast his eyes to the floor. I catch the look of disappointment and hurt in his eyes just before he looks at the floor. STUPID CLARY! FIX IT! FIT IT NOW!

"Now it's my turn to undress you." I say softly.

Jaces eyes snap back to my face as I walk towards him. He tilts his head to the side and arches his blonde eyebrow as he grins crookedly at me. He continues to grin at me as I lift his shirt up and over his head. His messy hair stands out wildly; I take a moment to reach up and smooth it back from his face. I cup his face in my hands for a moment and then run my fingers lightly down his golden skin and place my hands on his belt buckle.

Jace is no longer grinning at me; his face is relaxed as his eyes burn into mine. I undo his belt; letting it hang from the loops causing his jeans to dip down low on his hips. I unbutton his jeans and lower his zipper; and then I remove his jeans and boxers together. I hold my hand out to him so he can step out of his clothes. Now it's my turn to step back and examine his naked body.

"I don't have the kind of beautiful words that you use when you say things to me. All I can say is that you are beautiful and I am still so shocked that you see me the way you do. I am still so shocked that someone as gorgeous as you would even take a second glance at someone like me. I love you with all my heart Jace. I will do everything in my power to show you my love each and every day for as long as I live."

Jace has tears in his eyes and a soft smile on his lips. He reaches his hand out to me and I place my hand in his as I return his smile. He pulls me in front of him and lets go of my hand and covers my eyes before opening the bathroom door.

When he uncovers my eyes I see the giant bath tub full of bubbles and there are several candle lit throughout the bathroom; causing a warm glow to fill the room. Jace helps me into the tub and lets go of my hand before saying:

"I will be right back."

"Where are you going now? Aren't you going to get in the tub with me?"

"Shhh…patience love."

I smile widely as he leaves the bathroom. My stomach flutters happily hearing him call me love. He comes back in the room holding two glasses and one of the green glass bottles.

"Can I interest you in a glass of champagne madam?"

I giggle at his bad attempt at a French accent.

"Is that real champagne? We aren't old enough to drink that."

"Not true love. The legal drinking age in Mexico is eighteen; and according to our passports you are in fact eighteen."

Jace pops the top of the bottle causing me to yelp at the loud popping sound; and pours champagne into both of the glasses. He hands me one of the glasses as he lowers himself into the tub. I take a sip from my glass and the bubbles tickle my nose. The champagne is crisp and delicious on my tongue; only meaning to take a few more sips I realize I drained my glass. Jace smiles at me and refills my glass with more. I drink about half of the glass but stop when I hear Jace chuckle.

"Easy love…believe it or not there is alcohol in that."

"Sorry it's just so yummy. Don't you think it's yummy?"

I look at his glass and it looks just as full as it did when he poured it. He takes a sip from it and crinkles his nose.

"Don't you like it?"

"Tickles my nose."

"It tickles my nose too, but I still think it's yummy."

To prove my point I drain my glass once more before holding it out to Jace with an expectant look in my face. Jace take my glass and quickly drains his before placing both glasses on the edge of the tub. Jace slowly stalks me through the bubbles with a wicked grin on his face.

"I'm guessing this means I don't get any more champagne."

"That's enough alcohol for now; I don't want you becoming incoherent on me."

"Oh really why is that?"

Jace grabs my ankle and drags me through the mound of bubbles and kisses me lightly on the lips.

"I plan on making love to you soon and if you're drunk it will wreck my plan."

I smile widely at him before saying:

"I think as long as I don't drink until I'm hugging the toilet your plan should be just fine."

Jace has a serious look on his face as he shakes his head no at me.

"I will not touch you if you're drunk Clary."

"Why?"

"I just won't okay…and since you are NOT drunk give me your sweet mouth, I want to kiss you."

I let his comment disappear as his mouth consumes mine. His lips taste sweet like the champagne. We kiss lazily in the almost too hot bathwater for a few minutes before he breaks our kiss. Jace pulls away to look at me and I smile at him.

"Think I may have spoken too soon; I do believe you're drunk love."

"I'm not…" Shit my words are slurred.

"Guess I should have only given you the one glass instead of two."

"Sorry…"

"No don't be sorry you look so relaxed right now. Honestly I have to admit I feel like I have a bit of a buzz myself. It's probably from the hot water and no food in our bellies. Turn around and I'll wash your hair for you."

Jace uses the sprayer to wet my hair before massaging shampoo into my scalp. The shampoo smells Heavenly; it smells of honeysuckle and Jasmine. He massages the shampoo into a thick lather onto my hair. His long fingers feel wonderful on my scalp. He rinses my hair with the sprayer and rakes conditioner through my hair; it smells the same as the shampoo. He uses his fingers to comb the knots out of my hair for a few minutes before he uses the sprayer to rinse my hair once more. He gently pushes me away from him and announces:

"My turn!"

I giggle at his playfulness and wet his hair before squeezing shampoo into my palm. I look at the small bottle to see what it's called so I can buy some for myself when I get a chance; but find the name printed in Spanish. I take my time washing his hair as he patiently slouches in the water so I can comfortably reach his head. After his hair is thick with lather I carefully rinse his hair before asking him:

"Do you want me to put conditioner on your hair too?"

"Absolutely! Why should you be the only one who has soft silky hair?"

This time when I giggle Jace joins me. I rake the conditioner through his blond hair slowly like he did on my hair. I love how his hair darkens slightly when it's wet. After his hair is free of tangles I rinse it with the sprayer and rest my back against the tub. Jace slicks his hair back as he spins around in the tub with a look of contentment in his eyes. Jace grabs my ankle again and slides his hand up my leg stopping at my knee.

"I should probably shave those prickly things."

"Oh can I do it?"

Jace has a huge smile on his face and his eyebrows are arched high above his golden eyes. I can't help but smile at his strange enthusiasm.

"Sure if you want to."

Jace stands up and steps out of tub; his body is covered in bubbles. I can hear water dripping all over the floor as he digs his razor out of the duffle bag. I burst into laughter as he slips on the wet floor. His arms go wide and his left leg lifts high off the floor as he corrects his balance.

"You look like a ballet dancer Jace."

He laughs softly as he steps back into the tub. Jace places my foot on his chest and lathers my leg up with soap before shaving my leg. After both of my legs are shaved he also shaves my under arms. I giggle because it tickles my under arms. Jace stops my giggling with his lips. He kisses me deeply as he slides my body onto his lap and I wrap my legs around his hips. I run my fingers across his jaw as he kisses me. He needs to shave; his face is stubbly. I have the overwhelming urge to ask him if I can shave his face. I think I understand why he likes to shave my legs for me. The thought of me shaving his face makes me feel like it's something very intimate.

"You're face needs shaved."

Jace runs his hand across his stubble and smiles at me.

"I can shave later; unless it's bothering you I can go do it now real quick if you want me to."

"Maybe I could shave your face for you?" 

He doesn't smile and he doesn't say anything; he just hands me the razor and the bar of soap. His eyes are filled with love as I begin to lather up his face and neck.

"Shouldn't you look scared?"

"Why would I be scared love?"

"I've never done this before."

"So it's not like I have ever shaved a girls legs before either; but you didn't seem scared the first time I did it."

"That's different."

"Why is that different?"

"Well because I could cut your pretty face."

Jace laughs at me.

"Like I couldn't have cut your pretty legs? Don't worry, you'll be fine…I trust you."

The emphasis he put into the word trust had so much more meaning to it than just trusting me not to cut his face. My heart swells with love for this beautiful boy. Carefully I begin to shave his face; after a couple of strokes Jace's eyes flutter closed. His long wet eyelashes rest softly on his sharp cheekbones. He looks so peaceful as I shave him you would almost think he was sleeping. I lift his chin with my fingers; tilting his head back so I can shave his neck. I take a little more time with my slow strokes as I shave him; his strong jaw and chin seem sharper at this angle.

I put the razor down and run my hands up his neck and across his cheeks; checking for any missed spots and find none. His eyes remain closed as I continue to run my hands across his face. I feather my fingertips across his forehead and down his nose. I brush both of my thumbs over his eyebrows and continue my path down across his cheekbones and over his beautiful lips. Jace opens his eyes slowly and they are filled with desire once more. I lean forward to kiss him; but before I can connect my mouth with his, he gets up and out of the tub.

"Did I do something wrong Jace."

"No."

Jace has his back to me and is quickly drying off his body. He wraps the towel around his hips and carries over a big fluffy towel. He holds it open and I can see that it's not a towel; it's a bathrobe.

"Come one let's get you out of there."

I stay quiet as I slip my arm into the robe. Jace holds my hand as I step out of the tub and slip my other arm into the robe; where he slides his hand into mine. He hold my arms straight out at my side and slowly runs his fingers under my wrist and all the way up the length of my arm before running his hands down my sides. His hands stop at my hips for a moment before they slide around to my stomach. His hands slide smoothly across my wet skin as he begins to kiss me behind my ear. My eyes close as he continues to kiss and gently nibble me behind my ear. His hands leave my skin and they pull my robe closed and tie it securely.

"My sweet Clary…" he whispers.

I spin around in his arms and ask him:

"Seems a little pointless to tie my robe shut doesn't it?"

"Food first…"

"Oh…"

Jace take my hand and leads me to the bar stool at the kitchen island.

"Sit…"

I sit.

Jace begins rummaging in the fridge; pulling out a few things and places them on the counter. I watch him as he leave the kitchen and begins selecting fruit from the big round table. His bath towel dips dangerously low on his hips. My stomach flutter at the thought of gently tugging at the knot that holds it in place. He winks at me when he sees me watching him; causing my cheeks to flush and heat to pool between my thighs. I WANT HIM. I WANT HIM AND HE DAMN WELL KNOWS IT.

"Behave yourself Clary." He says as he walks back into the kitchen.

My cheeks blaze even more knowing I've been caught. Thank god he has his back to me so he can't see how red they must be. He still has his back to me when I hear his voice.

"Don't think I missed those red cheeks when I passed by you either. I know you were leering at me."

"I was not leering."

"Were too."

"So…so what if I was? Your mine, I can look at you all I want."

"Are you sticking your tongue out at me now too Clary?"

My tongue slips back into my mouth just as he says that and I can't help but chuckle.

"Uh-huh…thought so. Watch yourself little girl. I will tease the shit out of you if I have to, but I'm not going to lie I want you pretty damn bad right now; so I might not be as successful as I would like to be."

His back is still turned and his head is bent down as he uses a sharp knife to cut something up that I can't see.

"You could always just spank me you know; that doesn't take as much time or self-control as teasing me would."

"No." he says flatly.

Just no? Not, no and then some sort of reason for saying no; just a flat toned no. I chose to keep that question to myself and instead ask him a different one.

"What are you doing over there?"

"You'll see in a minute; I'm almost done."

I sigh loudly so he can hear my impatience; and I am rewarded with the slight shake of his head as he chuckles softly.

"What's the matter Clary? Not used to not getting your way? Is my girl a little bit spoiled?"

"I have never in my life been spoiled! I'm not looking for pity here either. I managed to have spent the last fifteen years in and out of the system without having some of the shit done to me that other kids had to deal with; but by no means did I have it easy."

Jace turns around with a cutting board in his hand; which he places on the counter in front of me. There are two different kinds of cheese along with strawberries, grapes, pears, and some other strange looking fruit I have never seen before. He walks around the counter where I am sitting but instead of sitting down he cups my face in his hands.

"Sweetheart I'm sorry if I upset you. I am so happy that you never had that kind of bad shit happen to you. I'm sorry that living in the system was difficult for you. I wasn't making the assumption that you grew up spoiled by any means. All I meant was that I am spoiling you; which by the way is my intensions. I want to spoil you Clary; I want you to have everything you have ever wanted in life. Hell I want you to have everything in life that you never even knew you wanted."

"I already have everything I want. I have you. You're all I want."

Jace's face remains motionless but his eyes blaze with desire as he looks at me. He makes a growling noise low in his throat as he drops his hands from my face and he takes a seat beside me.

"Come on let's get some of this food in our stomachs so we can go to bed."

"You look tired; that was a long drive down here."

Jace just nods his head without looking at me. He picks up a piece of the cheese and a piece of the unidentified fruit and pops them both into his mouth.

"What kind of fruit is that?"

"Fig." He says flatly.

"I have never tried that before; is it good?"

"Try it and find out." He says flatly.

Hmm…was I wrong about what I saw in his eyes? Jace continues to shovel fruit and cheese into his mouth as he stares at the refrigerator. I study his profile as he eats. I can see that his shoulders are tense and his eyebrows are furrowed. What's wrong with him? Was it something I said? Is he thinking about how I ran away from him? Jace glances at me out of the corner of his eye and quickly looks at the fridge again.

"Eat." Again his tone is flat.

I pick up a piece of cheese and the smallest piece of fig and pop them into my mouth. The cheese is salty and the fig is sweet but not too sweet. I pick up another piece of the fig and try it by itself without cheese; it's delicious. Popping a strawberry and a piece of the other cheese into my mouth I slide off of my stool to go and get a drink of water. Jace sighs loudly as I walk past him.

"Where are you going?" He asks impatiently.

"To get some water…do you want some?"

"No." He says flatly once again.

Maybe he's tired. Maybe I didn't do anything to him. Maybe I didn't say anything wrong. Maybe he is just tired. I take a bottle of water out of the fridge and begin to walk back to my seat. I try to catch his eye as I pass him but he keeps his eyes deliberately cast down; staring intently at the fruit and cheese on the counter. I continue to watch him as I set back down and he glances at me quickly out of the corner of his eye before looking at the counter again.

I open my water and take a small sip from it and absently tighten and untighten the cap as I stare at the clock on the stove. It's almost 3:30 in the morning. That's it, he must just be exhausted. He had said let's get some food in us so we can go to bed. I am snapped out of my staring contest with the clock when Jace takes the bottle of water from me and puts it down on the counter.

"Eat." FLAT FLAT FLAT!

"Jace did I do something wrong?"

He won't look at me.

"No why?" Less flat this time.

"You seem a little short with me. If I did something wrong you can tell me. I want to know."

"Eat."

I watch him as he shoves a piece of pear into his mouth. His chewing seems angry. Can chewing be angry? Can someone chew their food with anger? Jace swallow and then jumps off the stool quickly. He narrows his golden eyes at me. I swallow hard.


	42. Chapter 42

CHAPTER 42

"That's it…if you don't want to eat then I'm not going to force you…" He says with a lightness to his tone.

"Jace…"

In an instant with a loud squeal from me, I am up and over his shoulder and he is carrying me out of the kitchen. I feel his chest shake with silent laughter. Feeling brave I reach down and snatch the towel off of his hips; leaving it on the floor in front of the bedroom door.

"Thanks now I don't have to bother taking that off myself." He laughs.

Jace tosses me onto the bed and slides his long body onto mine. His mouth consumes mine in a deep kiss. He parts my lips with his mouth and slides his tongue into my mouth. He tastes like pears. Yummy. His mouth is at my ear and he whispers:

"Do you have any idea how hard it was not to look at you in the kitchen just now?"

"Why didn't you want to look at me?"

"Oh trust me I WANTED to, but I knew if I did we wouldn't have got any food in our stomachs."

Jace runs his tongue down my throat and then begins to suck on my collarbone. His hand slides between our stomach and he unties my robe. I want to wrap my legs around his hips but he has his legs clamped tightly on either side of mine. He continues to suck on my collarbone as his fingers slide over my stomach. His lips return to my ear and he whispers:

"You drive me crazy Clary…your soft hands on my face…the sweet words that come out of your mouth…your stubborn little attitude…"

Jace growls and grinds his hardness into my hip. He runs his tongue over my bottom lip and then he uses his lips to pull my bottom lip into his mouth; where he sucks and gently bites it. I moan as his hand caresses my breast. Jace groans loudly and gets off of me; leaving my robe wide open. He stands at the edge of the bed and looks at me.

"Christ…I can't keep my hands off of you…"

"You don't hear me complaining do you?"

He smiles widely at me; my eyes shift down to his hips. His erection stands to full attention and my center quivers wanting him inside of me.

"I'll be right back."

"W-where are you going?"

He doesn't answer me; he just disappears into the bathroom. I sit up on the bed; closing my robe and wait for him to return. A minute later he walks back into the room and he gives me a strange look.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

He gets onto the end of the bed and slowly starts to crawl towards me.

"I told you I'd be right back…why are you up? Why do you have your body covered?"

I squeal as he pounces on me. He giggles in my ear and I hear something crinkle above my head.

"Did you hear that noise Jace?"

Jace pulls back to look at me.

"What noise?"

"I heard something crinkle…you didn't hear that?"

Jace puts his hand in front of my face and crinkles the condom in his hand.

"This noise?"

"Oh…"

"Why else would I leave your naked body love? This is what I went into the bathroom for."

"Sorry…guess I wasn't thinking."

"Mmm…I can relate…when I'm touching you; the last thing on my mind is a condom…do me a favor…don't ever let me inside of you without using one…"

"Oh sure make me be the responsible one…" I joke.

"I doubt I would ever actually not remember to use one…but still if I do forget; feel free to kick me in the balls."

"I would never kick you…"

Jace laughs and kisses my forehead.

"I know you would never kick me…just don't let me forget one of these okay."

"Maybe I could get on birth control so we don't have to worry about it."

"Can you remember to take your pill every day?"

"Maybe…probably…I don't know, I've never had to take a pill every day?"

Jace groans.

"That's not very reassuring Clary."

"Okay so I won't take the pill. What if I get the shot or one of those implant in my arms…oh and they have those IUD things too…"

"Geez…I don't think I like the idea of you having something implanted under your skin or something inside of you either…I guess maybe the shot would be okay. How long do those things last?"

"Three months I think."

"I've never had sex without a condom."

"I don't have any diseases Jace."

"I know, neither do I, I get tested every six months just to be sure."

"Are you afraid it won't feel the same?"

"Oh I know it won't feel the same way. That's the problem."

"Oh…"

"No not like that. I have trouble controlling myself with you now. Chirst no condom…not sure you'll get much out of me."

"What do you mean."

"Being inside of you with a condom on feels…mind-blowingly good…I can't imagine how good it will feel to have it be just skin on skin."

Jace shudders.

"Are you cold?"

"No…just trying to imagine it."

Before I can say anything Jace is kissing me hard on the mouth. Jace wraps his arms around me and pulls me with him as he lays on his back. I straddle him and sit above his hips as he kisses me. His lips move quickly against mine as he takes my robe off and tosses it to the floor. His hands grip my hips and he pushes me down off of his hips and I can feel his shaft against my center. He moans into my mouth as his hands grind my hips against his hardness. I gasp so loudly that our kiss breaks. His mouth goes to my ear as he continues to grind my hips against him. His whispers send shivers up my spine.

"Mmm…you feel good Clary…"

"Oooh…s-so do you…"

"Sit up."

I sit up and place my hands on his ribs. He continues to use his hands to grind my center against the length of his shaft. Sitting up, the stroking is more intense and I begin to feel my pressure rise as he quickens his pace. His long finger dig into my lower back as his thumbs dig into my pelvis. His pace quickens more and I begin to moan loudly.

"Oh come on Clary…cum for me love…" He growls.

As if his words command my body, I find my release and begin to shudder violently as he continues to mercilessly grind my hips against him. I no sooner get my shuddering under control and I can feel my pressure building again. Fast! Fast! It's building so fast!

"Jaaace…"

"Wow…your body is so amazing…" His words are moans.

I find my release again; I want him inside of me. He wants the same thing because he pushes me down onto his thighs as he sits up. He quickly puts the condom on and I push down on his shoulders to lift myself up as he lines himself up to my center. I take my hand off his shoulders want to have him buried deep inside of me. His hands dig into my ribs; stopping me.

"Easy love…you'll hurt yourself…here I'll help you…"

Jace lowers my hips gently as he pushes himself into me. I whimper at his slow pace. I WANT HIM. He laughs softly at my impatience as he continues to push himself deeper inside of me until he fills me completely. He shifts our bodies and begins to pump into me at a delicious pace. I attempt to match his pace but I'm still too shaky from climaxing. His voice is raged in my ear.

"It's okay baby…"

Jace thrust slows down as I feel my pressure rise once more.

"Together…" He whispers.

"Huh…" I breathe.

"Mmm…cum with me Clary…" He groans.

He slows down a little more as his moaning increases. He is getting close to his release. I close my eyes in concentration and begin to move my own hips; matching his pace. Jace lets go of one of my hips and presses him thumb against my clitoris and begins to move his thumb in a circular motion as we rock our hips together. My pressure starts to rise faster.

"Oh…pleeease cum for me Clary…I need you to…I can't…" He pleads.

I feel his warmth inside of me just as I find my release. He stops pumping but continues his slow circling with his thumb as I ride out my climax. A few moments later he stops his circling and slide out of me before wrapping his arms around me. Jace feathers kisses onto my shoulder and then slowly lowers himself onto his back; pulling me down with him.

"You'll be the death of me Clary…" He breathes.

"Mmm…but, boy what a way to go huh?"

His body shakes with silent laughter as he strokes his fingers from the top of my head all the way down to my thighs and back up again. I enjoy his gentle fingers on my skin as I listen to his heart beating.

"Uhh…shit am I tired…" He says drowsily.

"So go to sleep." I laugh.

"Mmm…need to pee first."

"So go pee." I laugh again.

"Can't yet…" He yawns.

"Why not?"

"Need this to go down first."

He presses his hardness into me.

"Why?"

He laughs softly.

"Do you know how hard it is to pee straight with a hard-on?"

Now it's my turn to laugh.

"No! How would I know something like that?"

"Good point…I guess you will have to take my word for it."

"You could always sit down to pee." I giggle.

"You know…that's actually not a terrible idea…here get off of me for a minute; I'll be right back."

I giggle as I watch him go into the bathroom. He leaves the door open and I hear him laughing as he pees.

"This was a major fail!" He shouts.

I am still howling with laughter when I feel him climb back onto the bed. I am holding my stomach because it aches from laughing so hard at him. I wipe the tears from my eyes to see Jace sitting pale face on the bed. I sit up quickly and slide closer to him; he gasps and covers his mouth.

"Jace what's wrong? Are you sick?"

Jace cups my face in his hands and looks at me with pained eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me I hurt you?"

"What are you talking about? I was only holding my stomach from laughing too hard."

Jace turns my face around to see where I was just lying.

"Please don't lie to me…look there is blood on the blanket…and when I went to the bathroom there was blood on me too."

My eyes go wide and my cheeks burn with embarrassment as I quickly count backwards in my head.

"No…listen to me please…you didn't hurt me…I promise you I'm fine…it's just…I guess I just…it's my period Jace…I'm sorry I scared you…"

"Oh fuck…wow…I really thought I hurt you…I mean I was going pretty fast for a little bit…thank god you're okay."

"Well yeah I'm okay but…"

"But what?"

"I don't have anything for it…"

"Oh…hmm…let me get dressed and go downstairs…see if I can get you anything."

"Jace you don't have to do that…maybe I could just lay on a towel or something…"

Jace has his clothes on and is starting to put his boots on.

"Okay that would probably be fine until I can get to the store in the morning for you…but I'll run downstairs and see if I can get you something now."

"Jace please don't…it'll be embarrassing for you to ask the front desk for something like that."

"Don't be ridiculous Clary…it's no big deal."

Jace kisses my lips gently and then leaves the room. I go to the bathroom and clean myself quickly in the shower. I fold some toilet paper up and put in down my underwear and put one of Jaces clean t-shirts on. I grab the bar of soap and a wet washcloth to go out and scrub my blood off of the white comforter. By the time I hear the front door open I have managed to get most of the stain out.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to get this stain out."

"I wouldn't bother; the cleaning lady can do that."

I turn around to see Jace taking his boots off. He has a small white and green box in his hand. I jump off the bed and run over to snatch it out of his hand.

"I can't believe they had tampons at the front desk."

"They didn't…"

"Then where did you get them?'

"Marcinda gave them to me."

"Who is Marcinda?"

"The girl that works at the front desk…remember she asked you if you were going to start popping out babies right away?"

"Oh…I didn't know you knew her name…"

"She was wearing a nametag…you didn't see it?"

"No…I guess I didn't…I'm sorry if that was embarrassing for you." 

"I wasn't embarrassed to get something my wife needed." He smiles.

"Where did you come from?"

"What? Pittsburgh, you know I was born and raised in Pittsburgh." 

I chuckle at the confused look in his eyes.

"That's not what I meant. All I am trying to say is; most guys would never get tampons for their girlfriends."

"Then I guess most guys are tools then. A good boyfriend should want to do things for his girlfriend; even get her tampons when she needs them. Look there is only two in the box; I hope that is enough to tide you over until I can get to the store for more."

"Two will be just fine. Thank you for getting them for me; it really does mean a lot to me."

He smiles sweetly at me as I shut the bathroom door behind me. After I'm done with my female business; I go to the sink and brush my teeth. Jace knocks on the door and I mumble around the toothbrush for him to come in.

"Oh good you got the toothbrush out; I want to brush my teeth too."

Jace leans against the sink and watches me brush my teeth; he looks so tired. I hand him the toothbrush and continue to watch him as he brushes his teeth. He even has light bluish shadows under his eyes from lack of sleep. I guess it doesn't help him feel any less tired when he not only stays up longer but also wears his body down physically with me. I decide that I don't care how long he sleeps in tomorrow; I will not wake him up. I will let him sleep until he wakes up on his own.

Jace dangles the toothbrush from his mouth as he takes his jeans off and kicks them across the bathroom floor; leaving him in his boxer-briefs and his t-shirt. He rinses the toothbrush and wipes his mouth off with his t-shirt as he takes it off and throws it to the floor before taking my hand with a tired smile on his face.

"Can we go to bed now? I feel like I could sleep for three days right now."

I tug him along with me as we enter the bedroom. He wraps his hands around my hips while I begin to chuck a few of the pillow off the bed; and then pull the covers back. He keeps his hands on my hips as I climb into bed; once we are in bed he pulls me towards his body. My back is pressed snugly against his chest and his arms are wrapped tightly around my waist. Jace nuzzles my ear with his nose and he laughs softly.

"What so funny?"

"Oh…nothing…" His voice is playful.

"I thought you were ready to sleep for three days?"

"I am…Wait, what?"

"I thought the reason why you were laughing is because you wanted to do it again."

"I think the bigger question here would be do YOU want to do it again?"

"To use your quote from earlier…Christ, I can't keep my hands off of you." 

Jace burst into laughter. I know it was a little funny; but boy is he really laughing hard. Must be the lack of sleep that is making him so giggly.

"Annnd…that is exactly why I started laughing to begin with Clary."

"God! What on earth are you talking about Jace?" 

"You just said you want to make love."

"So…"

"Eh-hem…thought you wouldn't let me touch you when you had your period? Did you change your mind?" 

Now it's my turn to laugh. What a brat he is.

"Oh okay I get it now. You _did_ tell me you would get your way when it came to that didn't you?"

"Yep."

"That technically shouldn't count because I didn't even know I started my period until it was too late."

"I probably would have let you get away with that too; had you not just suggested we make love again right now. Buuut…since you DID just suggest it; then yes I will take that as a win."

"What AM I going to do with you?"

"Love me…" He whispers.

"Oh that's a given…I do love you; very much."

"I love you too baby. Now shut your beautiful mouth and go to sleep."

Jace kisses me on the neck as I close my eyes. I lay there listening to his breathing get heavier as he drifts off to sleep; the darkness consumes me shortly after and I fall asleep.


	43. Chapter 43

WOKE UP THIS MORNING TO A BUNCH OF YOUR WONDERFUL REVIEWS; WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO START MY DAY OFF. THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH.

WITH LOVE

~N~

CHAPTER 43

I wake up to find Jace drooling on my shoulder and his elbow digging into my ribs. I smile at his sleeping face; he looks so sweet. His hand rest on his face and his fingers are knotted in his hair as his elbow digs into my ribs. His mouth is open slightly and there is a stream of drool hanging from the edge of his lips. His breathing is heavy and even as he sleeps. If I didn't need to go to the bathroom so bad I would just lay there and watch him sleep. I carefully slide out from under him; placing my hand under his cheek and gently rest his head on the pillow. I stand at the edge of the bed and smile because I didn't wake him up.

Once I use the bathroom and brush my teeth I head to the kitchen to see if there is any coffee. I set the coffee to brew and look through the cupboards to find that this kitchen is stocked with everything you could possibly need to cook a meal; but there isn't any food. I remember Jace found cheese in the fridge and decide to see if there is anything else in there to eat. The fridge is stocked with bottled water, some orange juice and a plate of assorted blocks of cheese but other than that it's empty.

I dump the fruit and cheese that was leftover from last night and wash the cutting board. I go to the table that has all the fruit on it to pick out some to cut up. Spotting the chocolates I shove piece of it in my mouth as I select fruit. Yummy caramel cream! I pop another piece of chocolate in my mouth before heading back to the kitchen. After I cut up half of a cantaloupe and a half of some other melon that I thought was honeydew; turns out to be a pale yellow fruit that is not really that sweet at all and kind of taste like a cucumber, I start on the pineapple. I cut the top and the bottom off of the pineapple and begin to slice the sides of it off. I get about halfway done cutting the pineapple and end up slicing my thumb with the knife. I see the cut isn't deep and put my thumb in my mouth to stop the bleeding.

"Are you sucking your thumb?"

I drop the knife on the floor and jump at the sound of Jace's voice.

"Sorry love I didn't mean to scare you."

"No it's okay, I thought you were sleeping. I didn't wake you up did I?"

"No the coffee woke me up. So why were you sucking on your thumb? Not that I don't find it adorable or anything, but did you cut yourself?"

Jace picks the knife up and carries it to the sink; where he begins to rinse it off.

"Just a tiny cut, no big deal."

Jace lays the knife down on the counter and takes my hand and looks at my thumb closely. He kisses my thumb and lets go of my hand.

"Why don't you get us some coffee and I can finish cutting this up for you."

"I wanted to cook you breakfast but all we have is fruit and cheese. Oh and really yummy chocolates."

"Fruit's good for now. The chocolate's all yours love; you know I don't really like that stuff."

Jace brings over the cut up fruit and puts it on the counter as I hand him a cup of coffee. He takes a small sip of it before sitting down on one of the stool. I go and sit on his lap instead of taking my own stool. He smiles at me as I kiss his cheek.

"Have you tried your coffee yet? It's really good."

I take a small sip of the coffee and find that he's right; the coffee is good.

"It's a little stronger than I'm used to but it taste good."

He smiles and pops a piece of the pale yellow melon into his mouth.

"That one taste funny…"

"Mmm…it's good, kind of reminds me of a cucumber."

"Yeah that's what I thought when I tried it too. I thought it was honeydew but I guess it's not."

"Are there more of these?"

"Yes there is still half of that one left and there are two more over there on the table."

"I'll have to remember to look at them so I know what to look for at the store. I could eat one of these every day."

"Well you can eat all of it; I think I'll stick to the other fruit."

Jace laughs and puts a piece of pineapple up to my lips. I take the pineapple with my teeth and chew. He sucks the juice off of his fingers and smiles before saying.

"Mmm sweet AND juicy."

"Yeah that's probably the best pineapple I've ever had."

"Sure, yeah the pineapple too…" He laughs.

I swat his shoulder and pick up a piece of cantaloupe and pop it into my mouth.

"Dear god! Try this cantaloupe, it's so good. Why can't we have fruit like this up home?"

"This is home now love, remember?"

I smile brightly at him.

"That's right now we get to eat the best fruit."

"Mmm-hmm." He mumbles.

He has pineapple juice dripping off of his chin as he chews. Feeling playful I lick the juice off of his chin. He shakes with laughter as he continues to chew; and then he smiles widely as he swallows.

"Shoved too big of piece in my mouth."

"I noticed."

Jace rubs my thigh as I continue to sit on his lap and we eat more of the fruit and drink our coffee quietly. The sun is shining high in the sky and feels warm on my skin. I look at the clock on the stove and see that it is a little after one in the afternoon. Seeing the time I calculate that I won't have enough time to make what I want to make for dinner today.

"How long are we going to stay here Jace?"

"Why are you in a hurry to leave? I kind of like it here."

"No, I'm in no hurry to leave, I love it here. I just want to know how much to get from the grocery store."

"Get as much as you want. It will probably take me a couple of weeks to get us something more permanent; so I would get comfy if I were you."

"What else are we going to do today; besides go to the store?"

"I want to go to the beach."

"I don't have a bathing suit."

"We'll buy one; we'll buy ten of them if you want. I think we should go get some new clothes and go to the beach. We can go to the grocery store later."

"That sounds good to me but…"

"We can stop at the pharmacy to get what you need."

I kiss his cheek and smile at him sweetly for thinking of my needs.

"Thank you darling. You are so good to me."

"Oh…darling? I quite like that one love."

"Me too. Would you like some more coffee darling?"

Jace laughs and bites my ear.

"No let's get dress and go shopping."

"Ewe…"

"Don't ewe me little girl; you need to learn to like shopping. We have plenty of money so I want you to go shopping as much as you want to."

"Which will be almost never. I like to shop at the grocery store if it makes you happy to hear that."

"Blah…boring!"

"That's the best you're going to get from me. Unless I need new underwear; you won't hear me say I'm going shopping."

"That's fine I'll just shop for you then."

"Well thank you darling."

Jace chuckles at my new nickname for him.

"Wait, you want me to pick your cloths out for you?"

"Sure, why not? I trust you."

A wicked grin spreads on his face.

"Are you sure about that love? God knows what kind of clothes I could pick out for you; especially since we have money to buy you really nice things. No more thrift shop crap. Only the best for my girl from now on."

I roll my eyes at him.

"Watch it little girl."

"You know I always hated it when someone would call me little girl, but I like the way it sounds when you call me that."

"that's good because I like to call you that."

"So what kind of skimpy clothes are you going to buy me?"

"Get dressed and we can go so you can find out."

I slide off of his lap; but before I can walk away he lifts me up and tosses me over his shoulder and carries me. I try to tickle him as he carries me and get no results. So I push his boxers down and they fall to his knees causing him to stop walking. He laughs and bends down to pull them back up. I never feel his strong arm loose his grip on me as he bends down. Once he gets his boxes pulled up; he keeps hold of the waistband as he continues to carry me into the bathroom; where he sits me on the sink.

"You're bad you know that?"

"Don't pretend that you don't like it."

"Never said I didn't like it. I love how playful you are. Open."

I open my mouth so he can brush my teeth. After he is finished; he quickly brushes his own teeth while I get dressed. Jace puts his jeans on and wets his hair in the sink before slicking it back with his hands. He is still running his long finger through his hair when he catches me watching him. He winks at me and beckons me with his finger. I place my hands on his chest but he grabs me by the shoulder and spins me around to face the mirror. I look at my reflection to find my hair is a nightmare. Jace smiles at me as he begins to tame my hair with his comb. I prepare for ten minutes of pulling; but find that the comb runs through my hair with little effort. I have got to find more of that shampoo and conditioner that he washed my hair with.

Jace sits the comb down and reaches around me to wet his hands. He runs his wet fingers through my hair; after wetting his hands a few more times and running them through my hair he decides my hair is wet enough. He picks up a bottle and squeezes something into his palm. After he rubs his palms together and rakes his fingers through my hair again and scrunches the ends with his palm. I smile at his look of concentration in the reflection of the mirror as he works on my hair. He takes me by the shoulders again and turns me around to face him. After he fingers the front of my hair a little more he smiles and kisses me before saying:

"Beautiful…"

I turn around and look at my hair in the mirror; how did he manage to make it look so nice? I can never seem to get my curls to fall right and usually end up just pulling it into a messy bun on top of my head. I turn around and look into his golden eyes.

"How did you do that?"

"What do you mean? You watched what I did; it's not that big of a deal."

"Says you; I can never get my hair to co-operate."

"Tell you what love; I can be your own personal stylist from now on if you want."

"Make all the jokes you want to Jace. Unless you want my hair in either a side braid or in a messy bun on top of my head; then I suggest you take your words more seriously."

Jace rolls his eyes at me and tugs me along to follow him. I swat his butt twice before saying:

"That's what you get for rolling YOUR eyes at me darling."

He shakes his head at me as he chuckles.

We are standing in the feminine hygiene isle of the drug store and I scratch my head in confusion.

"What's wrong love?"

"There are so many different kinds and I can't read what they say."

"Hmm…I can try to help you the best I can; but remember I'm not very good a READING Spanish."

"I need regular tampons, unscented, with plastic applicators."

Jace raises his eyebrows and begins to look at the different boxes on the shelf. His fingers float over the words and then they stop as he lifts a box off of the shelf to read it closer.

"Come here Clary."

I go to his side and he points at the words on the box.

"See these two words here? That means regular absorbency. This word here means plastic…and these other two words right here; they mean no perfume or as you say unscented. Are these the ones you need then?"

"Yes! Thank you! I knew you could help me. I will remember to look for this box from now on. I just hope they don't change the color."

"Well that's why I wanted to show you what words to look for incase that does happen. We should pick up some sunscreen for you while we are here. Is there anything else you need or want?"

"Can I get some of my own things?"

"Get whatever you want sweetheart."

I pick out a deodorant by smelling several of them before finding one that has a soft powdery smell that I like. Jace takes it from me and tosses it into the basket and follow me to the next isle. I scan the shelves of shampoo and conditioner to see if I recognize the kind that we have at the Hilton. I watch Jace toss in a green bottle that must be his Pert that he uses.

"Can I help?"

"I was hoping they had the same kind that we used last night in the tub; but I can't seem to find it."

Jace stops slouching over the cart and comes to stand by my side to help me look. A few seconds later he bends down and picks up two bottles off of the shelf and hands them to me. I look at them and find that they kind of look like the little bottles that I remember but some of the words look different. I open the lid and smell it to find it smells the same as what Jace washed my hair with.

"How did you know this was the right kind?"

Jace points at the biggest word on the bottle and says:

"I recognized the brand name; you probably didn't recognize it because it didn't have the hotel name printed on it."

"Oh…"

Next I go to the soap isle to see if I can find a bar of soap I like. I only smell two kinds before tossing one into the cart and move on to the next isle. I pick up a box of toothpaste that I recognize the label of and throw it into the cart. I find the hair styling isle and pick out a brush that I like and toss it into the cart before turning to Jace.

"What was that stuff you put in my hair?"

"Hair gel."

"Do you think you could help me find it?"

Jace smiles at me and walks over to look at the styling products. A moment later he tosses a tube into the cart before turning to me.

"Anything else?"

"No I think that's all I need."

"What about a razor or a toothbrush?"

"I can get my own if you want me too, but I like to use yours."

Jace smiles and kisses my forehead.

"You can use mine; I don't care. I told you what's mine is yours; but I guess I should probably get some more razor heads if you are going to continue to use mine."

I push the cart as I follow Jace through the store. I watch him as his eyes scan over the different boxes of razor heads on the shelf. He snatches one off the shelf and tosses it into the cart. We continue to walk through the store and I stop the cart behind him as he begins opening bottles of lotion and smells them. He holds one out to me to smell.

"That one smells pretty."

He tosses it into the cart.

"Is that for you Jace?"

"No it's for you; if we are going to be spending time at the beach you're going to want that. The salt water can dry your skin; plus if I decide to give you a back rub it will make your skin nice and slick."

"Ooooh…I think I might enjoy a back rub."

I follow him down the next isle and giggle when he tosses in two big boxes of condoms as he wiggles his eyebrows at me before continuing to walk through the store.

"Do you want any perfume? Or you can wait until we go to the mall; I'm sure they have nicer perfume there."

"If you want me to wear perfume then you can pick out something you like."

He smiles and goes over to the perfume stand and starts smelling all the bottles.

"Mmm…this one smells good. Come here and try this one on."

I hold my wrist out and he sprays perfume on my skin. I wave my wrist around to let the perfume dry before smelling it. It has a soft powdery smell to it with just the hint of something floral. Jace curls his long finger around my wrist and smells my skin.

"Smells even better on your skin. Do you like it?"

"Yes I like it. Geez, Jace what are you going to do with me. I will actually smell like a girl now with all this smelly stuff. Maybe you won't like me if I don't smell like a boy anymore."

I slap my hand over my mouth as soon as the words are out. STUPID STUPID STUPID WHY THE HELL DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT CLARY?

"Jace, I'm so sorry…I didn't mean it that way…I was only joking."

Jace smiles and runs his knuckles across my cheekbone.

"Easy love…I'm not that sensitive…I can take a joke."

"You're not mad at me then?"

Jace fists his hand in my shirt and pulls me to his face where he kisses my lips softly. He peppers kiss from my mouth all the way to my ear where he whispers:

"No baby, I'm not mad at you. Just you wait and see what I plan on doing with you now though; now that you will smell as you say like a girl. You will still smell like my sweet Clary; just a little sweeter now."

Jace and I have been at the mall for over an hour now and we are both carrying several bags. I try my best to smile at his enthusiasm as he continues to chuck skimpy bikinis into the shopping car. After I see six different one in the carts I decide that he has picked enough out.

"Okay Jace that's enough; if I don't stop you, you will have this cart full."

Jace doesn't argue with me and he walks over to the men's swimsuit isle. He puts two pairs of swim trunks into the cart and announces that we are done.

"Wait! Why do I have to wear a bikini and you get to wear shorts that hang to your knees?" 

"Don't pout love…"

Jace pays for our swimsuits and beach towels and we leave the store. I pick up my pace as we walk through the hall of the mall; I am ready to get out of here. DID I MENTION THAT I HATE SHOPPING

"Hold up Clary, I want to go in this store."

"Uhhh….Jaaaace…" I whine.

"Humor me please? I realize how painful this must be for you; and I know it will be a cold day in hell before I get to do something like this again. So please just let me enjoy this for today; can you do that for me love?"

Defeated, I step forward to follow him into the next store. Dear god! He is walking into Victoria Secrets. Blood pools to my cheeks as I follow him into the store. I just want to smack him; he holds his head high and has a huge grin on his face as he plucks a shopping bag off the rack. I don't even bother following him. I find a chair near the register and drop the bags I was carrying to the floor as I slump into the chair.

"Do you need help finding anything today dear?"

I look up to see a beautiful girl smiling at me. Her gold name tag says her name is Rinata. She is bent down looking at me and I can see her caramel colored cleavage staring me right in the face. I blush further and point to Jace; who is holding up a pair of underwear that I can see through from all the way over here.

"I think you should probably ask him that question."

"Is he your boyfriend?"

I don't like how her brown eyes drink him in as she looks at him.

"No he is my husband. We are on our honeymoon."

Her eyes manage to unglue themselves from Jace and she look back at me. Her eyes run up and down my body as she sizes me up. As much as I want to show her I look the way Jace describes me; I end up shrinking into the chair further.

"He's a lucky man. You have beautiful skin; and those eyes, wow."

My head snaps up at her compliment. I want to tell her thank you but my mouth only hangs open in shock instead. My mouth continues to gape open as I watch her walk over and begin to talk to Jace. My jaw snaps closed and I grit my teeth when I see her put her caramel colored hand on Jaces forearm. Jace furrows his eyebrows as he looks at her hand on his arm; and then he side-steps away from her. She drops her hand and takes a step back as he says something to her in Spanish.

Jace start to walk towards me with a purpose to his step. He looks mad. Why is he mad? What did she say to him? Jace walks past me and dumps the bag upside down onto the counter by the register; bras and panties fill the counter in a heap and I shrink back down in my chair. Rinata begins to sort through the items and begins to ring them up. Her and Jace do not exchange any words as she scans the bras and panties. What feels like ten minutes later she says something to him and he hands her money without responding. She hands him his change and two pink bags and says something else to him. He takes the change and the two bags without responding to her and turns to leave the store.


	44. Chapter 44

CHAPTER 44

I jump up out of my chair and snatch the bags off the floor as I run to catch up with his long legs. He glances over his right shoulder to see that I am following him and continues to walk at a fast pace towards the exit of the mall. I want to stop him and ask him what's wrong but I want to get the hell out of this mall before he decides to go into yet another store.

Jace unlocks the trunk of the car and throws his bags in before taking the bags out my hands and then throws them in with just as much force. He slams the trunk lid and pulls me to his chest. His arms are tight around my waist as he buries his face in my hair.

"What's wrong sweetie?"

"That woman was filthy." He mumbles in my hair.

"What did she say to you?"

"I'm not telling you what she said to me." He mumbles again.

"She was nice to me. She said I had beautiful skin and she like my green eyes."

"She mentioned your skin and your eyes to me; trust me she wasn't being nice about what she said. Can we just get out of here please?"

Jace kisses my neck and releases me. He holds my door open as I slide into the car. I reach across the seat and unlock his door for him; he smiles as he slide behind the steering wheel.

"What a woman!"

"Huh?"

"When your girlfriend reaches over and unlocks your car door you better put a ring on her finger because she's a good woman."

"What are we in the middle of A Bronx Tale?"

Jace throws his head back in laughter.

"That's a great movie!"

"Eeh… I like Goodfellas better."

"Yeah! Hey hey how's this for an impression?_ Neva rat on your friends and always keep ya mouth shut!"_

"I think you should keep your day job Jace."

"No? No good? Well, damn."

Jace reaches over and turns on the radio and a woman sings in Spanish while trumpets play loudly in the background.

"Ugh…do me a favor Clary; open the glove box and hand me that black auxiliary cord please."

I open the glove box and untangle the cord and hand it to Jace. He lifts his hips and digs into his front pocket; pulling out his MP3 player. He plugs one end of the cord into his MP3 player and then plugs the other end into the CD play of the car.

"Here you pick something."

I take his MP3 player and look at it like it's a foreign object. Jace watches me as I turn it over in my hand; trying to figure out how to turn it on.

"Haven't you ever used one of those before?"

"No, I never even had a CD player growing up. The only music I have ever listened to was either on the radio or maybe the occasional music video on television."

Jace's eyes go wide at my confession.

"Okay, turn it over so you are looking at the screen…now push that button on the left side of it…okay I can see it's on…now use the up and down arrows to look through the songs and push the play button when you find something you like."

I begin to scroll through the music and find I have no idea who most of these bands are. I look for a little longer and still can't find anything I recognize and end up just picking one at random and pushing play.

"Alright…nice choice."

"I have no idea what I picked; I didn't recognize anything so just picked a random song."

"Oh…well that song is by the Cold War Kids; it's called Tuxedos."

"I like his voice."

"Yeah it's a great band."

We listen to the song and instead of trying to pick another song I just push shuffle on the MP3 player and let it play whatever pops up. I recognize the next song that comes on; it's Trading Places by Usher.

"Change it! Change it! I can't listen to that right now; I'll get all worked up."

I laugh at him and push shuffle again and a slow song comes on.

"Oooh…this song gets me worked up too; but don't change it. I want you to hear it."

I listen to the song and the women's voice ranges high and low as she sings; the music is intense; the music pulses in a very seductive manor.

"What was that one? I liked it."

"Good, that makes me happy that you liked that one; I'm quite fond of that band. The song is called Waiting Game and it's by a band called Banks."

I push shuffle once more.

"Geez no change it!"

"Why what's wrong with this song?"

"Nothing's wrong with it. That's just another one that gets me worked up."

I push pause on his MP3 player.

"That's three songs in a row that get you worked up. Do I need to remind you that this is YOUR MP3 player?"

"I know it's mine. Look I listen to a lot of different stuff; depends on my mood."

I giggle at him.

"What's so funny?"

"Well considering the last three songs that came on are ones that get you all worked up I can only imagine your mood when you DO listen to those songs."

"I'm not ashamed to admit I touch myself sometime."

"Do you still do that?"

"Touch myself? No I don't need to; you keep me well satisfied."

"Glad to be of service to you. Will you at least tell me the name of the song?"

"Desire by Meg Myers…that song gives me chills up my spine. Come on play something else; were almost there."

I push shuffle on his MP3 play and wait for the next song to come on. I decide that if the next one that plays is one of the so-called gets him worked up songs; I will let it play and crank the volume up on the radio.

"Ahh…now that's a very fitting song for today don't you think?"

"What's this song? The voice sounds familiar."

"It's MCR…the songs called Summertime."

The song ends right before Jace turns into the parking area by the beach. I am bouncing in my seat like a little kid. The ocean looks so pretty; I can't wait to feel the sand between my toes.

Jace opens my door and chuckles at my giddiness. We walk to the back of the car to get our swimsuits out of the trunk.

"Which one of these do you want to wear?"

"Just pick one for me."

Jace hands me one of the bikini's as he rummages for his swim trunks. He finds them and pulls them out along with our beach towels and the bottle of sunscreen.

"Hmm…looks like you'll have to change in the car there's an out of order sign on the changing room."

Jace stands in between the car and the open back door holding a towel up so that I can change without someone seeing me. I giggle at him as he shamelessly peeks over the top of the towel and watches me change. I am happy to find that the bikini he picked out fits me perfectly; and the pale yellow color of it compliments my pale skin nicely. Jace drapes the towel over the car door and takes his shirt off; tossing it into the back of the car. He wraps the towel around his hips and takes his pants and boxer short off under the towel before putting on his black swim trunks.

"I think you should leave that towel on."

"I know the pink flower really bring out my eyes don't you think?"

We both laugh and I snatch the towel off of his hips and he bolts away from me towards the sandy beach. I try to run after him but his long legs are just too fast for me to catch him. Halfway to the water I drop our towels and run the rest of the way to the water. Jace is already far out into the water and he stops swimming to watch me get into the water. The waves are cool on my skin and the sand between my toes is soft.

I wade in up to my hips and stop walking. The waves swell up to my ribs and I am afraid to go in any further.

"Don't be scared baby…come on, come to me."

Jace is about ten feet away from me; he has his armed stretched out to me and the waves rise up to his shoulders. Trusting him to save me from drowning I begin to walk towards him. The closer I get to him the higher on my body the waves swell. Just as I feel my toes leave the sand and the water touch my chin; Jace lunges forward and lifts me up by my waist.

"Good girl… I knew you could come to me."

"I trust you not to let me drown."

Jace giggles and a devilish grin crosses his face.

"What's so funny?"

"Can I tell you without you smacking me?"

"I refuse to make that promise to you."

"I could just let you go and swim away from you."

"No! Please don't Iet me go; I'm scared."

Jace kisses me sweetly.

"I would never let you go love."

"Thank you, now tell me what you were giggling about."

He giggles again.

"I enjoyed watching you run in your bikini."

"Oh you did now?"

"MMM-HMMM…delicious."

"Did it get you all worked up?"

"Baby everything you do gets me all worked up."

"That's good, because everything you do gets me all worked up."

He kisses me and is smiling when he looks at me.

"Jace, I have a question for you."

"So ask it."

"Have you had sex in an elevator?"

Jace laughs and hugs me to his chest. His skin feels so soft in the salty ocean. I realize that I have been griping his hipbones since he grabbed ahold of me. I casually slide my hands up to his ribs; hoping he didn't notice.

"Why do you want to know that?"

"Just curious I guess."

"Once."

"With the nineteen year old?"

"One of them yes."

"There was more than one of them?"

Jace tilts his head to the side and squint's his left eye as though he is thinking about something.

"Five. Five nineteen year olds."

"How was the elevator sex?"

"It was…don't smack me okay…it was pretty hot to be honest with you. I think the idea of getting caught was what made it hot."

"How about in the ocean? Have you ever had sex in the ocean?"

"No, can't say that I have. I did have sex in a public pool once though. I look forward to making my first time in the ocean with you."

"A public pool?"

"Yeah but it was at night time; we broke in."

"How old was that girl?"

"That was one of the nineteen year olds also."

"Was it hot too?"

"You sure do ask a lot of questions don't you. Um…no it wasn't hot; it was…it was just sex I guess."

"Can I ask you another question?"

Jace laughs at me.

"Seeing that you haven't judge me once throughout this entire conversation; feel free to ask as many questions as you like."

"How many girls have you had sex with?"

"Oooh….hmmm…are you sure you want to know the answer to that question?"

"Yes."

Jace tilts his head and squint's his eye in thought for a moment before answering.

"Gosh…I think that is the first time I really added them all up before. Hmm the number seems pretty high now that I have. Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes."

Fourteen…five nineteen year olds…four eighteen year olds, two seventeen year olds, two sixteen year olds and one fifteen year old…not counting you."

"So I would make number fifteen then?"

"Yes, I suppose it would."

"How old were you when you lost your virginity?"

"Uhhh…I'm not really sure how to answer that question."

"When it was important to you. The first time you had sex and it meant something to you."

"Believe it or not the only time I felt like it meant something to me was when I made love to you for the first time. Just like it means something to me EVERY time I make love to you."

"Awe…I don't know what to say to that. You are so sweet; you know that right?"

"Not as sweet as you are though."

"We can agree to disagree on that."

"No I'm sticking to my guns her. Remember love, I have tasted the proof of how sweet you really are."

"You're so bad."

"I know, I can't help myself."

"Okay…so how old were you when you had sex with a girl for the first time; if that is an acceptable way of wording the question."

"Yes that is acceptable. I was almost fifteen."

"How old was the girl?"

"Sixteen."

"What did it feel like the first time?"

"Uncomfortable."

"Oh I'm sorry…did you? You know?"

"What cum? Yes I did. Even you know how easy that is for me to do."

"What do you mean?"

"I try so hard to last longer for you. Making love to you is like a double edged sword for me Clary. On one hand I cum too fast because it feels so good; and on the other hand it feels so good I don't ever want it to be over."

"I like the way you make love to me Jace. I'm always going to like the way you make love to me. You make me feel good."

"Thank god for that; because I want to be inside of you ALL the time."

"ALL the time?"

"ALL the time; I can't get enough of you Clary. Being inside of you feels so…so…so damn perfect I can't come up with the words to describe it."

"You made me."

"What do you mean?"

"You made me to fit perfectly together with you. We are like two piece of a puzzle."

Jace kisses me hard on the mouth. The waves lap at our skin as we kiss. Our hands run smoothly against each other skin thanks to the slick salt water. Jace wraps my legs around his hips and groans into my mouth as I gently tug his wet hair. I feel his legs moving in the water as he pulls us further out into the ocean. The waves swell up to the back of my head and once completely over my head as we kiss. I get water up my nose and I break our kiss as I begin to cough. Jace laughs and pulls me closer to the shore. He takes my legs off of his hips and pushes me away; I begin to panic until I feel the sand between my toes.

"Ready for your first swimming lesson Clary?"

"Yes."

About a half an hour later I am proud of myself as I swim slow but sloppy circles around Jace. He smiles proudly at me each time I pass him.

"Good job sweetheart. You look like a beautiful dolphin swimming."

I laugh at his comment as I continue to swim. I can feel muscles in my body that I did know I had. I just know I am going to be sore tomorrow from swimming but I don't care I am having too much fun. I swim a couple more circles and find that my strokes are less sloppy. When I swim back in front of Jace again I stop my stroking and stand in front of him.

"Let's have a race!"

"Seriously? You are doing wonderful, but I think you might be getting a little in over your head by challenging me to a race love."

"Come on, it'll be fun."

"What do I get if I win…eh-hem, I mean WHEN I win?"

"Whatever you want."

"Just remember you _said_ that when I cash in later Clary."

"Wait aren't you going to ask me what I get if I win?"

"Okay I'll humor you. What do you get if you win?"

"I want a backrub if I win."

"Deal."

"Awesome. On your mark…get set…GO!"

I swim as fast as my legs and arms can move but in a few strokes Jace flies by me like I'm dead in the water. I keep swimming anyhow; the weightless feeling the water gives me feels too good for me to feel defeat. Jace is about twenty yards ahead of me when he stops and waits with a huge grin on his face for me to swim to him.

"Okay okay you win. What do you want me to do for you?"

"Nope not going to tell you. You will find out later."

"That's not fair! I told you what I wanted if I won."

"Hey it's not my fault you forced me into asking you."

"How did I force you?"

"Eh-hem…and I quote… _Wait aren't you going to ask me what I get if I win?"_

"Oh…I guess I did say that didn't I? Do I really sound that high pitched when I talk?"

Jace laughs softly.

"Only when you whine."

"I do not whine…well sometime maybe."

He laughs again and kisses my forehead as he cups my face in his hands. His smile slips from his face and his eyebrows scrunch together.

"Uh-oh Clary."

"What's wrong."

"We forgot to put sunscreen on you."

"Oh well we haven't been out here too long."

"Almost an hour."

"Uh-oh."

"I already said that."

"I guess I should get out and put some on."

"We should probably just call it a day; it's got to be after four by now and we still need to get to the grocery store."

"Yeah you're right let's go."

"We can come back tomorrow."

"Goody!"

We are out of the water and drying off with our towels; when I rub my face with the towel I can feel the threat of a sunburn on my skin.

"I take it you like swimming then?"

"Yes, I love it! Thank you for teaching me."

"There wasn't really that much to teach you; you seem to be a natural Clary."

"Thank you. Just you wait, I will beat you at a race one of these days."

"Do you know how proud of you I will be when you do?"

"You really would be proud of me wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would be proud of you Clary. Why wouldn't I be proud?"

"Awe you are being extra sweet today. You must be planning to cash something big in tonight."

"What I'm not allowed to just be sweet to you for no reason?"

Jace opens my car door and closes it after I get in. Once again I reach across the seat and unlock his door. I smile remembering his bad Italian accent as he quoted Goodfellas. Jace gets in and starts the car after he buckles his seatbelt.

"The answer to your question is yes."

"That's good because that's how I always plan to treat you. You are smart, and you are beautiful, and you are funny, and you are so carefree, and you are amazing; you deserve to be treated like the wonderful girl you are."

"Once again you have me speechless Jace."

"Oh give it a little time; I'm sure you'll come up with some random question to ask me."

We both laugh as he drives us back towards the city. Sure enough within a couple of minutes I think of a question to ask him and I begin to giggle at how well he knows me.

"Something funny over there little girl?"

"I thought of a question to ask you."

"Of course you did. Let's have it then. What do you want to ask me? Let me guess; does it have to do something with my sexual experience?"

"How did you know?"

"How do I know anything you're thinking? I just do somehow. Besides I have my own strange fascinations with you; you should be allowed to have a fascination of your own. What's your question?"

"Are you sure you don't mind me asking you those kinds of questions?"

"Not at all, I told you I want you to know everything about me. Granted some things I am in NO hurry whatsoever to tell you. The questions you have asked me today are easy ones to answer; especially since I never see the look of judgment when I answer you."

"Okay…was I the only virgin that you have had sex with?" 

"No."

"How many of the fourteen were virgins?"

"Just one. She was seventeen…I was fifteen."

"Did you hurt her?"

"No more than it had to. Even though I was slow and careful with you I could tell it still hurt you."

"It was still wonderful."

"You have no idea how happy I am about that either."

"It really was wonderful. I have heard so many horror stories from girls about losing their virginity that I figured I was doomed to have a similar experience."

"To use your words…Glad I could be of service."

"Mmm and serve me you did."

Jace laughs at me and reaches for my hand. He leans over and kisses the back of my hand sweetly before stroking his cheek with the back of my hand.

"My sweet Clary…" He whispers.

I lean forward and turn up the radio when I hear Far Away by Nickelback playing from Jace's MP3 player that is connected to the CD player begin to play. Jace sings along in his beautiful voice as he continues to stroke his cheek with the back of my hand. I sing the words quietly and watch him.

We are in the store and have the cart almost half full of groceries when Jace spots the melons.

"Were those melons I was eating this morning the same as these ones?"

The bottom of his t-shirt is damp from his swim trunks and I can feel my damp jeans sticking to my bottom as I push the cart towards him.

"Mmm…no they weren't that bumpy; I think those are the same ones over there."

I watch him as he looks at the melons. He shakes them by his ear and smells them. He comes over to the cart carrying three of them and puts them into the shopping cart.

"Jace there are still two of them at the hotel; plus the other half of the one I cut up for breakfast." 

"So."

"Are you going to eat them before they go bad?"

"So what if I don't? What are YOU going to do about it?"

I roll my eyes at him as I make my way to the checkout counter.

"I saw that."

I turn around and stick my tongue out at him."

He giggles as he runs in front of the cart to begin unloading our groceries onto the belt. I watch him as he organizes everything in neat groups on the belt. He keeps the meat with the meat, the vegies with the vegies and so on. When he's done he smiles proudly at his work and turns to me.

"Do you want a candy bar?"

"No why would you ask me that?"

"Well…I know you get your cravings…and since you…well you know…"

My cheeks color as I realize that he is talking about me having my period.

"There is plenty of chocolate back at the hotel if I get a craving; but thank you for being thoughtful."

He smiles sweetly at me and picks up one of the tabloid magazines and begins flipping through it. He holds it open for me to see.

"Oh can you believe this? They are saying she's pregnant again!"

Jace rolls his eyes and shove the magazine back on to the rack. I laugh at the fake look of shock on his face.

"Do you know how many children she would have if she was pregnant as much as they say she was Jace?"

"I know like ten right?"

"Maybe even eleven."

We both laugh at our silliness as an old woman scans our groceries. Jace pays for our groceries and I begin to load our bags into the cart.

"Here love let me do that."

"What am I supposed to do? Just stand her and look stupid?"

"No just stand there and look beautiful."

I see the old woman smile and nod at what Jace said. He turns to her and asks her in in English.

"She's beautiful isn't she?"

The woman says something to Jace in Spanish and smiles at me. Jaces thanks her in Spanish, that much I can understand.

"See love, this lovely woman here agrees with me. You should just stand there and look beautiful why I load these groceries."

I smile politely at the woman as Jace puts the last bag into the shopping car. Jace places his hands over top of mine as I push the cart out of the store. I put my feet on the bottom of the shopping cart and lean forward; Jace catches on and runs a couple of steps before putting his feet on either side of mine and we roll through the parking lot laughing like children.

It's a little after six when we get all the groceries into the kitchen of our hotel.

"What are you cooking for dinner?"

"I was going to make chicken stir fry. It's pretty quick to make."

"Sounds good. Tell you what; just take what you need out of the bags while I go get the rest of our stuff from the car and when I get back I will put the groceries away for you."

"Deal."

By the time Jace brings up the other bags from the car and puts the groceries away; I am all done chopping up everything for the sir fry.

"Do you need any help?"

"I think I got it all covered thanks."

"Okay, I'm going to go hang up our new clothes then."

Fifteen minutes later Jace walks back into the kitchen just as I turn the stove off.

"Is it done?"

"Yes, you have great timing."

Jace takes the pan of stir fry from my hand with a wink of his eye and carries it to the counter. I smile as I open the fridge to get us something to drink.

"All we have is water and orange juice to drink; what would you like?"

"There is wine over there on the table if you want some of that."

"Okay, that sounds good; but just one glass please."

Jace laughs as he walks over to the table and brings back a bottle of dark colored wine.

"Trust me love I won't make the same mistake twice."

"What are you talking about? I was perfectly fine by the time we went to bed last night?"

"Yeah after I killed almost an hour and had to pull my own hair out just to get you to take a few bites of food."

I roll my eye as he hands me a glass of the wine. I take a small sip and find that I don't really like the taste of it. Jace takes a sip of his own and shamelessly spits it back into the glass.

"Yuck! That stuff is terrible."

"It's not THAT bad Jace."

He walks over and dumps his glass into the sink; after he rinses his glass out he gets the orange juice out of the fridge and fills his glass with it before coming to sit beside me. Jace spoons stir fry onto both of our plates and smiles at me as he shove a fork full of food into his mouth.

"Mmm…this is good." He says around a mouthful of food.

"I love stir fry; I could eat it every week."

"I could eat this almost every day; it's REALLY good. Thank you. I promise I will cook you dinner tomorrow okay."

"No you won't I have something special planed for tomorrow."

"Oh yeah like what?"

"I am going to make you roast with mashed potatoes and gravy. I am even going to try to make you candied carrots. Oh and homemade biscuits."

"God, I love you."

"Easy now, you haven't tried my candied carrots yet so don't get too excited."

"They will be delicious."

"I appreciate your confidence in me."

"Don't play coy; you know you're a damn good cook Clary."

I smile at him and continue to eat my stir fry. I realize how hungry I am as I shovel the food into my mouth. Jace puts another big scoop onto his plate and matches my shoveling speed. I finish my plate of food and decide to sip at my wine before I put more on my plate. I am a little crampy today from my period and I don't want to make it worse by over eating.

"Are you done eating already?" He mumbles.

"Yeah I think so, I don't want to make my stomach hurt more than it has to."

Jace nods and continues to eat his food. I watch him as he piles more stir fry onto his plate by picking up the pan and just dumping it onto his plate.

"Last chance Clary; I plan on eating all of this if you don't want anymore."

"No its okay, go ahead. I'm glad you like."

"I love this. I really like all the big pieces of mushroom you put in here."

"I wasn't sure if you would like them so I made sure they were big enough to spot."

"I love mushrooms. I don't care what kind of food you put in front of me; if it has mushrooms in it I'll eat it."

"Do you know if we have any tea bags?"

"Yeah I saw a box of tea in the cupboard above the can of coffee."

I slide off the stool and slowly make my way to the cupboard to find the tea. I think every muscle in my body hurts and my cramps are getting more annoying. I pull the box of tea down and Jace wraps his arms around me and whispers in my ear.

"Why don't you go get in the tub; I will make you tea and bring it in when it's done." 

"I want to clean up this mess first."

"In the tub; that's an order. I'll clean the kitchen after I bring you your tea."

I decide not to argue with him and leave the kitchen to go get in the tub. I am sitting on the edge of the tub waiting for it to fill when I hear a knock at the door.


	45. Chapter 45

CHAPTER 45

"You don't have to knock you know."

Jace comes in carrying my cup of tea; when he sees me sitting naked on the edge of the tub his eye light up.

"Dear god woman you almost made me drop your tea; you are breathtaking Clary."

I roll my eyes and slide into the tub. Jace hands me my tea and shuts the water off.

"I really wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

The sincerity in his eyes makes me smile at him.

"I promise to learn how to take your compliments better."

Jace kisses me on the forehead and cups my face in his hands.

"Enjoy your bath, and be careful your tea is hot."

"Aren't you going to take a bath with me?"

"No I am going to go clean the kitchen. I can just run through the shower when I'm done."

"Okay, thank you for cleaning the kitchen and thank you for making me the tea."

"You're more than welcome. Take your time and I'll see you later okay."

Jace leave the bathroom and I close my eyes to enjoy the feel of the hot water on my sore muscles. A few minutes later I take a sip of my tea; it has just the right amount of sugar in it. How did he know I take sugar in my hot tea? I drink my coffee black the same as he does but I like a little sugar in my hot tea. After I have finished my tea and soaked in the tub for a little longer I decide it's time to get out.

I put on a pair of the less skimpy underwear that Jace bought me and slip on one of his new t-shirts. I smile as I remember him putting five extra ones in the cart. He said he got them because they seem to be my preferred sleepwear. I told him I could get something of my own and he said oh no baby, I like the way you look in my t-shirts. He said that every time he wears one he with remember that it was on my naked body.

I look in the mirror as I comb my hair and see that my face is a little red from the sun but it looks good on my pale skin. I brush my teeth quickly and decide to go see if Jace needs any help cleaning up the kitchen. When I open the bathroom door; Jace is lying across the bed on his back with his hands crossed behind his head. His hair is wet and slicked back and he is only wearing pair of his boxer briefs. He lifts his head up to see me coming out of the bathroom.

"How was your bath?"

"Lonely. Do you want me to help you clean up the kitchen?"

"It's already done."

"Did you take a shower too?"

"Yep."

"You could have used the shower in our bathroom."

"I thought maybe you wanted a little time to yourself. I told you I would do my best not to smother you."

"You are not smothering me Jace. I will be more than happy to tell you if I feel smothered. Are you sure you just didn't need a little time to yourself?"

"No. I told you there is no me without you Clary. I don't need time to myself."

"Okay."

"Come here…"

His lazy eyes drink me in as I crawl on to the bed up to him. I slide my hands over his bare chest and lay my head on his stomach.

"Come here…" He whispers.

I pull myself further up the bed and look him in the eye. He cups my face in his hands and looks at me for what feels like a full two minutes.

"I love you."

"I love you to Jace."

"My sweet Clary…"

"Oh speaking of sweet. How did you know I liked sugar in my hot tea?"

Jace shrugs as he caresses my cheeks with his hands.

"Just did I guess."

"I think you have mind reading powers that you're not telling me about. Quick what am I thinking now?"

"How are you feeling?"

"Wrong that wasn't what I was thinking. I guess I was wrong maybe you don't have mind reading powers."

I chuckle at my own joke but Jace just smiles sweetly at me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sore. I have muscles that I didn't even know I had scowling at me for overusing them today in the ocean."

"Good, now I can cash in on my prize."

"What do you mean good? And what do you mean now you can cash in on your prize?"

"Well yeah maybe I shouldn't have said good. I'm sorry you're sore. But I'm glad you will get to benefit from my reward for winning our swimming contest."

"Okay what do you want me to do?"

"Take your shirt off."

I sit up to take my shirt off and toss it on the floor.

"Now what?"

"Lay down on your stomach."

"Why what are you up to?"

"Where's the trust?"

A pang of guilt twist in my chest but it goes away when I see his sweet smile. I do as he ask and lay down on my stomach. I see Jace reach for something on the nightstand but his hand moves too quickly for me to see what it was. I hear Jace rub his hands together and I fight back the urge to giggle at his excitement. WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO TO ME? I wonder if I should be a little scared of the unknown. I wonder if what he plans to do to me will hurt me.

Jace climbs on top of me and sits on my butt; he keeps most of his weight on his knees as he straddles my hips between his legs. His warm hands touch my shoulders lightly and he slides them all the way down my back and fans them out it random directions as he slides them back up to my shoulders. His hands slide over my skin with ease and I now know what he was reaching for on the nightstand. I also now know why he was rubbing his hands together. He was rubbing the lotion he bought for me today onto his hands.

After he is done applying the lotion to my back I wait for him to get off of me and tell me what I am supposed to do next. Just when I am ready to ask him he begins to rub my back with deep pressure of his hands. I feel my muscles relax as he massages me. This can't be his prize can it? Is his reward for winning our swimming contest really giving me a massage? I decide this must be true considering all his other strange infatuations with me.

Jace massages my entire back until I am beyond relaxed. His hands slide up to my shoulders and he massages them before rubbing the back of my neck with the tips of his strong fingers. He then massages both of my arms before working his way back down my spine. He playfully squeezes my butt as he works his way down my thigh with his skilled hands. He rubs my leg all the way down to my foot and takes a few minutes to rub my foot; my foot feels so small in his hands. He kisses each one of my toes before gently laying my leg onto the bed. He picks up my other leg and does the same thing to that one; only in reverse. He starts by kissing each one of my toes and finish his massage by playfully squeezing my butt again; before he works his way up my spine again. Only as his hands run smoothly over my skin he feathers kisses over my back. Jaces hands still on my shoulders as he presses his chest onto my back and he continues to feather kiss across my shoulders and up and down both sides of my neck. I can't help but let a small moan escape my mouth when his lips kiss me behind my ear.

Jace stops kissing me and I feel him lift his weight off of my back as his hands slide off of my back. I quickly flip over and wrap my arms around his necks so he can't escape. His eyes are so soft and so full of love that I feel a lump in my throat.

"Your reward was giving me a full body massage?"

"Yes and I loved every minute of it too."

"So did I. That was wonderful, thank you darling."

Jace brushes his lips against mine but before I can capture his mouth he pulls his head back slightly.

"So since you like your back rub; am I wrong to assume that you would be willing to let me give you more of them?"

"For future reference you never have to ask me that."

"Hey that's my line."

"Should I go get a towel?"

"A towel? For what?"

"Don't you want to make love?"

"No baby that's alright; you're sore and you have cramps."

"Thanks to you I'm not sore anymore. My cramps aren't that bad either."

"Really we don't have to; I know you're not comfortable with the idea of me going near you when you have your period. I am more than happy to wait a few days."

"I'm pretty comfortable right now. Actually I take that back I am very uncomfortable right now."

"See, I told you it's no big deal."

"It's your fault I'm in the state I'm in right now."

"What do you mean?"

"Go get me a towel and I will show you."

"Clary…"

"Please I need you Jace, only you can give my body what it needs."

"Are you sure?"

"Actually let me up, I will go get the towel; I need to use the bathroom first anyhow."

When I walk back into the bedroom Jace has the covers pulled back and is setting on the edge of the bed staring at his fingernails. He looks up at me as I walk towards him; his eyes shift down to my naked body and then to the towel in my hand.

"Really Clary we don't have to do this."

I fold the towel in half and place it on the bed.

"Lay down on the towel."

Jace's eyes go wide at my assertiveness; but he does as he's told. I straddle his knees and slip my fingers under the waistband of his boxers as I grin up at him. I pull his boxers down as he lifts his hips; and then toss them to the floor. I see that he is still soft when I look between his thighs.

"Well this just won't do Jace. I think maybe you might need a little bit of encouragement."

Jace keeps perfectly still as he looks at me; his eyes are filled with curiosity as crawl between his thighs. Starting at his right knee; I run my tongue lightly over his skin all the way up to his hipbone. I felt the muscles in his leg jump as my tongue ran over his golden skin. I look into his eyes as I kiss his hip to judge his reaction. I find that he seems okay with the location of my mouth and I drag my teeth across his hip as I continue to look at him. He sucks in a sharp breath and his eyes flutter closed as I begin to suck on his hipbone.

I stop my sucking and kiss a trail down low on his abdomen all the way over to his other hip; where I bite him gently. I fight the urge to laugh when he yelps as I continue to bite his hipbone. I feel his fingers touch my hair and I duck out of his reach.

"No touching…" I whisper.

"Why?"

"Shhh…no talking either…" I whisper again.

I see Jace lace his fingers together as he rest his hands on top of his head.

"Good boy…" I coo.

I begin kissing; licking and biting him dangerously close to his shaft. Jace sucks in another sharp breath as his hips buck.

"Keep still please…" My voice is so throaty I almost don't recognize it.

Jace whimpers at my request. His breathing becomes ragged as I brush my damp hair deliberately over his sensitive shaft. I hear him moan as I curl my thumb and pointer finger around the base of his shaft. I keep my eyes locked on his as I float my lips up and down the length of his shaft without actually making contact with his skin. The muscles in his body are twitching so hard that I can feel the vibration through the mattress. Jaces hands leave the top of his head and he grips the sheets tightly with his fist as he begins to pant.

I can see it in his eyes how badly he wants to touch me. I can see he wants to not just touch me; he wants to throw me on my back and have his way with me. Seeing this makes my center pulse with want, and my stomach flutters with anticipation. He keeps his lips pressed together in a hard line, and the tightness in his jaw tells me his teeth are clenched together; effectively keeping him from speaking.

I am so proud of his self-control I decide to reward him by taking him in my mouth. Jace groans loudly as he tries to prevent his hips from jerking as my mouth consumes him. He is whimpering softly as his breathing becomes more rapid as I stroke him with my mouth. I take my mouth off of him and remove my hand from around his shaft and sit on my knees as I look up at his beautiful face. His eyes are on fire as he looks at me.

"I want you to slide up so your shoulders and head are resting against the headboard." I whisper seductively.

Jace does as he is told as I get off of the bed. His eyes follow me as I walk to the nightstand and take a condom from the drawer. I stick my thumb in my mouth and bite it as he watches me walk to the end of the bed. I take my thumb out of my mouth and press it to my chin; and run my thumb all the way down to my left nipple. I hear him growl as I caress my nipple with my thumb. His eyes look like they could burn down an entire city as I crawl my way up the bed. Jaces hands are still knotted in the sheets and he moans as I straddle his thighs. I lick my lips slowly and drag my teeth across my bottom lip before using my teeth to open the foil package. He whimpers as I carefully unroll the condom down the length of his shaft.

I see his hands flutter to my sides as I hover over him. I shake my head no at him as I rest my center over the top of his shaft. He keeps his hands at my sides but doesn't touch me. I know his overwhelming need to keep me from hurting myself is why he will not lower his hands. My knees dig into his hips and my hand grips his waist as I slowly begin to lower myself onto him. Feeling him just inside of me; I feel the urge to take him inside of me all at once. Not wanting to hurt myself I push myself down further a little at a time until he is completely inside of me.

Jace lets out the breath he was holding in a loud rush and drops his hands back to the mattress; where he knots his fingers in the sheets again. I begin to circle my hips as I run my hands down his sides. I watch him closely as my hands rest lightly on his hip. I stroke his hipbones with my thumbs as he looks at me with love and complete trust in his eyes.

"I love you…" I whisper.

He frowns and whimpers at my words because he remembers that I told him he wasn't allowed to talk. I curl my fingers around his hips with gentle pressure as I continue to swirl my hip. Jace moans and his eyes flutter closed. Not wanting to push him too far I slide my hands up to his shoulder and begin to rock my hips against him at an even pace. I begin to moan softly as I feel my climax coming on. Jace has his eyebrows furrowed as small grunts escape his throat. His eyes are begging me for permission to touch my body.

"Touch me Jace…"

His hands are on my body in an instant and his face relaxes as I continue to rock against him. His long fingers dig into my butt as I find my release. I manage to keep my hips rocking as I climax and Jace whimpers; wanting his own release. I stop my rocking and kiss a path from his collarbone to his ear where I begin to suck and nibble. I can feel his stomach muscles clenched tightly as I press my stomach against his body. His hands are needy on my body; they stroke and grip my skin.

I stop nibbling on his ear and whisper for him to keep still before I kiss a slow path to the corner of his mouth; where I stop and lift my face to look at him. His hands rest lightly on my thighs and his eyes are full of admiration as he looks at me. I curl my hand around his face and gently squeeze his cheeks; causing his lips to pucker. I lower my face and gently brush my lips across his mouth a few times before releasing his cheeks and kissing him deeply. I break our kiss and begin to rock against him again at a slow pace.

"Touch me please…" I plead.

Jaces hands run over my skin as I increase my speed. Part of me wants to beg him to move with me but my need to control my body stops my mouth from saying the words. I increase my speed and I am now thrusting my hip against him; my faster stroke causes me to feel him deeper inside of me. My pressure rises at a high rate of speed and before my mind can tell my body to slow down I find my release. I grit my teeth and continue to thrust my hips as my entire body begins to shake. Jace grips my ribs tightly and his head lifts off of the headboard as he begins to moan loudly. I feel like I can't control my body much longer; but I fight against my shaking as I increase my pace further. Just when I think I can't possibly continue; Jace gasps loudly as he finds his release. I collapse on his chest as my body continues to tremble violently.

Jace wraps his arms around me and holds my body tight against his. My body is not the only one trembling; I can feel Jaces body pulsing underneath mine as he holds me tightly. After a few moments I find control over my body again and I raise my hips and Jace slide out of me as he groans in my ear. I lift my body and place my hands on his cheeks and kiss his mouth gently before looking at him.

"There is no me without you either Jace…"

He looks deep into my eyes with understanding.

"Only your touch can chase my demons away love."

His voice trembles as he says those words to me. His eyes are glassy as he strokes my hair.

"Thank you for trusting me to touch you."

"I trust you Clary…I trust you with my body…I trust you with my heart…and I trust you with my life…"

"I feel the same way darling. Now, if you think you can walk; come and take a shower with me."

Jace smiles at me as I pull him off the bed. He snatches the towel off the mattress and tosses it to the floor as I tug him towards the bathroom. After we wash each other in the shower Jace wraps a towel around his hips and leaves the bathroom to give me a moment of privacy. After I am dressed and done combing my hair I go back into the bedroom to find Jace gone from the room.

I find him in the kitchen eating half of a melon with a spoon.

"How can you be eating?"

"What can I say, sex gives me an appetite."

"I should be the one eating; I did all the work in there."

"Do you have any idea how much energy I just burned up in there trying to keep my self-control?"

"I want to congratulate you on that too; I couldn't be more proud of you."

Jace spreads his arm wide and bows his head towards me.

"Thank you for your praise; and I am also quite proud of you as well. Your body was shaking so much; I wasn't sure if you would be able to hold on."

"Thank you. I am pretty damn proud of myself too."

"Just you telling me you love me like that almost ruined me."

"I know, I saw how hard that was for you."

"Did you see me telling you with my eyes that I love you too?"

"Yes."

"Good, because that's all my brain kept shouting since you told me I wasn't allowed to speak."

"I thought my body was going to burst into flames from the way you were looking at me."

"I felt like I WAS on fire! The way you tease me Clary; honestly do you have no shame?"

"Nope."

"Oh god what you did with that thumb of yours…it took everything in me not to jump of that bed."

"Oh I know, trust me." I giggle.

"I give you an amazing massage and that is how you choose to repay me?"

"Awe poor Jace…I promise never to do that again."

"You, my sweet Clary, are a liar. That's okay though because I love the way you tease me; I wouldn't have it any other way."

Watching him eat his melon makes me hungry so I grab a banana from the table and peel it.

"What are you doing with that banana?" 

"I'm going to eat it. Why?"

"Just making sure you don't plan on practicing your teasing while I have to stand here and watch."

I laugh as I take a bite of the banana. Jace watches me close through slited eyes as I chew.

"Stop looking at me like that!"

Jace laughs and walks across the kitchen; he wraps his hands around my waist and lifts me high in the air. I put my hand on his shoulder to keep from toppling over his head. He lifts my t-shirt up and blows noise bubbles on my stomach causing me to almost choke on a chunk of banana. He leans back to look up at me; he has the most wonderful smile on his face.

"Are you seriously still eating that banana?"

"What? I'm hungry."

"Me too."

"You just ate half of a melon. How can you still be hungry?"

"Oh…oops wrong 'H' word."

"What?"

"I'm horny."

"Jace!"

"What? You know I can't get enough of you."

I scowl at him so he understands what I say to him; so he understands that by no means am I joking.

"Please don't ever say that word again."

Jace stops smiling so fast you would have sworn I slapped it right off his face; my words may have come out harsh enough that maybe they felt like a slap.

"I take it you don't care for that word?" His tone is guarded.

"No I dislike that word very,very much."

"I'm sorry…I won't say it again. Are there any other words I should refrain from using?"

"Can you put me down please?"

Jace lower me down so I can stand on my own two feet. He drops his hands from my waist and takes a big step backwards.

"Please don't be angry with me Clary."

"Pussy and Cunt."

Jace slaps his hand over his mouth and his eyes go wide. He stands there with his hand over his mouth for a full two minutes.

"Wow…I…shit Clary, I didn't expect you to just blurt them out like that. Those are two words that have never came out of my mouth; and they never will. It's so shocking to hear those filthy words come out of your beautiful mouth."

"You asked me if there were any other words I didn't like. What was I supposed to do go get a piece of paper and write them down for you?"

"That would have worked too; but you could have just said the 'P' word and the 'C' word. I would have known what two words you were talking about."

"Oh…sorry…geez, I feel stupid now…"

"No don't be like that love. I told you I always want you to be honest with me no matter what."

"I know you said that; but I guess there wouldn't be anything wrong with using a filter too."

"I think you will be fine as long as I don't have to hear those two words come out of your mouth again."

"Well since we are on the subject; are there any other words you don't like?"

"Well I doubt you would ever say it; but considering the two words that you DID just say it might seem like a good idea to say it."

"What?"

Mmm…yeah think I will spell it instead of say it; C…O…C…K."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that word. I find it a little surprising that it bothers you though. Isn't that what guys say? You know 'hey, baby suck my…"

"CLARY!"

Holy shit he just yelled at me!

"Before you get mad…I wasn't yelling at you I just really didn't want you to say that word."

"I'm not mad at you Jace. I said the word cocky to you before and that didn't seem to bother you."

"Yeah it's funny how things like that work. The word cocky has a completely different meaning behind it; that's why it doesn't bother me. Drop the 'Y' off the end of the word and I feel the urge to gag."

"Oh…I get it…that word is a trigger for you."

"Yes very much so."

"No worries I won't say that word. In fact I wasn't even going to say it before; I was going to say bleep instead."

"Can I ask you a question Clary?"

"Sure."

"What am I supposed to say when I want you?"

"What you just said."

"But I thought you didn't want me to say that word."

"No not that word. Just say 'Clary, I want you', trust me I will understand what you mean."

"Okay…I want you love." 

"Yeah that works too."

"I want you love."

"Oh, you are actually saying it."

Jace steps forward and takes my hands in his and place my hands on his hips before he cups my face in his hands.

"Clary, I want you." He whispers.

"So have me then." I whisper back.

It's a little after eleven at night; and Jace and I are lying naked in bed after we make love for the second time. I just want to curl up to him and go to sleep but I pry myself out of bed and pad to the bathroom to clean up and put on my preferred jammies that consist of a pair of underwear and one of Jaces t-shirts.

I walk back into the bedroom and find Jace with his eyes closed and his hand draped over his belly. I carefully crawl into bed and lay down beside him; I decide I would like to watch him sleep for a while before I fall asleep.

"Are you going to come snuggle with me or are you too busy staring at my naked body?"

His eyes are still closed as I slide across the bed and curl up to his warm body.

"I thought you were asleep; I didn't want to wake you up."

"You know I sleep better when I can have some part of my body touching you."

"Can you reach the blankets? I'm a little cold."

Jace reaches his long arm across the bed and pulls the blanket over us. He pulls me tighter to his side and kisses my hair.

"Goodnight love."

"Can you take me swimming tomorrow?"

"Sure…Goodnight."

"I really liked swimming."

"Good, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself…Goodnight sweetheart."

"I really hope you can find us something on the beach, or at least within walking distance. I think I might like to go swimming every day."

"Dear god woman, where do you get your energy? I can barely stay awake and you are all chatty."

"Sorry, I am actually pretty tired. I tend to ramble when I'm tired. Goodnight Jace."

"It's okay you can keep talking if you want to. I always want to hear what you have to say."

"I'm done talking for tonight. I'm tired and I have things to do tomorrow so I want to go to sleep now. Goodnight."

"Goodnight my sweet girl, I love you."

I kiss his chest and snuggle in to go to sleep. I drift off to sleep thinking about swimming in the ocean.


	46. Chapter 46

Page18

CHAPTER 46

**"Break In"**

_Put your lighter in the air and lead me back home  
>When it's all said and done I'll follow the echoes<br>I hear you night after night calling out my name  
>And I find myself running to meet you<br>I didn't want to escape  
>From the bricks that I laid down<em>

_You are the only one  
>The only one that sees me<br>Trusts me and believes me  
>You are the only one<br>The only one that knows me  
>And in the dark you show me<br>Yeah it's perfectly reckless  
>Damn, you leave me defenseless<br>So break in  
>Break in<em>

_You let me fall apart without letting go  
>Then you pick up the pieces and you make me whole<br>I didn't want to escape  
>From the bricks that I laid down<em>

_You are the only one  
>The only one that sees me<br>Trusts me and believes me  
>You are the only one<br>The only one that knows me  
>And in the dark you show me<br>Yeah it's perfectly reckless  
>Damn you leave me defenseless<br>So break in_

_And take everything I have  
>Until there is nothing left<br>Until it's just your voice in my head  
>And when the lights come on<br>You see me as I am  
>You're still inside me<em>

_You are the only one  
>The only one that sees me<br>Trusts me and believes me  
>You are the only one<br>The only one that knows me  
>And in the dark you show me<br>Yeah it's perfectly reckless  
>Damn you leave me defenseless<br>So break in  
>Break in<em>

**BREAK IN BY HALESTORM**

The smell of something delicious wakes me up. After using the bathroom and brushing my teeth I head to the kitchen to find out what smells so good. Jace is setting at the kitchen counter with his hands wrapped around a cup of coffee. The kitchen is spotless and I can hear music coming from somewhere close by. I feel disappointed that he made himself something to eat and didn't save any for me. I pluck a piece of chocolate off the table and pop it into my mouth before heading to the coffee pot.

"Just going to walk right past me are you? No good morning? No kiss?"

I smile as I turn around to walk back to him. 

"Oh no, don't bother. I don't want your pity. I have a yummy breakfast baking in the oven for you and you show me no love at all this morning."

He chuckles as I slide onto his lap and kiss him on the cheek. Then I rapidly pepper kiss all over his face making him giggle. When I brush my lips against his, he pulls me to him as he consumes my mouth. He hasn't even had a sip of his coffee yet; his mouth taste like toothpaste. I break our kiss and look over my shoulder where I see the docking port that he bought at the mall for his MP3 player. The women's voice that comes out of it is beautiful.

"Who is this? Her voice sounds familiar."

"That's because you have heard her sing before. This is Birdy."

"She sings that song about having wings and flying."

"Mmm-hmm."

"I didn't realize you had any of her music on your MP3 player."

"Oh yeah I have her second album on there. It's good; I like all of the songs on it. You don't always get that lucky with albums."

"What made you decide to listen to her this morning?"

"I like to listen to music when I am cooking; and since it's first thing in the morning, I wanted something soothing. Maybe l will blast some Volbeat later when I make a sandwich for lunch."

"What did you cook?"

"Actually it's probably done. Hop down and I will go check it."

I follow him into the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee as he pulls a skillet out of the oven. I pull down two plates and grab some silverware from the draw and set our places while he busies himself at the stove. I take my seat as I watch him walk to the fridge and pull out a bowl of fruit salad; which he sets on the counter in front of me. He walks back to the stove and picks up the skillet and places it on the counter also.

"What is that?"

"It's a frittata."

"What's a frittata?"

"Pretty much an omelet that you finish cooking in the oven."

"Oh yum! What's in it?"

"Peppers, onions, some ham and some of the cheese that was in the fridge. The stuff on top is the arugula I insisted on buying at the store yesterday."

"Oh this is what you wanted it for?"

Jace slide a piece of the frittata on my plate and then slides a piece on his own before spooning fruit salad onto both of our plates.

"Yes this is what I wanted it for. I knew I wanted to make this for you which is why I asked you to save me some of the peppers."

I take a bite of the frittata and find it to be as yummy as it looks and smells.

"This is really good Jace."

"Thank you."

I take a couple of bites of my fruit salad; avoiding the strange melon that tastes like cucumbers.

"This fruit salad is good too. How long have you been up? This all must have taken you a while to make."

Jace slide his plate next mine and scrapes the pile of melon off of my plate and onto his. He winks at me as he shoves a piece of it into his mouth. I take a sip of my coffee and find that I am beginning to like its strong taste.

"It really didn't take that long to make this. I threw the frittata together in less than ten minutes and I cut up the fruit while it was cooking. I cleaned up my mess after I put it in the oven; so I've only been up for about a half an hour. I just sat down with my coffee when you came in."

"Did you bake this green stuff in the oven?"

"It's called arugula and no I put that on top when I pulled it out of the oven."

"Oh well I like it, it's kind of spicy; almost reminds me of black pepper."

"Mmm-hmm."

I look at the clock on the stove and am surprise to see it's a little after ten in the morning. I take a few more bites of my food as I see Jace put another slice on his plate and starts to eat again.

"What time are we leaving for the beach?"

"Whenever you are ready to go."

"I want to get that roast in the oven so it can cook on low while we are gone."

"You're not done eating already are you?"

"I think I have had enough."

"If you're planning on swimming for the afternoon; you should probably have some more food. Swimming burns a lot of calories, no wonder you're so skinny you don't eat enough. If you are going to be swimming every day you should learn to eat more food; otherwise you'll be skin and bones."

"Do you think I'm too skinny?"

"No I think you're beautiful."

"Would you still think I'm beautiful if I was skin and bones or put on fifty pounds?"

"Clary you ask some strange questions you know that right? I will always think you are beautiful. Do I want you to be unhealthy? No, I don't. Fifty pounds on your little body would not be healthy for you. Skin and bone is not healthy either. Uhhh…look I was only trying to help you understand that if you start swimming every day you are going to need to compensate for the calories you are going to burn. Trust me if I didn't eat the way I do I would be skin and bones. Granted I have been slacking a bit lately; I run a lot and I need to eat a lot of calories to keep my body in shape."

"So I will make sure to eat more calories. I can eat more chocolate if I am going to be burning so many calories every day."

"It's not just about calories you know. Your body needs fuel to build muscle. You can't get proper fuel from eating sugar. You need protein and carbs; good carbs, like whole grains. You also need to eat vegetables; preferably green vegetables to make sure your digestion system is working properly. Sweets are okay once in a while but fruit is always your best bet."

"You should be a nutritionist Jace."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"No but I feel like I just sat in some kind of health seminar. How do you know so much about all of this?"

"Actually it's general knowledge. Everyone should follow the food pyramid. Most people don't eat right. Most people eat too many fats and sugars."

"Do you have OCD?"

"You ARE making fun of me!"

I climb onto his lap and kiss him on the cheek before I hug him. He doesn't hug me back.

"Jace I promise you that I am not making fun of you. I guess I am just trying to understand why you are so stuck on the whole nutrition thing."

"I might have a touch of OCD; I don't know I have never been diagnosed or anything."

"I think It's cute how you organize things all the time. I swear you get up in the middle of the night and clean while I sleep."

"I do sometimes."

"If you are having trouble sleeping you can always wake me up."

"No it's not like that. If I get up to go to the bathroom or get something to drink and see three pieces of dirty cloths lying on the floor; I pick them up and put them in the hamper. It's not like I am scrubbing the bathtub out in the middle of the night or anything."

"I hope you don't think I am a slob for throwing clothes on the floor."

"Why? I do it all the time; hell sometime I throw your clothes on the floor for you."

Jace grins and wraps his arms around me as he buries his nose in my hair."

"I promise to eat more if you help me pick the right stuff to eat since you're the fitness expert."

"Do you really want to know why I know so much about that stuff?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember when I told you I was a late bloomer?"

"Yes I remember."

"I was always skinny and small for my age and when they…when they took me and did those things to me; all I think about was if I was taller, or stronger maybe I would have had a better chance of fighting them off. The first time I went running after I started staying with Mark; I had woke up from one of my BAD dreams. I felt like I had a panic attack coming on and I just bolted from the apartment. I think that first night I ran off and on for almost three hours before I calmed down enough to go back and try to get some sleep. The next morning I could barely get out of bed because every muscle in my body ached. I told myself I was never going to do something like that ever again; but the next night I had another bad dream and the first thing that came to my mind was to run. I ran for over an hour before I was too exhausted to run anymore. This went on for over a week; I'd have a bad dream almost every night only to wake up and run myself into exhaustion. Mark walked into my room one day when I was changing my shirt and was shocked by how skinny I was. He was concerned that maybe I was really sick or maybe even had some kind of eating disorder; but I told him that I had been running almost every night. He didn't even ask me why I went running; I think he understood what I was doing. He told me that if I was going to continue to run like that then I needed to start eating more or I would end up literally running myself to death."

"So how did you know how much to eat or you know, what to eat?"

"I went to the gym that was a couple of blocks from our apartment to ask them some questions. They wanted to sign me up with a personal trainer that could tell me what to eat and how much so that I could get a proper work out. I was so excited; but was quickly disappointed when they told me how much it was going to cost. I remember telling the guy that I was tired of being small and weak. I told him I wanted to be strong so I could protect myself. He asked me how old I was and when I told him I was a little over fourteen; he was shocked. He told me he thought I was only about eleven or twelve."

"Awe you poor thing."

"Yeah that's what he said too. I think he somehow understood how important it was for me to find a way to get stronger; I am so thankful that he never asked me any questions. He asked me what I was looking to get into as far as building muscles; I told him that I liked to go running and that I was pretty happy just doing that. He told me that if I ran every day I would be able to build up most of my muscles if I ate right. He told me that if I was looking to build muscles in my arms I would need to lift weights and do strength training. I told him I was only interested in being able to run every night. I told him it helped me sleep; again he never asked me why but he seemed to understand. I told him what Mark said about me not eating enough and he agreed; he quickly wrote down a basic meal plan for me to eat every day for a week. He told me to come back in a week and he would have more material for me to read on the subject."

"Did you go back?"

"Hell yeah I went back. Clary I took that piece of paper home right away, showed it to Mark and told him what the guy had told me. Mark took me straight to the grocery store and bought me everything that was on the list. I spent the next week sticking to my food list so by the end of the week I already felt like I had more energy. I took a break from running for the week to try to get some weight back on me. I only had one bad dream and I just put my music in my ears and went for a long walk instead. So after a week I went back and the guy was proud that I had managed to put some weight on."

"What was his name?"

"Oh, his name was Kalani; he was Hawaiian. Did you know that his name means Heaven? I looked it up. Any how Kalani gave me a couple of books on nutrition, he gave me a cookbook, and he gave me a handwritten notebook full of information. The notebook was almost completely full from his handwritten notes; it must have taken him the whole week just to write everything down in it. He told me he wanted me to stop in every Monday afternoon so he could track my progress."

"Did you?"

"Yep. Every Monday at two o'clock I would go see him. In six months-time I shot up almost five inches in height and put on close to forty pounds. In six months I was bigger than most kids my age. Kalani was proud of how committed I was; I told him I was proud of myself too. I told him thank you almost every Monday until he told me that if I didn't stop thanking him he would let me come in anymore."

"How long did you go see him?"

"After the first six months he told me that as long as I stuck to what I was doing; he didn't see the need for me to stop in any longer. He told me that I was more than welcome to stop in to visit anytime I wanted to though; so I still went to see him every Monday at two to just chat for a few minutes."

"When did you stop going to see Kalani?"

"The Monday before Mark and I robbed the bank. I knew that we were leaving the city after that and I wouldn't be able to see him any longer. I wanted to tell him so much…to tell him how much he made a difference in my life…to tell him I would remember his kindness for the rest of my life…and that even though I was leaving Pittsburgh and probably would never see him again; he would always hold a special place in my heart…that I would think of him as a friend forever."

"What did he say when you told him those things."

"I didn't tell him any of those things; I wrote it down. I didn't want to forget to tell him anything; for two and a half years he supported and encouraged me so I wrote it all down in a six page letter. I didn't go into any detail but I told him that I had been tortured and abused by so many men in my life; but meeting a good man like him gave me faith that there were still good men. I told him I wanted to make him proud by turning into a good man myself. I wrote him a lot of other stuff in that letter too. So that last day I saw him he was sad that I was leaving the city. I told him that I would miss seeing him every week and he told me that I would forever be his brother. He hugged me when I handed him the letter; we both had tears in our eyes when I walked out that door."

I look up to see that Jace has tears in his eyes. I hug him tightly and kiss his cheek.

"You are a good man. I love you."

"I'm not that good of a man Clary; I helped rob a bank…I kidnapped you…I killed two men…I don't know what my creator will have to say when I leave this earth; but I will do everything in my power to be the best man I can be from here on out."

I want to tell him so many things right now; but seeing the tears in his eyes and hearing the sadness in his voice makes me remember that he just wants to be happy and laughing for a while.

"I really like that name."

"What Kalani?"

"Yes I think it's a beautiful name."

"He was a beautiful person…not like visually or anything…actually scratch that he was a good looking guy…I'm comfortable enough to acknowledge a handsome man…but he had a beautiful heart and a beautiful soul."

"I think in ten years when we decide to start having babies we should name our first born Kalani; I think it would be pretty for a girl as well as a boy. Don't you think?"

"Do you have any idea how happy I am to hear you say that? I always told myself that I wanted to name my child after him."

"It's settled then we have our first baby name picked out."

"Yes we do. In ten years we will put that name to good use; but for now let's get ready and go to the beach. It looks like it's a beautiful day out."

"Okay let me clean up the breakfast dishes and put the roast in the oven so we can leave."

"Go ahead and get your roast in and I can clean up the dishes."

I kiss him on the cheek and go into the kitchen to get started. Jace walks over to his MP3 play and pushes a couple of buttons; changing the music.

"Time for some Volbeat!" He announces.

Jace sings loudly and comically along with the songs as he washes the dishes. He finishes before I do and leans against the counter and continues to sing as he watches me finish what I am doing.

It's almost four in the afternoon and Jace and I are laying on the beach enjoying the sun as it dries our skin. Jace was diligent about sunscreen today; he put it all over me before we left and he put more on me almost every hour on the hour since we got here.

"Are you all done swimming for today?"

"Yeah, I need to get back to check on my roast; I hope it's okay."

"Ooh,ooh…if it's burned can we have counter sex and order pizza?"

"Awe I hope it's not burned; I am really looking forward to making it for you. It would be such a shame if it was ruined."

Jace stands up and pulls me off of the towel that we were laying on.

"Come on let's get home and check on your roast."

Jace opens the door to our hotel room and runs into the kitchen. I put our beach bag down and kick off my flip flops before following him to the kitchen. He is standing by the stove bouncing up and down with a huge grin on his face.

"Come on check it, check it! It's making me drool; I think it's done. Can we eat it?"

"Relax Jace, I still have to make the potatoes and carrots and I need to make biscuits too."

"Ohhhhh that sound like it will take forever." He whines.

"Go eat one of your melons if you are hungry."

"Hey that's a great idea."

Jace cuts a melon in half as I begin to peel potatoes. He is setting at the counter eating the melon right out of the rind with a spoon.

"I can hear you slurping from all the way over here." I joke.

"Mmm…yeah this one is extra juicy. You should have a little snack too you know."

"What should I have?"

"Oh…right you want me to help you with that. Well you could eat some of those carrots you're peeling, or maybe some fruit."

I finish peeling the carrots and set one to the side before I cut the rest of them up. I go to the fruit table and grab a bunch of grapes and a couple of strawberries to eat with my carrot.

"See that looks like a yummy snack now doesn't it?"

"Sure, but so do those chocolates over on the table."

"So eat a piece of chocolate if you want to."

"No that isn't proper fuel for my body."

Jace rolls his eyes as he steals a grape off of my plate and pops it into his mouth.

"Do you need any help with dinner?"

"No I have everything covered. Do you think you could turn on your MP3 player? I think I might like to listen to some music while I cook."

"Sure, what would you like to listen to?"

"Hmm…What is your favorite band?"

"That is an impossible question to answer because I have so many favorites."

"Oh well it doesn't matter; I'm sure I will like whatever you play for me. I have liked everything else so far. You have excellent taste in music."

"Would you like me to get you an MP3 player of your own?"

"Why can't I just use yours?"

"You are always welcome to use it; but I would be happy to get you your own so you can put the music you like on it."

"You can if you want to but I will probably just end up listening to yours anyhow."

"Okay, what are you in the mood for? Fast, slow, somewhere in the middle?"

"Are we still talking about music?" I grin.

"Behave Clary. Yes we are still talking about the music."

"Play me something that tells me a story."

"You are making this difficult for me you know; most songs tell a story Clary. The good ones do anyhow."

"Just surprise me then."

Jace walks over and begins to scroll through is list of music after a couple of minutes he grin and puts the MP3 play back into the speaker dock. Teenage Dream by Katy Perry begins to play and he starts singing along and dancing.

"Don't sit over and laugh at me; come dance with me love."

We giggle as we dance and Jace continues to sing loudly; I sing the parts I know and he smiles at me. Watching him dance is so comical; the way he is so animated in his moves as he slides his hands over his body while singing dramatically. After the song is over I tell him I have work to do. He kisses me sweetly and leaves the kitchen.

I enjoy the music as I cook; and I find myself dancing around the kitchen as I stir the gravy and mix up the biscuits. I check on the carrots and see that they are done so I cover them with a lid and turn the burner down to low so they stay hot. I pull the roast out the oven and slide in the tray of biscuits.

I swear he must have been peeking around the corner; because as soon as I put the last of the food on the counter, Jace walks in the kitchen.

"Look at that 5:59; you couldn't have timed dinner much better than that Clary. Should I shut this off of or would you like to listen to something else while we eat?"

"Something softer would be nice."

"Indeed. I think I will put my boy Ed on; his voice is soothing."

Jace takes his seat at the counter and smiles sweetly as I put food on his plate. He patiently waits until I put food on my own plate and take my seat beside him.

"Go on and eat; I can see you drooling over there."

Jace giggles with delight and begins eating his dinner. I chew on a piece of the roast slowly as I watch him take bites of everything on his plate. I swallow hard when I see him stab a couple of the candied carrots with his fork. I hold my breath and wait for his reaction. Jace puts his fork down and closes his eyes as he drops his head down. I remain silent as he keeps his head down for almost a full minute.

His eyes are glassy when he raises his head and begins eating again. The song on the MP3 player changes and I now know that when Jaces said the words 'my boy Ed'; he was talking about Ed Sheeran. I smile because I thought that was who was singing. I watch him eat everything on his plate and then he puts a huge pile of the carrots on his plate and eats them all.

"Are you done eating?"

"Yeah I'm stuffed; I can't eat another bite."

"Do you care if I eat the rest of the carrots then?"

"No help yourself. I'm glad you like them."

Jace dumps the rest of the carrots onto his plate and starts to eat them.

I turn my head and smile as I slide off of my stool to go and start cleaning up the kitchen. I am putting dishes into the dishwasher when I feel his hands wrap around my waist.

"I'll clean up love."

"It's okay I really don't mind."

"You're putting them in there wrong you know."

"How am I doing it wrong? What's the difference?"

"Most people do it wrong. If you try to form a circle as you stack the stuff; dishes get cleaner."

I roll my eyes and put my hands up.

"Okay you win. Have at it dish master."

Jace laughs and start to organize the dirty dishes. I decide to put away the leftovers and leave him to his organizing. I finish putting the leftovers away and then I carry over the dirty dish and hand them to Jace. He smiles softly at me as he takes them from me.

"I'm almost done here; why don't you go start us a bath while if finish up?"

I kiss his cheek and go to start the bathwater. I notice that the laundry service at the hotel washed our collection of dirty clothes. I also notice that Jace has everything not only hung up; but everything is organizes in groups and then organized from light to dark. I just shake my head and giggle at his silliness.

Jace and I have taken turns washing each other's hair and bodied and he also shaved my legs for me. Now we are just cuddling in the warm bathwater.

"Can I ask you something Jace."

"Ask away."

"Why did you bow your head when we were eating dinner?"

"I was asking my mother for forgiveness."

"Forgiveness for what?"

"I asked her forgiveness for liking your candied carrots more than I liked hers."

"I figured you must have like them considering you ate all of them."

"I loved them…I love everything…thank you for making me such a wonderful dinner."

"You are more than welcome darling."

He chuckles and kisses my shoulder.

"Just so you know you would never hear me complain if you decided to make that for me say once a week."

"I think I just might do that. It can be our first tradition together."

"Mmm-hmm."

"What should we do tomorrow?"

"I think we should stay out all day tomorrow. I thought maybe we could go look at a couple of house in the morning; then we can go to the beach after I take you to lunch. We can have dinner out too before we come home."

"That sounds good to me."

"Come on let's get out of the tub; I think I want you to rub ME down tonight so I can make love to you like you did to me last night."

I giggle as he wraps my robe around me before he tucks a towel around his waist.

"So what you are trying to say is that we are trading places tonight?"

"Mmm…what a great idea; I'll go get the MP3 player while you finish combing your hair."

When I go into the bedroom Jace is lying across the bed on his stomach with his MP3 player in his hand. He glances over his shoulder at me.

"Come here, come see what I did."

I go over and lay on the bed beside him to see what he is doing.

"See this here…I made us a playlist…I labeled it as 'yummy sounds', I put on all the songs that get me worked up on it."

"It can be our music for our yummy time."

Jace laughs and puts the player into the speaker dock before he presses play. Jace didn't let me get very far with his massage. I only managed to get his back done before he lifted his body off the mattress and tackles me. He teased me relentlessly before he made love to me. We are now cuddling in bed and talking. We talk about little things…we talk about big things…we talk about getting married…we talk about how may children we want to have…we talk about me taking some classes to further my education…we talk about what kind of job Jace would like to get when he decided he needs to start working…I tell him a few stories about growing up in the group housing…he tells me a couple of stories about some of the crazy things Mark did when he lived with him…After we talk, we make love again before we go to sleep.

_As I lay in the arms of this beautiful boy I think about how wonderful life will be. Together we can find a way to heal the broken parts of each other. Together we can find a way to chase away each other's demons. Together we will only be who we are because of who we are together. There is no me without him and there is no him without me. TOGETHER…_

_THE END…_


	47. AUTHORS NOTE

JUST WANTED TO THANK EVERYONE WHO HAS READ MY STORY...WITH INCOURAGEMENT FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY I HAVE PUBLISHED MY STORY ON AMAZON. I HAVE CHANGED THE CHARACTOR NAMES AND ADDED MORE TO THE STORY AND EVEN TWEEKED A FEW THINGS TO MAKE THE STORY MORE MY OWN. IF ANY OF YOU READERS WOULD LIKE TO READ MY PUBLISHED VERSION OF THIS STORY YOU CAN FIND IT ON AMAZON UNDER THE KINDLE BOOKS SECTION...IF YOU SEARCH STOCKHOLM'S BY NICHOLE MILLS YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIND IT EASILY...IF YOU HAVE ANY TROUBLE PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SEND ME A MESSAGE AND I WILL BE SURE TO GET BACK TO YOU ASAP...AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE SURE TO WRIGHT A REVIEW AND RATE THE BOOK...ANY AND ALL REVIEWS WILL BE WELCOMED WITH LOVE BY ME. THANK YOU AGIAN FOR READING MY STORY...

WITH LOVE

**~N~**


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